is to provide.
In my small worries, all has been provided. And my day has turned out great. In an attempt to continually recognize You more, I just wanted to say a short thank You.
Thank You!
Showing posts with label thanks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thanks. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Friday, February 27, 2009
Lent: Day 2
Lord, as the season of Lent started yesterday I never really confirmed before You what I have chosen to sacrifice in this season, hopefully to sacrifice it for good. I'm truly trying to give up excess this Lent season, having more than I should. One tangible way that I'm going to measure that is by the food that I eat. I am going to refuse any second helpings these next 40 days, well, and I'll probably include Sundays in that since I'm really trying to make this a life habit.
I'm hoping that this helps me with excess in all areas. I'm prone to fits of "passion" where I simply become obsessed with something and spend all my time doing that thing. Reading poetry, watching basketball, thinking about tennis, etc. It's not because I have to but simply because I get so easily carried away with things. I know that I could also end up piling up stuff and enlarging my kingdom because I could end up buying to excess. So I pray that You are with me in my quest to cut the fat, both literally and figuratively.
This morning, I also want to pray for Exodus. It's been a long while since we've had a chance to truly plan, and tomorrow we get that chance. Please help the meeting to go well, and for us to accomplish much together. It would really be awesome if we could get deliverance and community Sundays planned for much of the year. It would be awesome if we knew where some of the topics were going for the rest of the year. It would be awesome to have those things down and start praying for them regularly.
Finally, You are amazing. It was so much fun to snuggle with my wife last night. It was so much fun to chase my son around the dining room last night and play the drums with him on the floor. Any time that I think of my family, I feel overly blessed. This is one area where I appreciate Your excess. I even have frustrations with them right now (Courtney's over-busy because of Pampered Chef and Gideon is clingy to his mommy because he doesn't spend enough time with her on her work nights), but despite these I can't imagine anything better. Lord, thank You!
May this season continue to be full of Your light. Amen.
I'm hoping that this helps me with excess in all areas. I'm prone to fits of "passion" where I simply become obsessed with something and spend all my time doing that thing. Reading poetry, watching basketball, thinking about tennis, etc. It's not because I have to but simply because I get so easily carried away with things. I know that I could also end up piling up stuff and enlarging my kingdom because I could end up buying to excess. So I pray that You are with me in my quest to cut the fat, both literally and figuratively.
This morning, I also want to pray for Exodus. It's been a long while since we've had a chance to truly plan, and tomorrow we get that chance. Please help the meeting to go well, and for us to accomplish much together. It would really be awesome if we could get deliverance and community Sundays planned for much of the year. It would be awesome if we knew where some of the topics were going for the rest of the year. It would be awesome to have those things down and start praying for them regularly.
Finally, You are amazing. It was so much fun to snuggle with my wife last night. It was so much fun to chase my son around the dining room last night and play the drums with him on the floor. Any time that I think of my family, I feel overly blessed. This is one area where I appreciate Your excess. I even have frustrations with them right now (Courtney's over-busy because of Pampered Chef and Gideon is clingy to his mommy because he doesn't spend enough time with her on her work nights), but despite these I can't imagine anything better. Lord, thank You!
May this season continue to be full of Your light. Amen.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Provision and Safety
Today I read from the book of Joshua, which if I'm being honest Lord, is really a difficult book to get into after the first couple of chapters. What I'm realizing as I read this year is what kind of books I really like and what kind of books I don't care for. I mean, I'm working through the year on a "Literature Style" plan of reading through the Bible. And what I've found so far is that I am really fond of the poetry, Psalms, prophecy and gospels and I don't get all that excited when I see that it's a day for reading the history books of the Bible.
What do you do with the splitting up of land? How do you look at that hermeneutically? What does the fact that the tribe of Judah was given 29 towns and cities in the hill country do to build up my faith? How can I enact or put into practice the wiping out of everyone who is breathing from the towns that God delivers into my hands? I mean, I'm being sarcastic because these things aren't necessarily here as part of the text for me to emulate, but that brings me back to my original question, what do I do with these texts?
I suppose, after I stop whining, that these passages are about receiving what You have given. And You've been very good in what You have given to me. I have a wife who loves me and a son who ran across the basement last night to give me a hug when he got home. You've given me a home, You keep the heat working, because You know how our old furnace just likes to up and quit every now and again. You've given me a church community that challenges me to grow.
Do I do what I can to protect the things You've given me from spiritual danger? I don't want to spiritualize the text from Joshua too much, but I think the reason they annihilated everyone was to keep the land from being overwhelmed with idols. To keep the land that You had given them "spiritually" safe. What do I do to keep my family and church "spiritually" safe? This is actually a great question, because I can't come up with a solid answer quickly. It's making me think. It's also making think, what am I supposed to do?
Since I have no answers this morning, keep these questions before me throughout the day.
What do you do with the splitting up of land? How do you look at that hermeneutically? What does the fact that the tribe of Judah was given 29 towns and cities in the hill country do to build up my faith? How can I enact or put into practice the wiping out of everyone who is breathing from the towns that God delivers into my hands? I mean, I'm being sarcastic because these things aren't necessarily here as part of the text for me to emulate, but that brings me back to my original question, what do I do with these texts?
I suppose, after I stop whining, that these passages are about receiving what You have given. And You've been very good in what You have given to me. I have a wife who loves me and a son who ran across the basement last night to give me a hug when he got home. You've given me a home, You keep the heat working, because You know how our old furnace just likes to up and quit every now and again. You've given me a church community that challenges me to grow.
Do I do what I can to protect the things You've given me from spiritual danger? I don't want to spiritualize the text from Joshua too much, but I think the reason they annihilated everyone was to keep the land from being overwhelmed with idols. To keep the land that You had given them "spiritually" safe. What do I do to keep my family and church "spiritually" safe? This is actually a great question, because I can't come up with a solid answer quickly. It's making me think. It's also making think, what am I supposed to do?
Since I have no answers this morning, keep these questions before me throughout the day.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
A Theology of Waiting: Day Sixteen
Thank You first of all. Gideon was able to sleep through the night last night and that is awesome. I feel like I actually was able to get some shut eye without worrying whether Courtney was getting mad at me because she was having to rock him to sleep, and without having to rock him to sleep myself, or even feel bad about letting him "cry it out." SO thanks. That is a big prayer request that has been answered.
And thanks to for the beautiful snow. I really hope that it stays around throughout the Christmas season, and was kind of hoping that it would cause a delay for us this morning. But either way, I'm grateful for the beauty that just happens, that we have nothing to do with but that we get to enjoy.
I've been thinking and studying this week, as the last Advent Sunday approaches, about the topic of obedience. The best way that I can describe it so far is living, going about our business in a Godly manner, and then all the sudden Your presence falls all around us and we stand back and are amazed at the beauty. Like the snow that hangs on the tips of all of the trees.
So for me, that means, instead of focusing on how I need to wait, I actually need to focus on how I will obey. Certainly yesterday I left the topic of waiting a bit to talk about my anemic prayer life. So that is perhaps an area where further effort could be focused. Also, discipline in general could be an area of obedience. I certainly have "fallen off the wagon" since, I don't know, Thanksgiving or so. I can't really name why other than that I've just been super tired. But You are renewing me every day.
I would love to give more thought to this. And I'm going to. Today at school, I'm having my 7th grade students consider a "Rule of Life." It's a discipline plan of spiritual disciplines and how often they are going to use them. I'm going to sit down and make my plan. I'm then going to post it here, and then I will stick with it. Today, this is where my obedience will begin.
And thanks to for the beautiful snow. I really hope that it stays around throughout the Christmas season, and was kind of hoping that it would cause a delay for us this morning. But either way, I'm grateful for the beauty that just happens, that we have nothing to do with but that we get to enjoy.
I've been thinking and studying this week, as the last Advent Sunday approaches, about the topic of obedience. The best way that I can describe it so far is living, going about our business in a Godly manner, and then all the sudden Your presence falls all around us and we stand back and are amazed at the beauty. Like the snow that hangs on the tips of all of the trees.
So for me, that means, instead of focusing on how I need to wait, I actually need to focus on how I will obey. Certainly yesterday I left the topic of waiting a bit to talk about my anemic prayer life. So that is perhaps an area where further effort could be focused. Also, discipline in general could be an area of obedience. I certainly have "fallen off the wagon" since, I don't know, Thanksgiving or so. I can't really name why other than that I've just been super tired. But You are renewing me every day.
