SATURDAY 2.23.08 - PSALM 118:13-17
I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me. The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous: "The LORD's right hand has done mighty things! The LORD's right hand is lifted high; the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!" I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
Okay, so this was supposed to be yesterday's reading but I was so busy relaxing that I didn't want to descend to the basement or bother Gaby by invading his room to blog. So I read Numbers yesterday, which wasn't quite the enthralling reading that we were supposed to have in following the Lent readings.
I wish I could always keep this verse before me. I wish that I could be filled with the spirit to sing it. And so I'm going to choose that spirit today.
Two things that I love about this verse, brilliantly written and so true to life:
#1 - "The LORD is my strength and my song..." This is present tense, right now, the LORD is my strength. Right now the LORD is my song. It doesn't matter what my life is taking me through, through troubles or joys, through anything: right now, the LORD is my strength and my song. This is what it means to live in joy, and thus to live in victory. Sure, there are times when this is more difficult than others. But...
Okay, so I've been frustrated with the fast because it hasn't been as spiritual as I would have liked it to be. But, as has been mentioned here a lot, I've realized that the focus has been on me, Exodus, Courtney and I, whatever. The focus must be on You. If I focus on me, then things are not going to be joyful or victorious much of the time. Indeed, they will usually be failure after failure if I focus on my feelings and my actions. But...the LORD, You, You be my strength, You be my song.
#2 - "He has become my salvation." It's interesting that this is not necessarily an all time thing like "my strength and my song." There was a journey to the point of Your salvation. Maybe, no not maybe, I know that it is like this in every trial, in every struggle. You become the salvation. That's a reality I rarely live in.
I mean honestly, I bought this book called "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society," hoping that it would back up my conviction that one of the most detrimental things to true Christ-following is expecting a fast-food, instant God. And how have I treated You throughout this fast...like a fast-food, instant God. Oh God, I don't feel You - change it now! Ah, I'd like to mark that down as passion, but perhaps it's just impatience. Real worship is in spirit and in truth, and an instant God isn't truth. It's a long walk. You will become salvation.
So, as I go out...You are my strength, You are my song, become my salvation!
Showing posts with label victory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label victory. Show all posts
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
When You're Feeling Somewhat Conquered
FRIDAY 2.22.08 - COLOSSIANS 1:15-20
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and though him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.
I've got lots of thoughts this morning Lord. I can tell that You are working in me, I can tell that You are trying to continue to work in me. However, none of my thoughts really spring from today's Lent reading. Just thought I'd be honest. Always a good place to start. This is a really difficult piece of Scripture, basically describing Your supremacy over everything. I can accept that as true, I just don't really know what to do with that from there. I suppose it should give me hope.
So, well, actually as I start to think now, hope is something that I/we at Exodus could use a lot of. For some reason all of us leaders have been shying away from pushing Exodus on in any specific direction, and much of that is because we are tired out from serving You, are looking at some of the failures or slow-going changes, and the hope has been showed pushed out of us.
What does it look like for You to have supremacy in someone's life who is visibly a walking failure? What does it look like for You to have victory over a situation that seems to never change? How do we help others acknowledge Your victory, and live in a wise and victorious state of mind when they are in situations created by their own failure and defeat? These are all questions that pound at my hope, because they don't have easy answers, maybe they don't even have answers I understand, and instead of letting myself be okay with that, I just feel more beat down and more like I don't understand You.
Do I believe in Your deliverance? Yes, but it is difficult beyond measure to wait for it. As I've struggled with all fast long, I still want my timing in just about everything. In many ways I still treat You like a slot machine. We have put in time and money with Aisha, we'd like her to be fixed now. If she's not fixed right now, because we want her to be, we're going to lose hope. You obviously must not be working if her life isn't getting better now.
Or...I want to feel Your Spirit, here and now at my command. If I don't this fast isn't worth anything. It's not ridiculous to feel this way, I don't think. I think many people feel this way about God. The problem is, I don't know how to treat You any differently. I don't know how to be content waiting. I want an instant gratification God, while that phrase cognitively grates against everything I think You are, that's still what I want.
Look at my recent prayers:
Fix Courtney's job situation - when I prayed for this I expected You to work that day. You did thank goodness, because otherwise I certainly would have been frustrated.
