Luke 18:9-14
So, right now I'm reading about this passage in Eugene Peterson's new book Tell It Slant. So I can't help but noticing what he points out right away: Both of these men in the story are sinners. You were telling a story about two sinners, the problem is that one didn't believe that they were, and exulted himself instead.
How does that speak to me? Well, I have a tendency to get comfortable in my Christian life. I have times when I am not blatantly sinning, You know, no real lust, lying, or anything else. During those times, I can easily begin to believe that things are great, that sin is conquered and then I get lazy. I get lazy, lusty, and lying as my pride pulls me down.
So, maybe the thing that I need to realize in the story of the tax collector, is that it is important to look for your own sin. Perhaps even when it's hiding. Perhaps, or especially, when that sin is pride. And then, in a true confessional way, say the words: I am a sinner.
There's something freeing in those words. Like I don't have to attain salvation and perfection for myself. Instead, I am a sinner and thus must ride on Your strength. A strange phrase to find comfort in, but the truth ends up comforting in the end, doesn't it?
My Prayer
Heavenly Father, I am a sinner. I can easily begin to confess to You specific sins, but I feel I need to define myself beneath Your majestic presence. I am not god, I am a sinner. No matter how well my day goes, no matter how many times I pray, I am a sinner. I love the freedom in that, I love the comfort of knowing that You must take care of me.
Too often I do not throw myself on Your mercy, because I never see my need. Today, make me aware of my need. Reveal dark corners of my soul, where I rarely shine the light of reflection. There are truths about me that I am ashamed to face, but if I do not open them up, am I any better than the Pharisee who can't see his own pride? No. I am not any better than him. The truth is, he is a sinner just as I am a sinner.
So, LORD, have mercy on me.
Showing posts with label sin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sin. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Raising Hope Out of Shame
SATURDAY 3.22.08 – PETER
Peter followed Jesus for years. He saw many miracles and amazing things. He’s the only person other than Jesus to walk on water! After all these experiences that displayed the power of God in the life of Christ, Peter still feared for his own life enough to deny Jesus three times in one day. His doubt is an encouragement to us all. Peter saw signs and miracles and Jesus in all His glory at the transfiguration, and still he doubted. The Rock on whom Jesus built His Church learned great lessons from continued faith and obedience through doubt. Read about Peter’s lowest point (Matthew 26:69–75) and his restoration (John 21:15–18).
It's just interesting that the day before my fast ends, I'm sitting here looking back over the past 45 days and thinking, wow, what was all that for? I mean, I've throughly enjoyed the fast again, and there have been some great times. But I always get stuck in a rut of shame. It's so interesting, and depressing. I mean, last year I came to the end of the fast and I was genuinely moved by all that had happened. This year I come to the end of the fast and am not. I'm ready for it to be over, and I know that the lack of spiritual experience is entirely my fault.
It makes it hard to think that I'll have joy tomorrow in the Easter experience. Except for one thing. Christ died for my shame. You died for my shame, and all the sin and disinterest that kept me far from You. Trust me, I still have this deep desire to go back and change everything. To start afresh and anew and have this all mean something profound but... You died for the fact that I failed.
Pretty unbelievable when I finally look at the story of Peter this morning. As I think of this being the last day before Easter, before the day on which You rose triumphantly, I think about the things that I have done to trample Your Spirit throughout this Lenten period and honestly it makes me want to "weep bitterly" as Peter did.
But one thing very good that has certainly happened throughout my fast has been a rekindling of my desire to be an excellent pastor for Exodus. And realizations of what that actually means that I must do. Being a "pastor," which literally in Latin means "shepherd," it is kind of shocking to go back and read this passage where You talk to Peter after Your resurrection. "Feed my sheep," You asked Peter. It's almost as if You are extending to him a way to get past his shame.
This is how I feel, I truly let You down in this fast by letting the other busy things of my life push You around. I didn't make the time to pay attention to the things You were doing. I want to make it up to You in any way possible and it is like You are hitting me with this verse, "Feed my sheep." I have a whole flock of people that as pastor I have taken spiritual responsibility. Luckily it is not a job I do alone, but I do have a special role in it. Have I been fulfilling that role? Not always. But I can start that right now. And it may be the way You are pointing out that I can "make things up" to You.
