Lord, as the season of Lent started yesterday I never really confirmed before You what I have chosen to sacrifice in this season, hopefully to sacrifice it for good. I'm truly trying to give up excess this Lent season, having more than I should. One tangible way that I'm going to measure that is by the food that I eat. I am going to refuse any second helpings these next 40 days, well, and I'll probably include Sundays in that since I'm really trying to make this a life habit.
I'm hoping that this helps me with excess in all areas. I'm prone to fits of "passion" where I simply become obsessed with something and spend all my time doing that thing. Reading poetry, watching basketball, thinking about tennis, etc. It's not because I have to but simply because I get so easily carried away with things. I know that I could also end up piling up stuff and enlarging my kingdom because I could end up buying to excess. So I pray that You are with me in my quest to cut the fat, both literally and figuratively.
This morning, I also want to pray for Exodus. It's been a long while since we've had a chance to truly plan, and tomorrow we get that chance. Please help the meeting to go well, and for us to accomplish much together. It would really be awesome if we could get deliverance and community Sundays planned for much of the year. It would be awesome if we knew where some of the topics were going for the rest of the year. It would be awesome to have those things down and start praying for them regularly.
Finally, You are amazing. It was so much fun to snuggle with my wife last night. It was so much fun to chase my son around the dining room last night and play the drums with him on the floor. Any time that I think of my family, I feel overly blessed. This is one area where I appreciate Your excess. I even have frustrations with them right now (Courtney's over-busy because of Pampered Chef and Gideon is clingy to his mommy because he doesn't spend enough time with her on her work nights), but despite these I can't imagine anything better. Lord, thank You!
May this season continue to be full of Your light. Amen.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Ash Wednesday
Psalm 22 is just an excellent way to start the Lent season. I feel as if I've been grasping for You all month, and coming up with air. I love this part of the psalm:
"I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.
My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death."
Of course, that is strong poetic language to me. I don't actually feel crushed in the dust of death right now. But the poured out seems about right. The passion of my heart being melted away sounds about right. My strength being dried up. Well, it all sounds like where I'm at.
The difficulty has been many fold. I think all the planning and preparing for Exodus has just ground me down. There are ways of doing and thinking that just don't seem to come together. There are people with different ideas of where we should go and instead of seeking You about this, I just get stressed.
Okay, so there's my confession. I have a hard time seeking You with any of the challenges that are on my plate. And so, yea, I'm going to become overwhelmed. Yea, I'm never going to feel like I'm being poured back into if I'm counting on others to do all the pouring. I have to count on You.
Not to say that I won't sometimes be disappointed with You too. But right now, I'm far away and I haven't really even been trying. I've been going through the motions, sure, but that doesn't classify as really trying does it? I haven't been seeking to be honest, I haven't been asking others for prayer, and until recently, I haven't been praying myself.
I could go into a whole long speech about how that has to happen. But I'm not. I'm going to stop writing and pray. Be with me today Lord. As I continue to confess, allow me to also remember to praise. You are great and You are present.
"I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.
My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death."
Of course, that is strong poetic language to me. I don't actually feel crushed in the dust of death right now. But the poured out seems about right. The passion of my heart being melted away sounds about right. My strength being dried up. Well, it all sounds like where I'm at.
The difficulty has been many fold. I think all the planning and preparing for Exodus has just ground me down. There are ways of doing and thinking that just don't seem to come together. There are people with different ideas of where we should go and instead of seeking You about this, I just get stressed.
Okay, so there's my confession. I have a hard time seeking You with any of the challenges that are on my plate. And so, yea, I'm going to become overwhelmed. Yea, I'm never going to feel like I'm being poured back into if I'm counting on others to do all the pouring. I have to count on You.
Not to say that I won't sometimes be disappointed with You too. But right now, I'm far away and I haven't really even been trying. I've been going through the motions, sure, but that doesn't classify as really trying does it? I haven't been seeking to be honest, I haven't been asking others for prayer, and until recently, I haven't been praying myself.
I could go into a whole long speech about how that has to happen. But I'm not. I'm going to stop writing and pray. Be with me today Lord. As I continue to confess, allow me to also remember to praise. You are great and You are present.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Here Comes Lent
It's amazing how long it has been since my last post. It's sometimes really difficult for me to find time to do everything, so when I've been rushed this journaling piece is what I've left out. That's too bad really, because this journaling piece is the way that I probably feel most relationally connected to You. It's where I sort out what the words that I've read are saying. In some ways I feel like it is more important for me to connect with You here than to read Scripture, which is the part of my devotional time that I have been dedicated to. I guess Scripture is a way of getting to know You through what You have done, but that's not nearly as meaningful if I don't take that knowledge of Your character and begin to search for what You are doing.
Well, anyways. This month of February continues to be typical for me. I've lost the vigor that I started the year with, which I really enjoy, but things aren't terrible. I just find it harder to get motivated for anything. It's difficult to plan things for church, school or tennis because I'm just tired. It's interesting, I find myself just wanting to stay home and play with Gideon most of the time. But then even when I am home with Gideon I find myself becoming to tired to chase him around and play. That's fairly frustrating. I notice how different the weekends are, because I actually get to sleep in. Then I have much more energy for him and other projects.
