Judges 1
Micah 5:2-5
A lot of times, I struggle with these Advent passages. As we wait for the celebration of Your coming, we read all that led up to Your birth. The miracles of the angel's messages, the coming of John the Baptist, Psalms of praise and rejoicing, and the prophecies of Your coming. Sometimes I struggle with putting all the different readings into one theme. Sometimes, however, I struggle with believing that the passage of prophecy really truly came true.
Look at all of Micah 5:2-5. A ruler will come, and be over Israel, and he will rule them and they will find security. That really didn't seem to happen. The words often used with Jesus (ruler, king, leader) really lend to political understandings. I know that Jesus came and tried to make the people understand differently the words. But, I can see why many people didn't get it. Especially those who were committed to the text. And especially those who viewed the text literally. Because apparently Jesus fulfilled these prophecies about being a ruler without ever really taking the political throne in Israel.
So, I guess what really scares me about all this Lord is: what am I missing? What am I interpreting too literally? Where are You that I have not seen You?
Through all this, the final promise in Micah is that the "ruler" will be the peace of the people. I can see that in You. You do often become the peace in people's lives. And even when You walked the earth You brought peace.
Advent readings, prophecies, doubts, and wonders. But the peace makes You true to me. How can I not praise You and feel at peace when my beautiful son has just turned 2 years old today? How can I not be peaceful while sitting in the bleak mid-winter with my wife who is pregnant with our second child. You are the peace of my life as I sit with my church and talk about how to do things that I'm terrible at (details) and yet the rest of the community comes through for me with great suggestions.
You are my rest in the mornings. Thanks.
Showing posts with label doubt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doubt. Show all posts
Monday, December 14, 2009
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Raising Hope Out of Shame
SATURDAY 3.22.08 – PETER
Peter followed Jesus for years. He saw many miracles and amazing things. He’s the only person other than Jesus to walk on water! After all these experiences that displayed the power of God in the life of Christ, Peter still feared for his own life enough to deny Jesus three times in one day. His doubt is an encouragement to us all. Peter saw signs and miracles and Jesus in all His glory at the transfiguration, and still he doubted. The Rock on whom Jesus built His Church learned great lessons from continued faith and obedience through doubt. Read about Peter’s lowest point (Matthew 26:69–75) and his restoration (John 21:15–18).
It's just interesting that the day before my fast ends, I'm sitting here looking back over the past 45 days and thinking, wow, what was all that for? I mean, I've throughly enjoyed the fast again, and there have been some great times. But I always get stuck in a rut of shame. It's so interesting, and depressing. I mean, last year I came to the end of the fast and I was genuinely moved by all that had happened. This year I come to the end of the fast and am not. I'm ready for it to be over, and I know that the lack of spiritual experience is entirely my fault.
It makes it hard to think that I'll have joy tomorrow in the Easter experience. Except for one thing. Christ died for my shame. You died for my shame, and all the sin and disinterest that kept me far from You. Trust me, I still have this deep desire to go back and change everything. To start afresh and anew and have this all mean something profound but... You died for the fact that I failed.
Pretty unbelievable when I finally look at the story of Peter this morning. As I think of this being the last day before Easter, before the day on which You rose triumphantly, I think about the things that I have done to trample Your Spirit throughout this Lenten period and honestly it makes me want to "weep bitterly" as Peter did.
But one thing very good that has certainly happened throughout my fast has been a rekindling of my desire to be an excellent pastor for Exodus. And realizations of what that actually means that I must do. Being a "pastor," which literally in Latin means "shepherd," it is kind of shocking to go back and read this passage where You talk to Peter after Your resurrection. "Feed my sheep," You asked Peter. It's almost as if You are extending to him a way to get past his shame.
This is how I feel, I truly let You down in this fast by letting the other busy things of my life push You around. I didn't make the time to pay attention to the things You were doing. I want to make it up to You in any way possible and it is like You are hitting me with this verse, "Feed my sheep." I have a whole flock of people that as pastor I have taken spiritual responsibility. Luckily it is not a job I do alone, but I do have a special role in it. Have I been fulfilling that role? Not always. But I can start that right now. And it may be the way You are pointing out that I can "make things up" to You.
It's reminds me...hope is what creates joy. Suddenly, in my last day, my hope in myself is renewed because I know that You still hope in me. I have greater expectations of me than failure, sloth, and shame. You believe that I can, with the help and company of others, feed Your sheep. That hope needs to infuse itself into our community and deep into my heart.