It's reminds me...hope is what creates joy. Suddenly, in my last day, my hope in myself is renewed because I know that You still hope in me. I have greater expectations of me than failure, sloth, and shame. You believe that I can, with the help and company of others, feed Your sheep. That hope needs to infuse itself into our community and deep into my heart.
Lord God, Creator of all good, You are all good. You have blessed me beyond the skies with all sorts of good. Actually, as I look back, even the past few days You have blessed me with all sorts of good. I know my assignment. Just like Peter, I must stop looking at the bad within myself that keeps me shamed and low, and instead I must look for the good in You and use it to feed your sheep, to encourage the flock, to lead them to the same level of attentiveness. To help them see You. And just like it says in James, You are the Father of heavenly lights, not shifting like the shadows but constantly giving every good and perfect gift. You are behind the good and perfect in life, and You raise that good and perfect up out of death and suffering. Maybe that's the true lesson of this fast, it wasn't the greatest, but You are using it to infuse me with this truth in a profound way. That You can even take my bad, and use it for good. Right now, You are using it as motivation, as a teaching tool. Thank You. You are the Lord Most High! Thank You for Your blessing! Thank You for this fast! Thank You for my Son! Thank You for Jesus! Thank You for being the God who raises up victory from defeat! I love You!
Peter followed Jesus for years. He saw many miracles and amazing things. He’s the only person other than Jesus to walk on water! After all these experiences that displayed the power of God in the life of Christ, Peter still feared for his own life enough to deny Jesus three times in one day. His doubt is an encouragement to us all. Peter saw signs and miracles and Jesus in all His glory at the transfiguration, and still he doubted. The Rock on whom Jesus built His Church learned great lessons from continued faith and obedience through doubt. Read about Peter’s lowest point (Matthew 26:69–75) and his restoration (John 21:15–18).
It's just interesting that the day before my fast ends, I'm sitting here looking back over the past 45 days and thinking, wow, what was all that for? I mean, I've throughly enjoyed the fast again, and there have been some great times. But I always get stuck in a rut of shame. It's so interesting, and depressing. I mean, last year I came to the end of the fast and I was genuinely moved by all that had happened. This year I come to the end of the fast and am not. I'm ready for it to be over, and I know that the lack of spiritual experience is entirely my fault.
It makes it hard to think that I'll have joy tomorrow in the Easter experience. Except for one thing. Christ died for my shame. You died for my shame, and all the sin and disinterest that kept me far from You. Trust me, I still have this deep desire to go back and change everything. To start afresh and anew and have this all mean something profound but... You died for the fact that I failed.
Pretty unbelievable when I finally look at the story of Peter this morning. As I think of this being the last day before Easter, before the day on which You rose triumphantly, I think about the things that I have done to trample Your Spirit throughout this Lenten period and honestly it makes me want to "weep bitterly" as Peter did.
But one thing very good that has certainly happened throughout my fast has been a rekindling of my desire to be an excellent pastor for Exodus. And realizations of what that actually means that I must do. Being a "pastor," which literally in Latin means "shepherd," it is kind of shocking to go back and read this passage where You talk to Peter after Your resurrection. "Feed my sheep," You asked Peter. It's almost as if You are extending to him a way to get past his shame.
This is how I feel, I truly let You down in this fast by letting the other busy things of my life push You around. I didn't make the time to pay attention to the things You were doing. I want to make it up to You in any way possible and it is like You are hitting me with this verse, "Feed my sheep." I have a whole flock of people that as pastor I have taken spiritual responsibility. Luckily it is not a job I do alone, but I do have a special role in it. Have I been fulfilling that role? Not always. But I can start that right now. And it may be the way You are pointing out that I can "make things up" to You.
It's reminds me...hope is what creates joy. Suddenly, in my last day, my hope in myself is renewed because I know that You still hope in me. I have greater expectations of me than failure, sloth, and shame. You believe that I can, with the help and company of others, feed Your sheep. That hope needs to infuse itself into our community and deep into my heart.
