What is amazing to me? That when I turn my attention to You, I can hardly find where you are not. I love this line from the mewithoutYou song, The Sun and the Moon:
"I used to wonder where You are-
these days I can't find where You're not!"
Just at the beginning of this week, I read Psalm 42 more as a plea than a declaration, "When can I meet with God?" Or, even more accurately, "Where can I meet with God?" Sitting here just 3 days later, You are swarming around me. Note to my future self, as you are perhaps re-reading to remember. It started with remembrance of what You had done, it flowed into prayer, it became attention. And now you speak to me everywhere.
This morning, my grandmother gave me some children's CDs that her and grandpa used to keep in the car for us grandkids. Well, I guess I was too old for them, but considering that they still have elementary aged grandchildren now, these CDs have gone through a lot of uses. Anyways, most of the grandkids are upper elementary or middle school now, with two exceptions, and so they handed the CDs over. As Gideon and I listened to them in the van while running errands, I was struck by a song from the "Hymns" album (which is kids singing old hymns!)
"This is my Father's world
O let me ne'er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong
God is the ruler yet."
What a simple and strong statement of hope. And there You were, leaping out of the speakers in the Montana and speaking to me again. In fact, the song caught my attention with the line, "In the rustling grass I hear Him pass / He speaks to me everywhere." You have been speaking to me everywhere. And it is not that the song is new. It's not that I've never heard the words before. It seems that I'm just listening with new ears.
Thank You for friends. There is no doubt that my renewal was spearheaded by Bryan's decision to go seek You in the mountains, er, the lakes of Pokagon. I hope that You are making the morning light and the lily white declare Your praise before him this morning. Thank You for the desire that rumbles within us. My greatest prayer is that You come in Spirit and power and fulfill the longing that has been empty.
And I know I need to stay committed as well. The countless short prayers for Bryan, then for Exodus, have now bled into a nice fabric of conversation throughout last night and this morning. It has turned my attention to You. I will soon go about the chores of the day, cleaning and straightening and throwing away. Don't let me lose our conversation. I know I have responsibility in that.
Before I leave this post, let me pray for the day.
Father,
You have been amazing.
You are amazing.
You will be amazing.
Open our eyes to that wonder.
Let that wonder fill our days and actions.
Let Your kingdom come into this world.
Fill us today with Your Spirit, and meet our material needs.
Protect us from the "sinister" as we seek You.
All power and glory and honor to You.
In the name of Christ Jesus,
Amen.
Showing posts with label hearing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hearing. Show all posts
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Monday, February 11, 2008
Hearing and Heeding
Yesterday was the first Sunday of Lent. Lent is a beautiful time in the Christian calendar that I have not fully embraced in my Christian walk. It was not celebrated much at the church that I grew up in. And even in the church we left over a year ago, the language and observance of Lent was rare. I am excited that Exodus Community has decided to walk through Lent together with the practice of lectio divina. Today I start these Lent readings.
Lord I pray that our community takes these readings slowly and seriously. I pray that You will use these times to be formational in our group and transformational to hurting and damaged areas of our lives. I will need help with my discipline, but I pray Your Spirit will be over all who choose to embark on this journey towards the cross and resurrection.
MONDAY 2.11.08 - PSALM 81:8-14
Hear me, my people, and I will warn you - if you would only listen to me, Israel! You shall have no foreign god among you; you shall not worship any god other than me. I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. "But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices. If my people would only listen to me, if Israel would only follow my ways, how quickly I would would subdue their enemies and turn my hand against their foes!
Significant things jump out at me here. I think both are rather obvious from the text, but very important. I know sometimes I get tricked into thinking that the only important stuff about a text is the new understandings I might glean from connecting it to another verse, by studying it in original language, or by thinking creatively about its meaning. Thank You for reminding me that straight-forward is soul-changing.
Listening is a huge part of this verse, "if you would only listen to me, Israel!" As a people formed to be Yours, Lord, how much listening do we do? This seems to be a first step of submission, to listen. But this isn't just the "oh, I hear what you are saying," type of listening is it? This is the listening where You are really talking about both hearing and heeding You. We both hear the things that You have to say to us, and then we make them part of our actions. This is pretty clear from the parallel language of the Psalm - "If my people would only listen to me, if Israel would only follow my ways." The listening and the following are one in the same.