Lord God, Creator of all good, You are all good. You have blessed me beyond the skies with all sorts of good. Actually, as I look back, even the past few days You have blessed me with all sorts of good. I know my assignment. Just like Peter, I must stop looking at the bad within myself that keeps me shamed and low, and instead I must look for the good in You and use it to feed your sheep, to encourage the flock, to lead them to the same level of attentiveness. To help them see You. And just like it says in James, You are the Father of heavenly lights, not shifting like the shadows but constantly giving every good and perfect gift. You are behind the good and perfect in life, and You raise that good and perfect up out of death and suffering. Maybe that's the true lesson of this fast, it wasn't the greatest, but You are using it to infuse me with this truth in a profound way. That You can even take my bad, and use it for good. Right now, You are using it as motivation, as a teaching tool. Thank You. You are the Lord Most High! Thank You for Your blessing! Thank You for this fast! Thank You for my Son! Thank You for Jesus! Thank You for being the God who raises up victory from defeat! I love You!
Peter followed Jesus for years. He saw many miracles and amazing things. He’s the only person other than Jesus to walk on water! After all these experiences that displayed the power of God in the life of Christ, Peter still feared for his own life enough to deny Jesus three times in one day. His doubt is an encouragement to us all. Peter saw signs and miracles and Jesus in all His glory at the transfiguration, and still he doubted. The Rock on whom Jesus built His Church learned great lessons from continued faith and obedience through doubt. Read about Peter’s lowest point (Matthew 26:69–75) and his restoration (John 21:15–18).
It's just interesting that the day before my fast ends, I'm sitting here looking back over the past 45 days and thinking, wow, what was all that for? I mean, I've throughly enjoyed the fast again, and there have been some great times. But I always get stuck in a rut of shame. It's so interesting, and depressing. I mean, last year I came to the end of the fast and I was genuinely moved by all that had happened. This year I come to the end of the fast and am not. I'm ready for it to be over, and I know that the lack of spiritual experience is entirely my fault.
It makes it hard to think that I'll have joy tomorrow in the Easter experience. Except for one thing. Christ died for my shame. You died for my shame, and all the sin and disinterest that kept me far from You. Trust me, I still have this deep desire to go back and change everything. To start afresh and anew and have this all mean something profound but... You died for the fact that I failed.
Pretty unbelievable when I finally look at the story of Peter this morning. As I think of this being the last day before Easter, before the day on which You rose triumphantly, I think about the things that I have done to trample Your Spirit throughout this Lenten period and honestly it makes me want to "weep bitterly" as Peter did.
But one thing very good that has certainly happened throughout my fast has been a rekindling of my desire to be an excellent pastor for Exodus. And realizations of what that actually means that I must do. Being a "pastor," which literally in Latin means "shepherd," it is kind of shocking to go back and read this passage where You talk to Peter after Your resurrection. "Feed my sheep," You asked Peter. It's almost as if You are extending to him a way to get past his shame.
This is how I feel, I truly let You down in this fast by letting the other busy things of my life push You around. I didn't make the time to pay attention to the things You were doing. I want to make it up to You in any way possible and it is like You are hitting me with this verse, "Feed my sheep." I have a whole flock of people that as pastor I have taken spiritual responsibility. Luckily it is not a job I do alone, but I do have a special role in it. Have I been fulfilling that role? Not always. But I can start that right now. And it may be the way You are pointing out that I can "make things up" to You.
It's reminds me...hope is what creates joy. Suddenly, in my last day, my hope in myself is renewed because I know that You still hope in me. I have greater expectations of me than failure, sloth, and shame. You believe that I can, with the help and company of others, feed Your sheep. That hope needs to infuse itself into our community and deep into my heart.
