FRIDAY 2.29.08 - REVELATION 1:12-18
And when I turned I saw seven golden lampstands, and among the lampstands was someone "like a son of man," dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. His head and hair were white like wool, white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, and out of his mouth came a sharp double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance. When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: "Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One: I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades."
Well, as far as the fast goes today is the halfway point. Resurrection Sunday is only 23 days away, as weird as that sounds that Resurrection Sunday is in March. As far as things are going, well, I have to shake my head in amazement at the way that You work. It's amazing how You accomplish exactly what we set out to accomplish while it takes me like twenty days to figure out what is going on. Last summer, when I decided that I would undertake a fast, the motivating factor was that I have never truly experienced joy on Resurrection Sunday. Oh, I've been wow'ed by cantatas, I've thought deep and hard about Jesus death for me (and the whole rest of the world), and I've even become emotion at the fact that we sent our Savior to the cross to save us, and yet don't always live in right gratefulness for that. I guess I've experienced a gamit of emotions on Resurrection Sunday, but they've typically been ones better suited for "Good" Friday. Usually guilt, sadness, remorse, remorseful praise, and the like. I guess maybe that's not a gamit is it, it's too one-sided.
So joy on Resurrection Sunday. Overall, this last week (starting last week) I have begun to see the work that You are doing in me. Last Wednesday and Thursday I began thinking about joy, not even remembering that it was the reason I started the fast. Then, I taught about joy in my middle school Bible classes. Continually I've been bombarded with this notion of joy. And I think I'm starting to learn.
Joy is the attitude of hoping and waiting. It is the attitude of trusting You that You are true, that You will act in Your time and it will be good. And I see that to have joy come Resurrection Sunday, I need to develop it in my life for all times. Because it's an attitude not a feeling. I may not feel happy this Easter (although I think I probably will because I will get to eat again). But I'm pretty sure I'll feel hopeful, because You are developing that in me throughout these weeks.
And why not be hopeful!? Just read the Lent passage for today. Hair like white wool, eyes like a blazing fire, feet bronze and glowing, voice like the rushing waters. My God, You are a strong, mysterious, and powerful God. And You say to me, "Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One: I was dead, behold I am alive for ever and ever!" Wow, what power of words You have. As I seek to find joy for Resurrection Sunday, You were dead, behold You are alive for ever and ever!
That is the reason to hope, this God, You, of bronze and rushing waters and blazing fires, of all power is alive for ever and ever. This God, You, don't want us to be afraid. This God, You, says if I am for you, in all my power and 'kabowd', who can stand against me. Jesus, I rejoice in You! I hope in You!
Take my life, this one You've filled with joy, for I believe it is best used in Your service. As I wait, show me the way to walk. Keep my eyes on You. It is ever the temptation for me to deal with me and then look to You.
You know the rest of this prayer. I am seeking You with expectancy and desparation. Luckily, You are developing in my patience and hope. Keep making me more Your disciple, for I love You.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Ah, kabowd!
THURSDAY 2.28.08 - ISAIAH 6:1-5
I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: with two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory." At the sound of their voicesthe doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.
Kabowd is the Hebrew word for glory. Here in this passage, "the whole earth is full of his 'kabowd'." We've studied it in Exodus and I also heard a Mars Hill sermon concerning it. It's a really cool word because it's root word, where the meaning developed from, is the idea of weight or heaviness. When we taught about it in Exodus Community we entitled the sermon "God is Heavy."
But, Lord, I always forget these things. Who knows why, the humanity that hangs on me I suppose. Which is a good thing because it reminds me that I am not You. But I was struck today as I read just at the whole earth being filled with Your weight and heaviness, Your glory. The whole earth? There are certainly times when I feel that. When I lay down in the grass in the summer and look at the simple, amazing, repetitive structure of the blades of grass. When I look out the window today and see the streets lined with trees that are lined with snow. I see Your glory in Your beautiful creation many of times. It always makes me want to keep it, use my camera and capture the glory but somehow I know that though the picture might capture the scene, the weight only accompanies the real thing.
I am interested today also in Isaiah's reaction to the weight. "Woe to me!" How often my reaction is not woe. My reaction is like I said before, how can I capture this and bring it out when I want this feeling? How can I learn to make Your weight and glory appear when I'm in the need of awe? Instead of woe, I often want to control. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips..." The glory drives Isaiah to confession, to realization of who he really is in comparison to You.
As I write about weight, I don't necessarily feel Your glory pressing down on me at this very moment. But...I can recognize my place far beneath and vastly unworthy of You. Some things I have realized in the past week...
- I am incapable of changing people. I can be Your agent but it is only through Your undying work and their acceptance of that that people can be changed. I think of Kelly as an example. I can meet her needs when she calls, but it will be through Your presence that she becomes whole. I praise You for that, for I would fail!
- I am incapable of being clean. In this most intense time of spiritual seeking, I continually deal with the same continual sins. I am full to the brim at times with lust, greed, wickedness of all kinds, just like the Pharisees were. I desire to be different than them though, because I recognize that You are the one who can clean my cup and forgive. Please do so because as is, I am unworthy of Your presence.
- I am incapable of incesscent work. This may seem like a stupid comparison, but You work around the clock, around the week, all the time. You are listening, working, probing, forgiving and all else that You do all the time. I am overwhelmed in the 16-18 hours that I spend awake everyday and spend a good portion of those hours (4-5) just resting and a-musing (not thinking). I don't know that this is all bad, but it is certainly not like You.
You are the God who is in control, the one of limitless kabowd. And it fills the earth around me. Help me not to forget my place in who You are and what You are doing, let me be faithful, but let me always have Isaiah's repentence on my lips as a reaction to Your glory.
I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: with two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory." At the sound of their voicesthe doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.
Kabowd is the Hebrew word for glory. Here in this passage, "the whole earth is full of his 'kabowd'." We've studied it in Exodus and I also heard a Mars Hill sermon concerning it. It's a really cool word because it's root word, where the meaning developed from, is the idea of weight or heaviness. When we taught about it in Exodus Community we entitled the sermon "God is Heavy."
But, Lord, I always forget these things. Who knows why, the humanity that hangs on me I suppose. Which is a good thing because it reminds me that I am not You. But I was struck today as I read just at the whole earth being filled with Your weight and heaviness, Your glory. The whole earth? There are certainly times when I feel that. When I lay down in the grass in the summer and look at the simple, amazing, repetitive structure of the blades of grass. When I look out the window today and see the streets lined with trees that are lined with snow. I see Your glory in Your beautiful creation many of times. It always makes me want to keep it, use my camera and capture the glory but somehow I know that though the picture might capture the scene, the weight only accompanies the real thing.
I am interested today also in Isaiah's reaction to the weight. "Woe to me!" How often my reaction is not woe. My reaction is like I said before, how can I capture this and bring it out when I want this feeling? How can I learn to make Your weight and glory appear when I'm in the need of awe? Instead of woe, I often want to control. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips..." The glory drives Isaiah to confession, to realization of who he really is in comparison to You.
As I write about weight, I don't necessarily feel Your glory pressing down on me at this very moment. But...I can recognize my place far beneath and vastly unworthy of You. Some things I have realized in the past week...
- I am incapable of changing people. I can be Your agent but it is only through Your undying work and their acceptance of that that people can be changed. I think of Kelly as an example. I can meet her needs when she calls, but it will be through Your presence that she becomes whole. I praise You for that, for I would fail!
- I am incapable of being clean. In this most intense time of spiritual seeking, I continually deal with the same continual sins. I am full to the brim at times with lust, greed, wickedness of all kinds, just like the Pharisees were. I desire to be different than them though, because I recognize that You are the one who can clean my cup and forgive. Please do so because as is, I am unworthy of Your presence.
- I am incapable of incesscent work. This may seem like a stupid comparison, but You work around the clock, around the week, all the time. You are listening, working, probing, forgiving and all else that You do all the time. I am overwhelmed in the 16-18 hours that I spend awake everyday and spend a good portion of those hours (4-5) just resting and a-musing (not thinking). I don't know that this is all bad, but it is certainly not like You.
You are the God who is in control, the one of limitless kabowd. And it fills the earth around me. Help me not to forget my place in who You are and what You are doing, let me be faithful, but let me always have Isaiah's repentence on my lips as a reaction to Your glory.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Eyes Look to You
TUESDAY 2.26.08 - PSALM 145:1-8
I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of you majesty - and I will meditate on your wonderful works. They tell of the power of your awesome works - and I will proclaim your great deeds. They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.
It's interesting how the psalms have a schizophrenic relationship with God. Many of the psalms are wrapped up in confusion, doubt, stress, anxiety, and the like; with enemies and troubles pressing in from all sides they call on You, the God of hope and the God of deliverance. Flip over several psalms and we find this soaring love poem, where everything seems to be great.
But what's telling is that nothing in this psalm today indicates that the conditions of the author's life are wonderful. Because this psalm isn't about the author, it's about You. And in honesty, it's about You in ways that seem beyond me. I always seem to relate to You from my condition. If I am down and out, I react to You and Your character with frustration and desperation. If I am up and joyful, then I am thankful and realize Your goodness. I am not yet able to separate my condition and Your praise. Are You not still good when I am down, are You not still with me when I am desperate and sure that You are not?
So then faith for me, despite my deepest longings, has become about me and not about You. It's interesting too, because though I depend so much on emotion in my faith, I'm not ever sure I've had an emotional connection to the things You've done. Here this song sings of proclaiming Your great deeds, celebrating Your goodness, meditating on Your wonderful works. And yet I've really only had an emotional connection to the things You've done when they are done for me. I look at spiritually formative times in my life, and I realize that they are all things done for me. Very rarely do I celebrate the great deeds that You do for others.
A great example of this is the cross that we are traveling towards this Lent season. I've never really felt an emotional connection there. All my praise of that event revolves around the cognitive knowledge that You did do something great there, and that I and all creation should be fundamentally changed by that event. It's a perfect metaphor of dying to self in order to become alive to others. And mentally I know this. But every year Resurrection Sunday comes around and I am not affected by the reality of the cross. It's almost as if Rob Bell's little phrase was right on: "Familiarity breeds not contempt, by unfamiliarity."