And when they are that is submission, right? The other large thing I notice about this verse is the theme of choice. "If" is a common word, and it implies that we can choose something other than You, and we often are. The verse that really drives this idea of choice home to me is, "Open wide your mouth and I will fill it." We have to choose to open our mouths. We must choose to follow. Hearing is not enough, hearing is not submission.
So it comes down to something that sounds simple. I must pay attention and hear You and when I do I must choose to heed what You say.
So what is that? What are You saying to me/us that I/we must choose to follow? I believe that the most powerful message I am hearing is that we should have no other thing before You, and that we should take that command seriously. What would I not be willing to give up for You?
This is the question to take with me for the day. Bring me back to it. And actually, I pray that it soaks into the whole community. I love my friends of Exodus, let us start climbing the hill to the cross with You.
Lord I pray that our community takes these readings slowly and seriously. I pray that You will use these times to be formational in our group and transformational to hurting and damaged areas of our lives. I will need help with my discipline, but I pray Your Spirit will be over all who choose to embark on this journey towards the cross and resurrection.
MONDAY 2.11.08 - PSALM 81:8-14
Hear me, my people, and I will warn you - if you would only listen to me, Israel! You shall have no foreign god among you; you shall not worship any god other than me. I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. "But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices. If my people would only listen to me, if Israel would only follow my ways, how quickly I would would subdue their enemies and turn my hand against their foes!
Significant things jump out at me here. I think both are rather obvious from the text, but very important. I know sometimes I get tricked into thinking that the only important stuff about a text is the new understandings I might glean from connecting it to another verse, by studying it in original language, or by thinking creatively about its meaning. Thank You for reminding me that straight-forward is soul-changing.
Listening is a huge part of this verse, "if you would only listen to me, Israel!" As a people formed to be Yours, Lord, how much listening do we do? This seems to be a first step of submission, to listen. But this isn't just the "oh, I hear what you are saying," type of listening is it? This is the listening where You are really talking about both hearing and heeding You. We both hear the things that You have to say to us, and then we make them part of our actions. This is pretty clear from the parallel language of the Psalm - "If my people would only listen to me, if Israel would only follow my ways." The listening and the following are one in the same.
And when they are that is submission, right? The other large thing I notice about this verse is the theme of choice. "If" is a common word, and it implies that we can choose something other than You, and we often are. The verse that really drives this idea of choice home to me is, "Open wide your mouth and I will fill it." We have to choose to open our mouths. We must choose to follow. Hearing is not enough, hearing is not submission.
So it comes down to something that sounds simple. I must pay attention and hear You and when I do I must choose to heed what You say.
So what is that? What are You saying to me/us that I/we must choose to follow? I believe that the most powerful message I am hearing is that we should have no other thing before You, and that we should take that command seriously. What would I not be willing to give up for You?
This is the question to take with me for the day. Bring me back to it. And actually, I pray that it soaks into the whole community. I love my friends of Exodus, let us start climbing the hill to the cross with You.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
It is Good to Wait Silently?
So, I glanced up at my verse in the description today. A thought came to me. What if I wait silently and You never show up?
Okay, so I know the truth in life is that You are always dwelling with us. I know that You will never leave us or forsake us. But there are certainly times when I feel like You are playing hide and go seek. Like, yes, You are somewhere around me but I don't see You, hear You; I'm not experiencing You at all.
Is sitting in silence good then? Because I've found that frustrating. In the world of entertainment, internet, Bible studies, pastor's meetings, iPods, worship music, devotionals, blogging, downloadable sermons, commentaries, etc., if I've chosen silence then I'm probably pretty desparate because silence is usually the least entertaining, least exciting, and least promising of the options. If I'm looking to learn from or about You there seems to be a lot more promise in a sermon, commentary or music than silence. I mean, even just reading the Bible seems like it could be more helpful than silence.
But sitting alone in silence is a theme of Scripture. You come and converse with many while they are alone. Many times they are removed to the wilderness before You speak to them, the wilderness where there are no distractions. Elijah, Moses, John the Baptist; You came to all of them in distraction free environments.