Lord God, Creator of all good, You are all good. You have blessed me beyond the skies with all sorts of good. Actually, as I look back, even the past few days You have blessed me with all sorts of good. I know my assignment. Just like Peter, I must stop looking at the bad within myself that keeps me shamed and low, and instead I must look for the good in You and use it to feed your sheep, to encourage the flock, to lead them to the same level of attentiveness. To help them see You. And just like it says in James, You are the Father of heavenly lights, not shifting like the shadows but constantly giving every good and perfect gift. You are behind the good and perfect in life, and You raise that good and perfect up out of death and suffering. Maybe that's the true lesson of this fast, it wasn't the greatest, but You are using it to infuse me with this truth in a profound way. That You can even take my bad, and use it for good. Right now, You are using it as motivation, as a teaching tool. Thank You. You are the Lord Most High! Thank You for Your blessing! Thank You for this fast! Thank You for my Son! Thank You for Jesus! Thank You for being the God who raises up victory from defeat! I love You!
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Giving Up the Good
This is another topic that I've been thinking about posting about for awhile. In the Christian life, in my Christian life, we often think of the things that we want to get rid of. Religiously I am considering the sin that is in my life that I suppose You want me to rid myself of so that our relationship can be closer.
I've never been able to do it. Since middle school I've struggled with lust and all the things that go with it. Right up until today, despite being married to the most beautiful woman in the world, Lord I still struggle. It makes me feel ashamed. It makes me feel ugly. It makes me hate myself. It makes me want to hide myself from You. It makes me feel all wrong. And that's just when I think about it, let alone when I've just done it, caught myself in the middle of it, etc. It's dirty and shameful and... You get the point.
But I'm not sure that sin is what really separates me from You most of the time. I'm almost sure it is not. Here's what I think. I think sin does not separate us because You chose to deal with sin by offering forgiveness through Jesus. Jesus died for me to live and be forgiven. Hence, even though sin is revolting to You, it is ultimately dealt with in my life.
So what keeps me from You? I know there are times when we are far apart, what makes that happen. I believe that it is the good that drives us apart. I believe it is the blessings that my life is full of. I mean, I can honestly say that my life's biggest blessing has been my wife, but the thing that pulled me the farthest from You was my wife as well.
The good tends to be worshipped. The wonderful job opportunity that I could have, the church that I could start, the friends that surround me, the money that You've provided, the food that You've provided, etc. All this becomes so important to me. It is more dangerous in taking over my life because, unlike sin, it has not been dealt with. It is my responsibility to deal with it. You dealt with my sin for me.
I must be willing to give it up. I must be willing to give it all up. Luke 14 calls this the cost of being a disciple. "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters - yes, even his own life - he cannot be my disciple...any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."
I am willing to give things up for You Lord. I am willing, or I will deal with, anything that You want to take from me in order to be more committed to You. I lay it all down before You right now. You are in control. Take what You want. I want You to be in control of the good in me.
I want You to be in control of all of me. So thanks for dealing with the sin by forgiving, and because of that I'm giving up the good.
I've never been able to do it. Since middle school I've struggled with lust and all the things that go with it. Right up until today, despite being married to the most beautiful woman in the world, Lord I still struggle. It makes me feel ashamed. It makes me feel ugly. It makes me hate myself. It makes me want to hide myself from You. It makes me feel all wrong. And that's just when I think about it, let alone when I've just done it, caught myself in the middle of it, etc. It's dirty and shameful and... You get the point.
But I'm not sure that sin is what really separates me from You most of the time. I'm almost sure it is not. Here's what I think. I think sin does not separate us because You chose to deal with sin by offering forgiveness through Jesus. Jesus died for me to live and be forgiven. Hence, even though sin is revolting to You, it is ultimately dealt with in my life.
So what keeps me from You? I know there are times when we are far apart, what makes that happen. I believe that it is the good that drives us apart. I believe it is the blessings that my life is full of. I mean, I can honestly say that my life's biggest blessing has been my wife, but the thing that pulled me the farthest from You was my wife as well.
