Step Forth and Love Others

I often post about the thoughts that are rolling around and colliding inside my head. This short new year, Lord, has seen my thoughts dominated by two topics. The other day I wondered what was on Your mind. Perhaps You have had these two things in mind for me all along.

Again, however, I proceed with caution in declaring these two things. I mean, they are good. So You want us to follow what is good. But are they all You want for me? Do You want less? Am I even hearing You right? What I guess I'm trying to say is that I don't want to declare the two things You've been speaking to my heart about, leave and go pursue them and in that stop listening for Your voice. I believe that You are leading me in paths of righteousness. But I too believe that these paths can be changed if You desire. I want to remain humble and follow You, even if things change.

At Christmas, my parents gave us each a character from the story and challenged us to think about how that character might be related to us in the upcoming year. I've read the story of Joseph several times since then, but nothing has removed the immediate thought that I had when given the figurine.

"Step forth."

This is so frustrating. I haven't known what or how or who or where. I don't know why that sticks with me. What I assume is that I just don't know yet. That You are preparing me for something that has yet to come along.

Secondly, I've been teaching the book of Luke at church. My last teaching focused on Jesus' desire to bring change to others. We're all about change for ourselves, inner change, inner cleansing. But how much do we care when Jesus starts to bring about change in those we are uncomfortable with? Anyways, I have been convicted that I must keep an eye out for others. Truly loving others as the commandment says.

"Love others."

So those thoughts collided today as I began to read the book of Ruth. It's exactly what Ruth does. As her husband and her father-in-law both die, she is faced with a choice. Leave Naomi and go home to her people, leaving Naomi in mourning and a foreign land alone. Or she can choose to love Naomi, love the other, and stay with her in her mourning. To choose to support and be with her. And Ruth chooses to love others.

But Naomi also wants to go back to Bethlehem, her home town. So Ruth again must choose: to follow Naomi, to love Naomi, it is going to mean a journey. But Ruth chooses to step forth. To go on the journey with Naomi.

Ruth steps forth to love others.

I feel... I feel there is something here for me. I don't know what it is for certain. But those themes need to dominate my mind right now. I haven't been the best at following from these times together to the thoughts of my day. But I think I am at least beginning to simplify the noise that is also in my head.

Step forth and love others.

EXC Daily Office: What is My Response?

Psalm 139

My first prayer is that Gideon stays asleep long enough for us to talk God. My second is that we can renew the faithful relationship that I preached about on Sunday. It's not that I feel terribly far away, although I've been there, it's that I want the same type of relationship that we had two years ago during my fast.

Back then, I could really say that I felt like You knew me. That You discerned my thoughts. That what was important to You was important to me. That I was making sacrifices for You. That You hemmed me in both behind and before me. What we had was a close, initimate relationship. What we have now feels more obligatory, less personal.

Our relationship reminds me so much of my marriage. At times, Courtney and I are on the same wavelength, on from everything from parenting, to social gatherings, to sex. Other times, I feel like I'm just getting through. We don't see eye to eye, she wants to watch "Housewives of Orange County" and I want to watch the Chicago Fire, and we just sit there on the same couch doing to completely different things. And without thinking, we've grown slightly apart. I mean, it's not bad, we still go to bed together and hold hands and say I love you and kiss goodnight, but, it's not the same. And there seems to be little I can do to control that.

Lately, I've noticed it's the same way with You. My blogs here must be really boring, because they are so cyclical. I'm close to You God, thank You! I'm not close, what is wrong? Draw me back! It is just the ramblings of someone (me) who is hopelessly in need of You. But especially the personal and relational side of You.

But You are with me. I know this. Right now, I need direction. I feel like I'm getting ready for something, being recharged, but I don't know what it is. So my response to You is hesitation. I really don't know what else it is that I'm supposed to be doing. I feel a bit trapped by obligations (like that of parenting when my wife is at work) but really, I feel like I could be doing many things with my time. I need some direction. And I expect that You are doing something in my life, preparing me for something. I am looking forward to see what comes along next in life and how we will work through it together. I want to be attentive and close to You no matter what I face.

I feel like I just rambled a lot again. Maybe I need to just sit back and listen for awhile. Speak to me, LORD, I love You.

The Right Response from Right Motivation?

LORD, this morning it is really hard for me to separate the blessing from the One who gave it. I keep rejoicing in the day that was yesterday, but it is hard for me to keep rejoicing in You. I am pretty sure its because I don't trust You. I know that sounds fairly blunt and to the point, but why not be. I don't trust that You will bless me with another day like yesterday. Why is that? Now I want so badly to win the Sectional, after the blessing of winning in the first round. I want so badly to be close to You, like I was all of the day yesterday...

The danger is that they are becoming entwined in my head. I keep wanting to think that if I stay close to You, if I do my devtions, if I type on this blog, if I read and study Genesis again, that You will bless me and my team again. The danger is that I keep wanting to believe in the "Pop machine" god where I put in what I owe and out pops a blessing. When my team won, I fear that I feel like a found a formula, a way to bring You to bless us. So now I find myself concentrating and worrying a whole lot more about the next match than I did for yesterday's, and again its consuming my thoughts. Freakin' tennis!

So let me give that to You again. Of course I want to win the Sectional, but more than that I want Your breath and the sweet balance of the last several days to flow through my life. I was fasting for several days to bring that balance back. Now I'm eating again. Should I fast again to try to maintain the balance? Or would that seem too much like I was trying to work the formula? I do want to be in relationship with You and maintain the proper fear-of-the-LORD. Help me to do just that.

Aww, I remember now! Last night before I went to bed I read Psalm 96 and said to myself, I need to read this tomorrow morning to just start my day out in the right way, to continue to build relationship. Here's Psalm 96:

Sing to the LORD a new song;
sing to the LORD, all the earth.
Sing to the LORD, praise his name;
proclaim his salvation day after day.
Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous deeds among all
peoples.

For great is the LORD and most worthy of
praise;
he is to be feared above all gods.
For all the gods of the nations are idols,
but the LORD made the heavens.
Splendor and majesty are before him;
strength and glory are in his
sanctuary.

Those are the first six verses, ones that just jumped out at me last night. Sing to the LORD, sing to You, sing praise. You know I have to admit that when our relationship is going really well, worship music seems a whole lot less corny. I do find it interesting that two of the main themes here are "singing/praising" and "declaring/proclaiming/ascribing." It's like the right response is to recognise You where You are, and to declare it to others? Or just declare within our own souls? I suppose that's a good question, but proclaiming certainly has a sense of going out, being heard by many.

So is my right response to Your blessing yesterday to proclaim it? To tell everyone of Your glorious blessing? And even if I do that, am I assuming that because I take the right response that You will bless again tomorrow? Am I bringing the right response BECAUSE I want You to bless tomorrow?

Okay, I guess here's the bottom line for me today. The right response seems to be to sing to You (which is not hard right now) so I'm going to do that. The right response seems to be to declare Your wonder and blessing, so I'm going to do that when I have the chance. Of course I want to win the Sectional, which coach doesn't? Is that part of my motivation? Probably. But should a hint of the wrong motivation keep me from making the right response? I don't think so.

Blessed are You, LORD,
God of the blessing.
You give and You give
and we take and take.
Lord God, help us to give back.
Help us to be a blessing,
for the sake of Your name.
All praise and thanks to You.
Amen.