I wonder if Moses was thinking about his sheep while he was before the burning bush, if he was thinking about the people of Israel as he sat with You on the top of Mount Sinai. I doubt it. The sense I get from Scripture is that You were deeply involved with him, engrossing him in Your wonder and the wonder of the plans and commandments that You had for him to communicate and carry out.
As a pastor I identify with Moses. I certainly feel that You have plans and commandments that You would like to see me communicate to my people and for us to then carry those out. But when I sit and wait silently this morning, all I hear is the hum of the computer in the background. All I think about is the stuff I have to get done today. I give it up to You and try to refocus, but there seems little else to focus on.
Maybe it's because I can't get the focus beyond myself. Maybe my time of silence should be more "we" focused. What do You have for "us" not what do You have to say to "me." So what do You want me to communicate?
I want to sit in silence. The idea of just resting with You and listening seems wholistic and comforting to me. I guess, I just want it to have purpose. I want it to be the relational thing I've always believed it could be, not just me falling asleep while waiting for You to say something. So there must be something wrong.
I'm willing to hear that it is something wrong with me, because it almost has to be. Very doubtful that it is something wrong with You because nothing really can be wrong with You. But I need to HEAR what I need to change. If it is good to wait silently for You, please make some good of it soon.
Okay, so I know the truth in life is that You are always dwelling with us. I know that You will never leave us or forsake us. But there are certainly times when I feel like You are playing hide and go seek. Like, yes, You are somewhere around me but I don't see You, hear You; I'm not experiencing You at all.
Is sitting in silence good then? Because I've found that frustrating. In the world of entertainment, internet, Bible studies, pastor's meetings, iPods, worship music, devotionals, blogging, downloadable sermons, commentaries, etc., if I've chosen silence then I'm probably pretty desparate because silence is usually the least entertaining, least exciting, and least promising of the options. If I'm looking to learn from or about You there seems to be a lot more promise in a sermon, commentary or music than silence. I mean, even just reading the Bible seems like it could be more helpful than silence.
But sitting alone in silence is a theme of Scripture. You come and converse with many while they are alone. Many times they are removed to the wilderness before You speak to them, the wilderness where there are no distractions. Elijah, Moses, John the Baptist; You came to all of them in distraction free environments.
I wonder if Moses was thinking about his sheep while he was before the burning bush, if he was thinking about the people of Israel as he sat with You on the top of Mount Sinai. I doubt it. The sense I get from Scripture is that You were deeply involved with him, engrossing him in Your wonder and the wonder of the plans and commandments that You had for him to communicate and carry out.
As a pastor I identify with Moses. I certainly feel that You have plans and commandments that You would like to see me communicate to my people and for us to then carry those out. But when I sit and wait silently this morning, all I hear is the hum of the computer in the background. All I think about is the stuff I have to get done today. I give it up to You and try to refocus, but there seems little else to focus on.
Maybe it's because I can't get the focus beyond myself. Maybe my time of silence should be more "we" focused. What do You have for "us" not what do You have to say to "me." So what do You want me to communicate?
I want to sit in silence. The idea of just resting with You and listening seems wholistic and comforting to me. I guess, I just want it to have purpose. I want it to be the relational thing I've always believed it could be, not just me falling asleep while waiting for You to say something. So there must be something wrong.
I'm willing to hear that it is something wrong with me, because it almost has to be. Very doubtful that it is something wrong with You because nothing really can be wrong with You. But I need to HEAR what I need to change. If it is good to wait silently for You, please make some good of it soon.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Hear and Act
Texts:
- Psalms 105-108
- Luke 17-18
- John 1:15-51
- Matthew 4
- Luke 4-5
- John 2-4
Lord God, as we sat around last night, weighing big questions in our hearts and examining them through the lens of Scripture, an idea really began to emerge to me. An idea of salvation, a life lived in salvation, a life lived to bring salvation. But it is so big, like all good things coming from You, it is so vast that it is difficult for me to even wrap my arms around it. And now that I've begun thinking about it, I am seeing it in many places throughout Scripture.
The real pattern seems to be that You deliver us, place us into a community of health and truth, and at this point we "know that You are God." We know because we see that You know us. You have heard our individual cries and have acted accordingly. I look all across my life and see the number of times that You have heard and acted and it makes me stop and praise.