Which is something I guess I should ask You about. I've been sacrificing for a long time, getting up early in the morning in order to come into the office and read the Word, presumably to talk to You as well. And yet...it's killing me during the week with how tired I get. I mean, exhausted tired. I mean, thinking about taking a nap during the school day while my students are in the room tired. Okay, that's exaggeration of course. But. It seems to me that maybe You could honor my sacrifice by helping me overcome the humanness of my body not getting enough sleep. Yea, as I type that it sounds kind of stupid. But...
Today I read the book of Judges, mostly about Samson's story. Samson doesn't strike me as a real likable character, because I feel like he is reckless and arrogant. I think the reckless and arrogant personality type really drives me up a wall. It also makes it hard for me to really get fired up about Samson's story because I'm like, gee, he's getting what he deserves when the Philistines finally capture him and poke his eyes out. I mean, his parents warn him not to get involved with the Philistine women, and he goes right ahead and does. Then after Deliliah tries to kill him three times he finally tells her his secret. I think that if someone tried to kill me three times, I'd be going to the police.
Oh, I'm too critical this morning. Anyways, Lent is coming up Lord. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. I've got plenty to be penitent about between my attitudes, actions, and words. I'm sad that this year I won't be undertaking a full fast for the Lent period, but I pray that I can find the right things to rid myself of in sacrifice. I pray that before tomorrow's typing here that I can figure out what it is that stands between me and You. Then let me use Lent as a way to work that out of our relationship permanently.
It's good to be back typing and communicating with You. I don't know why I stopped. Give the strength (mostly of my tired eyes) to continue.
I love You Lord,
Matt.Lee.
Well, anyways. This month of February continues to be typical for me. I've lost the vigor that I started the year with, which I really enjoy, but things aren't terrible. I just find it harder to get motivated for anything. It's difficult to plan things for church, school or tennis because I'm just tired. It's interesting, I find myself just wanting to stay home and play with Gideon most of the time. But then even when I am home with Gideon I find myself becoming to tired to chase him around and play. That's fairly frustrating. I notice how different the weekends are, because I actually get to sleep in. Then I have much more energy for him and other projects.
Which is something I guess I should ask You about. I've been sacrificing for a long time, getting up early in the morning in order to come into the office and read the Word, presumably to talk to You as well. And yet...it's killing me during the week with how tired I get. I mean, exhausted tired. I mean, thinking about taking a nap during the school day while my students are in the room tired. Okay, that's exaggeration of course. But. It seems to me that maybe You could honor my sacrifice by helping me overcome the humanness of my body not getting enough sleep. Yea, as I type that it sounds kind of stupid. But...
Today I read the book of Judges, mostly about Samson's story. Samson doesn't strike me as a real likable character, because I feel like he is reckless and arrogant. I think the reckless and arrogant personality type really drives me up a wall. It also makes it hard for me to really get fired up about Samson's story because I'm like, gee, he's getting what he deserves when the Philistines finally capture him and poke his eyes out. I mean, his parents warn him not to get involved with the Philistine women, and he goes right ahead and does. Then after Deliliah tries to kill him three times he finally tells her his secret. I think that if someone tried to kill me three times, I'd be going to the police.
Oh, I'm too critical this morning. Anyways, Lent is coming up Lord. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. I've got plenty to be penitent about between my attitudes, actions, and words. I'm sad that this year I won't be undertaking a full fast for the Lent period, but I pray that I can find the right things to rid myself of in sacrifice. I pray that before tomorrow's typing here that I can figure out what it is that stands between me and You. Then let me use Lent as a way to work that out of our relationship permanently.
It's good to be back typing and communicating with You. I don't know why I stopped. Give the strength (mostly of my tired eyes) to continue.
I love You Lord,
Matt.Lee.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Rededication
Lord God, I've had a bit of a rough week. I started out the week tired, probably because of late night Super Bowl viewing. All week I've had a stressful activity at some point during the day, whether that be hoping that chapel goes well because I was responsible for the chapel speakers, or trying to find people to work the concession stand at the basketball game, or having a class I wasn't quite prepared for because of other responsibilities...whatever. Stress seems to go along with having too much planning on my plate right now.
And I've had less time to be creative, which is driving me nuts. In the month of January I had enough down time to complete a bunch of poems. I actually wrote 20 poems over the course of the month, and while I'm sure there is some editing to be done, that's a lot of creative time. And I loved it. Now I haven't even really been motivated to sit down and write yet this week. It kind of feels like something I have to do instead of something I desire.
Speaking of which, this devotional time is becoming a bit like that as well. I want to keep up our relationship, but I haven't really been willing to commit to it in a significant way. I've been wanting to keep up my workouts in the morning, and with the other early morning commitments I have (tennis and faculty meetings) it seems that our time together is easily pushed to the side. I figure that I'll get it in during my prep period, but then I've had so much to grade and plan that that hasn't worked out either. So, here we are.