I think at times I am so saturated by Your greatness, goodness, and deeds that I gloss over them. I do not give You credit for them. I do not see You. And when I don't see You I tend to turn and judge things by looking at me.
Interesting verses later on down the psalm, past even what we are going to read tomorrow in the Lent readings:
The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. --- Psalm 145:15-16
Eyes look to You. And You satisfy, You give food at the proper time. I've continually been convicted with this theme, over and over from Joel's sermon on manna, to my sermon on hoping and waiting, to Bryan's observations during the Advent season on waiting and anticipating. My biggest sin perhaps is trying to take control of the timetable.
Eyes looking to You have hope. They see all Your goodness, past and present, and use this knowledge of who You really are to be content about the future. To be able to wait for what You are doing. I would say that this is probably not just a problem for me either. As I read a book a discipleship in an instant society, it occurs to me that in an instant society, at almost all other times, I control the timetable. I record shows to watch on TiVo when I want them, I get food from the store or fast-food joint when I want it, I control how fast or slow we go through lesson plans at school. But I can't control spiritual growth, or speed it up, I can only join You on Your timetable. And I can't control the other things You are doing in the world.
So I have to wait, remembering the good that You've done in my past, in other's past, through Jesus and all the way back to the good of creation. I must see the good that You are doing now, in small or large ways for me, or in small or large ways for others. And the proper response to that, no matter what my current situation, seems to be praise. Because of who You are, and who You will be.
Dear LORD,
My thoughts are with how great You are. Yesterday, I thought of Your "kavod" and Your glory and how much more You are than we can fathom. We only get to see the spots that You just were. So help me not get concerned about seeing everything that You are doing RIGHT NOW, just let me continue to trust that You are working RIGHT NOW. I want to recognize the glory in the places where I have seen "Your back" recently, in the conviction of the last teaching meeting (thank You!), in the eyes of my son (thank You!), alive in these psalms (thank You!), in the wonder of falling snow (thank You!), and for the recent injection of unexplained joy (thank You!). My prayer is that I will continue to see You as good, continue to hope, even when things turn to struggle again. I love You in this time of insight, mature me so that I can love You when I find no insight.
Speak to me, speak through me.
Amen.
I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of you majesty - and I will meditate on your wonderful works. They tell of the power of your awesome works - and I will proclaim your great deeds. They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.
It's interesting how the psalms have a schizophrenic relationship with God. Many of the psalms are wrapped up in confusion, doubt, stress, anxiety, and the like; with enemies and troubles pressing in from all sides they call on You, the God of hope and the God of deliverance. Flip over several psalms and we find this soaring love poem, where everything seems to be great.
But what's telling is that nothing in this psalm today indicates that the conditions of the author's life are wonderful. Because this psalm isn't about the author, it's about You. And in honesty, it's about You in ways that seem beyond me. I always seem to relate to You from my condition. If I am down and out, I react to You and Your character with frustration and desperation. If I am up and joyful, then I am thankful and realize Your goodness. I am not yet able to separate my condition and Your praise. Are You not still good when I am down, are You not still with me when I am desperate and sure that You are not?
So then faith for me, despite my deepest longings, has become about me and not about You. It's interesting too, because though I depend so much on emotion in my faith, I'm not ever sure I've had an emotional connection to the things You've done. Here this song sings of proclaiming Your great deeds, celebrating Your goodness, meditating on Your wonderful works. And yet I've really only had an emotional connection to the things You've done when they are done for me. I look at spiritually formative times in my life, and I realize that they are all things done for me. Very rarely do I celebrate the great deeds that You do for others.
A great example of this is the cross that we are traveling towards this Lent season. I've never really felt an emotional connection there. All my praise of that event revolves around the cognitive knowledge that You did do something great there, and that I and all creation should be fundamentally changed by that event. It's a perfect metaphor of dying to self in order to become alive to others. And mentally I know this. But every year Resurrection Sunday comes around and I am not affected by the reality of the cross. It's almost as if Rob Bell's little phrase was right on: "Familiarity breeds not contempt, by unfamiliarity."
I think at times I am so saturated by Your greatness, goodness, and deeds that I gloss over them. I do not give You credit for them. I do not see You. And when I don't see You I tend to turn and judge things by looking at me.
Interesting verses later on down the psalm, past even what we are going to read tomorrow in the Lent readings:
The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. --- Psalm 145:15-16
Eyes look to You. And You satisfy, You give food at the proper time. I've continually been convicted with this theme, over and over from Joel's sermon on manna, to my sermon on hoping and waiting, to Bryan's observations during the Advent season on waiting and anticipating. My biggest sin perhaps is trying to take control of the timetable.
Eyes looking to You have hope. They see all Your goodness, past and present, and use this knowledge of who You really are to be content about the future. To be able to wait for what You are doing. I would say that this is probably not just a problem for me either. As I read a book a discipleship in an instant society, it occurs to me that in an instant society, at almost all other times, I control the timetable. I record shows to watch on TiVo when I want them, I get food from the store or fast-food joint when I want it, I control how fast or slow we go through lesson plans at school. But I can't control spiritual growth, or speed it up, I can only join You on Your timetable. And I can't control the other things You are doing in the world.
So I have to wait, remembering the good that You've done in my past, in other's past, through Jesus and all the way back to the good of creation. I must see the good that You are doing now, in small or large ways for me, or in small or large ways for others. And the proper response to that, no matter what my current situation, seems to be praise. Because of who You are, and who You will be.
Dear LORD,
My thoughts are with how great You are. Yesterday, I thought of Your "kavod" and Your glory and how much more You are than we can fathom. We only get to see the spots that You just were. So help me not get concerned about seeing everything that You are doing RIGHT NOW, just let me continue to trust that You are working RIGHT NOW. I want to recognize the glory in the places where I have seen "Your back" recently, in the conviction of the last teaching meeting (thank You!), in the eyes of my son (thank You!), alive in these psalms (thank You!), in the wonder of falling snow (thank You!), and for the recent injection of unexplained joy (thank You!). My prayer is that I will continue to see You as good, continue to hope, even when things turn to struggle again. I love You in this time of insight, mature me so that I can love You when I find no insight.
Speak to me, speak through me.
Amen.
Monday, February 25, 2008
The Rivers Clap Their Hands
MONDAY 2.25.08 - Psalm 98:5-9
make music to the LORD with the harp, with the harp and the sound of singing, with trumpets and the blast of the ram's horn - shout for joy before the LORD, the King. Let the sea resound, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it. Let the rivers clap their hands, let the mountains sing together for joy; let them sing before the LORD, for he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples with equity.
I've had a joyful day. Writing to You at night simply feels weird, it doesn't have the same freshness. I don't know, my whole day is sitting there before me, both the good and the bad. The good, man today was the best day of my fast. Spiritually I wanted and desired Your presence all day long and seemed to find some measure of it.
I will tell You what the key has been the last couple days. Well, it's not a formula or magic cure all. But actually focusing on You instead of me really helps. It's like the book "A Long Way Down" that Bryan and I listened to on the way back from Florida last year. There is nothing in my life that has really changed over the past couple days. Same situations are obviously present. But, somehow I don't feel poorly about all this anymore. And all I've done (and I don't want to take credit at all), is pray a bit more.
And when I say pray a bit, I mean stupid prayers. That's what makes Your response all the more unbelievable. Prayers like, "LORD help Exodus." And that's it. But many times that I had empty space in my head today, I tried to fill it with those short prayers. Oh that this continues into tomorrow!
Shout for joy, for the LORD is king! I love this idea. I hate that I forget. You are in control, You are the reason to hope. Exodus needs You, because like the Pharisees we desire to be Your people, but unlike the Pharisees we don't want to get bogged down in our own traditions and rules so that we neglect what is more important. Don't let this joy be just for me, this inexplicable joy, but instead let it lead me into more prayer, and the prayer lead me to action for You.
I'm just spouting off right now. This is a very crazy emotional outburst. It is one that I do not understand. I have no reason to feel as optimistic as I do...but I do. If Christ is King then hope is real, no matter what the suffering or situation. Right now I feel that, maybe soon I won't. I don't know. But I want to thank You for a day lived in joy. And may creation join in the praise with me!
make music to the LORD with the harp, with the harp and the sound of singing, with trumpets and the blast of the ram's horn - shout for joy before the LORD, the King. Let the sea resound, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it. Let the rivers clap their hands, let the mountains sing together for joy; let them sing before the LORD, for he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples with equity.
I've had a joyful day. Writing to You at night simply feels weird, it doesn't have the same freshness. I don't know, my whole day is sitting there before me, both the good and the bad. The good, man today was the best day of my fast. Spiritually I wanted and desired Your presence all day long and seemed to find some measure of it.
I will tell You what the key has been the last couple days. Well, it's not a formula or magic cure all. But actually focusing on You instead of me really helps. It's like the book "A Long Way Down" that Bryan and I listened to on the way back from Florida last year. There is nothing in my life that has really changed over the past couple days. Same situations are obviously present. But, somehow I don't feel poorly about all this anymore. And all I've done (and I don't want to take credit at all), is pray a bit more.
And when I say pray a bit, I mean stupid prayers. That's what makes Your response all the more unbelievable. Prayers like, "LORD help Exodus." And that's it. But many times that I had empty space in my head today, I tried to fill it with those short prayers. Oh that this continues into tomorrow!
Shout for joy, for the LORD is king! I love this idea. I hate that I forget. You are in control, You are the reason to hope. Exodus needs You, because like the Pharisees we desire to be Your people, but unlike the Pharisees we don't want to get bogged down in our own traditions and rules so that we neglect what is more important. Don't let this joy be just for me, this inexplicable joy, but instead let it lead me into more prayer, and the prayer lead me to action for You.
