Eyes Look to You

TUESDAY 2.26.08 - PSALM 145:1-8
I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of you majesty - and I will meditate on your wonderful works. They tell of the power of your awesome works - and I will proclaim your great deeds. They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.

It's interesting how the psalms have a schizophrenic relationship with God. Many of the psalms are wrapped up in confusion, doubt, stress, anxiety, and the like; with enemies and troubles pressing in from all sides they call on You, the God of hope and the God of deliverance. Flip over several psalms and we find this soaring love poem, where everything seems to be great.

But what's telling is that nothing in this psalm today indicates that the conditions of the author's life are wonderful. Because this psalm isn't about the author, it's about You. And in honesty, it's about You in ways that seem beyond me. I always seem to relate to You from my condition. If I am down and out, I react to You and Your character with frustration and desperation. If I am up and joyful, then I am thankful and realize Your goodness. I am not yet able to separate my condition and Your praise. Are You not still good when I am down, are You not still with me when I am desperate and sure that You are not?

So then faith for me, despite my deepest longings, has become about me and not about You. It's interesting too, because though I depend so much on emotion in my faith, I'm not ever sure I've had an emotional connection to the things You've done. Here this song sings of proclaiming Your great deeds, celebrating Your goodness, meditating on Your wonderful works. And yet I've really only had an emotional connection to the things You've done when they are done for me. I look at spiritually formative times in my life, and I realize that they are all things done for me. Very rarely do I celebrate the great deeds that You do for others.

A great example of this is the cross that we are traveling towards this Lent season. I've never really felt an emotional connection there. All my praise of that event revolves around the cognitive knowledge that You did do something great there, and that I and all creation should be fundamentally changed by that event. It's a perfect metaphor of dying to self in order to become alive to others. And mentally I know this. But every year Resurrection Sunday comes around and I am not affected by the reality of the cross. It's almost as if Rob Bell's little phrase was right on: "Familiarity breeds not contempt, by unfamiliarity."

I think at times I am so saturated by Your greatness, goodness, and deeds that I gloss over them. I do not give You credit for them. I do not see You. And when I don't see You I tend to turn and judge things by looking at me.

Interesting verses later on down the psalm, past even what we are going to read tomorrow in the Lent readings:
The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. --- Psalm 145:15-16

Eyes look to You. And You satisfy, You give food at the proper time. I've continually been convicted with this theme, over and over from Joel's sermon on manna, to my sermon on hoping and waiting, to Bryan's observations during the Advent season on waiting and anticipating. My biggest sin perhaps is trying to take control of the timetable.

Eyes looking to You have hope. They see all Your goodness, past and present, and use this knowledge of who You really are to be content about the future. To be able to wait for what You are doing. I would say that this is probably not just a problem for me either. As I read a book a discipleship in an instant society, it occurs to me that in an instant society, at almost all other times, I control the timetable. I record shows to watch on TiVo when I want them, I get food from the store or fast-food joint when I want it, I control how fast or slow we go through lesson plans at school. But I can't control spiritual growth, or speed it up, I can only join You on Your timetable. And I can't control the other things You are doing in the world.

So I have to wait, remembering the good that You've done in my past, in other's past, through Jesus and all the way back to the good of creation. I must see the good that You are doing now, in small or large ways for me, or in small or large ways for others. And the proper response to that, no matter what my current situation, seems to be praise. Because of who You are, and who You will be.

Dear LORD,
My thoughts are with how great You are. Yesterday, I thought of Your "kavod" and Your glory and how much more You are than we can fathom. We only get to see the spots that You just were. So help me not get concerned about seeing everything that You are doing RIGHT NOW, just let me continue to trust that You are working RIGHT NOW. I want to recognize the glory in the places where I have seen "Your back" recently, in the conviction of the last teaching meeting (thank You!), in the eyes of my son (thank You!), alive in these psalms (thank You!), in the wonder of falling snow (thank You!), and for the recent injection of unexplained joy (thank You!). My prayer is that I will continue to see You as good, continue to hope, even when things turn to struggle again. I love You in this time of insight, mature me so that I can love You when I find no insight.
Speak to me, speak through me.
Amen.