I want to pursue You. That's why, despite my tiredness, I got up this morning and didn't let it go into my prep period. That's why I caught up on the Scripture reading. That's why I'm making sure that I'm rededicating myself to my rule-of-life. I do these actions because I love You and because they help me obey. This is me showing You that I care. Please, bring some stress relief into my life. Help me to prioritize time for the things that make me come alive to You.
Oh, and thank You for my family and friends. I missed out on noonday praise yesterday, and that was not a good thing to miss out on. I love You for providing my wife and my sweet little boy, my parents (on both sides), brother and sisters, even grandparents who travel up here to spend time with their great-grandson. I love them all and You have provided them. Thank You!
And I've had less time to be creative, which is driving me nuts. In the month of January I had enough down time to complete a bunch of poems. I actually wrote 20 poems over the course of the month, and while I'm sure there is some editing to be done, that's a lot of creative time. And I loved it. Now I haven't even really been motivated to sit down and write yet this week. It kind of feels like something I have to do instead of something I desire.
Speaking of which, this devotional time is becoming a bit like that as well. I want to keep up our relationship, but I haven't really been willing to commit to it in a significant way. I've been wanting to keep up my workouts in the morning, and with the other early morning commitments I have (tennis and faculty meetings) it seems that our time together is easily pushed to the side. I figure that I'll get it in during my prep period, but then I've had so much to grade and plan that that hasn't worked out either. So, here we are.
I want to pursue You. That's why, despite my tiredness, I got up this morning and didn't let it go into my prep period. That's why I caught up on the Scripture reading. That's why I'm making sure that I'm rededicating myself to my rule-of-life. I do these actions because I love You and because they help me obey. This is me showing You that I care. Please, bring some stress relief into my life. Help me to prioritize time for the things that make me come alive to You.
Oh, and thank You for my family and friends. I missed out on noonday praise yesterday, and that was not a good thing to miss out on. I love You for providing my wife and my sweet little boy, my parents (on both sides), brother and sisters, even grandparents who travel up here to spend time with their great-grandson. I love them all and You have provided them. Thank You!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Promises
Joshua 21-24
It's funny, it seems that every morning that I have time to write out a prayer to You is the morning that I'm reading through the book of Joshua. I'm on a reading schedule that has different days for different types of literature in the Bible. You know, Wednesday is Psalms, Thursdays are poetic/wisdom books, Saturdays are epistles, etc. Tuesday is the morning that I have the most time before I go to work and it is history books on the schedule. History books are definitely the hardest to apply, to find meaning in. So it's weird that I'm always here in this space contemplating violence, idols, land allotment, and all the other things that are traditionally difficult to understand how they apply to faith.
Today, though, something jumped out at me. Twice in the final four chapters of Joshua, the author takes special time to emphasize that all of Your promises were fulfilled to the people. That not even one little promise was left undone. It's interesting in the age of politicians who promise over 500 things and then fail to deliver on most of them to have someone who actually does always deliver, always fulfill.
I'd love to know then what promises are in store for me. And I mean, not even like personal promises, like next year You will be... whatever. I mean I don't even really have a good handle or hope in what Jesus promises to all Christians if they follow Him. So what were those promises? Abundant life? What defines that? I'm not trying to be difficult, only honest. I'm afraid that even as You fulfill Your promises in my life, I won't be able to recognize that.
I suppose I can still praise for the good, though. That should cover when any promises are fulfilled. And there is a lot of good in my life. Well, You are good, so that makes sense. Continue to take over all areas of my life.
It's funny, it seems that every morning that I have time to write out a prayer to You is the morning that I'm reading through the book of Joshua. I'm on a reading schedule that has different days for different types of literature in the Bible. You know, Wednesday is Psalms, Thursdays are poetic/wisdom books, Saturdays are epistles, etc. Tuesday is the morning that I have the most time before I go to work and it is history books on the schedule. History books are definitely the hardest to apply, to find meaning in. So it's weird that I'm always here in this space contemplating violence, idols, land allotment, and all the other things that are traditionally difficult to understand how they apply to faith.
Today, though, something jumped out at me. Twice in the final four chapters of Joshua, the author takes special time to emphasize that all of Your promises were fulfilled to the people. That not even one little promise was left undone. It's interesting in the age of politicians who promise over 500 things and then fail to deliver on most of them to have someone who actually does always deliver, always fulfill.
I'd love to know then what promises are in store for me. And I mean, not even like personal promises, like next year You will be... whatever. I mean I don't even really have a good handle or hope in what Jesus promises to all Christians if they follow Him. So what were those promises? Abundant life? What defines that? I'm not trying to be difficult, only honest. I'm afraid that even as You fulfill Your promises in my life, I won't be able to recognize that.
I suppose I can still praise for the good, though. That should cover when any promises are fulfilled. And there is a lot of good in my life. Well, You are good, so that makes sense. Continue to take over all areas of my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