I'm just spouting off right now. This is a very crazy emotional outburst. It is one that I do not understand. I have no reason to feel as optimistic as I do...but I do. If Christ is King then hope is real, no matter what the suffering or situation. Right now I feel that, maybe soon I won't. I don't know. But I want to thank You for a day lived in joy. And may creation join in the praise with me!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
What I Shall Cling To
SATURDAY 2.23.08 - PSALM 118:13-17
I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me. The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous: "The LORD's right hand has done mighty things! The LORD's right hand is lifted high; the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!" I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
Okay, so this was supposed to be yesterday's reading but I was so busy relaxing that I didn't want to descend to the basement or bother Gaby by invading his room to blog. So I read Numbers yesterday, which wasn't quite the enthralling reading that we were supposed to have in following the Lent readings.
I wish I could always keep this verse before me. I wish that I could be filled with the spirit to sing it. And so I'm going to choose that spirit today.
Two things that I love about this verse, brilliantly written and so true to life:
#1 - "The LORD is my strength and my song..." This is present tense, right now, the LORD is my strength. Right now the LORD is my song. It doesn't matter what my life is taking me through, through troubles or joys, through anything: right now, the LORD is my strength and my song. This is what it means to live in joy, and thus to live in victory. Sure, there are times when this is more difficult than others. But...
Okay, so I've been frustrated with the fast because it hasn't been as spiritual as I would have liked it to be. But, as has been mentioned here a lot, I've realized that the focus has been on me, Exodus, Courtney and I, whatever. The focus must be on You. If I focus on me, then things are not going to be joyful or victorious much of the time. Indeed, they will usually be failure after failure if I focus on my feelings and my actions. But...the LORD, You, You be my strength, You be my song.
#2 - "He has become my salvation." It's interesting that this is not necessarily an all time thing like "my strength and my song." There was a journey to the point of Your salvation. Maybe, no not maybe, I know that it is like this in every trial, in every struggle. You become the salvation. That's a reality I rarely live in.
I mean honestly, I bought this book called "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society," hoping that it would back up my conviction that one of the most detrimental things to true Christ-following is expecting a fast-food, instant God. And how have I treated You throughout this fast...like a fast-food, instant God. Oh God, I don't feel You - change it now! Ah, I'd like to mark that down as passion, but perhaps it's just impatience. Real worship is in spirit and in truth, and an instant God isn't truth. It's a long walk. You will become salvation.
So, as I go out...You are my strength, You are my song, become my salvation!
I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me. The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous: "The LORD's right hand has done mighty things! The LORD's right hand is lifted high; the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!" I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
Okay, so this was supposed to be yesterday's reading but I was so busy relaxing that I didn't want to descend to the basement or bother Gaby by invading his room to blog. So I read Numbers yesterday, which wasn't quite the enthralling reading that we were supposed to have in following the Lent readings.
I wish I could always keep this verse before me. I wish that I could be filled with the spirit to sing it. And so I'm going to choose that spirit today.
Two things that I love about this verse, brilliantly written and so true to life:
#1 - "The LORD is my strength and my song..." This is present tense, right now, the LORD is my strength. Right now the LORD is my song. It doesn't matter what my life is taking me through, through troubles or joys, through anything: right now, the LORD is my strength and my song. This is what it means to live in joy, and thus to live in victory. Sure, there are times when this is more difficult than others. But...
Okay, so I've been frustrated with the fast because it hasn't been as spiritual as I would have liked it to be. But, as has been mentioned here a lot, I've realized that the focus has been on me, Exodus, Courtney and I, whatever. The focus must be on You. If I focus on me, then things are not going to be joyful or victorious much of the time. Indeed, they will usually be failure after failure if I focus on my feelings and my actions. But...the LORD, You, You be my strength, You be my song.
#2 - "He has become my salvation." It's interesting that this is not necessarily an all time thing like "my strength and my song." There was a journey to the point of Your salvation. Maybe, no not maybe, I know that it is like this in every trial, in every struggle. You become the salvation. That's a reality I rarely live in.
I mean honestly, I bought this book called "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society," hoping that it would back up my conviction that one of the most detrimental things to true Christ-following is expecting a fast-food, instant God. And how have I treated You throughout this fast...like a fast-food, instant God. Oh God, I don't feel You - change it now! Ah, I'd like to mark that down as passion, but perhaps it's just impatience. Real worship is in spirit and in truth, and an instant God isn't truth. It's a long walk. You will become salvation.
So, as I go out...You are my strength, You are my song, become my salvation!
Friday, February 22, 2008
When You're Feeling Somewhat Conquered
FRIDAY 2.22.08 - COLOSSIANS 1:15-20
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and though him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.
I've got lots of thoughts this morning Lord. I can tell that You are working in me, I can tell that You are trying to continue to work in me. However, none of my thoughts really spring from today's Lent reading. Just thought I'd be honest. Always a good place to start. This is a really difficult piece of Scripture, basically describing Your supremacy over everything. I can accept that as true, I just don't really know what to do with that from there. I suppose it should give me hope.
So, well, actually as I start to think now, hope is something that I/we at Exodus could use a lot of. For some reason all of us leaders have been shying away from pushing Exodus on in any specific direction, and much of that is because we are tired out from serving You, are looking at some of the failures or slow-going changes, and the hope has been showed pushed out of us.
What does it look like for You to have supremacy in someone's life who is visibly a walking failure? What does it look like for You to have victory over a situation that seems to never change? How do we help others acknowledge Your victory, and live in a wise and victorious state of mind when they are in situations created by their own failure and defeat? These are all questions that pound at my hope, because they don't have easy answers, maybe they don't even have answers I understand, and instead of letting myself be okay with that, I just feel more beat down and more like I don't understand You.
Do I believe in Your deliverance? Yes, but it is difficult beyond measure to wait for it. As I've struggled with all fast long, I still want my timing in just about everything. In many ways I still treat You like a slot machine. We have put in time and money with Aisha, we'd like her to be fixed now. If she's not fixed right now, because we want her to be, we're going to lose hope. You obviously must not be working if her life isn't getting better now.
Or...I want to feel Your Spirit, here and now at my command. If I don't this fast isn't worth anything. It's not ridiculous to feel this way, I don't think. I think many people feel this way about God. The problem is, I don't know how to treat You any differently. I don't know how to be content waiting. I want an instant gratification God, while that phrase cognitively grates against everything I think You are, that's still what I want.
Look at my recent prayers:
Fix Courtney's job situation - when I prayed for this I expected You to work that day. You did thank goodness, because otherwise I certainly would have been frustrated.
Bring Your Spirit upon Exodus - this one just started this morning, before I blogged to You. But if I'm honest, I was kind of hoping we would all this "spiritual experience" before Sunday so our spirits would be lifted and hope would be more easily attainable.
Okay, and I haven't really been praying for anything else, to be even more honest. I mean, on and off I pray for Gideon's future, for my brother and sister, for moms and dads, for classes at school. But all of those are so general, that I don't usually even know what I'm praying about (so how do I expect to see You work?) Anyways, I struggle, struggle, struggle with assuming that I am doing well in my faith when You are doing what I want and ask.
Seeking You is difficult. Looking for Your will is hard. But, "those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength..." Not those who force their way in. Not those who expect God to do what they want when they want it. Not those of us who are shaping up our golden calves with everything we've thrown in the fire. I'm tired, probably because I've been making my own way instead of looking around to see where You are going and what You are doing and joining You there.
Can You help me keep my eyes open to You? That's my prayer today.
Can You help me keep my ears open to You? That's my prayer today.
Let Exodus follow Your will, not our own. Because it is in You that we have hope!
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and though him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.
I've got lots of thoughts this morning Lord. I can tell that You are working in me, I can tell that You are trying to continue to work in me. However, none of my thoughts really spring from today's Lent reading. Just thought I'd be honest. Always a good place to start. This is a really difficult piece of Scripture, basically describing Your supremacy over everything. I can accept that as true, I just don't really know what to do with that from there. I suppose it should give me hope.
So, well, actually as I start to think now, hope is something that I/we at Exodus could use a lot of. For some reason all of us leaders have been shying away from pushing Exodus on in any specific direction, and much of that is because we are tired out from serving You, are looking at some of the failures or slow-going changes, and the hope has been showed pushed out of us.
What does it look like for You to have supremacy in someone's life who is visibly a walking failure? What does it look like for You to have victory over a situation that seems to never change? How do we help others acknowledge Your victory, and live in a wise and victorious state of mind when they are in situations created by their own failure and defeat? These are all questions that pound at my hope, because they don't have easy answers, maybe they don't even have answers I understand, and instead of letting myself be okay with that, I just feel more beat down and more like I don't understand You.
Do I believe in Your deliverance? Yes, but it is difficult beyond measure to wait for it. As I've struggled with all fast long, I still want my timing in just about everything. In many ways I still treat You like a slot machine. We have put in time and money with Aisha, we'd like her to be fixed now. If she's not fixed right now, because we want her to be, we're going to lose hope. You obviously must not be working if her life isn't getting better now.
Or...I want to feel Your Spirit, here and now at my command. If I don't this fast isn't worth anything. It's not ridiculous to feel this way, I don't think. I think many people feel this way about God. The problem is, I don't know how to treat You any differently. I don't know how to be content waiting. I want an instant gratification God, while that phrase cognitively grates against everything I think You are, that's still what I want.
Look at my recent prayers:
Fix Courtney's job situation - when I prayed for this I expected You to work that day. You did thank goodness, because otherwise I certainly would have been frustrated.
Bring Your Spirit upon Exodus - this one just started this morning, before I blogged to You. But if I'm honest, I was kind of hoping we would all this "spiritual experience" before Sunday so our spirits would be lifted and hope would be more easily attainable.
Okay, and I haven't really been praying for anything else, to be even more honest. I mean, on and off I pray for Gideon's future, for my brother and sister, for moms and dads, for classes at school. But all of those are so general, that I don't usually even know what I'm praying about (so how do I expect to see You work?) Anyways, I struggle, struggle, struggle with assuming that I am doing well in my faith when You are doing what I want and ask.
Seeking You is difficult. Looking for Your will is hard. But, "those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength..." Not those who force their way in. Not those who expect God to do what they want when they want it. Not those of us who are shaping up our golden calves with everything we've thrown in the fire. I'm tired, probably because I've been making my own way instead of looking around to see where You are going and what You are doing and joining You there.
Can You help me keep my eyes open to You? That's my prayer today.