Bring Your Spirit upon Exodus - this one just started this morning, before I blogged to You. But if I'm honest, I was kind of hoping we would all this "spiritual experience" before Sunday so our spirits would be lifted and hope would be more easily attainable.
Okay, and I haven't really been praying for anything else, to be even more honest. I mean, on and off I pray for Gideon's future, for my brother and sister, for moms and dads, for classes at school. But all of those are so general, that I don't usually even know what I'm praying about (so how do I expect to see You work?) Anyways, I struggle, struggle, struggle with assuming that I am doing well in my faith when You are doing what I want and ask.
Seeking You is difficult. Looking for Your will is hard. But, "those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength..." Not those who force their way in. Not those who expect God to do what they want when they want it. Not those of us who are shaping up our golden calves with everything we've thrown in the fire. I'm tired, probably because I've been making my own way instead of looking around to see where You are going and what You are doing and joining You there.
Can You help me keep my eyes open to You? That's my prayer today.
Can You help me keep my ears open to You? That's my prayer today.
Let Exodus follow Your will, not our own. Because it is in You that we have hope!
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and though him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.
I've got lots of thoughts this morning Lord. I can tell that You are working in me, I can tell that You are trying to continue to work in me. However, none of my thoughts really spring from today's Lent reading. Just thought I'd be honest. Always a good place to start. This is a really difficult piece of Scripture, basically describing Your supremacy over everything. I can accept that as true, I just don't really know what to do with that from there. I suppose it should give me hope.
So, well, actually as I start to think now, hope is something that I/we at Exodus could use a lot of. For some reason all of us leaders have been shying away from pushing Exodus on in any specific direction, and much of that is because we are tired out from serving You, are looking at some of the failures or slow-going changes, and the hope has been showed pushed out of us.
What does it look like for You to have supremacy in someone's life who is visibly a walking failure? What does it look like for You to have victory over a situation that seems to never change? How do we help others acknowledge Your victory, and live in a wise and victorious state of mind when they are in situations created by their own failure and defeat? These are all questions that pound at my hope, because they don't have easy answers, maybe they don't even have answers I understand, and instead of letting myself be okay with that, I just feel more beat down and more like I don't understand You.
Do I believe in Your deliverance? Yes, but it is difficult beyond measure to wait for it. As I've struggled with all fast long, I still want my timing in just about everything. In many ways I still treat You like a slot machine. We have put in time and money with Aisha, we'd like her to be fixed now. If she's not fixed right now, because we want her to be, we're going to lose hope. You obviously must not be working if her life isn't getting better now.
Or...I want to feel Your Spirit, here and now at my command. If I don't this fast isn't worth anything. It's not ridiculous to feel this way, I don't think. I think many people feel this way about God. The problem is, I don't know how to treat You any differently. I don't know how to be content waiting. I want an instant gratification God, while that phrase cognitively grates against everything I think You are, that's still what I want.
Look at my recent prayers:
Fix Courtney's job situation - when I prayed for this I expected You to work that day. You did thank goodness, because otherwise I certainly would have been frustrated.
Bring Your Spirit upon Exodus - this one just started this morning, before I blogged to You. But if I'm honest, I was kind of hoping we would all this "spiritual experience" before Sunday so our spirits would be lifted and hope would be more easily attainable.
Okay, and I haven't really been praying for anything else, to be even more honest. I mean, on and off I pray for Gideon's future, for my brother and sister, for moms and dads, for classes at school. But all of those are so general, that I don't usually even know what I'm praying about (so how do I expect to see You work?) Anyways, I struggle, struggle, struggle with assuming that I am doing well in my faith when You are doing what I want and ask.
Seeking You is difficult. Looking for Your will is hard. But, "those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength..." Not those who force their way in. Not those who expect God to do what they want when they want it. Not those of us who are shaping up our golden calves with everything we've thrown in the fire. I'm tired, probably because I've been making my own way instead of looking around to see where You are going and what You are doing and joining You there.
Can You help me keep my eyes open to You? That's my prayer today.
Can You help me keep my ears open to You? That's my prayer today.
Let Exodus follow Your will, not our own. Because it is in You that we have hope!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Friends, Family and Provision
THURSDAY 2.21.08 - PSALM 22:26-31
The poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the LORD will praise him - may your hearts live forever! All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him, for dominion belongs to the LORD and he rules over the nations.