I would love to give more thought to this. And I'm going to. Today at school, I'm having my 7th grade students consider a "Rule of Life." It's a discipline plan of spiritual disciplines and how often they are going to use them. I'm going to sit down and make my plan. I'm then going to post it here, and then I will stick with it. Today, this is where my obedience will begin.
Monday, December 15, 2008
New Week, Still Waiting
Dear Lord,
Thank You for my family. Yesterday was Gideon's first birthday. It's amazing to watch children grow in their first year, and really it seems for the rest of life after that, even though we've only experienced the first year. At Gideon's party, it hit me that I'm actually a parent. Sometimes, loving and teaching and being with Gideon seems so natural that I don't think about the responsibility and privilege that it is. But when we were taking time to celebrate that yesterday, I did. I'm very grateful for the wonderful son You've given me.
And for my wife. She did a great job planning the details of the party. She is a wonderful woman, and I have a lot of love for her. This season of Christmas and Gideon's party seemed to be stressful on our relationship, and I don't like that. The tiredness and responsibilities of the time wear on us both. I guess my prayer is that You would help me be aware of what needs to be done, and then let me remember that I need to do it. When I have just a little energy, help me spend it on her.
I continue to pray for the church community as well. We certainly have some big changes coming up, and we're doing it because we think that is what You would have us do. They are going to be very difficult for me to keep up with, because they involve a lot of logistics, planning, and coordinating of details that I don't like or do well at. Many people have offered to help, and I pray that they can because otherwise this is not going to work. Beyond the schedule and responsibilites, I pray for the people of Exodus. We are still hurting, captives to ways of thinking about ourselves, about faith, about our own abilities to be wrong, about many things. We deal constantly with shifting circumstances, heavy loads of school work, lack of job security, or lack of certainty in general. We know and expect that You will provide. Work among us to provide.
My final prayer is that somehow You will begin to let Gideon sleep through the nights. I know it sounds like a crazy prayer request, but it affects so many things in Courtney and I's life. As we are up with him, we get so tired. When we are tired, we have trouble serving one another, we start to get snarky with one another, our relationship suffers. When I am tired, I have less patience and desire for community, relationship, and other responsibilities. My teaching suffers, and I end up with a pile of papers and projects to grade. We end up living life in frustration. I understand that sometimes we have to battle through things, and that the struggle makes us stronger, and I've tried to keep a good understanding of that as I trudge towards a crying baby at 2:15 AM. But I'm just worn out from that now. Please begin to move and work in this situation. Help us know what we could do differently. Or just help him sleep.
I pray and wait in expectation, in the name of Jesus Christ, and through the Holy Spirit, amen.
Thank You for my family. Yesterday was Gideon's first birthday. It's amazing to watch children grow in their first year, and really it seems for the rest of life after that, even though we've only experienced the first year. At Gideon's party, it hit me that I'm actually a parent. Sometimes, loving and teaching and being with Gideon seems so natural that I don't think about the responsibility and privilege that it is. But when we were taking time to celebrate that yesterday, I did. I'm very grateful for the wonderful son You've given me.
And for my wife. She did a great job planning the details of the party. She is a wonderful woman, and I have a lot of love for her. This season of Christmas and Gideon's party seemed to be stressful on our relationship, and I don't like that. The tiredness and responsibilities of the time wear on us both. I guess my prayer is that You would help me be aware of what needs to be done, and then let me remember that I need to do it. When I have just a little energy, help me spend it on her.
I continue to pray for the church community as well. We certainly have some big changes coming up, and we're doing it because we think that is what You would have us do. They are going to be very difficult for me to keep up with, because they involve a lot of logistics, planning, and coordinating of details that I don't like or do well at. Many people have offered to help, and I pray that they can because otherwise this is not going to work. Beyond the schedule and responsibilites, I pray for the people of Exodus. We are still hurting, captives to ways of thinking about ourselves, about faith, about our own abilities to be wrong, about many things. We deal constantly with shifting circumstances, heavy loads of school work, lack of job security, or lack of certainty in general. We know and expect that You will provide. Work among us to provide.
My final prayer is that somehow You will begin to let Gideon sleep through the nights. I know it sounds like a crazy prayer request, but it affects so many things in Courtney and I's life. As we are up with him, we get so tired. When we are tired, we have trouble serving one another, we start to get snarky with one another, our relationship suffers. When I am tired, I have less patience and desire for community, relationship, and other responsibilities. My teaching suffers, and I end up with a pile of papers and projects to grade. We end up living life in frustration. I understand that sometimes we have to battle through things, and that the struggle makes us stronger, and I've tried to keep a good understanding of that as I trudge towards a crying baby at 2:15 AM. But I'm just worn out from that now. Please begin to move and work in this situation. Help us know what we could do differently. Or just help him sleep.
I pray and wait in expectation, in the name of Jesus Christ, and through the Holy Spirit, amen.
Monday, October 6, 2008
If I Could Stop Thinking
Last night was a restless one. I'm not sure why, but I kept waking up in the middle of the night and thinking about tennis. Last Friday, headed into Sectional, that wasn't true. But tonight, moving into Regional on Tuesday, it was. I think there's probably a combination of things going on, like that I don't know who we play very well, I don't know if the guys will stay fired up and play well, and I'm not sure how to get them fired up to play well.
And there's this: I know that there is a lot more going on in my world than tennis. I wrote last week that in this time that we want to have intense self-focus heading into the state tournament, we really need to have intense others-focus. Tennis teaches a lot of things about life, but one thing it doesn't teach is that there's a lot more going on than you. So I wish I could stop thinking about tennis and begin to think about everything else that is special in life.
I do have to offer up my thanks once again. You answered prayer in a way of blessing throughout the weekend. Okay, sure, again that has to do mostly with tennis, and how You took bad situations and turned them good. But I feel like I must say that You were so involved in what happened, I don't want to claim any credit without acknowledging Your hands.
Thank You for my Sunday with Gideon as well, Sunday night it was fun to chase him and tickle him and hold him. I am going to miss him being a baby. Thanks for these memories though.
Thank You for my church. It does my heart very good to see everyone band together to help at Joel's house. So we didn't all get together for a hastily planned candlelight service at the school. We did all get together to provide for the needs of one of our members, and that is what is better, right?
I don't want to minimize the praise that You should get though. Behind the scenes and despite my frustration with people and situations, You're changing them. So that's what I'm asking this morning, keeping changing situations for the good. Keep changing people for the good. Be with me, change me to become more people oriented and not so self-focused. Keep bringing Exodus closer to You, where our hearts long for what Your heart longs for. Keep helping me "make disciples," that the people I teach will long for life-long relationship with God.
Thank You once again! I love You.
And there's this: I know that there is a lot more going on in my world than tennis. I wrote last week that in this time that we want to have intense self-focus heading into the state tournament, we really need to have intense others-focus. Tennis teaches a lot of things about life, but one thing it doesn't teach is that there's a lot more going on than you. So I wish I could stop thinking about tennis and begin to think about everything else that is special in life.
I do have to offer up my thanks once again. You answered prayer in a way of blessing throughout the weekend. Okay, sure, again that has to do mostly with tennis, and how You took bad situations and turned them good. But I feel like I must say that You were so involved in what happened, I don't want to claim any credit without acknowledging Your hands.
Thank You for my Sunday with Gideon as well, Sunday night it was fun to chase him and tickle him and hold him. I am going to miss him being a baby. Thanks for these memories though.
Thank You for my church. It does my heart very good to see everyone band together to help at Joel's house. So we didn't all get together for a hastily planned candlelight service at the school. We did all get together to provide for the needs of one of our members, and that is what is better, right?
I don't want to minimize the praise that You should get though. Behind the scenes and despite my frustration with people and situations, You're changing them. So that's what I'm asking this morning, keeping changing situations for the good. Keep changing people for the good. Be with me, change me to become more people oriented and not so self-focused. Keep bringing Exodus closer to You, where our hearts long for what Your heart longs for. Keep helping me "make disciples," that the people I teach will long for life-long relationship with God.
Thank You once again! I love You.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Prayers
Dear Heavenly Father, the one who holds me in the palm of Your hand when I am feeling weak and even when I am feeling strong, be with me throughout this coming day. I recognize my need to bring many things before You. We talked about seasons in teachings this summer and I realize that right now I am in a season of high responsibility and thus high stress. I don't want to use that as some kind of excuse to not be the person You are trying to make me into. But the amount of tiredness does become overwhelming after a while. And it makes it hard to get up and spend any time with You.