- I remember very vividly when I cried out to You in college regarding Courtney. She had broken up with me and I was devastated and lonely. Besides just crying out in pain, my final cry or request was that You would simply be the most important thing in my life, and under that structure that You could bring me out of my loneliness. The day I made that concession Courtney was on the phone with me, getting back together under this new priority set, and You had delivered me.
- I remember how You've acted and are acting in the lives of others, as I have been crying out for them. My uncle, my grandfather, my brother, my sister, my wife (and that is an amazing, recent story), and so many others.
Lord, You hear and act. They go together. They make up the root of knowledge. For me to truly know You I must hear and act. It is the proper response to all You have done for me. So let it be so today.
May I act in a way that lives out all I have heard through Your word. May You be an ever-present light showing me my vast wealth of opportunities. Blessed are You, Lord God of action, moving in response to our prayerful words. May we move in response to Your eternal word and the stirrings of Your Spirit within us. Amen.
- Psalms 105-108
- Luke 17-18
- John 1:15-51
- Matthew 4
- Luke 4-5
- John 2-4
Lord God, as we sat around last night, weighing big questions in our hearts and examining them through the lens of Scripture, an idea really began to emerge to me. An idea of salvation, a life lived in salvation, a life lived to bring salvation. But it is so big, like all good things coming from You, it is so vast that it is difficult for me to even wrap my arms around it. And now that I've begun thinking about it, I am seeing it in many places throughout Scripture.
The real pattern seems to be that You deliver us, place us into a community of health and truth, and at this point we "know that You are God." We know because we see that You know us. You have heard our individual cries and have acted accordingly. I look all across my life and see the number of times that You have heard and acted and it makes me stop and praise.
- I remember very vividly when I cried out to You in college regarding Courtney. She had broken up with me and I was devastated and lonely. Besides just crying out in pain, my final cry or request was that You would simply be the most important thing in my life, and under that structure that You could bring me out of my loneliness. The day I made that concession Courtney was on the phone with me, getting back together under this new priority set, and You had delivered me.
- I remember how You've acted and are acting in the lives of others, as I have been crying out for them. My uncle, my grandfather, my brother, my sister, my wife (and that is an amazing, recent story), and so many others.
Lord, You hear and act. They go together. They make up the root of knowledge. For me to truly know You I must hear and act. It is the proper response to all You have done for me. So let it be so today.
May I act in a way that lives out all I have heard through Your word. May You be an ever-present light showing me my vast wealth of opportunities. Blessed are You, Lord God of action, moving in response to our prayerful words. May we move in response to Your eternal word and the stirrings of Your Spirit within us. Amen.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Be Opened
Texts:
- Psalms 53-56
- Mark 6-7
- Zechariah 8-14
Dear God Almighty, why is the New Testament so hard for me? I read these amazing stories and think that I can never truly understand what Jesus was getting at. That's really because I don't ever think I could be like what Jesus is most of the time. Constantly surrounded by people, healing them, driving out demons, standing at odds with many. I'd rather be a biblical recluse and write books of poetry.
Here is what I then ask of You, Lord God. In my reading I came across a deaf man. Jesus looked to the heavens and said, "Be opened." To me, this is another of those circumstances that Jesus' words meant more than one thing. Certainly, he meant for the man's ears to be opened, and they were and the man heard, but I think that he meant for the heavens to be opened and fall upon this man as well. In Zechariah 13:1, a fountain is opened up to cleanse the people of God from "sin and inquity." Oh Lord, the opening of You to pour out Your righteousness, Your salvation.
As pretty as all these words are and as much as I want to start a poem about them, I first need to pause and call out to You very honestly and personally. Lord, in my life, be opened. Open a fountain of cleansing, for my lust and pure selfishness on this vacation have been rampant. Then Jesus, open the power of heaven to course through my veins, filling me with my only option, to be like You. Finally, open my ears that I might hear You throughout my day. God Almighty, be opened that I might leap into You.
- Psalms 53-56
- Mark 6-7
- Zechariah 8-14
Dear God Almighty, why is the New Testament so hard for me? I read these amazing stories and think that I can never truly understand what Jesus was getting at. That's really because I don't ever think I could be like what Jesus is most of the time. Constantly surrounded by people, healing them, driving out demons, standing at odds with many. I'd rather be a biblical recluse and write books of poetry.
