I love to teach. I love to teach Your word. But I am really nervous tonight for speaking tomorrow. You've given some wonderful insight on the Exodus 4 passage to our teaching group. It's fun, it's witty, it's probably my favorite little piece of Scripture. But it's kind of scary to try to show everyone else that.
I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess, I just want to give all control of tomorrow to You. We've had a great week together and I would love for it to end with a great big smile on my face after Sunday. And I want that smile to be because we've all heard from and worshipped You together.
So I am a bit overwhlelmed, but You are with me. As long as You are there tomorrow, I'll be okay.
Just make sure that You, Yourself, are with me in my mouth...!
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Therefore...
Lord, as I prepare this week to speak to the others in Exodus Community in a sermon for the first time, I want to make sure (well, I guess every time after this I want to make sure to but, well, you know) that what I'm saying is simply what You are saying. Nothing that is meant to just be shocking, nothing that is just meant to rattle people's cages...unless that's what the truth is. I guess I'm saying, help me speak Your truth and nothing else.
I don't mean to be humble. I don't mean this in the way that I pray a prayer for Courtney or I to get a job or better from sickness just because I feel like if I don't pray then You won't let us get a job or feel better. No I pray this because I know only You can take my words and make something greater of them. Without Your Spirit, the words will fall where they will and continuing being just words. But through You, through Christ, the Word lives.
All that to say, I'm studying one word in particular and I want to make sure that I get this word right. It's kind of the title of my sermon, and maybe I was a little premature in naming it, because I'm finding it really means something totally different than I originally thought. It's the word "go" and it's in the context of Matthew 28:19...
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,"
I thought it meant go, like leave where you are and go somewhere else. Not in the sense of, for example, moving from my home to some place else. No, instead, more in the sense of leave what you are doing right now, the lifestyle you are living right now, the people you are always worried about, the self you are always worried about and "go" to many different types of people.
But I looked the verb up in a Greek dictionary. It's the word "poreuqente" in Greek, a form of poreuomai. Poreuomai has this definition, offered up by www.greekbible.com: to pursue the journey on which one has entered, to continue on one's journey.
To continue...to keep doing what you are doing...that seems totally different to me. It seems like a big miss of translation too. I mean, it makes total sense. Instead of going all over the place and making new relationships all over with the goal of making disciples, work within the relationships you already have established, the places you already know, and make disciples there. Teach and show Christ there. Be Christ where you are at, wherever that is on your journey.
It's very thought-provoking stuff to me. I pray that You reveal to me the truth of this translation and its implications as I continue to study. Then let it be as impactful on others as it is becoming for me.
I don't mean to be humble. I don't mean this in the way that I pray a prayer for Courtney or I to get a job or better from sickness just because I feel like if I don't pray then You won't let us get a job or feel better. No I pray this because I know only You can take my words and make something greater of them. Without Your Spirit, the words will fall where they will and continuing being just words. But through You, through Christ, the Word lives.
All that to say, I'm studying one word in particular and I want to make sure that I get this word right. It's kind of the title of my sermon, and maybe I was a little premature in naming it, because I'm finding it really means something totally different than I originally thought. It's the word "go" and it's in the context of Matthew 28:19...
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,"
I thought it meant go, like leave where you are and go somewhere else. Not in the sense of, for example, moving from my home to some place else. No, instead, more in the sense of leave what you are doing right now, the lifestyle you are living right now, the people you are always worried about, the self you are always worried about and "go" to many different types of people.
But I looked the verb up in a Greek dictionary. It's the word "poreuqente" in Greek, a form of poreuomai. Poreuomai has this definition, offered up by www.greekbible.com: to pursue the journey on which one has entered, to continue on one's journey.
To continue...to keep doing what you are doing...that seems totally different to me. It seems like a big miss of translation too. I mean, it makes total sense. Instead of going all over the place and making new relationships all over with the goal of making disciples, work within the relationships you already have established, the places you already know, and make disciples there. Teach and show Christ there. Be Christ where you are at, wherever that is on your journey.
It's very thought-provoking stuff to me. I pray that You reveal to me the truth of this translation and its implications as I continue to study. Then let it be as impactful on others as it is becoming for me.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Room to Speak
First of all, let me just say that keeping up a blog, even if it is supposed to be communication between You and me, is hard work. There just doesn't seem to be that much to talk about, even with You.