It especially makes it difficult to spend any time listening. If I quiet my soul and let these words fade away, I will be like Peter, james and John in the garden of Gethsemane, I will physically fall asleep. Though I don't want to just babble on and babble on, I have a very difficult time focusing when I don't. What does that say about my ability to focus? I don't know.
In any case, I have four blessings in my life that are taking precedence in my prayer life right now. My family, my church, my tennis team, and my job. My family has been amazing over the past couple weeks. Courtney really seems to be committed right now to helping me in this time of busyness instead of getting angry about it. Gideon is doing the cutest things ever, laughing every time I come into the room, waving bye-bye at random times, clapping his hands, crawling all over the place. Just yesterday he jumped off the side of the pool to me, closing his eyes and holding his breath. He did that and he's not even 9 months old yet. I just think he is amazing. What a blessing my family has been! Thank You, giver of life and creator of all. You are good. My church seems to be running smoothly again as well. With Lisa coming back from her summer voyage to the south, and Darryl coming again on a regular basis, the living room feels full every week and people seem to be enjoying and learning. Some people are really on fire, and so I hope we aren't disappointing You with our community. You also seem to be opening doors at the Window again, so... continue to lead us into deliverance, community, knowledge, and land.
My tennis team has been doing awesome, and they are such great guys. Thank You for the way we are able to learn biblical truths through a physical activity, and thank You for helping us improve our athletic competition. It's rewarding to watch players mature through their years on the team. Thank You for Your blessings on us, let us not forget to praise You. And finally school has been a lot of fun this year, leading the students through the Scriptures. I pray that You will help me stay organized, for that extra time I spent this summer has been rewarded so far. Thanks for the opportunity that was brought around for me to do something I love.
For all these things, this morning I say thank You. I praise You, but not because I am supposed to, instead because I truly do see blessing and recognize it as an undeserved gift from a beautiful savior. That is my psalm this morning... Your love endures forever!
It especially makes it difficult to spend any time listening. If I quiet my soul and let these words fade away, I will be like Peter, james and John in the garden of Gethsemane, I will physically fall asleep. Though I don't want to just babble on and babble on, I have a very difficult time focusing when I don't. What does that say about my ability to focus? I don't know.
In any case, I have four blessings in my life that are taking precedence in my prayer life right now. My family, my church, my tennis team, and my job. My family has been amazing over the past couple weeks. Courtney really seems to be committed right now to helping me in this time of busyness instead of getting angry about it. Gideon is doing the cutest things ever, laughing every time I come into the room, waving bye-bye at random times, clapping his hands, crawling all over the place. Just yesterday he jumped off the side of the pool to me, closing his eyes and holding his breath. He did that and he's not even 9 months old yet. I just think he is amazing. What a blessing my family has been! Thank You, giver of life and creator of all. You are good. My church seems to be running smoothly again as well. With Lisa coming back from her summer voyage to the south, and Darryl coming again on a regular basis, the living room feels full every week and people seem to be enjoying and learning. Some people are really on fire, and so I hope we aren't disappointing You with our community. You also seem to be opening doors at the Window again, so... continue to lead us into deliverance, community, knowledge, and land.
My tennis team has been doing awesome, and they are such great guys. Thank You for the way we are able to learn biblical truths through a physical activity, and thank You for helping us improve our athletic competition. It's rewarding to watch players mature through their years on the team. Thank You for Your blessings on us, let us not forget to praise You. And finally school has been a lot of fun this year, leading the students through the Scriptures. I pray that You will help me stay organized, for that extra time I spent this summer has been rewarded so far. Thanks for the opportunity that was brought around for me to do something I love.
For all these things, this morning I say thank You. I praise You, but not because I am supposed to, instead because I truly do see blessing and recognize it as an undeserved gift from a beautiful savior. That is my psalm this morning... Your love endures forever!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Raising Hope Out of Shame
SATURDAY 3.22.08 – PETER
Peter followed Jesus for years. He saw many miracles and amazing things. He’s the only person other than Jesus to walk on water! After all these experiences that displayed the power of God in the life of Christ, Peter still feared for his own life enough to deny Jesus three times in one day. His doubt is an encouragement to us all. Peter saw signs and miracles and Jesus in all His glory at the transfiguration, and still he doubted. The Rock on whom Jesus built His Church learned great lessons from continued faith and obedience through doubt. Read about Peter’s lowest point (Matthew 26:69–75) and his restoration (John 21:15–18).
It's just interesting that the day before my fast ends, I'm sitting here looking back over the past 45 days and thinking, wow, what was all that for? I mean, I've throughly enjoyed the fast again, and there have been some great times. But I always get stuck in a rut of shame. It's so interesting, and depressing. I mean, last year I came to the end of the fast and I was genuinely moved by all that had happened. This year I come to the end of the fast and am not. I'm ready for it to be over, and I know that the lack of spiritual experience is entirely my fault.
It makes it hard to think that I'll have joy tomorrow in the Easter experience. Except for one thing. Christ died for my shame. You died for my shame, and all the sin and disinterest that kept me far from You. Trust me, I still have this deep desire to go back and change everything. To start afresh and anew and have this all mean something profound but... You died for the fact that I failed.
Pretty unbelievable when I finally look at the story of Peter this morning. As I think of this being the last day before Easter, before the day on which You rose triumphantly, I think about the things that I have done to trample Your Spirit throughout this Lenten period and honestly it makes me want to "weep bitterly" as Peter did.
But one thing very good that has certainly happened throughout my fast has been a rekindling of my desire to be an excellent pastor for Exodus. And realizations of what that actually means that I must do. Being a "pastor," which literally in Latin means "shepherd," it is kind of shocking to go back and read this passage where You talk to Peter after Your resurrection. "Feed my sheep," You asked Peter. It's almost as if You are extending to him a way to get past his shame.
This is how I feel, I truly let You down in this fast by letting the other busy things of my life push You around. I didn't make the time to pay attention to the things You were doing. I want to make it up to You in any way possible and it is like You are hitting me with this verse, "Feed my sheep." I have a whole flock of people that as pastor I have taken spiritual responsibility. Luckily it is not a job I do alone, but I do have a special role in it. Have I been fulfilling that role? Not always. But I can start that right now. And it may be the way You are pointing out that I can "make things up" to You.
It's reminds me...hope is what creates joy. Suddenly, in my last day, my hope in myself is renewed because I know that You still hope in me. I have greater expectations of me than failure, sloth, and shame. You believe that I can, with the help and company of others, feed Your sheep. That hope needs to infuse itself into our community and deep into my heart.
Lord God, Creator of all good, You are all good. You have blessed me beyond the skies with all sorts of good. Actually, as I look back, even the past few days You have blessed me with all sorts of good. I know my assignment. Just like Peter, I must stop looking at the bad within myself that keeps me shamed and low, and instead I must look for the good in You and use it to feed your sheep, to encourage the flock, to lead them to the same level of attentiveness. To help them see You. And just like it says in James, You are the Father of heavenly lights, not shifting like the shadows but constantly giving every good and perfect gift. You are behind the good and perfect in life, and You raise that good and perfect up out of death and suffering. Maybe that's the true lesson of this fast, it wasn't the greatest, but You are using it to infuse me with this truth in a profound way. That You can even take my bad, and use it for good. Right now, You are using it as motivation, as a teaching tool. Thank You. You are the Lord Most High! Thank You for Your blessing! Thank You for this fast! Thank You for my Son! Thank You for Jesus! Thank You for being the God who raises up victory from defeat! I love You!
Peter followed Jesus for years. He saw many miracles and amazing things. He’s the only person other than Jesus to walk on water! After all these experiences that displayed the power of God in the life of Christ, Peter still feared for his own life enough to deny Jesus three times in one day. His doubt is an encouragement to us all. Peter saw signs and miracles and Jesus in all His glory at the transfiguration, and still he doubted. The Rock on whom Jesus built His Church learned great lessons from continued faith and obedience through doubt. Read about Peter’s lowest point (Matthew 26:69–75) and his restoration (John 21:15–18).
It's just interesting that the day before my fast ends, I'm sitting here looking back over the past 45 days and thinking, wow, what was all that for? I mean, I've throughly enjoyed the fast again, and there have been some great times. But I always get stuck in a rut of shame. It's so interesting, and depressing. I mean, last year I came to the end of the fast and I was genuinely moved by all that had happened. This year I come to the end of the fast and am not. I'm ready for it to be over, and I know that the lack of spiritual experience is entirely my fault.