Here is what I then ask of You, Lord God. In my reading I came across a deaf man. Jesus looked to the heavens and said, "Be opened." To me, this is another of those circumstances that Jesus' words meant more than one thing. Certainly, he meant for the man's ears to be opened, and they were and the man heard, but I think that he meant for the heavens to be opened and fall upon this man as well. In Zechariah 13:1, a fountain is opened up to cleanse the people of God from "sin and inquity." Oh Lord, the opening of You to pour out Your righteousness, Your salvation.
As pretty as all these words are and as much as I want to start a poem about them, I first need to pause and call out to You very honestly and personally. Lord, in my life, be opened. Open a fountain of cleansing, for my lust and pure selfishness on this vacation have been rampant. Then Jesus, open the power of heaven to course through my veins, filling me with my only option, to be like You. Finally, open my ears that I might hear You throughout my day. God Almighty, be opened that I might leap into You.
Monday, March 26, 2007
I Didn't Title This
Texts:
- Psalms 21-24
- Matthew 12-13
- Daniel 1-3
- Exodus 1-40
When I read some of the passages of the gospels of Christ, I often sense frustration in Jesus' words. He is upset at the Pharisees for not having understood what "I desire mercy, not sacrifice" means, has to then explain why it is ridiculous for them to say he is driving out demons by the power of demons, and then also why he won't give them signs. Constantly explaining things to unlistening ears.
I get that all the time at school. Students ask me questions that they should already know the answer to or be able to reason their way through. My reaction is to get frustrated. And while I know that Jesus is human, with all the human emotions, is it possible that instead of being outwardly frustrated and grasping at excuses and worrying about what the others thought, that instead he simply spoke out truth with authority? Maybe he used every moment of potential frustration, every moment where that began to boil within him to teach the willing.
This is an important question Lord, because I feel like we will always have people who don't get it. So how do we avoid speaking excuses in frustration and instead speak truth in love. Maybe another important question to mull over in my head for the day, or look for strands of that as I continue to read...
Jesus in the next chapter tells the parable of the sower. In this parable, You talk about the seed sown along the path means that some people hear the word but don't understand it, so the devil comes and snatches it away. You make no mention of trying to then help these people understand. In fact, Jesus, You always spoke to the people in parables, precisely so that most could not understand. What does this say about teaching the truth? Do we always press onward like this?
The New Testament, especially the gospels, are very hard for me. I have a sense that they've been often wrongly interpretted, that they need to be looked at with fresh eyes. Metanarrative eyes perhaps. Yet, when I come back to them I have a difficult time doing that. Continue to help my eyes to see and my ears to hear.
Well, in my morning time I didn't even get to Psalms or Daniel. I'll have to make time for that later in the day. Let alone Exodus. So, I'll probably be back again today Lord.
But now, may I live this day in the path of your word, walking and living the gospel You've given to me. May my love for You shine in my love for others, and may You shine as the Lord of my day. Blessed are You, Lord God of all Your created, who made us and shaped us, gave us eyes and ears to see and hear, feet and hands to go and do. Amen.
- Psalms 21-24
- Matthew 12-13
- Daniel 1-3
- Exodus 1-40
When I read some of the passages of the gospels of Christ, I often sense frustration in Jesus' words. He is upset at the Pharisees for not having understood what "I desire mercy, not sacrifice" means, has to then explain why it is ridiculous for them to say he is driving out demons by the power of demons, and then also why he won't give them signs. Constantly explaining things to unlistening ears.
I get that all the time at school. Students ask me questions that they should already know the answer to or be able to reason their way through. My reaction is to get frustrated. And while I know that Jesus is human, with all the human emotions, is it possible that instead of being outwardly frustrated and grasping at excuses and worrying about what the others thought, that instead he simply spoke out truth with authority? Maybe he used every moment of potential frustration, every moment where that began to boil within him to teach the willing.
This is an important question Lord, because I feel like we will always have people who don't get it. So how do we avoid speaking excuses in frustration and instead speak truth in love. Maybe another important question to mull over in my head for the day, or look for strands of that as I continue to read...
