Discipline

When we have the freedom to do anything we often sit around and do nothing. That's why we limit ourselves purposefully into some sort of discipline. Whether it be an exercise routine, a diet, or a Bible-in-a-year reading plan, discipline gives us structure. It takes away the "bigness" of freedom, and allows us to move somewhere.

So for the past 6 months I've been stuck in bigness. I finished my Bible-in-a-year plan and didn't want to simply repeat it because I thought I could do something else. I should have repeated it. In allowing myself the freedom to do something else, I then had to define what that something else was. And in that there is a lot of freedom. And I got lost in it.

So, new discipline for a new year right? Shouldn't be ashamed that I'm trying to do the exact same thing as people all across the nation, get myself into a more healthy routine. Of course, the difference is that my routine needs to be time with You. So back to the Bible-in-a-year plan. Maybe back to blogging, if that helps my routine, but no promises. Because discipline isn't about what I should produce (i.e. brilliant thoughts to wow anyone who stumbles onto my blog) and discipline isn't about enjoyment (i.e. sudden epiphanies and tingling spiritual closeness). Although those things will happen sometimes, they can't be the goal.

The goal is You, everyday entering my life, in the ordinary practice of reading and prayer. Start today Lord.

Sometimes

God, You are so good. Sometimes it is refreshing and interesting and downright exciting to read the Scripture and find all sorts of new things going on within it. Last night as we studied at Exodus, I was so invigorated by the study and all that we learned. I mean, we were able to look at the most boring, random, confusing passage of Scripture we've dealt with and were shown a beautiful side of You, the side of overwhelming grace. I am so thankful for that and the meeting last night.

Other times, I try to jump in and my brain is shot, or things don't jmp out to me or... I don't know. This morning seems to be one of "those" times, where I read about Noah getting into the ark and I'm like, "Uhh..." You have showed me some interesting things (the continual role of water in deliverance, or to be delivered from) but it doesn't seem to be as lifestyle impacting as I always hope for.

Maybe that's because I still need to be focus on the obedience part from last week, maybe You are not quite ready to move on. And I can deal with that. I just pray, whether I am learning new things today or that You will show me new things tomorrow, that I will be following You. Seems like a simple journal entry today, a reminder to myself and from You. But hey, if I've got to stay focused and obedient, I'll take simple.

I Didn't Title This

Texts:
- Psalms 21-24
- Matthew 12-13
- Daniel 1-3
- Exodus 1-40

When I read some of the passages of the gospels of Christ, I often sense frustration in Jesus' words. He is upset at the Pharisees for not having understood what "I desire mercy, not sacrifice" means, has to then explain why it is ridiculous for them to say he is driving out demons by the power of demons, and then also why he won't give them signs. Constantly explaining things to unlistening ears.

I get that all the time at school. Students ask me questions that they should already know the answer to or be able to reason their way through. My reaction is to get frustrated. And while I know that Jesus is human, with all the human emotions, is it possible that instead of being outwardly frustrated and grasping at excuses and worrying about what the others thought, that instead he simply spoke out truth with authority? Maybe he used every moment of potential frustration, every moment where that began to boil within him to teach the willing.

This is an important question Lord, because I feel like we will always have people who don't get it. So how do we avoid speaking excuses in frustration and instead speak truth in love. Maybe another important question to mull over in my head for the day, or look for strands of that as I continue to read...

Jesus in the next chapter tells the parable of the sower. In this parable, You talk about the seed sown along the path means that some people hear the word but don't understand it, so the devil comes and snatches it away. You make no mention of trying to then help these people understand. In fact, Jesus, You always spoke to the people in parables, precisely so that most could not understand. What does this say about teaching the truth? Do we always press onward like this?

The New Testament, especially the gospels, are very hard for me. I have a sense that they've been often wrongly interpretted, that they need to be looked at with fresh eyes. Metanarrative eyes perhaps. Yet, when I come back to them I have a difficult time doing that. Continue to help my eyes to see and my ears to hear.

Well, in my morning time I didn't even get to Psalms or Daniel. I'll have to make time for that later in the day. Let alone Exodus. So, I'll probably be back again today Lord.

