EXC Daily Office: It All Comes Down to Sackcloth

Dear LORD,

There's something about all of the roots that we've gone through so far that I'm noticing. They are all linked to humility in some way. I observed in the great prayers that we read how often the theme of "Your will be done" was weaved into the prayer. In studying Your word, Joel made a great connection to Josiah and reading the word with an attitude of humility and repentance. Now we've moved on to fasting and I find that David has prostrated himself before you in petition with sackcloth and fasting. David practices the root of fasting in order to become humble before you.

Picking up on what I said yesterday, it seems that the most fundamental idol to all of us is us. From the beginning of humanity, we have wanted to be God. Biblical worship of You seems to be centered on one key concept, reminding ourselves that You are God and we are not. Whether that is through prayer ("Hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.") or through our attitude as we approach the text, or through the discipline of fasting, the whole point seems to be to remind us of our place in the Really Real Reality.

Yesterday, after contemplating Your awesome nature of giving and loving, I tried to remind myself to do that the rest of the day to others around me. It was amazing how easy it became to be selfish. Simple things, like giving my time to Gideon instead of sitting at the computer reading blogs, that was difficult. Or giving help to my wife as she was cleaning dishes when Bryan and I got back from the Brew (which I didn't do). I realize that I cannot be You. I cannot give and love fully, with all my being all the time. But You can.

I need to start everyday by listening to the song with the chorus "Oh my God, I am not, but You are." It seems fundamental to Biblical worship. I really just want to take some time and tell You that. I am not anything, but You work through me. Therefore, my focus must change on many things. As we struggle with community at Exodus, the question is not how we (or I) change the format, but instead how will You work to bring community to Exodus? How will You work in the hearts of everyone or individuals? How can I support that?

I can start with prayer. Andy is always encouraging us as pastors to be praying about things at Exodus. I love that. It's nice to have a word of reminder to enter into conversation with You. Because the conversation must be started. I must take time to ask and to listen. Hasn't that been what these "roots" have been about?

So, my LORD, You are.

EXC Daily Office: I Am Not, But You Are

Psalm 131

It's been fairly obvious to me what You've been reminding me of this week.  I hear it everywhere when I start to listen.  I added some new songs to my worship playlist on my iPod today, and one of those songs is called "---" by My Epic.  These are the lyrics:

These bones, my frame, won’t hold in place

They’d leave and part ways
If I was without you
This earth, my home, would be alone
There’d be no moon to share the galaxy
If it was without you

My God. I am not, but you are.

What was it like when you prayed
Did the rivers calm when the raging seas obeyed?
What was it like when you slept
Did the rocks come close and the trees lean in
And did the air rejoice just to be your breath?

My God. I am not, but you are.

When your servant tried to ask your name
But a million words could not contain
And the meaning could not be expressed
For the weight would be too much to take
So you cradled him, like you cradle me and whispered
I am

Oh My God! I am not, but you are.

What a way to sum up the week.  Oh my God, I am not, but You are.  

My prayer

Oh my God, I am not, but You are.  

My heart cannot be proud, 

for it only beats because of You.

My eyes cannot be haughty,

for it can only see what Your hands have made.

I cannot concern myself with great matters,

because You are too wonderful for me.

Have I quieted myself?

Have I calmed my ambitions?

I want to listen to You, and speak only of You,

and live only in You.

My hope must be in You,

for You have placed the world in place,

and You are the reality.

Oh my God, I am not, but You are.

I love You.

EXC Daily Office: Humility Forms Hope

Lamentations 3:25-29

I watched a movie at the beginning of May called A Closer Walk. It was a movie about the people all around the world that are affected by AIDS. As I left that movie, I remember one thing standing out. The people who fall victim to the risky behaviors that spread AIDS are the people who have no hope.

I always have been a little removed from the AIDS epidemic. I mean, you get AIDS from doing foolish things. Most people get it from unprotected sex, and often when they are not married, and almost certainly both people have not only had one partner. Or sharing needles when doing drugs. So, if I'm being honest, I had little sympathy.

