Job 9-10

Lord God, one of the things that I have put a lot of faith in through the years, especially this past year, is that You are good. Your will is always for the good of every situation, and so that is what we try to work toward in the call to be Your disciples. Yet in my reading today, Your goodness is the very thing that Job is calling into question.

Sure, he's willing to concede that You created everything and that You are all powerful and that You exist. These things seem like givens to him. In fact, even though he doesn't believe, or is struggling to believe, that You are good, Job is still able and willing to worship You.

I find it interesting that in today's society, we don't take for granted the things that Job did. Regularly You are brought into question as being the creator of the world. Often times, even Christian and Jewish scholars will argue that You are not all powerful and that is why evil exists in the world. And atheists are now going on "missionary" voyages to spread the message that You don't exist.

I guess, I'm like Job. I take for granted that You are, that You are powerful and that You created everything. But sometimes I struggle with whether everything You do is for the good. Now, let me clarify with You, right now You and I are in really good standing. I am more trusting of You than I've been in a while, and You've repeatedly shown me Your good over the course of the last year. So I'm not questioning right now. I'm just willing to admit that I have.

It seems stupid now, but when Andrew lost in the first round of regional for tennis, I questioned big time then. Of course, I've since come to realize that there were two teams at play there, two players in that match, and You love all of them. But at the time I was thinking what a heartbreak it was to my brother, and You let it happen. And there are more examples like that. Why do You do those things?

But I've come to be content that there is a mysterious mixing of spiritual events and personal choices that actually control what's going on in reality. Most evil comes as a result of poor personal choices, or poor societal choices, or the fallen nature of man in general. If it is bad, even if it is affecting the innocent, it can probably be traced back to man. If it is good, it can probably be traced back to You.

So, I'm going to write a poem questioning Your goodness, because it is a great topic and brought up here by Job. But just know, my prayer from experience is: "God is good, all the time."

It is Good to Wait Silently?

So, I glanced up at my verse in the description today. A thought came to me. What if I wait silently and You never show up?

Okay, so I know the truth in life is that You are always dwelling with us. I know that You will never leave us or forsake us. But there are certainly times when I feel like You are playing hide and go seek. Like, yes, You are somewhere around me but I don't see You, hear You; I'm not experiencing You at all.

Is sitting in silence good then? Because I've found that frustrating. In the world of entertainment, internet, Bible studies, pastor's meetings, iPods, worship music, devotionals, blogging, downloadable sermons, commentaries, etc., if I've chosen silence then I'm probably pretty desparate because silence is usually the least entertaining, least exciting, and least promising of the options. If I'm looking to learn from or about You there seems to be a lot more promise in a sermon, commentary or music than silence. I mean, even just reading the Bible seems like it could be more helpful than silence.

But sitting alone in silence is a theme of Scripture. You come and converse with many while they are alone. Many times they are removed to the wilderness before You speak to them, the wilderness where there are no distractions. Elijah, Moses, John the Baptist; You came to all of them in distraction free environments.

I wonder if Moses was thinking about his sheep while he was before the burning bush, if he was thinking about the people of Israel as he sat with You on the top of Mount Sinai. I doubt it. The sense I get from Scripture is that You were deeply involved with him, engrossing him in Your wonder and the wonder of the plans and commandments that You had for him to communicate and carry out.

As a pastor I identify with Moses. I certainly feel that You have plans and commandments that You would like to see me communicate to my people and for us to then carry those out. But when I sit and wait silently this morning, all I hear is the hum of the computer in the background. All I think about is the stuff I have to get done today. I give it up to You and try to refocus, but there seems little else to focus on.

Maybe it's because I can't get the focus beyond myself. Maybe my time of silence should be more "we" focused. What do You have for "us" not what do You have to say to "me." So what do You want me to communicate?

I want to sit in silence. The idea of just resting with You and listening seems wholistic and comforting to me. I guess, I just want it to have purpose. I want it to be the relational thing I've always believed it could be, not just me falling asleep while waiting for You to say something. So there must be something wrong.

I'm willing to hear that it is something wrong with me, because it almost has to be. Very doubtful that it is something wrong with You because nothing really can be wrong with You. But I need to HEAR what I need to change. If it is good to wait silently for You, please make some good of it soon.