Can You help me keep my ears open to You? That's my prayer today.
Let Exodus follow Your will, not our own. Because it is in You that we have hope!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Friends, Family and Provision
THURSDAY 2.21.08 - PSALM 22:26-31
The poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the LORD will praise him - may your hearts live forever! All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him, for dominion belongs to the LORD and he rules over the nations.
Last night Lord, I sat in bed reading about joy. Eugene Peterson's book was noting that joy is not a requirement of the Christian walk, but instead a result. It kind of like, as we live the Christian faith we see You move and change hearts and minds, including our own, from time to time. To feel real joy in the present, we remember the times You've moved in the past and have confidence that You are going to act in a mighty way again in the future.
Eugene was pulling that insight from another psalm (126) but it's interesting how these themes of life and discipleship are woven into all parts of the text. Here in Psalm 22: "they who seek the LORD will praise him..." And who praises better than one who has joy, than one who remembers how the LORD has worked for them. In fact, "All the ends of the earth will remember..." This theme of remembrance is right there with the theme of praise and joy.
How often I forget that You have worked in my life Lord. And when I do try to remember, my mind immediately begins counting off the big possessions and provisions You've given me. Which seems shallow. I want to thank You in serious ways for the provision that You provide (house, car, job) and am even more grateful for the family You've given me (mom, dad, bros and sis's, parents in law, wife and son!) Really, these areas are such a blessing. But really, why can I only turn to these?
Well, to give myself a break, these are the things mentioned in the psalm here. I mean, "The poor will ear and be satisfied," this is the theme of provision. That You will, do, and have provided for our physical needs here. Later in the song, though it's not specifically being thankful for them, the "families of the nations" are mentioned. Provision and family, two very good things to be thankful for.
And You know, with Courtney's job situation all the sudden, provision wouldn't be such a bad thing to be joyful about. It certainly makes her nervous to again, seemingly, be without a job. Or have to go full time. It always sucks to seem to be without options. But then, how many times have You provided in a great way for her when she seemed to be without job options before? Can we remember, the bank out of nowhere when we got married. When she was tired of the stress in that position, the church was ready to hire her. When we formed our church she was able to pick up part-time gigs, subbing and then temping at the hospital. We don't know why this job would open and close, but maybe You can use this for the good. To show Your provision once again. And this whole entry is really about this: I shouldn't say maybe. I know You, and I know You to be good. I know You to be working for us. I know You will take this situation and work it for good.
I wish my thanks would go beyond friends and family and provision more often. But that's what seems to always be on my mind. I'm thankful for what You've given me. You have the power to continue to take care of all these situations. So, I guess I don't know how to pray about the Courtney situation except for...
Joy. In an attitude of joy I will pray. I know that You are working for the good, I don't know what that is, I will find out. But I will trust You with the provision for my family. You never fail it seems.
It's weird, I totally expected to find You today in "deeper" places than family, friends and provision, and look! I didn't have to go any farther than the memories of how You've provided to find thanks and joy. Sometimes the simple and straightforward are just as amazing. I love You and thank You this morning!
Speak to me today, speak through me today. Amen.
The poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the LORD will praise him - may your hearts live forever! All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him, for dominion belongs to the LORD and he rules over the nations.
Last night Lord, I sat in bed reading about joy. Eugene Peterson's book was noting that joy is not a requirement of the Christian walk, but instead a result. It kind of like, as we live the Christian faith we see You move and change hearts and minds, including our own, from time to time. To feel real joy in the present, we remember the times You've moved in the past and have confidence that You are going to act in a mighty way again in the future.
Eugene was pulling that insight from another psalm (126) but it's interesting how these themes of life and discipleship are woven into all parts of the text. Here in Psalm 22: "they who seek the LORD will praise him..." And who praises better than one who has joy, than one who remembers how the LORD has worked for them. In fact, "All the ends of the earth will remember..." This theme of remembrance is right there with the theme of praise and joy.
How often I forget that You have worked in my life Lord. And when I do try to remember, my mind immediately begins counting off the big possessions and provisions You've given me. Which seems shallow. I want to thank You in serious ways for the provision that You provide (house, car, job) and am even more grateful for the family You've given me (mom, dad, bros and sis's, parents in law, wife and son!) Really, these areas are such a blessing. But really, why can I only turn to these?
Well, to give myself a break, these are the things mentioned in the psalm here. I mean, "The poor will ear and be satisfied," this is the theme of provision. That You will, do, and have provided for our physical needs here. Later in the song, though it's not specifically being thankful for them, the "families of the nations" are mentioned. Provision and family, two very good things to be thankful for.
And You know, with Courtney's job situation all the sudden, provision wouldn't be such a bad thing to be joyful about. It certainly makes her nervous to again, seemingly, be without a job. Or have to go full time. It always sucks to seem to be without options. But then, how many times have You provided in a great way for her when she seemed to be without job options before? Can we remember, the bank out of nowhere when we got married. When she was tired of the stress in that position, the church was ready to hire her. When we formed our church she was able to pick up part-time gigs, subbing and then temping at the hospital. We don't know why this job would open and close, but maybe You can use this for the good. To show Your provision once again. And this whole entry is really about this: I shouldn't say maybe. I know You, and I know You to be good. I know You to be working for us. I know You will take this situation and work it for good.
I wish my thanks would go beyond friends and family and provision more often. But that's what seems to always be on my mind. I'm thankful for what You've given me. You have the power to continue to take care of all these situations. So, I guess I don't know how to pray about the Courtney situation except for...
Joy. In an attitude of joy I will pray. I know that You are working for the good, I don't know what that is, I will find out. But I will trust You with the provision for my family. You never fail it seems.
It's weird, I totally expected to find You today in "deeper" places than family, friends and provision, and look! I didn't have to go any farther than the memories of how You've provided to find thanks and joy. Sometimes the simple and straightforward are just as amazing. I love You and thank You this morning!
Speak to me today, speak through me today. Amen.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
But I Know I Must Keep Going
It's interesting to me, how I often stumble upon things that are so deep and meaningful among the information that I've looked over hundreds of times. Today as I am sitting here at school preparing for my lesson in Bible class, I see something perfect for me today in the book of James. It's a book that I've taught now for 4 years and it's only 5 chapters, 3 pages long. You'd think I'd have absorbed its information into my life by now.
But no, I must admit like the human I am I always forget. So reading James today I came across these verses at the beginning of the book:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. Those who doubt should not think they will receive anything from the Lord; they are double-minded and unstable in all they do.
Well, what I was going to "preach" to my Bible class is that any struggle we go through is really a trial. So then I began to think, "What are those struggles in my life?" Certainly, this whole seeking You during Lent has been an odd struggle for me. I've lacked meaning for it. I've tried to escape it. I've complained about it. This morning I realized for as much as I talk about struggle being a good thing, a natural thing, a thing that happens in life, that whenever I face struggle I still feel like You've left me.
So my faith is still very much defined by how well life is going for me, how little I'm sinning, how well prayers are being answered. In short, my faith is still about me.
There is a reason for struggle, it's so that I can mature. Every struggle is a joy, because it is the maturation process growing in me. What does in mean to be a mature Christian? Well, it certainly doesn't mean that you've learned how to deal with struggle the best, or that you have no more struggles. I think it must mean that you've come through the most struggles with your faith still intact, even strengthened.
And this struggle for me, well, it's not intense. It's kind of the continuing dull, medium, abstract type of struggle. Nothing is going wrong in earthly terms, and yet I somehow feel overwhelmed. There is a truth of what I want out of You in this whole process. My will is to have You remove that feeling of overwhelming responsibility. But, going back to the other day, my will does not always equal Your will.
So then my next frustration is knowing what Your will is. Maybe it is as simple as my perseverance through a time that You seem distant. Maybe it is the vigor with which I struggle and fight to find You when it seems You've gone away and hid Your face. I don't know.
But I know I must keep going. I know I must keep seeking. I must allow Your will and Your process to continue out in me. Give me that strength Lord.
But no, I must admit like the human I am I always forget. So reading James today I came across these verses at the beginning of the book:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. Those who doubt should not think they will receive anything from the Lord; they are double-minded and unstable in all they do.
Well, what I was going to "preach" to my Bible class is that any struggle we go through is really a trial. So then I began to think, "What are those struggles in my life?" Certainly, this whole seeking You during Lent has been an odd struggle for me. I've lacked meaning for it. I've tried to escape it. I've complained about it. This morning I realized for as much as I talk about struggle being a good thing, a natural thing, a thing that happens in life, that whenever I face struggle I still feel like You've left me.
So my faith is still very much defined by how well life is going for me, how little I'm sinning, how well prayers are being answered. In short, my faith is still about me.
There is a reason for struggle, it's so that I can mature. Every struggle is a joy, because it is the maturation process growing in me. What does in mean to be a mature Christian? Well, it certainly doesn't mean that you've learned how to deal with struggle the best, or that you have no more struggles. I think it must mean that you've come through the most struggles with your faith still intact, even strengthened.
And this struggle for me, well, it's not intense. It's kind of the continuing dull, medium, abstract type of struggle. Nothing is going wrong in earthly terms, and yet I somehow feel overwhelmed. There is a truth of what I want out of You in this whole process. My will is to have You remove that feeling of overwhelming responsibility. But, going back to the other day, my will does not always equal Your will.
So then my next frustration is knowing what Your will is. Maybe it is as simple as my perseverance through a time that You seem distant. Maybe it is the vigor with which I struggle and fight to find You when it seems You've gone away and hid Your face. I don't know.
But I know I must keep going. I know I must keep seeking. I must allow Your will and Your process to continue out in me. Give me that strength Lord.
I Seek Your Presence
TUESDAY 2.19.08 - PSALM 9:9-12
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. Sing praises to the LORD, enthroned in Zion; proclaim among the nations what he has done. For he who avenges blood remembers; he does not ignore the cry of the afflicted.
I do a lot of seeking Lord. That is what this whole prayer time is about. And apparently You never forsake those who seek You. Dear heavenly Father, let me say again and again and again, my desire is to seek and to find You. Do not forsake me in that desire. Do not leave feeling disconnected and disengaged and as a result disappointed. Speak to me today, throughout the day. Bring me encouragement in the face of an overwhelming set of duties. Bring me rest in the midst of responsibility. Let my mind escape eternal checklist mode and find time to simply honor You. Just do not leave me feeling without You.