But this week, ever since studying Scripture with my pastor buddies on Monday night, Your simple (and simply overwhelming) "I am" statement has been just banging around my head. Not in the gentle, "Hum, I wonder..." type of way but in the sledgehammer strong "I demand some answers!" type of thought. Where better to go for answers than some dialogue with You.
(An honest aside: I've come to not really expect straightforward answers from You, but more questions leading me into different trains of thought, provoking more questions...invigorating maybe, but in some sense making things more difficult and confusing in the end. Another thing I've come to notice is that You end up directing me back to some truth that is already present in my life, just not fully developed, appreciated, obeyed or understood.)
(Okay, another honest aside: I've often heard that confession is necessary to kind of clear the air before you have honest discussions with You, God. Well, I've got a couple of confessions to make up for all the time I've not exactly been talking with You. Number one: I've become convinced that You want to be number one in every one's life, and I know that often You've been pushed out of the way lately by many things. Okay, here's the list: pride, sexual sin, sports, laziness, simple distractions, contempt, disinterest. All those things have become more important to me than You. Clear them away. Help me fast from them for awhile, or whatever works. Number two: I still care more about what others think about me than what You want from me.)
But...
You've got to make it clear what You want from me.
I know exactly what pride wants. It wants me to do everything my way and then make sure I get the credit. Or let someone else do everything their way, shirk the blame, and tell everyone how I could have done it better. It happens to me with the tennis program at school. It happens within our Exodus Community gatherings. Point being, it messes with things I really want to succeed. But, I know exactly what to do to be prideful.
Or sexual sin. It wants to be gratified. Whatever way that takes. Making my wife an object, masturbation, pornography, etc. I know that any of these will do. I know exactly what to do.
Or sports. I just need to be involved. Tape the game, talk to people about, visit websites and get the inside scoop. Lose myself into all the minute details of the Chicago Fire, or French Open Championships, or Bethany tennis. I know what it wants.
So what do You want?
Last week on vacation I asked this question, and it seemed that You gave two vague answers.
1. My relationship to You, and to doing Your will, is to be Your servant. To help in the acts that You are already involved in.
2. My job is often to be still and the go fill. That sounds stupid and pragmatic, but I got to admit that it is easy to remember.
Okay, so I guess I do have some answers...but I don't really know how to use them. Okay, I'm supposed to be Your servant. I was so convinced of this that I told everyone in the Exodus Community that that is what we're all supposed to be. And I believe that. I just don't exactly know what it is that we are supposed to serve you in. And be still...okay, just right where I am? Or go down to the dam? Or sit outside? And what am I listening for anyways? Or am I not supposed to listen, just sit and be still and try to think of nothing (which seems literally impossible)? And then fill...wait, what? And specifically, who? And again, once I've got the who, how?
What I know, what I appreciate, is that You are insanely personal. I know You want to work through this with me. And what occurs to me from the "I am" statement is that "You are" working through this with me. Just never as clearly as I may like.
Well, that seemed to be a bunch of madness explaining little. But after having this little piece of honesty with You, I've said my say. All that's been building up in me is out there. So now I'll end this little piece and listen.
I hope You have room to speak.
But this week, ever since studying Scripture with my pastor buddies on Monday night, Your simple (and simply overwhelming) "I am" statement has been just banging around my head. Not in the gentle, "Hum, I wonder..." type of way but in the sledgehammer strong "I demand some answers!" type of thought. Where better to go for answers than some dialogue with You.
(An honest aside: I've come to not really expect straightforward answers from You, but more questions leading me into different trains of thought, provoking more questions...invigorating maybe, but in some sense making things more difficult and confusing in the end. Another thing I've come to notice is that You end up directing me back to some truth that is already present in my life, just not fully developed, appreciated, obeyed or understood.)
(Okay, another honest aside: I've often heard that confession is necessary to kind of clear the air before you have honest discussions with You, God. Well, I've got a couple of confessions to make up for all the time I've not exactly been talking with You. Number one: I've become convinced that You want to be number one in every one's life, and I know that often You've been pushed out of the way lately by many things. Okay, here's the list: pride, sexual sin, sports, laziness, simple distractions, contempt, disinterest. All those things have become more important to me than You. Clear them away. Help me fast from them for awhile, or whatever works. Number two: I still care more about what others think about me than what You want from me.)
But...
You've got to make it clear what You want from me.
I know exactly what pride wants. It wants me to do everything my way and then make sure I get the credit. Or let someone else do everything their way, shirk the blame, and tell everyone how I could have done it better. It happens to me with the tennis program at school. It happens within our Exodus Community gatherings. Point being, it messes with things I really want to succeed. But, I know exactly what to do to be prideful.