Lord God, Creator of all good, You are all good. You have blessed me beyond the skies with all sorts of good. Actually, as I look back, even the past few days You have blessed me with all sorts of good. I know my assignment. Just like Peter, I must stop looking at the bad within myself that keeps me shamed and low, and instead I must look for the good in You and use it to feed your sheep, to encourage the flock, to lead them to the same level of attentiveness. To help them see You. And just like it says in James, You are the Father of heavenly lights, not shifting like the shadows but constantly giving every good and perfect gift. You are behind the good and perfect in life, and You raise that good and perfect up out of death and suffering. Maybe that's the true lesson of this fast, it wasn't the greatest, but You are using it to infuse me with this truth in a profound way. That You can even take my bad, and use it for good. Right now, You are using it as motivation, as a teaching tool. Thank You. You are the Lord Most High! Thank You for Your blessing! Thank You for this fast! Thank You for my Son! Thank You for Jesus! Thank You for being the God who raises up victory from defeat! I love You!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
How is God With Us?
WEDNESDAY 3.19.08 – GIDEON
Gideon’s doubt was not easy to satisfy. More than once, he asks God to reassure him with signs. Being the youngest and from the weakest clan, the idea that he would rescue Israel just seemed to be too much to swallow. Read Gideon’s story in Judges 6.
Gideon, God's mighty warrior who is hiding from the Midianites when the Lord comes to speak with him. The thing that he was hiding from was exactly what You had him stand up and conquer. And the over riding message to the whole story again is that Gideon does not have to do the work and the deliverance alone but that it is in Your power.
I don't understand how this all works. I mean, when there is this promise that You will be with us when we step out in faith and do something that the Scriptures call us to, what does that mean? It certainly doesn't always mean that You'll perform miracles for us. In fact, Gideon goes about the whole process of breaking down Baal's altars with his own two hands. He doesn't stand in front of them and call down fire out of the sky. And then, when the townspeople are ready to kill him for destroying their gods, it's not You in miraculous fashion that saves him, but his father who says, reasonably, "Let Baal fight for himself."
So, where were You with Gideon here? It seems so Sunday School-ish and simple to say that You were acting through the other people in the story. It may be true but it is not satisfactory. When I am truly scared about stepping out and leading somewhere new, I don't want to just trust that You will work through others and that You will be "with" me in some mystical sense. I want to see You work in visions, signs, and miracles. I want solid proof that my success comes from You. The miraculous seems unquestionable because humans cannot perform it.
That's what makes it hard to step out and do anything most of the time. Cognitively, I know that You are with me, it's written all over the Biblical text. But physically, how is that going to help me. In class today, when I am trying to teach some of Your truths and students are bored out of their minds, how will I feel that You are with me?
It's interesting, in James it says that if we doubt we will receive nothing. I argued in class that that is not because You're not trying to give it, but rather, that we're not willing to receive it. Notice that the language in that passage is one of not receiving, instead of You not giving. It seems to me that as Bryan was pointing out, there is one key about the way that we deal with doubt, and that is obedience. Though we doubt, we must forge ahead and give You the chance to prove true. For if we don't obey, we will never receive. If doubt causes us to be paralyzed, then we will never have the chance to let You disprove our doubt.
So there is an element of confidence in You even before doubt is relieved. That is my faith. That little bit of confidence that should allow me to step out and do the things that Scripture has revealed to be correct, that is my faith. As strong as that confidence is, the more that I can undertake for You.
I want small things today from my faith. To be able to teach confidently and for my words to be of You. To be able to encourage in the face of frustration. To be able to discipline in the face of conflict. To be able to speak truth in love if needed to my friends, again in the face of conflict. These are the things where I could truly say, I am hiding from these responsibilities and I am weak. But, "the LORD is with me, mighty warrior."
Let me forge ahead.
Gideon’s doubt was not easy to satisfy. More than once, he asks God to reassure him with signs. Being the youngest and from the weakest clan, the idea that he would rescue Israel just seemed to be too much to swallow. Read Gideon’s story in Judges 6.
Gideon, God's mighty warrior who is hiding from the Midianites when the Lord comes to speak with him. The thing that he was hiding from was exactly what You had him stand up and conquer. And the over riding message to the whole story again is that Gideon does not have to do the work and the deliverance alone but that it is in Your power.
I don't understand how this all works. I mean, when there is this promise that You will be with us when we step out in faith and do something that the Scriptures call us to, what does that mean? It certainly doesn't always mean that You'll perform miracles for us. In fact, Gideon goes about the whole process of breaking down Baal's altars with his own two hands. He doesn't stand in front of them and call down fire out of the sky. And then, when the townspeople are ready to kill him for destroying their gods, it's not You in miraculous fashion that saves him, but his father who says, reasonably, "Let Baal fight for himself."