But then, as I watched this video I began to realize that if you think you've nowhere to go but to continue living in broken down ruins of the old Soviet Union (literally, without a home and living in broken down cement buildings) then why not shoot up while you are there. Don't get me wrong, it's still a bad decision, but more than being a bad decision, I began to see how it was a hopeless decision.

Why am I writing about this LORD, as I come to the passage in Lamentations that is during our week on humility? Why does this memory jump back into my mind? What is shining from the text today is the simple idea that humility inspires hope. I have been rolling the last line of the passage today around in my head, "Let them bury their faces in the dust - there may yet be hope." It seems like a weird image. Since there might be hope, bend down and bow low, mourn and weep.

But maybe this is the way it is: If this world is in human hands, to be built and sustained through the glorious ingenuity of man, then there is no hope. We've seen what the "brilliance of man" does. It is a bunch of sound and fury, signifying nothing. It makes a lot of noise and draws a lot of attention, and utterly crushes many peoples will to live. Simply put, if the greatest power is humanity, we are in it deep.

Still, what if man silences himself? What if we seek You and wait quietly? What if we bury our faces, and our mouths, in the dust? What if You are there and You are the mighty LORD? If man is not the greatest power, but instead the greatest power is You... well, the verse say it well, "there may yet be hope."

Hope is so fundamental to any community, because hopeless people make foolish decisions and destroy community. Yet, I never would have guessed going into this week (even when I picked this passage for the Daily Office) that humility would have a direct connection to our hope.

My Prayer

Let me be simple LORD. Hope is a vital part of growing in our relationship. It is an essential part of making change and continuing to grow. As Exodus seeks to transform lives into Your image, we must rely on the Holy Spirit moving through hope in our lives. Tonight, I see that humility forms that hope, it recognizes that there is more than me.

It is so good for Exodus that there is more than me. We'd be dead if there was only Matthew. But, I admit, there is You.

And so, I bow my head low. My hope is in You. You have been faithful to us when we have been at the end of our rope. When we have been untrue and bitter, You have not left. When we ignore the Spirit, You have still allowed Your presence to remain with us. It's a privilege, LORD, to be in communication and relationship with You.

I cannot lead Exodus on without You. You are our hope.

EXC Daily Office: I Am a Sinner

Luke 18:9-14

So, right now I'm reading about this passage in Eugene Peterson's new book Tell It Slant. So I can't help but noticing what he points out right away: Both of these men in the story are sinners. You were telling a story about two sinners, the problem is that one didn't believe that they were, and exulted himself instead.

How does that speak to me? Well, I have a tendency to get comfortable in my Christian life. I have times when I am not blatantly sinning, You know, no real lust, lying, or anything else. During those times, I can easily begin to believe that things are great, that sin is conquered and then I get lazy. I get lazy, lusty, and lying as my pride pulls me down.

So, maybe the thing that I need to realize in the story of the tax collector, is that it is important to look for your own sin. Perhaps even when it's hiding. Perhaps, or especially, when that sin is pride. And then, in a true confessional way, say the words: I am a sinner.

There's something freeing in those words. Like I don't have to attain salvation and perfection for myself. Instead, I am a sinner and thus must ride on Your strength. A strange phrase to find comfort in, but the truth ends up comforting in the end, doesn't it?

My Prayer

Heavenly Father, I am a sinner. I can easily begin to confess to You specific sins, but I feel I need to define myself beneath Your majestic presence. I am not god, I am a sinner. No matter how well my day goes, no matter how many times I pray, I am a sinner. I love the freedom in that, I love the comfort of knowing that You must take care of me.

Too often I do not throw myself on Your mercy, because I never see my need. Today, make me aware of my need. Reveal dark corners of my soul, where I rarely shine the light of reflection. There are truths about me that I am ashamed to face, but if I do not open them up, am I any better than the Pharisee who can't see his own pride? No. I am not any better than him. The truth is, he is a sinner just as I am a sinner.

So, LORD, have mercy on me.