My heart cries out for that in all areas. Certainly we are not to be guided by feelings of spirituality, feelings that God is with us, but they are also as assuredly high points of our walk together. Times where I can point and say, "that was God at work." Times where I can feel Your presence in an almost physical way. These are the times that fill us up. Where have these times been lately?
It's not even that they have been altogether absent. It's more like they've been too far spaced out. I remember the last time I felt that tangible presence was when Bryan got his job. Such a strong and miraculous answer to prayer! Praise be to You for that, and I'm not being sarcastic at all. That WAS awesome.
Now, that was a month ago. I feel like my spiritual walk gets so tired in the days and weeks in between seeing Your tangible presence. Gideon's birth renewed me, but even in that I didn't feel the overwhelming flood of feeling I expected. But Gideon's birth was more than two months ago. Before that, well, it's been a long time.
And I don't want to just seek on my own accord. Exodus needs Your presence and that "fresh wind" of renewal as well. Maybe if I would live more in seeking for the community there would be more reward in that. In other words, if I looked for You beyond my own life. But there are many times when I don't even feel Your spirit in the Exodus community. Almost like we've lost some of the sense why we do what we do. It's great to get together every Sunday and every Wednesday (again, not being sarcastic) but why, ultimately, do we get together. What is our purpose?
I take it back for a second. I did feel renewed in getting together with the community recently, Saturday night at dinner and at Joel and Jackie's. We had a wonderful dinner and then Jackie put together a Valentine's Day party for us, to brighten up our marriages. You know what renewed me, the honesty of the evening. Nobody felt like they were going through the motions, instead we rejoiced together, shared together, laughed together. It was really refreshing. And there was a lot of feeling to it.
Where does that honesty go at other times? Afflicted and oppressed seems like strong language for the place that I find myself in and sometimes feel Exodus slips into. Flat or tasteless might be better words. But, as today's verse says, don't ignore that cry anyways. What I truly desire is to be a person in a church that are both filled with the Spirit of the LORD. How can we make more time for that? How can we better bring You into our gatherings, because You are what brings us all together in any case?
I think again it comes back to the honesty thing for Exodus. It is hard to honestly seek You in the presence of others. It feels so private, so, I don't even know how to describe it...vulnerable maybe...but even that doesn't seem like the right description. Honestly seeking You, well, it requires space and time. Both of which we are often reluctant to give. It is more comfortable not to, to not force anything. I just want Your presence in my life and in Exodus. Be there.
I feel like I'm rambling, because I am, thoughts are coming quick and fast and with no order. I love You, my LORD, and I want You to be a bigger reality and force in my life. Not just here in the basement, but going up and out into school, church, family, etc. Show up, I believe that You have not forsaken me. I'm looking forward to seeing where You show up. Let me be before You, seeking You, trusting You.
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. Sing praises to the LORD, enthroned in Zion; proclaim among the nations what he has done. For he who avenges blood remembers; he does not ignore the cry of the afflicted.
I do a lot of seeking Lord. That is what this whole prayer time is about. And apparently You never forsake those who seek You. Dear heavenly Father, let me say again and again and again, my desire is to seek and to find You. Do not forsake me in that desire. Do not leave feeling disconnected and disengaged and as a result disappointed. Speak to me today, throughout the day. Bring me encouragement in the face of an overwhelming set of duties. Bring me rest in the midst of responsibility. Let my mind escape eternal checklist mode and find time to simply honor You. Just do not leave me feeling without You.
My heart cries out for that in all areas. Certainly we are not to be guided by feelings of spirituality, feelings that God is with us, but they are also as assuredly high points of our walk together. Times where I can point and say, "that was God at work." Times where I can feel Your presence in an almost physical way. These are the times that fill us up. Where have these times been lately?
It's not even that they have been altogether absent. It's more like they've been too far spaced out. I remember the last time I felt that tangible presence was when Bryan got his job. Such a strong and miraculous answer to prayer! Praise be to You for that, and I'm not being sarcastic at all. That WAS awesome.
Now, that was a month ago. I feel like my spiritual walk gets so tired in the days and weeks in between seeing Your tangible presence. Gideon's birth renewed me, but even in that I didn't feel the overwhelming flood of feeling I expected. But Gideon's birth was more than two months ago. Before that, well, it's been a long time.
And I don't want to just seek on my own accord. Exodus needs Your presence and that "fresh wind" of renewal as well. Maybe if I would live more in seeking for the community there would be more reward in that. In other words, if I looked for You beyond my own life. But there are many times when I don't even feel Your spirit in the Exodus community. Almost like we've lost some of the sense why we do what we do. It's great to get together every Sunday and every Wednesday (again, not being sarcastic) but why, ultimately, do we get together. What is our purpose?
I take it back for a second. I did feel renewed in getting together with the community recently, Saturday night at dinner and at Joel and Jackie's. We had a wonderful dinner and then Jackie put together a Valentine's Day party for us, to brighten up our marriages. You know what renewed me, the honesty of the evening. Nobody felt like they were going through the motions, instead we rejoiced together, shared together, laughed together. It was really refreshing. And there was a lot of feeling to it.
Where does that honesty go at other times? Afflicted and oppressed seems like strong language for the place that I find myself in and sometimes feel Exodus slips into. Flat or tasteless might be better words. But, as today's verse says, don't ignore that cry anyways. What I truly desire is to be a person in a church that are both filled with the Spirit of the LORD. How can we make more time for that? How can we better bring You into our gatherings, because You are what brings us all together in any case?
I think again it comes back to the honesty thing for Exodus. It is hard to honestly seek You in the presence of others. It feels so private, so, I don't even know how to describe it...vulnerable maybe...but even that doesn't seem like the right description. Honestly seeking You, well, it requires space and time. Both of which we are often reluctant to give. It is more comfortable not to, to not force anything. I just want Your presence in my life and in Exodus. Be there.
I feel like I'm rambling, because I am, thoughts are coming quick and fast and with no order. I love You, my LORD, and I want You to be a bigger reality and force in my life. Not just here in the basement, but going up and out into school, church, family, etc. Show up, I believe that You have not forsaken me. I'm looking forward to seeing where You show up. Let me be before You, seeking You, trusting You.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Without Knowledge
MONDAY 2.18.08 - JOB 42:2-6
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
Saturday morning, I noted here that one necessary element to my faith was trust. That if I was going to submit to You that it would involve trusting You, trusting that Your will was good, etc. Those thoughts come up to me again as I read today's Lent passage. "No plan of yours can be thwarted," which is really interesting, because basically Your will cannot be stopped. When You will it, it will happen regardless of my agreement, submission, etc.
There's a whole lot that gets bungled up in my mind because of that. But one thing that I recognize is not only do I not understand You completely, because that would be "too wonderful for me to know," I also don't always get to have Your complete will revealed to me either, because that must be "too wonderful" as well.
That's really difficult. But the reason it is difficult is because I want to make decisions about You and us based on a normal human process of reason instead of based on faith. I want to have all the plan laid out before me before I decide whether I'm going to go along with it or not.
This happens to me all the time in school. When I'm teaching, I'll often have a lesson planned that uses the element of surprise. If I tell them the whole lesson plan, or even the point of the lesson early on, it ruins the surprise. But how many times do I have students walk in the door and immediately ask, "What are we doing today?" or "Are we going to have fun today?" There questions could be harmless, even excited and anxious, but they are typically not. Typically they are trying to decide whether or not they are going to give their full attention over to my class or not. As I start to teach what I thought would make for an exciting way of learning, a big surprise lesson, they begin to zone out and only care about the end result. "What's the point." Wow. Even as I type that I begin to realize how sadly I am like that with You.
I guess trusting You is even more than just believing You exist when we can't see You. Trusting You also involves believing in Your plan without knowing the details. Sure, You've given a cursory outline, You're in the business of redemption of all things, but the specifics are constantly being played out in our lives. Let me be one who does not darken Your counsel with words without knowledge. Let me be one who trusts without knowing the final details.
This all takes me back to something I wrote down last week when I was trying to listen for Your Spirit. "Slow down and pay attention." I felt like You were trying to tell me that last week. I think it is still so valid. To be involved with this plan that is "too wonderful" I don't need all the details, I don't need to know the point, I don't need to have the whole thing laid out and then decide...but I should keep an eye and an ear on what's going on. In the end I suspect I will respond with praise!
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
Saturday morning, I noted here that one necessary element to my faith was trust. That if I was going to submit to You that it would involve trusting You, trusting that Your will was good, etc. Those thoughts come up to me again as I read today's Lent passage. "No plan of yours can be thwarted," which is really interesting, because basically Your will cannot be stopped. When You will it, it will happen regardless of my agreement, submission, etc.
There's a whole lot that gets bungled up in my mind because of that. But one thing that I recognize is not only do I not understand You completely, because that would be "too wonderful for me to know," I also don't always get to have Your complete will revealed to me either, because that must be "too wonderful" as well.
That's really difficult. But the reason it is difficult is because I want to make decisions about You and us based on a normal human process of reason instead of based on faith. I want to have all the plan laid out before me before I decide whether I'm going to go along with it or not.
This happens to me all the time in school. When I'm teaching, I'll often have a lesson planned that uses the element of surprise. If I tell them the whole lesson plan, or even the point of the lesson early on, it ruins the surprise. But how many times do I have students walk in the door and immediately ask, "What are we doing today?" or "Are we going to have fun today?" There questions could be harmless, even excited and anxious, but they are typically not. Typically they are trying to decide whether or not they are going to give their full attention over to my class or not. As I start to teach what I thought would make for an exciting way of learning, a big surprise lesson, they begin to zone out and only care about the end result. "What's the point." Wow. Even as I type that I begin to realize how sadly I am like that with You.
I guess trusting You is even more than just believing You exist when we can't see You. Trusting You also involves believing in Your plan without knowing the details. Sure, You've given a cursory outline, You're in the business of redemption of all things, but the specifics are constantly being played out in our lives. Let me be one who does not darken Your counsel with words without knowledge. Let me be one who trusts without knowing the final details.
