Even Then I Will Be Confident

Lord, I love the Psalms. The more I read of them, the more beautiful I find them. I think, especially when I am just reading one a day, I find the beauty and the imagery fascinating. It makes them even more prayerful for me, and inspiring.

Today, it's the second week through the Lent readings. So it is Psalm 27 for the second time. And as I read it, several things jumped out to me. First of all, I've been trying this week to treat the people who annoy, challenge, and try to take advantage of me like my family, with love. And of course, as I began to attempt to reach out in love to one student who gets on my nerves, another one made me furious yesterday. Like calm down, take deep breaths furious.

And I feel like I'm at my wit's end with him, so I sent him out in the hall. I calmed down, and then I tried to do my best to love him. Went out of my way to solve the problem that he was bringing up. And he was still indignant and ungrateful after I did so... but isn't that what God's family is all about, didn't Luke 6 say specifically that God is merciful to the ungrateful?

The hard part is to not feel defeated, because that's what I felt like in the end. A push over. Even though I had made the choice to love, I still felt weak. But the Psalm today was all about confidence.

"The Lord is my light and salvation - whom shall I fear?"

"When my enemies and foes attack me... even then I will be confident."

"I am still confident in this: I will see the goodness of the Lord..."

When loving those who don't always respond lovingly toward me, I need to remember these passages You've inspired. Why should I be afraid? I will be confident in my Lord. You give me the support of a merciful Father, so let me see that face, let me feel Your support.

And thank You in advance, because I am confident it will be there!

Beatings and Riots

2 Corinthians 6-8

Paul went through a lot of hardships for You. I mean, in chapter 6 here he lists a bunch of things: hardships, distresses, beatings, imprisonments, riots, sleepless nights, hunger, being regarded as impostors, being regarded as unknown, sorrow, poverty.

And yet, despite all of those things, Paul had an attitude of joy that allowed him to continue living in Your word and leading others in it as well. I've been having difficulty staying committed to this task. It has been because I have felt a lack of affirmation for others and that their is a lack of commitment from others. My students at school sometimes seem the definition of apathy and disinterest, and in my tasks at Exodus I have just felt worn down by a variety of tasks. But that's it, I've just been worn down.

Here's what I wonder about Paul. He had certainty. You appeared to him and he was changed. When he went out to tell his story, he had no doubt in it. You appeared. You came in a bright light. You talked to him. So when he was beaten, opposed, whatever it wasn't like he could stop and think and say, well, maybe there is a better way to do this. Or maybe I should leave this to others. He just reflected on Your meeting with him, and I'm sure this was refreshing.

And I doubt myself. Couldn't ever step out on the water, because I'm afraid I would do something to mess it up. Couldn't ever face a beating or imprisonment because I would rethink my views, be wishy-washy, something... I know my strengths, but one of them is not certainty.

It occurs to me that there may be several ways to develop more certainty and authority in my teaching and preaching. The first would be to remember. Paul could always remember what God had done for him, he could speak authoritatively from his story. I sometimes have trouble relating my "God-experiences" with others because they might doubt my story. But I don't doubt my story. These personal experiences should shape the person I am in my faith moving forward, and be a way to make it through current tough times.

Secondly, I can keep finding time to spend alone with You. If You are the one who re-energizes us through the times of beatings, sleepless nights, and distresses, then why don't I make a point to meet with You? I mean, I have had these mornings, but perhaps I can find regular time too, throughout my day.

So, now I go on to live in Your light and renewal. Thank You for this day! Amen.