Jesus in the next chapter tells the parable of the sower. In this parable, You talk about the seed sown along the path means that some people hear the word but don't understand it, so the devil comes and snatches it away. You make no mention of trying to then help these people understand. In fact, Jesus, You always spoke to the people in parables, precisely so that most could not understand. What does this say about teaching the truth? Do we always press onward like this?
The New Testament, especially the gospels, are very hard for me. I have a sense that they've been often wrongly interpretted, that they need to be looked at with fresh eyes. Metanarrative eyes perhaps. Yet, when I come back to them I have a difficult time doing that. Continue to help my eyes to see and my ears to hear.
Well, in my morning time I didn't even get to Psalms or Daniel. I'll have to make time for that later in the day. Let alone Exodus. So, I'll probably be back again today Lord.
But now, may I live this day in the path of your word, walking and living the gospel You've given to me. May my love for You shine in my love for others, and may You shine as the Lord of my day. Blessed are You, Lord God of all Your created, who made us and shaped us, gave us eyes and ears to see and hear, feet and hands to go and do. Amen.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Nearing the End
Lord, I only have three days left of not eating for You, and it seems that my ears have been closed off from You. The tiredness has not been a problem and I've even made time to sit, study and pursue during all the crazy basketball that's going on. I guess that I have been hearing rumblings from Your thunder, but they certainly have not been as consistent or grandiose as I had imagined going in to this.
Lord, I long to be near to You. At intermittent times throughout these forty days I have been. But my passion is to prolong this. I'll tell You my biggest problem though, it's life. This life that You want me to live for You is difficult, it makes it very hard to actually keep my attention on You. I want to separate walking through my day and walking with You. And I know that this is false. This separation of You and my life is not a reality in the spiritual realm, because I truly subscribe to the idea that everything is spiritual.
So how do I integrate You into my life, so it doesn't seem as though life is in my way? I remember my parents talking about something that helped change their view of You in life. The entire church did it when I was probably in middle school, it was God-sightings. Taking some specific time in each day to look back and say where I saw You throughout my life, but specifically in that day. It seems like a great idea, a way to be more thankful.
Whatever I do, the bottom line is that the knowledge of what I need to do and the doing, being, feeling, hearing, reality of it are not the same thing at all. I realize that as I look back through this blog, I've come to this same realization multiple times. I feel great about my new knowledge or the new task ahead of me...then nothing really comes of it.
Life changes in action. God moves. God rests. God moves. God rests. There is a rhythm to it all. I move in God. I rest in God. I move in God. I rest in God. There needs to be a rhythm to it all for me.
Worries kill rhythm, they knock me off beat. Let me bring them to You:
- I am worried about Exodus Community, I want us to walk in You but we face many questions ( small groups, denominations, time table, paperwork, etc.)
- I am worried about myself and the people that are close to me and our spiritual maturity, ability to deal with change, think in new ways, be challenged, be a community of TRUTH, deal with spiritual warfare realities, and hear from You.
- I am worried about what people from the outside of the group will think about Exodus Community.
- I am worried that our whole group is worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
- I am worried that I am worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
Lord, these thoughts fill my mind constantly, like breathing. I need release. Take them from me.
I will fill this Sabbath with Your praise, for You are worthy. Tomorrow, Lord, let me come back with a myriad of ways I've seen You work, that I've been delivered, and that I was called to take part by Your side. I will end this fast lifting You up to Your rightful place, resurrected and living in all life.
Lord, I long to be near to You. At intermittent times throughout these forty days I have been. But my passion is to prolong this. I'll tell You my biggest problem though, it's life. This life that You want me to live for You is difficult, it makes it very hard to actually keep my attention on You. I want to separate walking through my day and walking with You. And I know that this is false. This separation of You and my life is not a reality in the spiritual realm, because I truly subscribe to the idea that everything is spiritual.
So how do I integrate You into my life, so it doesn't seem as though life is in my way? I remember my parents talking about something that helped change their view of You in life. The entire church did it when I was probably in middle school, it was God-sightings. Taking some specific time in each day to look back and say where I saw You throughout my life, but specifically in that day. It seems like a great idea, a way to be more thankful.
Whatever I do, the bottom line is that the knowledge of what I need to do and the doing, being, feeling, hearing, reality of it are not the same thing at all. I realize that as I look back through this blog, I've come to this same realization multiple times. I feel great about my new knowledge or the new task ahead of me...then nothing really comes of it.