Last night Lord, I sat in bed reading about joy. Eugene Peterson's book was noting that joy is not a requirement of the Christian walk, but instead a result. It kind of like, as we live the Christian faith we see You move and change hearts and minds, including our own, from time to time. To feel real joy in the present, we remember the times You've moved in the past and have confidence that You are going to act in a mighty way again in the future.
Eugene was pulling that insight from another psalm (126) but it's interesting how these themes of life and discipleship are woven into all parts of the text. Here in Psalm 22: "they who seek the LORD will praise him..." And who praises better than one who has joy, than one who remembers how the LORD has worked for them. In fact, "All the ends of the earth will remember..." This theme of remembrance is right there with the theme of praise and joy.
How often I forget that You have worked in my life Lord. And when I do try to remember, my mind immediately begins counting off the big possessions and provisions You've given me. Which seems shallow. I want to thank You in serious ways for the provision that You provide (house, car, job) and am even more grateful for the family You've given me (mom, dad, bros and sis's, parents in law, wife and son!) Really, these areas are such a blessing. But really, why can I only turn to these?
Well, to give myself a break, these are the things mentioned in the psalm here. I mean, "The poor will ear and be satisfied," this is the theme of provision. That You will, do, and have provided for our physical needs here. Later in the song, though it's not specifically being thankful for them, the "families of the nations" are mentioned. Provision and family, two very good things to be thankful for.
And You know, with Courtney's job situation all the sudden, provision wouldn't be such a bad thing to be joyful about. It certainly makes her nervous to again, seemingly, be without a job. Or have to go full time. It always sucks to seem to be without options. But then, how many times have You provided in a great way for her when she seemed to be without job options before? Can we remember, the bank out of nowhere when we got married. When she was tired of the stress in that position, the church was ready to hire her. When we formed our church she was able to pick up part-time gigs, subbing and then temping at the hospital. We don't know why this job would open and close, but maybe You can use this for the good. To show Your provision once again. And this whole entry is really about this: I shouldn't say maybe. I know You, and I know You to be good. I know You to be working for us. I know You will take this situation and work it for good.
I wish my thanks would go beyond friends and family and provision more often. But that's what seems to always be on my mind. I'm thankful for what You've given me. You have the power to continue to take care of all these situations. So, I guess I don't know how to pray about the Courtney situation except for...
Joy. In an attitude of joy I will pray. I know that You are working for the good, I don't know what that is, I will find out. But I will trust You with the provision for my family. You never fail it seems.
It's weird, I totally expected to find You today in "deeper" places than family, friends and provision, and look! I didn't have to go any farther than the memories of how You've provided to find thanks and joy. Sometimes the simple and straightforward are just as amazing. I love You and thank You this morning!
Speak to me today, speak through me today. Amen.
The poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the LORD will praise him - may your hearts live forever! All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him, for dominion belongs to the LORD and he rules over the nations.
Last night Lord, I sat in bed reading about joy. Eugene Peterson's book was noting that joy is not a requirement of the Christian walk, but instead a result. It kind of like, as we live the Christian faith we see You move and change hearts and minds, including our own, from time to time. To feel real joy in the present, we remember the times You've moved in the past and have confidence that You are going to act in a mighty way again in the future.
Eugene was pulling that insight from another psalm (126) but it's interesting how these themes of life and discipleship are woven into all parts of the text. Here in Psalm 22: "they who seek the LORD will praise him..." And who praises better than one who has joy, than one who remembers how the LORD has worked for them. In fact, "All the ends of the earth will remember..." This theme of remembrance is right there with the theme of praise and joy.
How often I forget that You have worked in my life Lord. And when I do try to remember, my mind immediately begins counting off the big possessions and provisions You've given me. Which seems shallow. I want to thank You in serious ways for the provision that You provide (house, car, job) and am even more grateful for the family You've given me (mom, dad, bros and sis's, parents in law, wife and son!) Really, these areas are such a blessing. But really, why can I only turn to these?
Well, to give myself a break, these are the things mentioned in the psalm here. I mean, "The poor will ear and be satisfied," this is the theme of provision. That You will, do, and have provided for our physical needs here. Later in the song, though it's not specifically being thankful for them, the "families of the nations" are mentioned. Provision and family, two very good things to be thankful for.