This all takes me back to something I wrote down last week when I was trying to listen for Your Spirit. "Slow down and pay attention." I felt like You were trying to tell me that last week. I think it is still so valid. To be involved with this plan that is "too wonderful" I don't need all the details, I don't need to know the point, I don't need to have the whole thing laid out and then decide...but I should keep an eye and an ear on what's going on. In the end I suspect I will respond with praise!
Saturday, February 16, 2008
I Still Might Have to Die
SATURDAY 2.16.08 - HEBREWS 5:7
During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.
Lord God, I feel like this week I have been offering up fervent cries for myself. Again, as hunger and wanting take on my body, I've tried to figure out just why I undertake this, and what You are going to provide because of it. And as frustration mounted I think that my immediate thought was that You weren't hearing me or You weren't acting on my behalf.
This verse, which brings me back to Joel's sermon a bit, gives me pause. Jesus offered up his prayers to You because You had the power to save him from death, and You heard him because he was submissive, but he still had to die. It was simply that You brought victory out of his pain and death rather than the normal defeat. You did save him from the effects of death, the ultimate effects of death, but not from the process of dying.
I have been having this difficulty knowing if I am submissive this week. I mean, I really haven't changed too darn much in my routine that would make me say I'm submitting to You. All I'm doing differently at all in regards to the fast is not weighing myself. And of course I'm still having trouble with the whole "noticing You" throughout my day thing, not just here in the morning. I have a desire to submit, I just, I don't know exactly what and how. And that's been a bit painful and frustrating...especially when (when I'm honest) I'm fasting and denying myself for the specific purpose of finding these answers. But because of the pain and frustration, I feel like You've not been hearing me. Which makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, and I'm not sure what that is, and then the whole cycle starts over again. It's tough. But my overriding feeling through all of this is that somehow You don't hear me.
As I think through the whole story of the cross, this feeling must have been so intense for Jesus. Here Jesus is, doing everything You asked him too, and when he asks You to save him from death, You won't. It must have felt like You couldn't hear him. "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me." What gut-wrenching words these are, but all the more so when I realize the feelings that I have been having this week, then multiplied by a thousand. Jesus - in the process of submitting - feels like he isn't heard and that You are not with him.
It is a reminder of three things for me.
#1 - My will is not Your will (at least not all the time). This is why I need submission.
#2 - Your will often involves struggle and pain and even death. Perhaps there are ways of thinking or habits that You are killing in me right now with this pain and frustration. Your way isn't always easy answers to passionate cries. Your way isn't always simply saying yes to me.
#3 - To truly submit, I must trust. I must trust that Your will is for the world's best, no matter what it requires of me.
My God, my God, I trust You. Right now, in this moment of learning, I trust You. I want my way to be easy, my questions to be answered, and my load to always be light. Most of all, I long to understand what's going on and why. But not my will, or my way, be done, but Your's, but Your's be done, O LORD.
During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.
Lord God, I feel like this week I have been offering up fervent cries for myself. Again, as hunger and wanting take on my body, I've tried to figure out just why I undertake this, and what You are going to provide because of it. And as frustration mounted I think that my immediate thought was that You weren't hearing me or You weren't acting on my behalf.
This verse, which brings me back to Joel's sermon a bit, gives me pause. Jesus offered up his prayers to You because You had the power to save him from death, and You heard him because he was submissive, but he still had to die. It was simply that You brought victory out of his pain and death rather than the normal defeat. You did save him from the effects of death, the ultimate effects of death, but not from the process of dying.
I have been having this difficulty knowing if I am submissive this week. I mean, I really haven't changed too darn much in my routine that would make me say I'm submitting to You. All I'm doing differently at all in regards to the fast is not weighing myself. And of course I'm still having trouble with the whole "noticing You" throughout my day thing, not just here in the morning. I have a desire to submit, I just, I don't know exactly what and how. And that's been a bit painful and frustrating...especially when (when I'm honest) I'm fasting and denying myself for the specific purpose of finding these answers. But because of the pain and frustration, I feel like You've not been hearing me. Which makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, and I'm not sure what that is, and then the whole cycle starts over again. It's tough. But my overriding feeling through all of this is that somehow You don't hear me.
As I think through the whole story of the cross, this feeling must have been so intense for Jesus. Here Jesus is, doing everything You asked him too, and when he asks You to save him from death, You won't. It must have felt like You couldn't hear him. "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me." What gut-wrenching words these are, but all the more so when I realize the feelings that I have been having this week, then multiplied by a thousand. Jesus - in the process of submitting - feels like he isn't heard and that You are not with him.
It is a reminder of three things for me.
#1 - My will is not Your will (at least not all the time). This is why I need submission.
#2 - Your will often involves struggle and pain and even death. Perhaps there are ways of thinking or habits that You are killing in me right now with this pain and frustration. Your way isn't always easy answers to passionate cries. Your way isn't always simply saying yes to me.
#3 - To truly submit, I must trust. I must trust that Your will is for the world's best, no matter what it requires of me.
My God, my God, I trust You. Right now, in this moment of learning, I trust You. I want my way to be easy, my questions to be answered, and my load to always be light. Most of all, I long to understand what's going on and why. But not my will, or my way, be done, but Your's, but Your's be done, O LORD.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Ongoing
FRIDAY 2.15.08 - 1 PETER 2:23-25
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. "He himself bore our sins" in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and lie for righteousness; "by his wounds you have been healed." For "you were like sheep going astray," but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
What do You make of this verse? My first read made me start spewing all sorts of questions, made me think about all the different directions that I might explore. But what do You want to bring out from this verse this morning, hopefully to engage me throughout my day?
Instead of typing out all my thoughts here, kind of putting a bow on them and shipping them out, I'm going to try to process this through my shower, shaving, getting ready. I'm praying, Lord, that this will then lead to my meditating on Your Word through classes, preps, lunches, workouts, etc. Allow me to come to You today, to come and be with You as You move about in this world. Amen.
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. "He himself bore our sins" in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and lie for righteousness; "by his wounds you have been healed." For "you were like sheep going astray," but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
What do You make of this verse? My first read made me start spewing all sorts of questions, made me think about all the different directions that I might explore. But what do You want to bring out from this verse this morning, hopefully to engage me throughout my day?
Instead of typing out all my thoughts here, kind of putting a bow on them and shipping them out, I'm going to try to process this through my shower, shaving, getting ready. I'm praying, Lord, that this will then lead to my meditating on Your Word through classes, preps, lunches, workouts, etc. Allow me to come to You today, to come and be with You as You move about in this world. Amen.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Struggle
THURSDAY 2.14.08 - JAMES 4:7-10
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Greive, mourn, and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
I'm really fighting right now to know what to do. I desire closeness. Do I do the things or act in a way necessary to achieve that? Is it the devil working against me that I must resist? I feel like I'm searching at this point and not knowing quite what to expect. My mind is in a million places even though I have the day off of school. Is there always something to keep thinking about?
Today's Valentine's Day. I've got nothing for my wife. This weekend we agreed to go out with friends but now I'm suddenly afraid that I signed the tennis team up to work concessions this weekend and totally forgot. I'm tired because I got to sleep last night at 2:00. I want to go to the gym but I don't want to miss that time with my wife and son. I didn't get my wife anything for Valentine's Day, not even a card yet. I should run to the store and do that before the gym. I don't want to go to the gym. I don't want to talk to You. I want to go back to bed. I know that when I go to bed I'll be wasting time. I want to be with my son and wife, but my son and wife bore me when I'm with them. What could I even get for my wife for Valentine's Day? Am I being humble before You? Am I even trying to resist? Why don't I? Why do things like this happen? I wish You could come close to me, I'm tired of tiring to walk up to You. I know I should. If You want to be with Your people then how come it is so hard for people with real desire to be close with You (um, like me) to actually be close with You? I hate this blog entry. I hate complaining. I should be praising. I would forget everything when I walked out the door, or even up the stairs. The only way I don't forget, the only way that You stay with me is if we struggle. So I guess this is just a big struggle, one that I cannot win, but maybe will bring us close. Like I want.
Resist the devil, he MUST flee.
Humble yourselves before the Lord.
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Greive, mourn, and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
I'm really fighting right now to know what to do. I desire closeness. Do I do the things or act in a way necessary to achieve that? Is it the devil working against me that I must resist? I feel like I'm searching at this point and not knowing quite what to expect. My mind is in a million places even though I have the day off of school. Is there always something to keep thinking about?
Today's Valentine's Day. I've got nothing for my wife. This weekend we agreed to go out with friends but now I'm suddenly afraid that I signed the tennis team up to work concessions this weekend and totally forgot. I'm tired because I got to sleep last night at 2:00. I want to go to the gym but I don't want to miss that time with my wife and son. I didn't get my wife anything for Valentine's Day, not even a card yet. I should run to the store and do that before the gym. I don't want to go to the gym. I don't want to talk to You. I want to go back to bed. I know that when I go to bed I'll be wasting time. I want to be with my son and wife, but my son and wife bore me when I'm with them. What could I even get for my wife for Valentine's Day? Am I being humble before You? Am I even trying to resist? Why don't I? Why do things like this happen? I wish You could come close to me, I'm tired of tiring to walk up to You. I know I should. If You want to be with Your people then how come it is so hard for people with real desire to be close with You (um, like me) to actually be close with You? I hate this blog entry. I hate complaining. I should be praising. I would forget everything when I walked out the door, or even up the stairs. The only way I don't forget, the only way that You stay with me is if we struggle. So I guess this is just a big struggle, one that I cannot win, but maybe will bring us close. Like I want.
Resist the devil, he MUST flee.
Humble yourselves before the Lord.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Restore and Renew
WEDNESDAY 2.13.08 - LAMENTATIONS 5:15-22
Joy is gone from our hearts; our dancing has turned to mourning. The crown has fallen from our head. Woe to us, for we have sinned! Because of this our hearts are faint, because of these things our eyes grow dim for Mount Zion, which lies desolate, with jackals prowling over it. You, LORD, reign forever, your throne endures from generation to generation. Why do you always forget us? Why do you forsake us so long? Restore us to yourself, LORD, that we may return; renew our days as of old unless you have utterly rejected us and are angry with us beyond measure.