The good tends to be worshipped. The wonderful job opportunity that I could have, the church that I could start, the friends that surround me, the money that You've provided, the food that You've provided, etc. All this becomes so important to me. It is more dangerous in taking over my life because, unlike sin, it has not been dealt with. It is my responsibility to deal with it. You dealt with my sin for me.
I must be willing to give it up. I must be willing to give it all up. Luke 14 calls this the cost of being a disciple. "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters - yes, even his own life - he cannot be my disciple...any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."
I am willing to give things up for You Lord. I am willing, or I will deal with, anything that You want to take from me in order to be more committed to You. I lay it all down before You right now. You are in control. Take what You want. I want You to be in control of the good in me.
I want You to be in control of all of me. So thanks for dealing with the sin by forgiving, and because of that I'm giving up the good.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Honesty
Hello, everybody! Super-Christian here. Just wanted to update my blog and tell you all the great spiritual insights that I've --- ugh...
Please allow to stop for a second and kill Super-Christian. Lord, I've been so dishonest with You over the past several weeks. Ash Wednesday was about confessing and You know what problem I had, I literally was having a difficult time finding anything. Any little thing I did find came with an excuse.
So no more of that, time to lay my sin on the line before You. Time to start dealing with it for real. So today, I made a list. Here it is, uncovered, shouted from the rooftops so that You can begin to deal with me.
- I straight lied to one of my students today. He wanted a tennis racquet restrung, I forgot to do it. So I told him that I had talked to the restringing guy and he said it would be a little while before he could do it. Straight lie.
- My lessons for my class today? One word. Lazy. Why? Because soccer scores are more important, because I use my prep to rest, because I had to grade tests. I'm good at improvisational teaching, that excuse allows for a lot of laziness.
- Speaking of laziness, spent my last prep hour today watching high school gym class. Not that I had lessons to plan for tomorrow, oh wait...
- Oh, and while I was improvisationally working through a lesson, the students were getting frustrated at their lack of understanding. So compassionate as I am, I launched into a lecture on how they ought to pay better attention if they want to learn. True, but maybe if the teacher had an organized plan,,,
Sin is always an issue. It seeps into places it shouldn't be, finds excuses I shouldn't have, keeps me from dealing with my Lord in the way I should. I admit it. I've got even more failures on the list.
Ask Your questions of me Lord. I see now, in the light of blatant sinfulness that I have fallen short of Your glory. Break me, but forgive. I honestly want to seek You. Help my fallenness.
Please allow to stop for a second and kill Super-Christian. Lord, I've been so dishonest with You over the past several weeks. Ash Wednesday was about confessing and You know what problem I had, I literally was having a difficult time finding anything. Any little thing I did find came with an excuse.
So no more of that, time to lay my sin on the line before You. Time to start dealing with it for real. So today, I made a list. Here it is, uncovered, shouted from the rooftops so that You can begin to deal with me.
- I straight lied to one of my students today. He wanted a tennis racquet restrung, I forgot to do it. So I told him that I had talked to the restringing guy and he said it would be a little while before he could do it. Straight lie.
- My lessons for my class today? One word. Lazy. Why? Because soccer scores are more important, because I use my prep to rest, because I had to grade tests. I'm good at improvisational teaching, that excuse allows for a lot of laziness.
- Speaking of laziness, spent my last prep hour today watching high school gym class. Not that I had lessons to plan for tomorrow, oh wait...
- Oh, and while I was improvisationally working through a lesson, the students were getting frustrated at their lack of understanding. So compassionate as I am, I launched into a lecture on how they ought to pay better attention if they want to learn. True, but maybe if the teacher had an organized plan,,,
Sin is always an issue. It seeps into places it shouldn't be, finds excuses I shouldn't have, keeps me from dealing with my Lord in the way I should. I admit it. I've got even more failures on the list.
Ask Your questions of me Lord. I see now, in the light of blatant sinfulness that I have fallen short of Your glory. Break me, but forgive. I honestly want to seek You. Help my fallenness.
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