And You know, with Courtney's job situation all the sudden, provision wouldn't be such a bad thing to be joyful about. It certainly makes her nervous to again, seemingly, be without a job. Or have to go full time. It always sucks to seem to be without options. But then, how many times have You provided in a great way for her when she seemed to be without job options before? Can we remember, the bank out of nowhere when we got married. When she was tired of the stress in that position, the church was ready to hire her. When we formed our church she was able to pick up part-time gigs, subbing and then temping at the hospital. We don't know why this job would open and close, but maybe You can use this for the good. To show Your provision once again. And this whole entry is really about this: I shouldn't say maybe. I know You, and I know You to be good. I know You to be working for us. I know You will take this situation and work it for good.
I wish my thanks would go beyond friends and family and provision more often. But that's what seems to always be on my mind. I'm thankful for what You've given me. You have the power to continue to take care of all these situations. So, I guess I don't know how to pray about the Courtney situation except for...
Joy. In an attitude of joy I will pray. I know that You are working for the good, I don't know what that is, I will find out. But I will trust You with the provision for my family. You never fail it seems.
It's weird, I totally expected to find You today in "deeper" places than family, friends and provision, and look! I didn't have to go any farther than the memories of how You've provided to find thanks and joy. Sometimes the simple and straightforward are just as amazing. I love You and thank You this morning!
Speak to me today, speak through me today. Amen.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I Seek Your Presence
TUESDAY 2.19.08 - PSALM 9:9-12
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. Sing praises to the LORD, enthroned in Zion; proclaim among the nations what he has done. For he who avenges blood remembers; he does not ignore the cry of the afflicted.
I do a lot of seeking Lord. That is what this whole prayer time is about. And apparently You never forsake those who seek You. Dear heavenly Father, let me say again and again and again, my desire is to seek and to find You. Do not forsake me in that desire. Do not leave feeling disconnected and disengaged and as a result disappointed. Speak to me today, throughout the day. Bring me encouragement in the face of an overwhelming set of duties. Bring me rest in the midst of responsibility. Let my mind escape eternal checklist mode and find time to simply honor You. Just do not leave me feeling without You.
My heart cries out for that in all areas. Certainly we are not to be guided by feelings of spirituality, feelings that God is with us, but they are also as assuredly high points of our walk together. Times where I can point and say, "that was God at work." Times where I can feel Your presence in an almost physical way. These are the times that fill us up. Where have these times been lately?
It's not even that they have been altogether absent. It's more like they've been too far spaced out. I remember the last time I felt that tangible presence was when Bryan got his job. Such a strong and miraculous answer to prayer! Praise be to You for that, and I'm not being sarcastic at all. That WAS awesome.
Now, that was a month ago. I feel like my spiritual walk gets so tired in the days and weeks in between seeing Your tangible presence. Gideon's birth renewed me, but even in that I didn't feel the overwhelming flood of feeling I expected. But Gideon's birth was more than two months ago. Before that, well, it's been a long time.
And I don't want to just seek on my own accord. Exodus needs Your presence and that "fresh wind" of renewal as well. Maybe if I would live more in seeking for the community there would be more reward in that. In other words, if I looked for You beyond my own life. But there are many times when I don't even feel Your spirit in the Exodus community. Almost like we've lost some of the sense why we do what we do. It's great to get together every Sunday and every Wednesday (again, not being sarcastic) but why, ultimately, do we get together. What is our purpose?
I take it back for a second. I did feel renewed in getting together with the community recently, Saturday night at dinner and at Joel and Jackie's. We had a wonderful dinner and then Jackie put together a Valentine's Day party for us, to brighten up our marriages. You know what renewed me, the honesty of the evening. Nobody felt like they were going through the motions, instead we rejoiced together, shared together, laughed together. It was really refreshing. And there was a lot of feeling to it.
Where does that honesty go at other times? Afflicted and oppressed seems like strong language for the place that I find myself in and sometimes feel Exodus slips into. Flat or tasteless might be better words. But, as today's verse says, don't ignore that cry anyways. What I truly desire is to be a person in a church that are both filled with the Spirit of the LORD. How can we make more time for that? How can we better bring You into our gatherings, because You are what brings us all together in any case?