It makes it hard to think that I'll have joy tomorrow in the Easter experience. Except for one thing. Christ died for my shame. You died for my shame, and all the sin and disinterest that kept me far from You. Trust me, I still have this deep desire to go back and change everything. To start afresh and anew and have this all mean something profound but... You died for the fact that I failed.
Pretty unbelievable when I finally look at the story of Peter this morning. As I think of this being the last day before Easter, before the day on which You rose triumphantly, I think about the things that I have done to trample Your Spirit throughout this Lenten period and honestly it makes me want to "weep bitterly" as Peter did.
But one thing very good that has certainly happened throughout my fast has been a rekindling of my desire to be an excellent pastor for Exodus. And realizations of what that actually means that I must do. Being a "pastor," which literally in Latin means "shepherd," it is kind of shocking to go back and read this passage where You talk to Peter after Your resurrection. "Feed my sheep," You asked Peter. It's almost as if You are extending to him a way to get past his shame.
This is how I feel, I truly let You down in this fast by letting the other busy things of my life push You around. I didn't make the time to pay attention to the things You were doing. I want to make it up to You in any way possible and it is like You are hitting me with this verse, "Feed my sheep." I have a whole flock of people that as pastor I have taken spiritual responsibility. Luckily it is not a job I do alone, but I do have a special role in it. Have I been fulfilling that role? Not always. But I can start that right now. And it may be the way You are pointing out that I can "make things up" to You.
It's reminds me...hope is what creates joy. Suddenly, in my last day, my hope in myself is renewed because I know that You still hope in me. I have greater expectations of me than failure, sloth, and shame. You believe that I can, with the help and company of others, feed Your sheep. That hope needs to infuse itself into our community and deep into my heart.
Lord God, Creator of all good, You are all good. You have blessed me beyond the skies with all sorts of good. Actually, as I look back, even the past few days You have blessed me with all sorts of good. I know my assignment. Just like Peter, I must stop looking at the bad within myself that keeps me shamed and low, and instead I must look for the good in You and use it to feed your sheep, to encourage the flock, to lead them to the same level of attentiveness. To help them see You. And just like it says in James, You are the Father of heavenly lights, not shifting like the shadows but constantly giving every good and perfect gift. You are behind the good and perfect in life, and You raise that good and perfect up out of death and suffering. Maybe that's the true lesson of this fast, it wasn't the greatest, but You are using it to infuse me with this truth in a profound way. That You can even take my bad, and use it for good. Right now, You are using it as motivation, as a teaching tool. Thank You. You are the Lord Most High! Thank You for Your blessing! Thank You for this fast! Thank You for my Son! Thank You for Jesus! Thank You for being the God who raises up victory from defeat! I love You!
Monday, March 3, 2008
Entrusting Myself to Him
MONDAY 2.3.08 - 1 PETER 2:23-25
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he mad no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. "He himself bore our sins" in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; "by his wounds you have been healed." For "you were like sheep going astray," but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
Today I think I'll go through this Scripture using lectio divina form in my entry as well as my reading.
READ. "When they hurled their insult at him, he did not retaliate..." This would have been the reaction of the world, this would have been an accepted response, this would have been even common sense. "Instead, he entrusted..." Instead implies that there is a different way, a different action. "He himself bore our sins..." You died for our sins, perhaps another way of saying the reactions of the world, You died for those reactions and actions of ours that are like the worlds. "so that we might to sins and live for righteousness..." Again, You died so that we do not have to retaliate, but can trust. You died so that we might not threaten, but may trust. "You were like sheep..." And we needed You to die for that and need to be continually reminded that You died for that, for we are constantly tempted to walk the way of the world, the path of retaliation and threatening and protecting what is ours, but You have given us an example and a way back to Your paths.
THINK. What word or phrase really jumps out at me? "Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly." The phrase before this talks about when You suffered Lord Jesus, that You made no blustery threats. You didn't threaten God, You didn't threaten man, You didn't threaten Yourself as You dealt with the suffering. When I suffer, I believe I am fairly just in not lashing out at others, but how often my reaction to suffering is to lash out at You, or even at myself.
Recently, there has certainly been a conviction of mine that I am to persevere through sufferings. Again, I hardly know what this means and in my mind its been a lot like, "well, when we suffer I guess we sit back and take it on the chin." To sum up what it feels like to me, I would say that we I think of persevering through trials, it seems very passive. However, this phrase that is jumping out at me, in this phrase entrust is a verb. It is a verb set counter to the verbs of retaliate and making threats. Both retaliation and making threats are active, so to set this word entrust opposite of them makes me feel that it is active as well. And let's be honest, it certainly takes some effort to trust through hardships and through suffering.
I think this "entrusting" theme fits in well with the rapidly more complete focus of my fast: joy. The book of James tells us to face trials with joy. Here Jesus faced suffering and trials with trust. I think the two of these are deeply wrapped up in one another. I listened to Rob Bell preach on joy on the way home from the ski trip this last weekend. He said one of the keys to joy is an appreciation for the gifts that we've already been given. Perhaps this is a key action of trust. Perhaps when trials and sufferings come, we can look back to what You have given us that is good, actively seeking out the places of blessing in our life and actively giving thanks. This goodness and this grace of Yours then allows us to trust that You are just, and that You will work through the bad in our present circumstances to give us more to praise about on the other side of the trial.
PRAY. Dear God, my Father. I want to take time to sift through the gifts You've given in my life. I have a wife that I love and who loves me back, even where's a t-shirt that proclaims it. I have a son who is healthy, adorable, and I love him. I have a community that will struggle for one another, who wants to pick me up when I am down, and who reaches out to one another. I have seen You work tremendously through them, as they have grown healthy in faith from places of hurt. I have all the provisions of money, food, and shelter that I could ask for. Perhaps You are making a way for me to find even more contentment and excitement in my job. You are a God of blessings, thank You, thank You, thank You.
Therefore, I trust where You will lead Exodus. I trust You in helping me raise my son. I trust You with areas of my sexuality and lust that I struggle with, if I follow Your commands these will be healthier and whole. Please do not let me be dragged aside by lies of more contentment, excitement, or fulfillment, for life has proven to me that all these things are better satisfied by You than by the sins of this world. You are the one who makes all things redeemed and whole, therefore I will trust You.
LIVE. How will I live this out today? Simple, a way to keep my mind on You. Every hour throughout the day I am going to write on a note card a blessing that came from You in the past hour. I trust that You will bring me through this day in joy!
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he mad no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. "He himself bore our sins" in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; "by his wounds you have been healed." For "you were like sheep going astray," but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
Today I think I'll go through this Scripture using lectio divina form in my entry as well as my reading.
READ. "When they hurled their insult at him, he did not retaliate..." This would have been the reaction of the world, this would have been an accepted response, this would have been even common sense. "Instead, he entrusted..." Instead implies that there is a different way, a different action. "He himself bore our sins..." You died for our sins, perhaps another way of saying the reactions of the world, You died for those reactions and actions of ours that are like the worlds. "so that we might to sins and live for righteousness..." Again, You died so that we do not have to retaliate, but can trust. You died so that we might not threaten, but may trust. "You were like sheep..." And we needed You to die for that and need to be continually reminded that You died for that, for we are constantly tempted to walk the way of the world, the path of retaliation and threatening and protecting what is ours, but You have given us an example and a way back to Your paths.
THINK. What word or phrase really jumps out at me? "Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly." The phrase before this talks about when You suffered Lord Jesus, that You made no blustery threats. You didn't threaten God, You didn't threaten man, You didn't threaten Yourself as You dealt with the suffering. When I suffer, I believe I am fairly just in not lashing out at others, but how often my reaction to suffering is to lash out at You, or even at myself.
Recently, there has certainly been a conviction of mine that I am to persevere through sufferings. Again, I hardly know what this means and in my mind its been a lot like, "well, when we suffer I guess we sit back and take it on the chin." To sum up what it feels like to me, I would say that we I think of persevering through trials, it seems very passive. However, this phrase that is jumping out at me, in this phrase entrust is a verb. It is a verb set counter to the verbs of retaliate and making threats. Both retaliation and making threats are active, so to set this word entrust opposite of them makes me feel that it is active as well. And let's be honest, it certainly takes some effort to trust through hardships and through suffering.