Or sexual sin. It wants to be gratified. Whatever way that takes. Making my wife an object, masturbation, pornography, etc. I know that any of these will do. I know exactly what to do.
Or sports. I just need to be involved. Tape the game, talk to people about, visit websites and get the inside scoop. Lose myself into all the minute details of the Chicago Fire, or French Open Championships, or Bethany tennis. I know what it wants.
So what do You want?
Last week on vacation I asked this question, and it seemed that You gave two vague answers.
1. My relationship to You, and to doing Your will, is to be Your servant. To help in the acts that You are already involved in.
2. My job is often to be still and the go fill. That sounds stupid and pragmatic, but I got to admit that it is easy to remember.
Okay, so I guess I do have some answers...but I don't really know how to use them. Okay, I'm supposed to be Your servant. I was so convinced of this that I told everyone in the Exodus Community that that is what we're all supposed to be. And I believe that. I just don't exactly know what it is that we are supposed to serve you in. And be still...okay, just right where I am? Or go down to the dam? Or sit outside? And what am I listening for anyways? Or am I not supposed to listen, just sit and be still and try to think of nothing (which seems literally impossible)? And then fill...wait, what? And specifically, who? And again, once I've got the who, how?
What I know, what I appreciate, is that You are insanely personal. I know You want to work through this with me. And what occurs to me from the "I am" statement is that "You are" working through this with me. Just never as clearly as I may like.
Well, that seemed to be a bunch of madness explaining little. But after having this little piece of honesty with You, I've said my say. All that's been building up in me is out there. So now I'll end this little piece and listen.
I hope You have room to speak.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Remember the Poor
Just an interesting observation today as I read through Galatians. Paul is defending the simple gospel that he preached to the believers in Galatia, saying that if somebody is preaching something different, they are wrong. So Paul goes through a process of backing up his version of the gospel, showing how those with authority and those who were highly esteemed by the early church approved of what he was saying.
Interesting then, that the one thing these early church leaders reminded Paul must not be left out of his gospel message: "Remember the poor." Paul was preaching a gospel of freedom from the law by living in the grace of Christ, but the one thing that the apostles wanted to make sure also was conveyed was that the poor in the community must be provided for. It is, apparently, an essential part of the gospel, an essential part of Jesus' truth.
It's sad then to look at the state of American Christianity. We have embraced Paul's theme of freedom from the law, the forgiveness of sin through Christ. But have we ever forgotten the poor. We have more wealth in this country than we know what to do with. So we buy bigger houses, bigger TVs, newer... anyways, I'm on a silly rant right now. How well do I remember the poor?
I like to console myself by the fact that I volunteer, support a Compassion child, etc. But is that remembering the poor in the way that God calls us to? I don't really ever feel so. My biggest problem is my fear of the poor. I never grew up around anyone who wasn't well taken care of. It makes me really nervous and uncomfortable to be around less refined, less educated, less fortunate people. How awful is that! I mean it seriously shames me.
But I do nothing about it. Because it really does scare me. It a ridiculous little circle. Fear and no action, fear and no action. But the fear-of-the-Lord is to be stronger than my fears. Can I let it be stronger than my fear of the poor? Can I form relationships and remember those who struggle...
I'm afraid I want to answer: "Probably not..."
Interesting then, that the one thing these early church leaders reminded Paul must not be left out of his gospel message: "Remember the poor." Paul was preaching a gospel of freedom from the law by living in the grace of Christ, but the one thing that the apostles wanted to make sure also was conveyed was that the poor in the community must be provided for. It is, apparently, an essential part of the gospel, an essential part of Jesus' truth.
It's sad then to look at the state of American Christianity. We have embraced Paul's theme of freedom from the law, the forgiveness of sin through Christ. But have we ever forgotten the poor. We have more wealth in this country than we know what to do with. So we buy bigger houses, bigger TVs, newer... anyways, I'm on a silly rant right now. How well do I remember the poor?
I like to console myself by the fact that I volunteer, support a Compassion child, etc. But is that remembering the poor in the way that God calls us to? I don't really ever feel so. My biggest problem is my fear of the poor. I never grew up around anyone who wasn't well taken care of. It makes me really nervous and uncomfortable to be around less refined, less educated, less fortunate people. How awful is that! I mean it seriously shames me.