EXC Daily Office: Words Without Knowledge

Exodus Community Daily Office: Job 38-41

LORD, before I begin my personal study and devotion this morning, let me pray for my fellow "congregants" at Exodus.  We are striving to deepen our roots, and I pray that you will allow us to "eat the fruits of our labor."  Bless this time and fill us with Your Spirit, as we seek to build our passion for You.

My Monday Prayer:

LORD God, I seek You for answers to my problems so often.  Daily I come to you in stress, discomfort, worry, sadness, anger or hopelessness.  And daily You listen, and most days provide an answer.  In the days that You would have me wait, or change, or I don't understand clearly, I become angry and impatient.  I can find myself at odds with You.

But LORD, if You were to question me, I would have no answer.  I cannot tell You how the foundations of the earth were laid, though many would like to try.  I cannot tell You how the cornerstone of the universe was placed.  I only have a vast wonderment with the depth and span of creation, and the awesome power of You, the Creator.

When I come to You with words without knowledge, remind me of who You are.  As we at Exodus undertake a quest for transformation and re-creation, speak to us of Your mighty creative power.  You who give orders to the dawn, You who knows the way to the abode of light, You who fathers the rain, You of immense majesty... You who are our Father.  All that is in and around me finds its life in You.  We have not done or known anything worth this blessing, so it is now that we bow in thanks.

To You or LORD, in the redemptive name of Christ, through the mystery of the Spirit, I pray.  Amen.

Speak to Me, Speak Through Me

Scripture Reading: Jeremiah 23-25

- "Woe to the shepherds who are destroying and scattering the sheep of my pasture!" declares the LORD.
- The prophets follow an evil course and use their power unjustly.
- "Both prophet and priest are godless; even in my temple I find their wickedness," declares the LORD.
- But which of them has stood in the council of the LORD to see or to hear his word? Who has listened and heard his word?

As I read today, Father, I find that the theme that jumps out at me is the failure of Israel's leaders to lead without selfishness, to lead in humility, especially when it concerns listening to You. Certainly, as a prophet, priest, pastor, poet, king, whatever...it makes a leader feel good when they have something new to offer to their people, some spectacular teaching, knowledge, insight or vision. In fact, many leadership organizations would say that if a leader doesn't have a continuing vision for whatever they lead, then whatever they lead will die. But how often does this pressure to have a fresh vision and a new direction lead us as leaders to ignore You? How often are we impatient and searching for the miraculous and hence we fail to listen and honestly search Your word.

I know that for myself there have been times when I have a certain message that I want to get across to a certain audience, so instead of approaching the text of Scripture to see what message it brings, I go to Scripture seeking to prove my message. That's ridiculous and I'm going to have to watch that in future. It's a very tempting thing to do, to use the Word to prove my own views right. But this is quite possibly what Jeremiah is talking about way back in chapter 8, when he says, " 'How can you say, "We are wise, for we have the law of the LORD," when actually the lying pen of the scribes has handled it falsely?

I don't want to wield the lying pen, making Scripture say what I want it to say. Fitting my experience and the experiences of others together to prove my points. In a community of truth, I, as a leader, want to be true to Your words.

I used to have a phrase that I used a lot in my devotional time with You, Lord. It was simple, but it is something that I always remember. But it is something I haven't said in a long time, and saying it helps me pursue it. The phrase is:

Speak to me, speak through me.

It's simple, but my idea is that as a leader, I don't want to speak or influence my community. I want You to speak and influence the community. I don't want to preach fancy sermons - I want You to preach fancy sermons. I want to be a conduit through which Your ideas, Your ways, Your commands flow to the community. And I guess I believe that to accomplish this, I will need to continue to develop two key qualities that are rare to many a leader (for example, the leaders of Judah and Israel lacked these!)

1. Listening - allow me the courage and patience to daily be still and listen for You
2. Humility - allow me the courage to not craft my own ideas, but to speak only what You have revealed to me through the truth of Scripture, the truth brought by others and my times of listening

Lord, my God, deepen these qualities of listening and humility within me. Let me be a leader who does not destroy and scatter, but instead let me stand in Your council and be a conduit of truth. Thank You for the continuing challenge of Your word. Amen.