I think this "entrusting" theme fits in well with the rapidly more complete focus of my fast: joy. The book of James tells us to face trials with joy. Here Jesus faced suffering and trials with trust. I think the two of these are deeply wrapped up in one another. I listened to Rob Bell preach on joy on the way home from the ski trip this last weekend. He said one of the keys to joy is an appreciation for the gifts that we've already been given. Perhaps this is a key action of trust. Perhaps when trials and sufferings come, we can look back to what You have given us that is good, actively seeking out the places of blessing in our life and actively giving thanks. This goodness and this grace of Yours then allows us to trust that You are just, and that You will work through the bad in our present circumstances to give us more to praise about on the other side of the trial.
PRAY. Dear God, my Father. I want to take time to sift through the gifts You've given in my life. I have a wife that I love and who loves me back, even where's a t-shirt that proclaims it. I have a son who is healthy, adorable, and I love him. I have a community that will struggle for one another, who wants to pick me up when I am down, and who reaches out to one another. I have seen You work tremendously through them, as they have grown healthy in faith from places of hurt. I have all the provisions of money, food, and shelter that I could ask for. Perhaps You are making a way for me to find even more contentment and excitement in my job. You are a God of blessings, thank You, thank You, thank You.
Therefore, I trust where You will lead Exodus. I trust You in helping me raise my son. I trust You with areas of my sexuality and lust that I struggle with, if I follow Your commands these will be healthier and whole. Please do not let me be dragged aside by lies of more contentment, excitement, or fulfillment, for life has proven to me that all these things are better satisfied by You than by the sins of this world. You are the one who makes all things redeemed and whole, therefore I will trust You.
LIVE. How will I live this out today? Simple, a way to keep my mind on You. Every hour throughout the day I am going to write on a note card a blessing that came from You in the past hour. I trust that You will bring me through this day in joy!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Eyes Look to You
TUESDAY 2.26.08 - PSALM 145:1-8
I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of you majesty - and I will meditate on your wonderful works. They tell of the power of your awesome works - and I will proclaim your great deeds. They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.
It's interesting how the psalms have a schizophrenic relationship with God. Many of the psalms are wrapped up in confusion, doubt, stress, anxiety, and the like; with enemies and troubles pressing in from all sides they call on You, the God of hope and the God of deliverance. Flip over several psalms and we find this soaring love poem, where everything seems to be great.
But what's telling is that nothing in this psalm today indicates that the conditions of the author's life are wonderful. Because this psalm isn't about the author, it's about You. And in honesty, it's about You in ways that seem beyond me. I always seem to relate to You from my condition. If I am down and out, I react to You and Your character with frustration and desperation. If I am up and joyful, then I am thankful and realize Your goodness. I am not yet able to separate my condition and Your praise. Are You not still good when I am down, are You not still with me when I am desperate and sure that You are not?
So then faith for me, despite my deepest longings, has become about me and not about You. It's interesting too, because though I depend so much on emotion in my faith, I'm not ever sure I've had an emotional connection to the things You've done. Here this song sings of proclaiming Your great deeds, celebrating Your goodness, meditating on Your wonderful works. And yet I've really only had an emotional connection to the things You've done when they are done for me. I look at spiritually formative times in my life, and I realize that they are all things done for me. Very rarely do I celebrate the great deeds that You do for others.
A great example of this is the cross that we are traveling towards this Lent season. I've never really felt an emotional connection there. All my praise of that event revolves around the cognitive knowledge that You did do something great there, and that I and all creation should be fundamentally changed by that event. It's a perfect metaphor of dying to self in order to become alive to others. And mentally I know this. But every year Resurrection Sunday comes around and I am not affected by the reality of the cross. It's almost as if Rob Bell's little phrase was right on: "Familiarity breeds not contempt, by unfamiliarity."
I think at times I am so saturated by Your greatness, goodness, and deeds that I gloss over them. I do not give You credit for them. I do not see You. And when I don't see You I tend to turn and judge things by looking at me.
Interesting verses later on down the psalm, past even what we are going to read tomorrow in the Lent readings:
The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. --- Psalm 145:15-16
Eyes look to You. And You satisfy, You give food at the proper time. I've continually been convicted with this theme, over and over from Joel's sermon on manna, to my sermon on hoping and waiting, to Bryan's observations during the Advent season on waiting and anticipating. My biggest sin perhaps is trying to take control of the timetable.
Eyes looking to You have hope. They see all Your goodness, past and present, and use this knowledge of who You really are to be content about the future. To be able to wait for what You are doing. I would say that this is probably not just a problem for me either. As I read a book a discipleship in an instant society, it occurs to me that in an instant society, at almost all other times, I control the timetable. I record shows to watch on TiVo when I want them, I get food from the store or fast-food joint when I want it, I control how fast or slow we go through lesson plans at school. But I can't control spiritual growth, or speed it up, I can only join You on Your timetable. And I can't control the other things You are doing in the world.
So I have to wait, remembering the good that You've done in my past, in other's past, through Jesus and all the way back to the good of creation. I must see the good that You are doing now, in small or large ways for me, or in small or large ways for others. And the proper response to that, no matter what my current situation, seems to be praise. Because of who You are, and who You will be.
Dear LORD,
My thoughts are with how great You are. Yesterday, I thought of Your "kavod" and Your glory and how much more You are than we can fathom. We only get to see the spots that You just were. So help me not get concerned about seeing everything that You are doing RIGHT NOW, just let me continue to trust that You are working RIGHT NOW. I want to recognize the glory in the places where I have seen "Your back" recently, in the conviction of the last teaching meeting (thank You!), in the eyes of my son (thank You!), alive in these psalms (thank You!), in the wonder of falling snow (thank You!), and for the recent injection of unexplained joy (thank You!). My prayer is that I will continue to see You as good, continue to hope, even when things turn to struggle again. I love You in this time of insight, mature me so that I can love You when I find no insight.
Speak to me, speak through me.
Amen.
I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of you majesty - and I will meditate on your wonderful works. They tell of the power of your awesome works - and I will proclaim your great deeds. They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.
It's interesting how the psalms have a schizophrenic relationship with God. Many of the psalms are wrapped up in confusion, doubt, stress, anxiety, and the like; with enemies and troubles pressing in from all sides they call on You, the God of hope and the God of deliverance. Flip over several psalms and we find this soaring love poem, where everything seems to be great.
But what's telling is that nothing in this psalm today indicates that the conditions of the author's life are wonderful. Because this psalm isn't about the author, it's about You. And in honesty, it's about You in ways that seem beyond me. I always seem to relate to You from my condition. If I am down and out, I react to You and Your character with frustration and desperation. If I am up and joyful, then I am thankful and realize Your goodness. I am not yet able to separate my condition and Your praise. Are You not still good when I am down, are You not still with me when I am desperate and sure that You are not?
So then faith for me, despite my deepest longings, has become about me and not about You. It's interesting too, because though I depend so much on emotion in my faith, I'm not ever sure I've had an emotional connection to the things You've done. Here this song sings of proclaiming Your great deeds, celebrating Your goodness, meditating on Your wonderful works. And yet I've really only had an emotional connection to the things You've done when they are done for me. I look at spiritually formative times in my life, and I realize that they are all things done for me. Very rarely do I celebrate the great deeds that You do for others.
A great example of this is the cross that we are traveling towards this Lent season. I've never really felt an emotional connection there. All my praise of that event revolves around the cognitive knowledge that You did do something great there, and that I and all creation should be fundamentally changed by that event. It's a perfect metaphor of dying to self in order to become alive to others. And mentally I know this. But every year Resurrection Sunday comes around and I am not affected by the reality of the cross. It's almost as if Rob Bell's little phrase was right on: "Familiarity breeds not contempt, by unfamiliarity."
I think at times I am so saturated by Your greatness, goodness, and deeds that I gloss over them. I do not give You credit for them. I do not see You. And when I don't see You I tend to turn and judge things by looking at me.
Interesting verses later on down the psalm, past even what we are going to read tomorrow in the Lent readings:
The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. --- Psalm 145:15-16
Eyes look to You. And You satisfy, You give food at the proper time. I've continually been convicted with this theme, over and over from Joel's sermon on manna, to my sermon on hoping and waiting, to Bryan's observations during the Advent season on waiting and anticipating. My biggest sin perhaps is trying to take control of the timetable.