So, where were You with Gideon here? It seems so Sunday School-ish and simple to say that You were acting through the other people in the story. It may be true but it is not satisfactory. When I am truly scared about stepping out and leading somewhere new, I don't want to just trust that You will work through others and that You will be "with" me in some mystical sense. I want to see You work in visions, signs, and miracles. I want solid proof that my success comes from You. The miraculous seems unquestionable because humans cannot perform it.
That's what makes it hard to step out and do anything most of the time. Cognitively, I know that You are with me, it's written all over the Biblical text. But physically, how is that going to help me. In class today, when I am trying to teach some of Your truths and students are bored out of their minds, how will I feel that You are with me?
It's interesting, in James it says that if we doubt we will receive nothing. I argued in class that that is not because You're not trying to give it, but rather, that we're not willing to receive it. Notice that the language in that passage is one of not receiving, instead of You not giving. It seems to me that as Bryan was pointing out, there is one key about the way that we deal with doubt, and that is obedience. Though we doubt, we must forge ahead and give You the chance to prove true. For if we don't obey, we will never receive. If doubt causes us to be paralyzed, then we will never have the chance to let You disprove our doubt.
So there is an element of confidence in You even before doubt is relieved. That is my faith. That little bit of confidence that should allow me to step out and do the things that Scripture has revealed to be correct, that is my faith. As strong as that confidence is, the more that I can undertake for You.
I want small things today from my faith. To be able to teach confidently and for my words to be of You. To be able to encourage in the face of frustration. To be able to discipline in the face of conflict. To be able to speak truth in love if needed to my friends, again in the face of conflict. These are the things where I could truly say, I am hiding from these responsibilities and I am weak. But, "the LORD is with me, mighty warrior."
Let me forge ahead.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
The Community's Role
TUESDAY 3.18.08 – MOSES
The Jewish people still revere Moses to this day. He lead the people out of captivity and recieved the Law right from the mouth of YHWH. But before all of that, God spoke to Moses from the burning bush, asking him to do impossible sounding things. His doubt in God and himself lead Moses to ask God to send someone else. God responds in Exodus 4:10–16.
This week during Lent, Bryan has asked us to consider the role that doubt plays in our lives. Where are we doubting You? Where am I not convinced of the things that You've asked me to do? Perhaps the number one way to recognize where doubt is ruling my life is to look for the places that I am making excuses. As I look at the character and the story of Moses, his excuses jump out at me every time.
Well, I've been trying to work through some hard issues involved with be a leader in the church. And certainly as I work through those excuses have jumped up in my conversations with You. First of all, and definitely foremost, there is a mandate that as a leader I must be honest with the other leaders who are striving to guide the church with me, even when that means being critical of them. Because they are my friends, because I fear criticism coming back at myself, and most of all because I hate conflict, I have avoided this. There is no way that I can call this anything but wrong. The hurtful part for me to think of is not only is it wrong, it is damaging to the community. So certainly, there is fear and doubt in that situation.
Doubt #1: Will honesty really leave people in a place of health, even when it provokes conflict?
Secondly, Joel shared with us that after his Super Bowl party several of his friends felt that we were cold. He wants us to meet with them again, so that they can see a different side of us. Part of me welcomes this second chance. Part of me dreads it. I am not always good at meeting new people. That is the excuse as well. My doubt is that You can use me to reach people I don't know very well, that You can enable me to be the outgoing person that I don't feel like being, that I've never been. Then I also doubt if this is what You called me to. Why would You give me a personality that is introverted, that only has ever required one or two friends, when You then call me to be outgoing and bring new people in?
Doubt #2: Can I be a people-friendly face of the church that I just need to be to be an attractive person?
I think I could probably find more doubts, but I want to end with a big third doubt. I doubt myself and my ability as a leader period. The responsibility of a teacher, that is great, but I was able to handle that when I thought that was going to be what it meant to be the leader of a church. Now, it seems that being a leader is more about being in tune with a variety of people, being in tune with You, being a connection between the congregation and God, helping them seek You personally, stepping into their lives and trying to point out where You are there with them, and oh so many other weighty things. And we're only talking about 20 people maybe! The responsibility has become a great weight, for I so desire to see their transformation into the character of Christ and when it is at all lacking, that falls upon me.
Doubt #3: Can I even be a leader under the force of this weight?