I think again it comes back to the honesty thing for Exodus. It is hard to honestly seek You in the presence of others. It feels so private, so, I don't even know how to describe it...vulnerable maybe...but even that doesn't seem like the right description. Honestly seeking You, well, it requires space and time. Both of which we are often reluctant to give. It is more comfortable not to, to not force anything. I just want Your presence in my life and in Exodus. Be there.
I feel like I'm rambling, because I am, thoughts are coming quick and fast and with no order. I love You, my LORD, and I want You to be a bigger reality and force in my life. Not just here in the basement, but going up and out into school, church, family, etc. Show up, I believe that You have not forsaken me. I'm looking forward to seeing where You show up. Let me be before You, seeking You, trusting You.
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. Sing praises to the LORD, enthroned in Zion; proclaim among the nations what he has done. For he who avenges blood remembers; he does not ignore the cry of the afflicted.
I do a lot of seeking Lord. That is what this whole prayer time is about. And apparently You never forsake those who seek You. Dear heavenly Father, let me say again and again and again, my desire is to seek and to find You. Do not forsake me in that desire. Do not leave feeling disconnected and disengaged and as a result disappointed. Speak to me today, throughout the day. Bring me encouragement in the face of an overwhelming set of duties. Bring me rest in the midst of responsibility. Let my mind escape eternal checklist mode and find time to simply honor You. Just do not leave me feeling without You.
My heart cries out for that in all areas. Certainly we are not to be guided by feelings of spirituality, feelings that God is with us, but they are also as assuredly high points of our walk together. Times where I can point and say, "that was God at work." Times where I can feel Your presence in an almost physical way. These are the times that fill us up. Where have these times been lately?
It's not even that they have been altogether absent. It's more like they've been too far spaced out. I remember the last time I felt that tangible presence was when Bryan got his job. Such a strong and miraculous answer to prayer! Praise be to You for that, and I'm not being sarcastic at all. That WAS awesome.
Now, that was a month ago. I feel like my spiritual walk gets so tired in the days and weeks in between seeing Your tangible presence. Gideon's birth renewed me, but even in that I didn't feel the overwhelming flood of feeling I expected. But Gideon's birth was more than two months ago. Before that, well, it's been a long time.
And I don't want to just seek on my own accord. Exodus needs Your presence and that "fresh wind" of renewal as well. Maybe if I would live more in seeking for the community there would be more reward in that. In other words, if I looked for You beyond my own life. But there are many times when I don't even feel Your spirit in the Exodus community. Almost like we've lost some of the sense why we do what we do. It's great to get together every Sunday and every Wednesday (again, not being sarcastic) but why, ultimately, do we get together. What is our purpose?
I take it back for a second. I did feel renewed in getting together with the community recently, Saturday night at dinner and at Joel and Jackie's. We had a wonderful dinner and then Jackie put together a Valentine's Day party for us, to brighten up our marriages. You know what renewed me, the honesty of the evening. Nobody felt like they were going through the motions, instead we rejoiced together, shared together, laughed together. It was really refreshing. And there was a lot of feeling to it.
Where does that honesty go at other times? Afflicted and oppressed seems like strong language for the place that I find myself in and sometimes feel Exodus slips into. Flat or tasteless might be better words. But, as today's verse says, don't ignore that cry anyways. What I truly desire is to be a person in a church that are both filled with the Spirit of the LORD. How can we make more time for that? How can we better bring You into our gatherings, because You are what brings us all together in any case?
I think again it comes back to the honesty thing for Exodus. It is hard to honestly seek You in the presence of others. It feels so private, so, I don't even know how to describe it...vulnerable maybe...but even that doesn't seem like the right description. Honestly seeking You, well, it requires space and time. Both of which we are often reluctant to give. It is more comfortable not to, to not force anything. I just want Your presence in my life and in Exodus. Be there.
I feel like I'm rambling, because I am, thoughts are coming quick and fast and with no order. I love You, my LORD, and I want You to be a bigger reality and force in my life. Not just here in the basement, but going up and out into school, church, family, etc. Show up, I believe that You have not forsaken me. I'm looking forward to seeing where You show up. Let me be before You, seeking You, trusting You.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Without Knowledge
MONDAY 2.18.08 - JOB 42:2-6
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
Saturday morning, I noted here that one necessary element to my faith was trust. That if I was going to submit to You that it would involve trusting You, trusting that Your will was good, etc. Those thoughts come up to me again as I read today's Lent passage. "No plan of yours can be thwarted," which is really interesting, because basically Your will cannot be stopped. When You will it, it will happen regardless of my agreement, submission, etc.