Eyes looking to You have hope. They see all Your goodness, past and present, and use this knowledge of who You really are to be content about the future. To be able to wait for what You are doing. I would say that this is probably not just a problem for me either. As I read a book a discipleship in an instant society, it occurs to me that in an instant society, at almost all other times, I control the timetable. I record shows to watch on TiVo when I want them, I get food from the store or fast-food joint when I want it, I control how fast or slow we go through lesson plans at school. But I can't control spiritual growth, or speed it up, I can only join You on Your timetable. And I can't control the other things You are doing in the world.
So I have to wait, remembering the good that You've done in my past, in other's past, through Jesus and all the way back to the good of creation. I must see the good that You are doing now, in small or large ways for me, or in small or large ways for others. And the proper response to that, no matter what my current situation, seems to be praise. Because of who You are, and who You will be.
Dear LORD,
My thoughts are with how great You are. Yesterday, I thought of Your "kavod" and Your glory and how much more You are than we can fathom. We only get to see the spots that You just were. So help me not get concerned about seeing everything that You are doing RIGHT NOW, just let me continue to trust that You are working RIGHT NOW. I want to recognize the glory in the places where I have seen "Your back" recently, in the conviction of the last teaching meeting (thank You!), in the eyes of my son (thank You!), alive in these psalms (thank You!), in the wonder of falling snow (thank You!), and for the recent injection of unexplained joy (thank You!). My prayer is that I will continue to see You as good, continue to hope, even when things turn to struggle again. I love You in this time of insight, mature me so that I can love You when I find no insight.
Speak to me, speak through me.
Amen.
Monday, February 25, 2008
The Rivers Clap Their Hands
MONDAY 2.25.08 - Psalm 98:5-9
make music to the LORD with the harp, with the harp and the sound of singing, with trumpets and the blast of the ram's horn - shout for joy before the LORD, the King. Let the sea resound, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it. Let the rivers clap their hands, let the mountains sing together for joy; let them sing before the LORD, for he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples with equity.
I've had a joyful day. Writing to You at night simply feels weird, it doesn't have the same freshness. I don't know, my whole day is sitting there before me, both the good and the bad. The good, man today was the best day of my fast. Spiritually I wanted and desired Your presence all day long and seemed to find some measure of it.
I will tell You what the key has been the last couple days. Well, it's not a formula or magic cure all. But actually focusing on You instead of me really helps. It's like the book "A Long Way Down" that Bryan and I listened to on the way back from Florida last year. There is nothing in my life that has really changed over the past couple days. Same situations are obviously present. But, somehow I don't feel poorly about all this anymore. And all I've done (and I don't want to take credit at all), is pray a bit more.
And when I say pray a bit, I mean stupid prayers. That's what makes Your response all the more unbelievable. Prayers like, "LORD help Exodus." And that's it. But many times that I had empty space in my head today, I tried to fill it with those short prayers. Oh that this continues into tomorrow!
Shout for joy, for the LORD is king! I love this idea. I hate that I forget. You are in control, You are the reason to hope. Exodus needs You, because like the Pharisees we desire to be Your people, but unlike the Pharisees we don't want to get bogged down in our own traditions and rules so that we neglect what is more important. Don't let this joy be just for me, this inexplicable joy, but instead let it lead me into more prayer, and the prayer lead me to action for You.
I'm just spouting off right now. This is a very crazy emotional outburst. It is one that I do not understand. I have no reason to feel as optimistic as I do...but I do. If Christ is King then hope is real, no matter what the suffering or situation. Right now I feel that, maybe soon I won't. I don't know. But I want to thank You for a day lived in joy. And may creation join in the praise with me!
make music to the LORD with the harp, with the harp and the sound of singing, with trumpets and the blast of the ram's horn - shout for joy before the LORD, the King. Let the sea resound, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it. Let the rivers clap their hands, let the mountains sing together for joy; let them sing before the LORD, for he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples with equity.
I've had a joyful day. Writing to You at night simply feels weird, it doesn't have the same freshness. I don't know, my whole day is sitting there before me, both the good and the bad. The good, man today was the best day of my fast. Spiritually I wanted and desired Your presence all day long and seemed to find some measure of it.
I will tell You what the key has been the last couple days. Well, it's not a formula or magic cure all. But actually focusing on You instead of me really helps. It's like the book "A Long Way Down" that Bryan and I listened to on the way back from Florida last year. There is nothing in my life that has really changed over the past couple days. Same situations are obviously present. But, somehow I don't feel poorly about all this anymore. And all I've done (and I don't want to take credit at all), is pray a bit more.
And when I say pray a bit, I mean stupid prayers. That's what makes Your response all the more unbelievable. Prayers like, "LORD help Exodus." And that's it. But many times that I had empty space in my head today, I tried to fill it with those short prayers. Oh that this continues into tomorrow!
Shout for joy, for the LORD is king! I love this idea. I hate that I forget. You are in control, You are the reason to hope. Exodus needs You, because like the Pharisees we desire to be Your people, but unlike the Pharisees we don't want to get bogged down in our own traditions and rules so that we neglect what is more important. Don't let this joy be just for me, this inexplicable joy, but instead let it lead me into more prayer, and the prayer lead me to action for You.
I'm just spouting off right now. This is a very crazy emotional outburst. It is one that I do not understand. I have no reason to feel as optimistic as I do...but I do. If Christ is King then hope is real, no matter what the suffering or situation. Right now I feel that, maybe soon I won't. I don't know. But I want to thank You for a day lived in joy. And may creation join in the praise with me!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Refreshing Here and Now
Scripture Reading:
Exodus 16-18
As I flipped down through my posts yesterday, I realized that I must always seem like I'm complaining on the blog. I ask a lot of questions, often say how texts or behavior is frustrating to me, and most often stand throughly confused at what You want me to do. I guess this is what they call struggle, which You have revealed through the Word and I truly believe to be a good thing.
I guess I write that this morning to say that what I share with You is often the un-figured-out side of my faith. As I wrote yesterday about personal praise, it was kind of a side note to the entry, but it is making me stop and think today. How often do I partake in that type of worship. My prayers often reflect the same type of thoughts that I share with You here, with maybe a bit of praise sprinkled here and there.
Joel preached on Sunday about maintaining our focus on the here and the now. Distraction in our spiritual lives comes when find ourselves floating around in the what about last week, what about tomorrow, worry and doubt cycles. Fear has such a grip on that type of existence. But here and now living, that allows us to see what we have, the good that we are right now doing, etc.
Last night, Courtney and I were sitting in bed. She was holding Gideon and I had my arm around her. I looked her in the eye, shook my head in wonder, and said, "I love you." She gave me a confused smile and offered back the same thoughts. But I think the depth of my feeling caught her a little off-guard. I mean, this wasn't some routine, "see-you-after-work" I love you. I meant so much more, but didn't have the words to say it.
My son, my wife, what amazing pillars of joy in my here and now! I absolutely cherish the time I spend with them. They are such a big part of my personal praise Lord. You have blessed in astonishing ways with those two. I simply recognize the part You play in that this morning.
And yesterweek (that's a new made up word one of my precious eighth grade students gave to me) I sat at my computer trying to think of a way to tell my best friends what they mean to me. That I have a tight-knit community, one that seriously encourages me to be serious about You, that's a gift. Speaking of knitting, You have guided and woven my life together with some special people. Your people. And living our lives together only happens because we believe that's what You would have us do. Because that's the best way to live. And that has proven true.
Even simple things strike me this week. My house is a 1914 Craftsmen style home. Bryan is working on a logo for a Craftsmen style village. We walked around looking at the unique features of my house. It's really a neat little place that as we looked at the windows beside the fireplace, I said, I love these little details, I love this home. Again, not possible without Your blessings.
So certainly, people and possessions You have blessed me with. But also with the experiences that I have with You and those people. Gideon's birth (amazing!) or even Abigail's early baby-hood last year. Watching, waiting, praying with friends who need a new job (provided), need to move through a bad situation (working), or even need a car (provided, twice!)
I don't want to be the Israelites, complaining that there is no food and no water. I want to be the one who has my eyes open to the here and now and sees all that You have provided me, blooming all around me. I want to say thank You. I want to say I love You.
And I mean that, deeply.
Exodus 16-18
As I flipped down through my posts yesterday, I realized that I must always seem like I'm complaining on the blog. I ask a lot of questions, often say how texts or behavior is frustrating to me, and most often stand throughly confused at what You want me to do. I guess this is what they call struggle, which You have revealed through the Word and I truly believe to be a good thing.
