Living with It

Ephesians 1-3

I'm amazed at how quickly you have to move through Paul's letters if you are trying to read through the Bible in a year. In other words, I have to read three chapters at least per day. But the thing is, that doesn't really give me enough time to understand what is really going on. Paul is really quite difficult to understand. Some days I really like this, it makes Paul seem like a real human, working through things and figuring out what it means to be a follower of Christ. Other days, like today, this drives me nuts, because I'm too tired to follow the meandering logic and complicated sentences. And by tired I mean because it's 5:00 in the morning, and I'm still feeling like I should be laying next to my wife.

You know, yesterday morning, I was thinking after we had some time together about the purposes of this time. I was thinking if I always learned something new to do during this time with You, I was going to end up with 365 new things to do by the end of a year. Which is not sustainable. So, what is this time really for? And I thought, while I read Scripture and try to apply it, this time is probably just as much about relationship with God as it is breaking down Scripture. In fact, because I don't bring commentaries or anything to this time, just me, it's probably more about relationship right there. Even the insights that I glean from Scripture are often of a personal nature.

Right now, in my life, I think I have a tendency to still compartmentalize You. (I'm kind of leaving Ephesians for now, don't know if I'll get back or not). It's funny, because one of my critiques of modern Christianity is our ability, not a good ability, to leave God in church and live in the world according to our own desires. But despite my own critique, I've noticed lately that I've been seeking You with a large part of the seeking being about how to run and lead my church.

But then, I notice things. A couple of weeks ago, a car was broken down on the side of the road. I didn't even see it, kind of glanced at it after I passed, and I wasn't sure whether they were broken down, pulled over talking, in a wreck, whatever. It didn't really even cross my mind to go back. But then my brother called. He too had been driving the same road and seen the car, and he had stopped to see what was the matter. Why didn't I even think of stopping? Where is my tendency for deliverance in normal life?

Or when I'm talking to people at school or those I don't know very well. I'm always looking for an out in the conversation. I don't really like to talk to people. I know, I know, that has somewhat to do with personality, and I know, I know, I can't make excuses. But like Paul is talking about unity in Christ in Ephesians here, and I know that it is hard for me to find these kind of unifying things with other believers because I'm not real comfortable talking to people. So, where is my tendency for community with others during the course of the week?

And am I looking for knowledge of God, and reordering in my daily life? No. And am I experiencing the shalom of God? No. I've known that for a couple months, but I keep living as if everything is okay. I don't talk to anyone about it really because I know that it is not "catastrophic" bad, just "annoying" bad.

So, I wonder if I can live to D.C.K.L. beyond Sundays? When it really impedes on my personal life? When it is outside the reach of Exodus Community?

Lord, speak to me. Amen.

Study Hall Poetry

While thinking about how to see God in my work, I wrote this today during the seventh grade study hall. I think it's about coming to face my frustrations.

THE STAIN

The question is endlessly insistent
upon entrance to this hall without decoration.
A bland, blue wall necessitates conversation
that pushes blushes into unshaven faces,
but prevents worse fears, though the worst will come.

The eyes of my quiet desperation, endlessly pacing,
posing the question, then erasing and rolling on
in frustration. Persistent in lacking participation,
a stubborn generation must want to be taught,
as my beard is pulled, though short, young, but wrought.

Shabby t-shirts and jeans, endlessly worn.
More faithful, more remembered than friends they hold
in bonds bound with laughable things, for deeper
connections may move in maturity, which is fear...
for it is thoughtful and loyal, silent and sincere.

And seeking isolation in noise that is endlessly slinging
the stain of entertainment against pure walls,
and standing on the line, for boredom is banished
by the exciting threat of my terse attention
and life that is richer when wrapped up in tension.


The end. Don't we all remember fondly the seventh grade? I just endlessly wonder: what does the Spirit of God look like to a thirteen year old?

What to Do with Work

Texts:
- Psalms 29-32
- Matthew 16-17
- Daniel 7-9

Before I even get started reading today Lord, I have a question. Why don't we know anything really about Jesus' life when he was a carpenter? What I really struggle with is the conviction that You want me to be alive and living the Jesus way, following Jesus examples, in my classroom but Jesus never really shows us how that works out. I never see Jesus being in the middle of prayer and then suddenly remembering that he left all of his tools out in the rain, like I do when I've forgotten to grade tests. I never see Jesus trying to figure out a how to do his job while doing his job for God as well. How did You do it?

I was reading Peterson's "The Jesus Way" last night. He was talking about the "laity myth." Basically saying it's totally untrue that God can only use pastors, missionaries, and others in full time "God-work." But I know exactly where this myth comes from. It comes from Your word. It comes from Jesus. What did Jesus do when it was time to do God's work? He stopped being a carpenter and started preaching and healing. Peterson pointed out that the disciples were all regular people with regular jobs. Right...until Jesus called them to be his disciples and they left those jobs and followed him.

I always have this sense that when I don't have to worry about work I follow You much better. But I know that not working is not a reality that many people (including myself) can afford. So how do we follow the Jesus way of one who did not work while He publically ministered? I'm not saying its impossible, I'm saying I don't understand. Ah well...now to the text.

In the book of Daniel, after he has a terrible vision, there is a statement about his work. It's interesting, for it confirms what I thought: that it is hard to do work (a regular job) when you are hearing and interacting with the Lord.

Daniel 8:27 - "I, Daniel, was exhausted and lay ill for several days. Then I got up and went about the king's business. I was appalled by the vision; it was beyond understanding."

That's exactly how I feel. As I interact and live with this text, it is exhausting because it is so far beyond understanding, so hard to bring into reality, becuase You are so far above understanding. It's simply tiresome. Add to the fact that we stay up late studying it and contemplating it...I wish that I could take several days to digest it.