There's a whole lot that gets bungled up in my mind because of that. But one thing that I recognize is not only do I not understand You completely, because that would be "too wonderful for me to know," I also don't always get to have Your complete will revealed to me either, because that must be "too wonderful" as well.
That's really difficult. But the reason it is difficult is because I want to make decisions about You and us based on a normal human process of reason instead of based on faith. I want to have all the plan laid out before me before I decide whether I'm going to go along with it or not.
This happens to me all the time in school. When I'm teaching, I'll often have a lesson planned that uses the element of surprise. If I tell them the whole lesson plan, or even the point of the lesson early on, it ruins the surprise. But how many times do I have students walk in the door and immediately ask, "What are we doing today?" or "Are we going to have fun today?" There questions could be harmless, even excited and anxious, but they are typically not. Typically they are trying to decide whether or not they are going to give their full attention over to my class or not. As I start to teach what I thought would make for an exciting way of learning, a big surprise lesson, they begin to zone out and only care about the end result. "What's the point." Wow. Even as I type that I begin to realize how sadly I am like that with You.
I guess trusting You is even more than just believing You exist when we can't see You. Trusting You also involves believing in Your plan without knowing the details. Sure, You've given a cursory outline, You're in the business of redemption of all things, but the specifics are constantly being played out in our lives. Let me be one who does not darken Your counsel with words without knowledge. Let me be one who trusts without knowing the final details.
This all takes me back to something I wrote down last week when I was trying to listen for Your Spirit. "Slow down and pay attention." I felt like You were trying to tell me that last week. I think it is still so valid. To be involved with this plan that is "too wonderful" I don't need all the details, I don't need to know the point, I don't need to have the whole thing laid out and then decide...but I should keep an eye and an ear on what's going on. In the end I suspect I will respond with praise!
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
Saturday morning, I noted here that one necessary element to my faith was trust. That if I was going to submit to You that it would involve trusting You, trusting that Your will was good, etc. Those thoughts come up to me again as I read today's Lent passage. "No plan of yours can be thwarted," which is really interesting, because basically Your will cannot be stopped. When You will it, it will happen regardless of my agreement, submission, etc.
There's a whole lot that gets bungled up in my mind because of that. But one thing that I recognize is not only do I not understand You completely, because that would be "too wonderful for me to know," I also don't always get to have Your complete will revealed to me either, because that must be "too wonderful" as well.
That's really difficult. But the reason it is difficult is because I want to make decisions about You and us based on a normal human process of reason instead of based on faith. I want to have all the plan laid out before me before I decide whether I'm going to go along with it or not.
This happens to me all the time in school. When I'm teaching, I'll often have a lesson planned that uses the element of surprise. If I tell them the whole lesson plan, or even the point of the lesson early on, it ruins the surprise. But how many times do I have students walk in the door and immediately ask, "What are we doing today?" or "Are we going to have fun today?" There questions could be harmless, even excited and anxious, but they are typically not. Typically they are trying to decide whether or not they are going to give their full attention over to my class or not. As I start to teach what I thought would make for an exciting way of learning, a big surprise lesson, they begin to zone out and only care about the end result. "What's the point." Wow. Even as I type that I begin to realize how sadly I am like that with You.
I guess trusting You is even more than just believing You exist when we can't see You. Trusting You also involves believing in Your plan without knowing the details. Sure, You've given a cursory outline, You're in the business of redemption of all things, but the specifics are constantly being played out in our lives. Let me be one who does not darken Your counsel with words without knowledge. Let me be one who trusts without knowing the final details.
This all takes me back to something I wrote down last week when I was trying to listen for Your Spirit. "Slow down and pay attention." I felt like You were trying to tell me that last week. I think it is still so valid. To be involved with this plan that is "too wonderful" I don't need all the details, I don't need to know the point, I don't need to have the whole thing laid out and then decide...but I should keep an eye and an ear on what's going on. In the end I suspect I will respond with praise!
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