But now, may I live this day in the path of your word, walking and living the gospel You've given to me. May my love for You shine in my love for others, and may You shine as the Lord of my day. Blessed are You, Lord God of all Your created, who made us and shaped us, gave us eyes and ears to see and hear, feet and hands to go and do. Amen.

Oh the Connections We Find

It didn't take long for You to respond to my morning post Lord (You are Pure). I'm sitting in a church pew at Goshen's First United Methodist, and all of a sudden You are there, turning my brain over. And I thought that You'd maybe work through a choir song, sermon, Scripture reading, or something "spiritual" from a Sunday service. Nope, my thoughts were wandering through my own rock music collection when it hit me.

So I'm turning over and over the idea of the pure, purity and so forth when a song simply pops into my head. mewithoutYou's "Leaf." The chorus of the song contains this line, "Purity of heart is to want one thing." It's actually from Soren Kierkegaard's book, "Purity of Heart is to Will One Thing," but still, what a great concept. To be pure, clean, is to only have one thing before You.

So purity is to want one thing. The word one immediately set off lights in my brain. Where else is that word one very prominent, the Shema (sp?) of course. Hear, O Israel, the LORD our God, LORD is ONE. Why this connection ringing so louding in my ears? Where does the Shema relate with Psalm 19?

I went back to the beginning of Deuteronomy 6, where the Shema is found. You know what words I found there? Commandments, statutes, ordinances...all the words that struck me from the Psalm 19 passage. Here in Deuteronomy 6 all these words are used to drive us to a point (wait, this is freaking amazing)...fear-of-the-LORD. Yea. Unbelievable the inter-connections of Scripture. From Deuteronomy 6:1-2:

"These are the commandments, statutes, and ordinances that the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, SO THAT you, your children and their children after them may FEAR-THE-LORD by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you..."

Then Scripture follows this up with: "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WILL ALL YOUR HEART AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH."

Purity of heart is to want one thing. Fear-of-the-LORD is pure. The one thing we are to want: to love God with our all. So my paraphrase, what I learned this morning.

Fear-of-the-LORD is to want one thing: to love God with our all, enduring forever.

I say it again Lord God Almighty, You amaze beyond my minds conception with Your word and presence. It goes on and on and on and...

I love this!

After a Day of Contemplation...

A verse that really hit me this morning was this, Ezekiel 44:23, "They (priests) are to teach my people the difference between the holy and the common..." The difference between the holy and the common. Lord, this verse has sat upon my mind all day long. Here I am at the end of the day with nothing.

It's a very poetic idea to me, the holy and the common. Like I've said in my rolling thoughts, I've been struck lately by paradoxes, by comparisons and contrasts. This one is interesting. Holy means to be set apart. Israel is God's holy people, they are set apart. Common has come to mean normal, but the root of the word is shared. Things that we have in common are things that are shared. So "teach my people the difference between the things that are set apart for me and the things that can be shared among them." I wonder how Eugene translates this verse. Never mind, looked it up and he wrote it exactly the same, almost word for word.

So what's the context, and why is this so intriguing for me? Okay, let's go with the second question first. I guess, I believe that everything is really both holy and common. Everything. My thoughts on this blog for example Lord. They are holy, set apart for You because it is You that I am forming them for. And yet, when I post, there is a sense in which they become shared. Or we could take the example of my home. I want my home to be a holy sanctuary for You, and yet, I want it to be a common meeting place for my friends.

Maybe the difference is in the timing. If I am offering thoughts to You, then this time is holy. It is set apart. I had better not be thinking about what other people reading are going to think. As I leave that holy, set apart time, then perhaps it is okay for the thoughts to become common.

It all goes back to a question that we've had in Exodus then. Was the ground that the burning bush is on, the ground that God declares as holy, always holy or just at that time. I guess, this is really interesting to me, that You come in, take over the common, and declare it holy. Then when You have accomplished Your purpose, things return to their common state. But then they are often sacred reminders of the things that You have done, things that inspire praise.

Maybe this is all crazy. Maybe I already knew this stuff. Maybe its all wrong. Maybe I'm raising pointless questions. Maybe...

I love this.