Not to be dramatic, but it all seems very clear now.
This is day eight, and I've been wondering Lord: just why exactly did I do this? I remember back in the fall thinking that I should do this again so that I could meet Resurrection Sunday with joy, and that thought was certainly the catalyst. It's what planted the thought firmly in my will, and what spurred me to seriousness. Then as I gained weight during the Christmas season I began to really look forward to this as a way to shed the unwanted pounds and unhealthy habits I had again stirred up. Then as others joined me I believed that maybe Your will in this discipline was for me to support others in their journey.
But today, these verses resound deeply in my heart. I have certainly been intentional in trying to listen, I am making an effort to lift my eyes up to you and come...but it has been a very difficult two days spiritually. No words seemed to ring out for me to hear, no path seemed open to come to You, and I've still struggled with this question of why. Personally, for me, why this Lenten journey? Why am I penitently listening, admitting my way isn't right and desperately searching to find my feet on Your way?
Because I've heard Your voice before and it is rich, honest, and good. Because I've been on Your way before, and know it to be deep, difficult, holy, and good. Because I've lived in relationship with You before, and it was the most soul and life enriching time that I've had. I am very thankful that I've experienced this closeness with You in the past. It is a dear, mysterious, cherished memory.
But recently, "Joy is gone from [my] heart; [my] dancing has turned to mourning." What powerful poetry! And how true for me. My relationship with You has been about discipline, which isn't a bad thing, but in itself is not rich or fulfilling. The utter weight of responsibility has made the joy vanish, my feet become very immobile, and my trips to "Mount Zion" less frequent, less enjoyed, and much shorter.
I'm sure that there are many reasons for the loss of joy. And it is not completely gone. But as the passage reads today: "Woe to us, for we have sinned!" Indeed. In a multitude of ways I have not lived in whole honesty with Your whole creation. Or even before You. And worst of all, I believe that I try to rationalize these things with myself using You. Using what I believe You might think as a rationalization for what's going on! Instead of listening to You on those specific cases, coming to You about those things. And I wonder why the joy is gone...
And so why am I fasting? I long to be restored. Oh how deep that feeling is! How strong that prayer! I want to be renewed.
I want the intimacy where You are sharing with me Your desires and I am motivated to do them. I want the hope that Your people can be Your people, not just creatures of comfort and fear. I want to dance towards each Sunday with passion, each Wednesday with joy, each Thursday with eagerness. I want to hold my wife with confidence, my son in prayer, and give my life into Your hands. I want to believe again, in the truest sense.
I want to be restored! I want to be renewed! That is why I come and listen.
Joy is gone from our hearts; our dancing has turned to mourning. The crown has fallen from our head. Woe to us, for we have sinned! Because of this our hearts are faint, because of these things our eyes grow dim for Mount Zion, which lies desolate, with jackals prowling over it. You, LORD, reign forever, your throne endures from generation to generation. Why do you always forget us? Why do you forsake us so long? Restore us to yourself, LORD, that we may return; renew our days as of old unless you have utterly rejected us and are angry with us beyond measure.
Not to be dramatic, but it all seems very clear now.
This is day eight, and I've been wondering Lord: just why exactly did I do this? I remember back in the fall thinking that I should do this again so that I could meet Resurrection Sunday with joy, and that thought was certainly the catalyst. It's what planted the thought firmly in my will, and what spurred me to seriousness. Then as I gained weight during the Christmas season I began to really look forward to this as a way to shed the unwanted pounds and unhealthy habits I had again stirred up. Then as others joined me I believed that maybe Your will in this discipline was for me to support others in their journey.
But today, these verses resound deeply in my heart. I have certainly been intentional in trying to listen, I am making an effort to lift my eyes up to you and come...but it has been a very difficult two days spiritually. No words seemed to ring out for me to hear, no path seemed open to come to You, and I've still struggled with this question of why. Personally, for me, why this Lenten journey? Why am I penitently listening, admitting my way isn't right and desperately searching to find my feet on Your way?
Because I've heard Your voice before and it is rich, honest, and good. Because I've been on Your way before, and know it to be deep, difficult, holy, and good. Because I've lived in relationship with You before, and it was the most soul and life enriching time that I've had. I am very thankful that I've experienced this closeness with You in the past. It is a dear, mysterious, cherished memory.
But recently, "Joy is gone from [my] heart; [my] dancing has turned to mourning." What powerful poetry! And how true for me. My relationship with You has been about discipline, which isn't a bad thing, but in itself is not rich or fulfilling. The utter weight of responsibility has made the joy vanish, my feet become very immobile, and my trips to "Mount Zion" less frequent, less enjoyed, and much shorter.
I'm sure that there are many reasons for the loss of joy. And it is not completely gone. But as the passage reads today: "Woe to us, for we have sinned!" Indeed. In a multitude of ways I have not lived in whole honesty with Your whole creation. Or even before You. And worst of all, I believe that I try to rationalize these things with myself using You. Using what I believe You might think as a rationalization for what's going on! Instead of listening to You on those specific cases, coming to You about those things. And I wonder why the joy is gone...
And so why am I fasting? I long to be restored. Oh how deep that feeling is! How strong that prayer! I want to be renewed.
I want the intimacy where You are sharing with me Your desires and I am motivated to do them. I want the hope that Your people can be Your people, not just creatures of comfort and fear. I want to dance towards each Sunday with passion, each Wednesday with joy, each Thursday with eagerness. I want to hold my wife with confidence, my son in prayer, and give my life into Your hands. I want to believe again, in the truest sense.
I want to be restored! I want to be renewed! That is why I come and listen.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Come
TUESDAY 2.12.08 - 2 CHRONICLES 30:8-9
Do not be stiff necked, as your parents were; submit to the LORD> Come to his sanctuary, which he has consecrated forever. Serve the LORD your God, so that his fierce anger will turn away from you. If you return to the LORD, then your fellow Israelites and your children will be shown compassion by their captors and will return to this land, for the LORD your God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn his face from you if you return to him.
It was unbelievably hard to take You with me yesterday. At the end of my devotions, I tried to ask a question that I could not remember for the life of me while I sat at my desk yesterday afternoon. I thought and thought and thought, I mean, I could have logged back on but that wouldn't have proved the point, would it? I often get my "God-time" done and then move on to the next thing. I can't take You with me very well.
Indeed, something along these same lines jumps out at me in today's Lent text. It's this:
"...submit to the LORD. Come to his sanctuary..."
Come. That's a typical Christian saying. "Come as you are." But as I suddenly think about it, how often I am asking You to come where I am. My prayers are filled with thoughts of "Lord, be with me/us." Even yesterday, I wanted to take You with me in my question, in trying to find an answer to my question... my faith is often all about me and my quest to figure things out.
But instead, I truly am convicted this morning that my focus needs changing. Come to the sanctuary. Come to God. Further down this morning's passage is the phrase, "return to the LORD." Coming to You, returning to You. This is a beautiful understanding. Submission is all about You. As Joel pointed out on Sunday, submission is the melding of two wills into one. And that one will is Yours. To know Your will I must come to You. Or at least, that's a faster way of knowing than trying to guess where my will matches up with Yours. In addition, when I come to You, and You show me Your face, and You smile upon me, and I know Your will, I will then also know where my will is incongruent with Yours. This makes the question of what I need to sacrifice much clearer.
Of course, the question now is how do I come to You? What does that even mean? For now, I'm satisfied in remembering that it is all about You. Remembering to lift my eyes up and not simply look around. Remember that it is You and Your will that I am seeking. Remembering that I need to come to You.
Do not be stiff necked, as your parents were; submit to the LORD> Come to his sanctuary, which he has consecrated forever. Serve the LORD your God, so that his fierce anger will turn away from you. If you return to the LORD, then your fellow Israelites and your children will be shown compassion by their captors and will return to this land, for the LORD your God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn his face from you if you return to him.
It was unbelievably hard to take You with me yesterday. At the end of my devotions, I tried to ask a question that I could not remember for the life of me while I sat at my desk yesterday afternoon. I thought and thought and thought, I mean, I could have logged back on but that wouldn't have proved the point, would it? I often get my "God-time" done and then move on to the next thing. I can't take You with me very well.
Indeed, something along these same lines jumps out at me in today's Lent text. It's this:
"...submit to the LORD. Come to his sanctuary..."
Come. That's a typical Christian saying. "Come as you are." But as I suddenly think about it, how often I am asking You to come where I am. My prayers are filled with thoughts of "Lord, be with me/us." Even yesterday, I wanted to take You with me in my question, in trying to find an answer to my question... my faith is often all about me and my quest to figure things out.
But instead, I truly am convicted this morning that my focus needs changing. Come to the sanctuary. Come to God. Further down this morning's passage is the phrase, "return to the LORD." Coming to You, returning to You. This is a beautiful understanding. Submission is all about You. As Joel pointed out on Sunday, submission is the melding of two wills into one. And that one will is Yours. To know Your will I must come to You. Or at least, that's a faster way of knowing than trying to guess where my will matches up with Yours. In addition, when I come to You, and You show me Your face, and You smile upon me, and I know Your will, I will then also know where my will is incongruent with Yours. This makes the question of what I need to sacrifice much clearer.
Of course, the question now is how do I come to You? What does that even mean? For now, I'm satisfied in remembering that it is all about You. Remembering to lift my eyes up and not simply look around. Remember that it is You and Your will that I am seeking. Remembering that I need to come to You.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Hearing and Heeding
Yesterday was the first Sunday of Lent. Lent is a beautiful time in the Christian calendar that I have not fully embraced in my Christian walk. It was not celebrated much at the church that I grew up in. And even in the church we left over a year ago, the language and observance of Lent was rare. I am excited that Exodus Community has decided to walk through Lent together with the practice of lectio divina. Today I start these Lent readings.