Life changes in action. God moves. God rests. God moves. God rests. There is a rhythm to it all. I move in God. I rest in God. I move in God. I rest in God. There needs to be a rhythm to it all for me.
Worries kill rhythm, they knock me off beat. Let me bring them to You:
- I am worried about Exodus Community, I want us to walk in You but we face many questions ( small groups, denominations, time table, paperwork, etc.)
- I am worried about myself and the people that are close to me and our spiritual maturity, ability to deal with change, think in new ways, be challenged, be a community of TRUTH, deal with spiritual warfare realities, and hear from You.
- I am worried about what people from the outside of the group will think about Exodus Community.
- I am worried that our whole group is worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
- I am worried that I am worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
Lord, these thoughts fill my mind constantly, like breathing. I need release. Take them from me.
I will fill this Sabbath with Your praise, for You are worthy. Tomorrow, Lord, let me come back with a myriad of ways I've seen You work, that I've been delivered, and that I was called to take part by Your side. I will end this fast lifting You up to Your rightful place, resurrected and living in all life.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Oh God, Where Are You Now?
Sustained time in Your presence is so elusive. I don't want to feel like I'm forever questioning You, forever falling away from You, forever losing touch with where You are, but sometimes I think that either You or I are moving way too fast for each other. I mean, maybe once or twice a day our thoughts entwine for several seconds, minutes if I'm lucky, and then I'm on my way or You pick up and move.
It's funny, those seconds of intersection keep me going, leep me struggling. Yet, somedays I just want to find You and know You without the enormous struggle that it is involved. Sometimes I think that despite Jesus, we're no closer to You than the priests who had to walk through all the purification rituals.
So is that really the problem with sustained presence? Would it really kill me like it could to the Old Testament priests? Be so overwhelming that I couldn't stand it? God one other thing that I've learned over the course of this forty days is how powerful and strong You really are. But my prayer is that I can see that power that is being used not necessarily to humble people, but for overwhelming good. There I hope that my community can join You and be on the forefront of seeing the power of God pouring out on the people, places and communities that need salvation. Salvation from poverty, terror, homelessness, whatever it is. I really want to be where You are, the center of Your will.
So where are You right now? How do I connect my heart to Yours? Can You open my ears to hear You more? Can I receive the privilege of action alongside of You? I sit with these questions this morning.
It's funny, those seconds of intersection keep me going, leep me struggling. Yet, somedays I just want to find You and know You without the enormous struggle that it is involved. Sometimes I think that despite Jesus, we're no closer to You than the priests who had to walk through all the purification rituals.
So is that really the problem with sustained presence? Would it really kill me like it could to the Old Testament priests? Be so overwhelming that I couldn't stand it? God one other thing that I've learned over the course of this forty days is how powerful and strong You really are. But my prayer is that I can see that power that is being used not necessarily to humble people, but for overwhelming good. There I hope that my community can join You and be on the forefront of seeing the power of God pouring out on the people, places and communities that need salvation. Salvation from poverty, terror, homelessness, whatever it is. I really want to be where You are, the center of Your will.
So where are You right now? How do I connect my heart to Yours? Can You open my ears to hear You more? Can I receive the privilege of action alongside of You? I sit with these questions this morning.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Drawn Thin, Drawn to You
If there's one thing I've learned over the course of the past twenty-five days, it is the importance of slowing down to find some time with You. I haven't always found that time, but when I have Lord, well, You've made it well worth my while. I'm still waiting for You to speak like You have in the past to me...but as I type that it seems that those times You've spoken to me in the past become grander and clearer as we walk them out in life. They weren't that clear when delivered were they?
I don't know why I'm so reflective this evening. Maybe because I'm so beat. But there is this glorious resignation in my soul. I am resigned to You. I am resigned to Your care. The heaviness of my eyes, the burning in my back, my slight headache from lack of sleep, my grumbling stomach from lack of food...much of this is because of You. And that's not an indictment, it's a praise. I feel very sleepily peaceful, despite the physical thinness of my being. I am finding joy in resting in You.
So as I fill with thankfulness, I just look back and remember the things You've done for me.