I guess I write that this morning to say that what I share with You is often the un-figured-out side of my faith. As I wrote yesterday about personal praise, it was kind of a side note to the entry, but it is making me stop and think today. How often do I partake in that type of worship. My prayers often reflect the same type of thoughts that I share with You here, with maybe a bit of praise sprinkled here and there.
Joel preached on Sunday about maintaining our focus on the here and the now. Distraction in our spiritual lives comes when find ourselves floating around in the what about last week, what about tomorrow, worry and doubt cycles. Fear has such a grip on that type of existence. But here and now living, that allows us to see what we have, the good that we are right now doing, etc.
Last night, Courtney and I were sitting in bed. She was holding Gideon and I had my arm around her. I looked her in the eye, shook my head in wonder, and said, "I love you." She gave me a confused smile and offered back the same thoughts. But I think the depth of my feeling caught her a little off-guard. I mean, this wasn't some routine, "see-you-after-work" I love you. I meant so much more, but didn't have the words to say it.
My son, my wife, what amazing pillars of joy in my here and now! I absolutely cherish the time I spend with them. They are such a big part of my personal praise Lord. You have blessed in astonishing ways with those two. I simply recognize the part You play in that this morning.
And yesterweek (that's a new made up word one of my precious eighth grade students gave to me) I sat at my computer trying to think of a way to tell my best friends what they mean to me. That I have a tight-knit community, one that seriously encourages me to be serious about You, that's a gift. Speaking of knitting, You have guided and woven my life together with some special people. Your people. And living our lives together only happens because we believe that's what You would have us do. Because that's the best way to live. And that has proven true.
Even simple things strike me this week. My house is a 1914 Craftsmen style home. Bryan is working on a logo for a Craftsmen style village. We walked around looking at the unique features of my house. It's really a neat little place that as we looked at the windows beside the fireplace, I said, I love these little details, I love this home. Again, not possible without Your blessings.
So certainly, people and possessions You have blessed me with. But also with the experiences that I have with You and those people. Gideon's birth (amazing!) or even Abigail's early baby-hood last year. Watching, waiting, praying with friends who need a new job (provided), need to move through a bad situation (working), or even need a car (provided, twice!)
I don't want to be the Israelites, complaining that there is no food and no water. I want to be the one who has my eyes open to the here and now and sees all that You have provided me, blooming all around me. I want to say thank You. I want to say I love You.
And I mean that, deeply.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Today is the Due Day
I have often wondered throughout this Advent season about the awesome nature of Christ's birth, and why You chose to bring Your presence into the world through a baby. I mean, honestly, You could have just come as an unknown man and been God among us. But You chose to first break into this world in flesh by birth. What a miracle. And by what a miracle, I'm talking about both birth and You coming to the world.
I have all sorts of thoughts to set before You about being a father. Fears to be sure, but also joy, fulfillment, love, doubt, worry, peace and joy. It's so hard for me to not have the physical connection to our son that Courtney has. It makes me feel like a bystander at times, and I am in reality. I know that I'm supporting her, but I really want to hold him at this point.
I guess it's taken a lot of getting there, but what I'm trying to say is: "I'm ready." I'm ready to take that newborn child and wrap him in swaddling clothes and think about how Mary and Joseph did the same to an incarnate You thousands of years ago. I'm ready to take a child and put him close to my heart. I'm ready to hold my wife's hand through pain, watching the real life example of the journey through pain leading to joy. I feel a peace about the birth right now. Some things seem to be in order and some things don't, I guess we call that life. So I'm as ready as I will be.
And while I'm feeling good about the baby, I still long for intimacy with You. I have this hope that the miracle of birth will spur a closeness with You that I haven't felt in a while. Bu I long to have that closeness throughout the experience, from this beginning, from this waiting, until the end. I have given little time to slow down over the past couple weeks. I need some time to slow down and just thank You.
I read an article the other day that talked about a guy who prayed all the time. But he only ever prayed two prayers. "Thank You," and "Help me." That's me right now, simultaneously. Thank You for the joy You are providing to my life, help me take care of him and Courtney. I know in Your strength that I have security. And for that I thank You. I know You've given me supportive family, and for that I thank You. I know that You are with me, and have given me many people who are also with me...
and for that I thank You.
Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth soon, bring Gideon!
I have all sorts of thoughts to set before You about being a father. Fears to be sure, but also joy, fulfillment, love, doubt, worry, peace and joy. It's so hard for me to not have the physical connection to our son that Courtney has. It makes me feel like a bystander at times, and I am in reality. I know that I'm supporting her, but I really want to hold him at this point.
I guess it's taken a lot of getting there, but what I'm trying to say is: "I'm ready." I'm ready to take that newborn child and wrap him in swaddling clothes and think about how Mary and Joseph did the same to an incarnate You thousands of years ago. I'm ready to take a child and put him close to my heart. I'm ready to hold my wife's hand through pain, watching the real life example of the journey through pain leading to joy. I feel a peace about the birth right now. Some things seem to be in order and some things don't, I guess we call that life. So I'm as ready as I will be.
And while I'm feeling good about the baby, I still long for intimacy with You. I have this hope that the miracle of birth will spur a closeness with You that I haven't felt in a while. Bu I long to have that closeness throughout the experience, from this beginning, from this waiting, until the end. I have given little time to slow down over the past couple weeks. I need some time to slow down and just thank You.
I read an article the other day that talked about a guy who prayed all the time. But he only ever prayed two prayers. "Thank You," and "Help me." That's me right now, simultaneously. Thank You for the joy You are providing to my life, help me take care of him and Courtney. I know in Your strength that I have security. And for that I thank You. I know You've given me supportive family, and for that I thank You. I know that You are with me, and have given me many people who are also with me...
and for that I thank You.
Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth soon, bring Gideon!
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Nearing the End
Lord, I only have three days left of not eating for You, and it seems that my ears have been closed off from You. The tiredness has not been a problem and I've even made time to sit, study and pursue during all the crazy basketball that's going on. I guess that I have been hearing rumblings from Your thunder, but they certainly have not been as consistent or grandiose as I had imagined going in to this.
Lord, I long to be near to You. At intermittent times throughout these forty days I have been. But my passion is to prolong this. I'll tell You my biggest problem though, it's life. This life that You want me to live for You is difficult, it makes it very hard to actually keep my attention on You. I want to separate walking through my day and walking with You. And I know that this is false. This separation of You and my life is not a reality in the spiritual realm, because I truly subscribe to the idea that everything is spiritual.
So how do I integrate You into my life, so it doesn't seem as though life is in my way? I remember my parents talking about something that helped change their view of You in life. The entire church did it when I was probably in middle school, it was God-sightings. Taking some specific time in each day to look back and say where I saw You throughout my life, but specifically in that day. It seems like a great idea, a way to be more thankful.
Whatever I do, the bottom line is that the knowledge of what I need to do and the doing, being, feeling, hearing, reality of it are not the same thing at all. I realize that as I look back through this blog, I've come to this same realization multiple times. I feel great about my new knowledge or the new task ahead of me...then nothing really comes of it.
Life changes in action. God moves. God rests. God moves. God rests. There is a rhythm to it all. I move in God. I rest in God. I move in God. I rest in God. There needs to be a rhythm to it all for me.
Worries kill rhythm, they knock me off beat. Let me bring them to You:
- I am worried about Exodus Community, I want us to walk in You but we face many questions ( small groups, denominations, time table, paperwork, etc.)
- I am worried about myself and the people that are close to me and our spiritual maturity, ability to deal with change, think in new ways, be challenged, be a community of TRUTH, deal with spiritual warfare realities, and hear from You.
- I am worried about what people from the outside of the group will think about Exodus Community.
- I am worried that our whole group is worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
- I am worried that I am worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
Lord, these thoughts fill my mind constantly, like breathing. I need release. Take them from me.
I will fill this Sabbath with Your praise, for You are worthy. Tomorrow, Lord, let me come back with a myriad of ways I've seen You work, that I've been delivered, and that I was called to take part by Your side. I will end this fast lifting You up to Your rightful place, resurrected and living in all life.
Lord, I long to be near to You. At intermittent times throughout these forty days I have been. But my passion is to prolong this. I'll tell You my biggest problem though, it's life. This life that You want me to live for You is difficult, it makes it very hard to actually keep my attention on You. I want to separate walking through my day and walking with You. And I know that this is false. This separation of You and my life is not a reality in the spiritual realm, because I truly subscribe to the idea that everything is spiritual.