Lord I pray that our community takes these readings slowly and seriously. I pray that You will use these times to be formational in our group and transformational to hurting and damaged areas of our lives. I will need help with my discipline, but I pray Your Spirit will be over all who choose to embark on this journey towards the cross and resurrection.
MONDAY 2.11.08 - PSALM 81:8-14
Hear me, my people, and I will warn you - if you would only listen to me, Israel! You shall have no foreign god among you; you shall not worship any god other than me. I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. "But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices. If my people would only listen to me, if Israel would only follow my ways, how quickly I would would subdue their enemies and turn my hand against their foes!
Significant things jump out at me here. I think both are rather obvious from the text, but very important. I know sometimes I get tricked into thinking that the only important stuff about a text is the new understandings I might glean from connecting it to another verse, by studying it in original language, or by thinking creatively about its meaning. Thank You for reminding me that straight-forward is soul-changing.
Listening is a huge part of this verse, "if you would only listen to me, Israel!" As a people formed to be Yours, Lord, how much listening do we do? This seems to be a first step of submission, to listen. But this isn't just the "oh, I hear what you are saying," type of listening is it? This is the listening where You are really talking about both hearing and heeding You. We both hear the things that You have to say to us, and then we make them part of our actions. This is pretty clear from the parallel language of the Psalm - "If my people would only listen to me, if Israel would only follow my ways." The listening and the following are one in the same.
And when they are that is submission, right? The other large thing I notice about this verse is the theme of choice. "If" is a common word, and it implies that we can choose something other than You, and we often are. The verse that really drives this idea of choice home to me is, "Open wide your mouth and I will fill it." We have to choose to open our mouths. We must choose to follow. Hearing is not enough, hearing is not submission.
So it comes down to something that sounds simple. I must pay attention and hear You and when I do I must choose to heed what You say.
So what is that? What are You saying to me/us that I/we must choose to follow? I believe that the most powerful message I am hearing is that we should have no other thing before You, and that we should take that command seriously. What would I not be willing to give up for You?
This is the question to take with me for the day. Bring me back to it. And actually, I pray that it soaks into the whole community. I love my friends of Exodus, let us start climbing the hill to the cross with You.
Lord I pray that our community takes these readings slowly and seriously. I pray that You will use these times to be formational in our group and transformational to hurting and damaged areas of our lives. I will need help with my discipline, but I pray Your Spirit will be over all who choose to embark on this journey towards the cross and resurrection.
MONDAY 2.11.08 - PSALM 81:8-14
Hear me, my people, and I will warn you - if you would only listen to me, Israel! You shall have no foreign god among you; you shall not worship any god other than me. I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. "But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices. If my people would only listen to me, if Israel would only follow my ways, how quickly I would would subdue their enemies and turn my hand against their foes!
Significant things jump out at me here. I think both are rather obvious from the text, but very important. I know sometimes I get tricked into thinking that the only important stuff about a text is the new understandings I might glean from connecting it to another verse, by studying it in original language, or by thinking creatively about its meaning. Thank You for reminding me that straight-forward is soul-changing.
Listening is a huge part of this verse, "if you would only listen to me, Israel!" As a people formed to be Yours, Lord, how much listening do we do? This seems to be a first step of submission, to listen. But this isn't just the "oh, I hear what you are saying," type of listening is it? This is the listening where You are really talking about both hearing and heeding You. We both hear the things that You have to say to us, and then we make them part of our actions. This is pretty clear from the parallel language of the Psalm - "If my people would only listen to me, if Israel would only follow my ways." The listening and the following are one in the same.
And when they are that is submission, right? The other large thing I notice about this verse is the theme of choice. "If" is a common word, and it implies that we can choose something other than You, and we often are. The verse that really drives this idea of choice home to me is, "Open wide your mouth and I will fill it." We have to choose to open our mouths. We must choose to follow. Hearing is not enough, hearing is not submission.
So it comes down to something that sounds simple. I must pay attention and hear You and when I do I must choose to heed what You say.
So what is that? What are You saying to me/us that I/we must choose to follow? I believe that the most powerful message I am hearing is that we should have no other thing before You, and that we should take that command seriously. What would I not be willing to give up for You?
This is the question to take with me for the day. Bring me back to it. And actually, I pray that it soaks into the whole community. I love my friends of Exodus, let us start climbing the hill to the cross with You.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
This is What It Means to be Israel
I want to simply sit in Your presence Lord. I want to give You the personal praise and worship that You deserve. I read this week in "A Long Obedience..." a really interesting quote about worship, that is an act that brings about feelings for God. I also read a really interesting paraphrase of Psalm 122, it says this:
"To give thanks to the name of God — this is what it means to be Israel."
It gave me pause because the Hebrew for Israel means "struggles with God." So in my mind, there's this interesting thought. Perhaps it sheds some light on the fact that praising God is not a simple, mindless thing. It is certainly an integral part of the life of a Christian, but perhaps it's supposed to be much deeper than applauding along to some "praise and worship" songs.
So this week I have certainly struggled to find time for You in a week that was supposed to be the beginning of a real dedication to that. Faculty meetings, long ball games, late nights and early mornings, friends, responsibilities, all sorts of things add up. And I could spend this time questioning myself, my ability to be disciplined in a time that is focused on discipline, my motivation or anything else.
But instead, this is all supposed to be about You anyways. So praise be to the Father! And praise be to the Son! And praise be to the Holy Spirit! The Godhead, three-in-one!
I thank this week for my son. He's not had the best week ever, as he's become fussier and definitely is starting to show a bit of preference for mom (can't blame him, she's prettier!) But Thursday night he snuggled into the crevice of my arm as I lay and watch a basketball game while Courtney read on the floor of the living room. That's a touching scene to me, what a reminder of the blessings of family that accompany me on my journey! Praise be to the Father, You've allowed me to experience being a father for myself.
Thank You for companions. So Bryan and Joel both decided to join and go along, and I simply beseech You for their success. But what a wonderful surprise! Community creating discipline, the life-giving no experienced together. I can't express the pride I had in the way that You are working in my friends as they expressed desire to come along in this journey, to experience it for themselves.
Thank You for being in my thoughts. As I've picked up and read Peterson again this week, discussed Rob Bell with mom, read from Robert Alter's translation and commentary on the Psalms, all sorts of God-inspired thought has popped into my mind. I love to mediate on these questions, these ideas, and on Your life and Your Word. Let it continue to fill me inside so that I can be amazed by Your breadth and depth. Simple questions have amazed me: How long before the crucifixion did You begin to think about the pain and horror that You would have to go through? How long did it loom on the horizon? Or were You the master of living in the here and now, dedicated Your actions here to God's purposes and letting the Father do all the advance planning? It blows my mind to think with that as an "ending" You were able to continue to notice the pains and ills of those around You. When I'm stressed and worried I become selfish. With the biggest of all self-sacrifices ahead of You, You never even seemed stressed until the night before, and You certainly didn't let it put You in fear and inaction.
Thank You for allowing me to lose weight. It's a great discipline motivator. I want to acknowledge it, because it is nice. But I also want to thank You, for You are the one thing I really want to become close to. Take not Your presence from me, but walk with me towards Easter, to celebrate Resurrection together and then to participate in Resurrection life then after.
I love You Lord, and sleep calls. Thank You for my bed, and my loving wife who cuddles me into warmth. You the maker of my joy! It all takes root from You and Your magnificent creation. Continue to be close. Please accept my praise and worship.
"To give thanks to the name of God — this is what it means to be Israel."
It gave me pause because the Hebrew for Israel means "struggles with God." So in my mind, there's this interesting thought. Perhaps it sheds some light on the fact that praising God is not a simple, mindless thing. It is certainly an integral part of the life of a Christian, but perhaps it's supposed to be much deeper than applauding along to some "praise and worship" songs.
So this week I have certainly struggled to find time for You in a week that was supposed to be the beginning of a real dedication to that. Faculty meetings, long ball games, late nights and early mornings, friends, responsibilities, all sorts of things add up. And I could spend this time questioning myself, my ability to be disciplined in a time that is focused on discipline, my motivation or anything else.
But instead, this is all supposed to be about You anyways. So praise be to the Father! And praise be to the Son! And praise be to the Holy Spirit! The Godhead, three-in-one!
I thank this week for my son. He's not had the best week ever, as he's become fussier and definitely is starting to show a bit of preference for mom (can't blame him, she's prettier!) But Thursday night he snuggled into the crevice of my arm as I lay and watch a basketball game while Courtney read on the floor of the living room. That's a touching scene to me, what a reminder of the blessings of family that accompany me on my journey! Praise be to the Father, You've allowed me to experience being a father for myself.
Thank You for companions. So Bryan and Joel both decided to join and go along, and I simply beseech You for their success. But what a wonderful surprise! Community creating discipline, the life-giving no experienced together. I can't express the pride I had in the way that You are working in my friends as they expressed desire to come along in this journey, to experience it for themselves.
Thank You for being in my thoughts. As I've picked up and read Peterson again this week, discussed Rob Bell with mom, read from Robert Alter's translation and commentary on the Psalms, all sorts of God-inspired thought has popped into my mind. I love to mediate on these questions, these ideas, and on Your life and Your Word. Let it continue to fill me inside so that I can be amazed by Your breadth and depth. Simple questions have amazed me: How long before the crucifixion did You begin to think about the pain and horror that You would have to go through? How long did it loom on the horizon? Or were You the master of living in the here and now, dedicated Your actions here to God's purposes and letting the Father do all the advance planning? It blows my mind to think with that as an "ending" You were able to continue to notice the pains and ills of those around You. When I'm stressed and worried I become selfish. With the biggest of all self-sacrifices ahead of You, You never even seemed stressed until the night before, and You certainly didn't let it put You in fear and inaction.
Thank You for allowing me to lose weight. It's a great discipline motivator. I want to acknowledge it, because it is nice. But I also want to thank You, for You are the one thing I really want to become close to. Take not Your presence from me, but walk with me towards Easter, to celebrate Resurrection together and then to participate in Resurrection life then after.
I love You Lord, and sleep calls. Thank You for my bed, and my loving wife who cuddles me into warmth. You the maker of my joy! It all takes root from You and Your magnificent creation. Continue to be close. Please accept my praise and worship.
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