Like a Dog with His Bone

I'm starting to realize how You've been changing me and working in me throughout these forty days Lord. I'm starting to realize how it is all coming together, and it's amazing.

You started by telling me to savor my experience, a lesson that could be applied to a lot of things.

Then you lead me through a tough time of realizing the necessity of balance between silently waiting and moving to do, where I realized that to do Your will, I'm going to need to slow down significantly, lingering over Your touch in my life.

You lead me to a realization that I need to put my feet on the floor and hold things up in You. It is the way of fear-of-the-Lord.

As You did this, You started to lead me in considering my next forty days. You convicted me that it should be one of silence and study.

And today You've started moving me again in that way. In combining all the stuff that I've been learning into one central concept. It's a concept that I have been dabbling with and now am extremely excited to move into full force. You have brought me to begin a new type of relationsip with You and Your Word. You are teaching me to "Eat Your Book."

That's right, like a dog delighting in his bone so I should savor, linger, roll my tongue around, and hold onto the words of Your Word. I am seeing (with the help of Eugene) that spiritual writing (we accept that the writing of the Bible is guided by the Holy Spirit) requires spiritual reading. This spiritual reading means taking my time, moving off like a dog taking his bone to a private place, and devouring the Words of Scripture.

This means finding silence and space. You were already moving me toward this with the prompting of my next forty days. This morning I found myself caught up in this Scripture:

Lamentations 3:25-28: The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him.

Yes Lord, You have laid it on me to sit alone in silence, to wait quietly for my salvation. And in so waiting on the Spirit, to take up the Holy Text and savor it, linger over it, taste it deep in my soul. How certainly it will be sweet as honey on my lips, and there will be days where it will cause my stomach to be bitter. But I am awakened by the thought of taste.

And of course, a fast where I have refrained from eating. In the end, God of amazing foresight, You are teaching me that it is not about refraining from eating. Instead, taste and appetite are Your gifts, and I should instead turn these metaphors directly to Your Book. With the true hunger that I have for food for my body near day thirty, let me always have that hunger for Your Word. And let me expect for it to be quenched as I eat Your Book.

Rolling My Tongue Around the Edges

I love hard candy, well, hard candy that tastes good anyways. I really like mints, Worthers, those candies that are strawberry flavored and are wrapped up in strawberry-looking paper. My favorite thing about hard candy is the texture. I love rolling my tongue around the edges of the first smooth, circular candy. Then I like to crack the candy and feel the jagged, cutting pieces. I push the candy from one side of my mouth to the other. The flavor gets everywhere.

It doesn't make the candy any more nutritious. It doesn't make the candy's flavor change (except in really special candies!) It's just fun to get the texture of it.

Sometimes I think Your word is like candy, Lord. Today, I come home to read Jeremiah, and every night I kind of expect some big new piece of meat for me to digest and dig into. Something totally life changing. But often, I think You're even more interesting in GIVING OUR MINDS something to roll around.

Today, I just thought of something that You've got rolling around in my head. Right now, I'm just tasting and touching the edges of it and I don't know that it gives it significant meaning in any way. In the Old Testament, Your people really struggle with serving You only. They are falling away from You to prostitute themselves before other gods, as You metaphorically put it. But really, after they return from exile in Babylon and rebuild the temple, it seems that they kind of get this. I mean, four hundred years later when Jesus shows up the scene is one of everybody trying to figure out the best ways to follow the laws of the one Father. They get it, they aren't serving other gods. You helped them learn from history.

And yet, You still took the kingdom from them. Because they weren't loving others at all. "Even the demons believe in one God, and shudder," James says. The two greatest commandments tell the story of the whole Bible. Love You and love others. It's amazing how right You are when You said all the law and the prophets hinge on those two commandments. Sometimes we don't give You credit for how right You are.

So the balance must be held. If I don't love God and pursue other worldly "gods," I am headed for an exile punishment. Yet, if I don't love others, the kingdom will be taken from me. Lord, help this balance to be ever before me. Help me to continue to see that hanging there in the middle, doing both, is the way of the kingdom. And Lord, let that kingdom come here in my life and thoughts.

And as it provokes my thoughts, allow me to continue to feel the fascinating textures of rolling my tongue around the edges.