But I do nothing about it. Because it really does scare me. It a ridiculous little circle. Fear and no action, fear and no action. But the fear-of-the-Lord is to be stronger than my fears. Can I let it be stronger than my fear of the poor? Can I form relationships and remember those who struggle...
I'm afraid I want to answer: "Probably not..."
Sunday, June 3, 2007
I Will Be With You Through the Rain
Went for a walk this morning, just to commune with You, talk to You. About 5 minutes into my walk it started pouring. I stopped under a tree for a while, and despite the pouring, drenching rain all around, I didn't get wet at all. Still, it was just cascading down when I wanted to be on a walk with You.
You spoke real soft at first, then as if I was really supposed to listen, "I will be with you through the rain." It was simple, it was gentle, it has huge implications. None of which I really know yet except...
There's going to be rain.
And God, You will be with me.
Let it be...
You spoke real soft at first, then as if I was really supposed to listen, "I will be with you through the rain." It was simple, it was gentle, it has huge implications. None of which I really know yet except...
There's going to be rain.
And God, You will be with me.
Let it be...
Friday, June 1, 2007
Why is Prayer Difficult?
Lord, I've had a lot of big things on my plate this month. Exciting news, grading deadlines, the beginning of the Exodus Community gatherings (this Sunday!). The one thing I should be doing is constantly taking these things before You in prayer. The one thing I've been the furthest from doing is taking these things before You in constant prayer.
There's so much that I'd rather do to be "spiritual." I mean to seek You. I'd rather study, gleaning bits of knowledge from the pages of Scripture and the writings of wise interpreters. I'd rather write, for much of my time in the fast and after was spent here blogging my thoughts. I'd rather write poetry, a creative (but often frustrating) way of reaching out. I'd rather teach, and try to bring others to the same points of insight that I've received from You. I'd rather go for a walk, peaceful and relaxed without any real cares.
And those are all ways of worship, but there is something different about prayer. Isn't there?
Like should I be praying in addition to all that? I just keep having this continual sense that maybe we should have a prayer meeting, for prayer only, where we pray for like an hour or two and wait for You to join us. But then that seems really boring, feels like we'd be repeating ourselves, feels like there isn't that much important to be prayed for.
Well, maybe there is the rub. Maybe we're not just supposed to pray about important things. I've often heard it said that we supposed to bring everything to the Lord in prayer. But like, just an example here, I can handle my sleeping by myself. Or my eating (I'm really lax at praying before I eat, especially lunch). It just doesn't seem important enough to pray.
I suppose, and I say this with a long sigh, that prayer is another practice. Something that I must do if I want to better at it, if I want it to become more meaningful. I guess I just don't want to go through the work that ends up making it a joy. I just want it to be a joy right now. Like my Scripture time, or my poetry, or my teaching.
Today Lord, may You make prayer a joy for me. May You talk with me as in the garden, may You walk with me in my un-important tasks, and may I remember that You are always there.
There's so much that I'd rather do to be "spiritual." I mean to seek You. I'd rather study, gleaning bits of knowledge from the pages of Scripture and the writings of wise interpreters. I'd rather write, for much of my time in the fast and after was spent here blogging my thoughts. I'd rather write poetry, a creative (but often frustrating) way of reaching out. I'd rather teach, and try to bring others to the same points of insight that I've received from You. I'd rather go for a walk, peaceful and relaxed without any real cares.
And those are all ways of worship, but there is something different about prayer. Isn't there?
Like should I be praying in addition to all that? I just keep having this continual sense that maybe we should have a prayer meeting, for prayer only, where we pray for like an hour or two and wait for You to join us. But then that seems really boring, feels like we'd be repeating ourselves, feels like there isn't that much important to be prayed for.
Well, maybe there is the rub. Maybe we're not just supposed to pray about important things. I've often heard it said that we supposed to bring everything to the Lord in prayer. But like, just an example here, I can handle my sleeping by myself. Or my eating (I'm really lax at praying before I eat, especially lunch). It just doesn't seem important enough to pray.
I suppose, and I say this with a long sigh, that prayer is another practice. Something that I must do if I want to better at it, if I want it to become more meaningful. I guess I just don't want to go through the work that ends up making it a joy. I just want it to be a joy right now. Like my Scripture time, or my poetry, or my teaching.
Today Lord, may You make prayer a joy for me. May You talk with me as in the garden, may You walk with me in my un-important tasks, and may I remember that You are always there.
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