So how do I integrate You into my life, so it doesn't seem as though life is in my way? I remember my parents talking about something that helped change their view of You in life. The entire church did it when I was probably in middle school, it was God-sightings. Taking some specific time in each day to look back and say where I saw You throughout my life, but specifically in that day. It seems like a great idea, a way to be more thankful.
Whatever I do, the bottom line is that the knowledge of what I need to do and the doing, being, feeling, hearing, reality of it are not the same thing at all. I realize that as I look back through this blog, I've come to this same realization multiple times. I feel great about my new knowledge or the new task ahead of me...then nothing really comes of it.
Life changes in action. God moves. God rests. God moves. God rests. There is a rhythm to it all. I move in God. I rest in God. I move in God. I rest in God. There needs to be a rhythm to it all for me.
Worries kill rhythm, they knock me off beat. Let me bring them to You:
- I am worried about Exodus Community, I want us to walk in You but we face many questions ( small groups, denominations, time table, paperwork, etc.)
- I am worried about myself and the people that are close to me and our spiritual maturity, ability to deal with change, think in new ways, be challenged, be a community of TRUTH, deal with spiritual warfare realities, and hear from You.
- I am worried about what people from the outside of the group will think about Exodus Community.
- I am worried that our whole group is worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
- I am worried that I am worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
Lord, these thoughts fill my mind constantly, like breathing. I need release. Take them from me.
I will fill this Sabbath with Your praise, for You are worthy. Tomorrow, Lord, let me come back with a myriad of ways I've seen You work, that I've been delivered, and that I was called to take part by Your side. I will end this fast lifting You up to Your rightful place, resurrected and living in all life.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
A Heart of Flesh
Lord, I'm reading through Ezekiel right now in devotions. You know that during this past week I was struggling a lot, really over the things that were going on in the lives of people I love. Yesterday, I sat down to struggle and study my daily passage in Ezekiel and what jumped out at me were these following verses:
I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God. --- Ezekiel 11:19-20.
I know this is a much quoted verse within Christianity and Judaism, because its a promise of a time when we will truly love You as You truly love us. But what flashed brightly to me as I read this was that this was referring to the remnant that You would bring back from captivity. The remnant who You would use to rebuild, restore, and restart Jerusalem.
Lord, it seems that every time You want to start something new and refreshing, You begin by selecting the people that You need. Then You go to work on these people. Who do You need? I believe that You look for people who are capable of having an undivided heart. Why did You pick Noah to restart humanity when humankind had become to terrible to watch? Because he was the only one still wholly devoted to You. Why did You decide to start Your Holy nation with our father Abraham? Because he was one who was willing to sacrifice even his only son because of his faith and devotion to You and Your goodness. Why Peter to lead Your new church after Jesus? Was their a man of more intense loyality and devotion than Peter in the entire Scripture? You prepare the way to redemption by calling out people who can live undivided for Your cause, for Your people, and in so doing, for You.
Are the ones You call undivided from the time of the call? Heavens no. Abraham fathers a child with his wife's slave because he doesn't trust You yet with undivided heart. Peter shows his loyalty by slicing off the ear of someone coming for You despite Your repeated declarations that You would have to die. Noah gets raving drunk. These things are all after You have placed Your call upon them.
It seems to me that the giving of an undivided heart, the putting of a new spirit, the removing of the heart of stone, the giving of a heart of flesh are all the processes by which these people are prepared. Yesterday as I read this verse my thoughts immediately turned to the people who are going to make up Exodus Community. I think that right now as the reality of the project sets in, You've begun to raise good thoughts and good questions about what You are doing in many of their minds. I see You divided people, cutting them, criticizing them, to eventually make them undivided.
But I didn't think of me.
Of course, what You've been doing in the past couple of days is this process of making me undivided. Undivided in my love for all the people You've placed in my path of care. I have been broken for several days on the account of the struggle some members of our group have been having. I was supposed to be. I kept wanting out of that hurt, but I wasn't supposed to be out of that hurt. Being undivided means being one. Being one means feeling the same joys and pains. If I am to be one, undivided with the people of my community, I will feel that wonderful pain.
Thank you for working these processes in me, continue to give me a heart of flesh.
I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God. --- Ezekiel 11:19-20.
I know this is a much quoted verse within Christianity and Judaism, because its a promise of a time when we will truly love You as You truly love us. But what flashed brightly to me as I read this was that this was referring to the remnant that You would bring back from captivity. The remnant who You would use to rebuild, restore, and restart Jerusalem.
Lord, it seems that every time You want to start something new and refreshing, You begin by selecting the people that You need. Then You go to work on these people. Who do You need? I believe that You look for people who are capable of having an undivided heart. Why did You pick Noah to restart humanity when humankind had become to terrible to watch? Because he was the only one still wholly devoted to You. Why did You decide to start Your Holy nation with our father Abraham? Because he was one who was willing to sacrifice even his only son because of his faith and devotion to You and Your goodness. Why Peter to lead Your new church after Jesus? Was their a man of more intense loyality and devotion than Peter in the entire Scripture? You prepare the way to redemption by calling out people who can live undivided for Your cause, for Your people, and in so doing, for You.
Are the ones You call undivided from the time of the call? Heavens no. Abraham fathers a child with his wife's slave because he doesn't trust You yet with undivided heart. Peter shows his loyalty by slicing off the ear of someone coming for You despite Your repeated declarations that You would have to die. Noah gets raving drunk. These things are all after You have placed Your call upon them.
It seems to me that the giving of an undivided heart, the putting of a new spirit, the removing of the heart of stone, the giving of a heart of flesh are all the processes by which these people are prepared. Yesterday as I read this verse my thoughts immediately turned to the people who are going to make up Exodus Community. I think that right now as the reality of the project sets in, You've begun to raise good thoughts and good questions about what You are doing in many of their minds. I see You divided people, cutting them, criticizing them, to eventually make them undivided.
But I didn't think of me.
Of course, what You've been doing in the past couple of days is this process of making me undivided. Undivided in my love for all the people You've placed in my path of care. I have been broken for several days on the account of the struggle some members of our group have been having. I was supposed to be. I kept wanting out of that hurt, but I wasn't supposed to be out of that hurt. Being undivided means being one. Being one means feeling the same joys and pains. If I am to be one, undivided with the people of my community, I will feel that wonderful pain.
Thank you for working these processes in me, continue to give me a heart of flesh.
Friday, March 2, 2007
A Sigh of Thankfulness
Every now and then I get so stressed out about what is going on inside of me that I forget to be thankful. You are teaching me a major lesson about that today. Just sitting at home reading, it came upon me that if my life is given to me by You then everything that I have privilege to do here on earth is Your gift.
The opposite of the life You give is that I'd never been created, I don't ever really wish that. But the harrowing truth that it made me come to realize is this: when things aren't going the way I would have them go, those things are still Your gift.
It is a gift to feel, even if that feel is hurt and pain. It is a gift to think, even if those thoughts bounce around an empty mind and come to no conclusion. It is a gift to pray, even when I've closed myself off from hearing. Every single event in life is a gift, and though some are bad, I'm ready to head straight through them.
Often times, when things get heavy on my mind or my soul, I let out a huge sigh. It seems to me that sighs are simply a tension reliever, a deep breath to sit back and remove yourself from the stress. I'm reclaiming the meaning of a sigh today. When I sigh to remove myself, Lord at that moment hide me in You. Remind me at that second that all life is a gift, a gift to enjoy or to push on through. Make that sigh one of thankfulness.
Thanks for these breaths.
The opposite of the life You give is that I'd never been created, I don't ever really wish that. But the harrowing truth that it made me come to realize is this: when things aren't going the way I would have them go, those things are still Your gift.
It is a gift to feel, even if that feel is hurt and pain. It is a gift to think, even if those thoughts bounce around an empty mind and come to no conclusion. It is a gift to pray, even when I've closed myself off from hearing. Every single event in life is a gift, and though some are bad, I'm ready to head straight through them.
Often times, when things get heavy on my mind or my soul, I let out a huge sigh. It seems to me that sighs are simply a tension reliever, a deep breath to sit back and remove yourself from the stress. I'm reclaiming the meaning of a sigh today. When I sigh to remove myself, Lord at that moment hide me in You. Remind me at that second that all life is a gift, a gift to enjoy or to push on through. Make that sigh one of thankfulness.
Thanks for these breaths.
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