In Your answer to Moses, in the passage of Exodus 4:10-16, You get angry with him for continual doubt. LORD, please turn Your anger from me if You are tired of excuses. Despite Your anger in the passage, You do something so profound and wise. Sometimes I forget, this is going to sound ridiculous, that You have so much practical wisdom. What You do is that You send someone with Moses. You don't back off the call, instead, You give him some company along the way.
Look! You've done the same for me! And how I try to pick them apart at times, pridefully place myself ahead of them in my mind at times, shamefully think that they are so much better than me at other times, ridiculously live at times as if we are in some type of competition or something. No, LORD, no! You have given me an extremely talented, loving, and caring group of individuals to walk with me in these doubts. It's an amazing reason for joy within the difficulty. You have not left us alone, as You are with us. But You have not left us physically alone, as You are with us in the form of the community as well. You are beyond wise!
I will praise Your wisdom within my doubt today! Thank You for the blessing of community!
The Jewish people still revere Moses to this day. He lead the people out of captivity and recieved the Law right from the mouth of YHWH. But before all of that, God spoke to Moses from the burning bush, asking him to do impossible sounding things. His doubt in God and himself lead Moses to ask God to send someone else. God responds in Exodus 4:10–16.
This week during Lent, Bryan has asked us to consider the role that doubt plays in our lives. Where are we doubting You? Where am I not convinced of the things that You've asked me to do? Perhaps the number one way to recognize where doubt is ruling my life is to look for the places that I am making excuses. As I look at the character and the story of Moses, his excuses jump out at me every time.
Well, I've been trying to work through some hard issues involved with be a leader in the church. And certainly as I work through those excuses have jumped up in my conversations with You. First of all, and definitely foremost, there is a mandate that as a leader I must be honest with the other leaders who are striving to guide the church with me, even when that means being critical of them. Because they are my friends, because I fear criticism coming back at myself, and most of all because I hate conflict, I have avoided this. There is no way that I can call this anything but wrong. The hurtful part for me to think of is not only is it wrong, it is damaging to the community. So certainly, there is fear and doubt in that situation.
Doubt #1: Will honesty really leave people in a place of health, even when it provokes conflict?
Secondly, Joel shared with us that after his Super Bowl party several of his friends felt that we were cold. He wants us to meet with them again, so that they can see a different side of us. Part of me welcomes this second chance. Part of me dreads it. I am not always good at meeting new people. That is the excuse as well. My doubt is that You can use me to reach people I don't know very well, that You can enable me to be the outgoing person that I don't feel like being, that I've never been. Then I also doubt if this is what You called me to. Why would You give me a personality that is introverted, that only has ever required one or two friends, when You then call me to be outgoing and bring new people in?
Doubt #2: Can I be a people-friendly face of the church that I just need to be to be an attractive person?
I think I could probably find more doubts, but I want to end with a big third doubt. I doubt myself and my ability as a leader period. The responsibility of a teacher, that is great, but I was able to handle that when I thought that was going to be what it meant to be the leader of a church. Now, it seems that being a leader is more about being in tune with a variety of people, being in tune with You, being a connection between the congregation and God, helping them seek You personally, stepping into their lives and trying to point out where You are there with them, and oh so many other weighty things. And we're only talking about 20 people maybe! The responsibility has become a great weight, for I so desire to see their transformation into the character of Christ and when it is at all lacking, that falls upon me.
Doubt #3: Can I even be a leader under the force of this weight?
In Your answer to Moses, in the passage of Exodus 4:10-16, You get angry with him for continual doubt. LORD, please turn Your anger from me if You are tired of excuses. Despite Your anger in the passage, You do something so profound and wise. Sometimes I forget, this is going to sound ridiculous, that You have so much practical wisdom. What You do is that You send someone with Moses. You don't back off the call, instead, You give him some company along the way.
Look! You've done the same for me! And how I try to pick them apart at times, pridefully place myself ahead of them in my mind at times, shamefully think that they are so much better than me at other times, ridiculously live at times as if we are in some type of competition or something. No, LORD, no! You have given me an extremely talented, loving, and caring group of individuals to walk with me in these doubts. It's an amazing reason for joy within the difficulty. You have not left us alone, as You are with us. But You have not left us physically alone, as You are with us in the form of the community as well. You are beyond wise!
I will praise Your wisdom within my doubt today! Thank You for the blessing of community!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