- working with me on fear-of-the-Lord, and that one awful, dreadful moment when I saw Your power
- helping me realize that each step of my life must be thankfulness embodied, for without You I don't step
- intriguing me with continual questions from Your Scriptures, working them around in my brain more non-stop than ever
- introducing me to the beauty of paradox, maybe one of my favorite faith lessons ever
My prayer for the rest of these forty days is that You hear our cry and act. You are the One who hears our crys. We move forward with Your church on our hearts, and our cry is to be in the center of Your will, as Bryan put it. Lord, hear that cry and act.
Secondly, allow us to do the same. You've taught me the beauty of reclining and relaxing close to You, in reverent fear and in love. Now, use these times of closeness to instruct me. Instruct me on the ways of the kingdom. Instruct me on Your will and how we can bring it here. Lord, allow us to hear and act as well. Replace our fear of the unknown with a simple fear of You, then move through that to our ears. Then let us move, for You.
Circular, You hear us and move toward us, we hear You and move toward You. Lord keep drawing the circle tighter, until we are One with You.
I don't know why I'm so reflective this evening. Maybe because I'm so beat. But there is this glorious resignation in my soul. I am resigned to You. I am resigned to Your care. The heaviness of my eyes, the burning in my back, my slight headache from lack of sleep, my grumbling stomach from lack of food...much of this is because of You. And that's not an indictment, it's a praise. I feel very sleepily peaceful, despite the physical thinness of my being. I am finding joy in resting in You.
So as I fill with thankfulness, I just look back and remember the things You've done for me.
- working with me on fear-of-the-Lord, and that one awful, dreadful moment when I saw Your power
- helping me realize that each step of my life must be thankfulness embodied, for without You I don't step
- intriguing me with continual questions from Your Scriptures, working them around in my brain more non-stop than ever
- introducing me to the beauty of paradox, maybe one of my favorite faith lessons ever
My prayer for the rest of these forty days is that You hear our cry and act. You are the One who hears our crys. We move forward with Your church on our hearts, and our cry is to be in the center of Your will, as Bryan put it. Lord, hear that cry and act.
Secondly, allow us to do the same. You've taught me the beauty of reclining and relaxing close to You, in reverent fear and in love. Now, use these times of closeness to instruct me. Instruct me on the ways of the kingdom. Instruct me on Your will and how we can bring it here. Lord, allow us to hear and act as well. Replace our fear of the unknown with a simple fear of You, then move through that to our ears. Then let us move, for You.
Circular, You hear us and move toward us, we hear You and move toward You. Lord keep drawing the circle tighter, until we are One with You.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Hearing Injustice?
Isaiah 58:6 - Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: TO LOOSE THE CHAINS OF INJUSTICE...
This is a life verse for me. The kind that I want to memorize and carry in my spirit forever. The rest of the chapter itself is amazing. It is a call that is close to my heart, to share with the hungry, to provide shelter, to clothe the naked, to spend ourselves in behalf of others...but I can't hear.
Awhile ago, I realized that to lead others in ministry, I need to hear hearts. Lord, You must provide me with the ability to hear the heart of many. What do they desire, yearn for, worry about? What do they constantly come before You in prayer for and how can we help them?
But it seems that as this fast starts I am extremely deaf. Perhaps I have not taken enough time to hear, perhaps I am too selfish with my time, perhaps am I simply too lazy. Lord, the kind of fasting You have chosen is to loose the chains of injustice, but I must hear where that injustice is first. Help me to have an ear for the cry.
This is a life verse for me. The kind that I want to memorize and carry in my spirit forever. The rest of the chapter itself is amazing. It is a call that is close to my heart, to share with the hungry, to provide shelter, to clothe the naked, to spend ourselves in behalf of others...but I can't hear.
Awhile ago, I realized that to lead others in ministry, I need to hear hearts. Lord, You must provide me with the ability to hear the heart of many. What do they desire, yearn for, worry about? What do they constantly come before You in prayer for and how can we help them?
But it seems that as this fast starts I am extremely deaf. Perhaps I have not taken enough time to hear, perhaps I am too selfish with my time, perhaps am I simply too lazy. Lord, the kind of fasting You have chosen is to loose the chains of injustice, but I must hear where that injustice is first. Help me to have an ear for the cry.
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