Lord God,
Since the new year has started, I've been trying to get my heart into my devotional time more and more. And one of the ways that I've felt like You would speak to me is if I let You guide my devotional time. And so I haven't forced very much structure on my time. I've been loosely reading through the Bible, studying the book of Luke, reading the Psalms, reading "Practicing the Presence of God" by Brother Lawrence, typing up prayers and so on and on. But I don't have a structure to my time.
I have had some awesome times of revelation and knowledge during the first month of 2010. Our devotional time at the Exodus retreat was amazing and refreshing. The way that You spoke, the prayers that You gave me, the clarity that I had moving forward. Their have also been great times of study, wonderful insights, and good books that I've read (I'm really happy to be into one of the classic devotional pieces in Brother Lawrence's book!)
But what has been difficult for me over the past year or so is contemplation.
Talking with Bryan yesterday about "Dark Night of the Soul," I realized that St. John of the Cross had it so right when he said that we often enter our devotional time looking for something from You. We want to come away with something new, and so we end up treating our relational time as a consumer. I'm putting in my time now give me what I deserve. But it is supposed to be a relational time.
I guess, to compare it to my marriage, there are times when my wife and I sit down and talk about Gideon, joys or pains in our marriage, practical decisions that have to be made, things like that. When I walk away from those conversations, I feel like something has been accomplished, some decisions have been made. It feels good. It feels like progress. It gives me some direction.
But then there are times when we sit and don't talk, but instead just hold hands and I can watch the snow fall outside. Or times when we snuggle up in bed and rest on a Saturday afternoon during Gideon's nap time. Nothing gets done, but our marriage gets closer.
It's those second kind of times that I don't seem to have the patience for in our relationship Lord. I can't seem to slow myself down for something like that.
And that's where I think structure would maybe help. I'm so scattered about in trying to figure out how to connect with You, that often remains my focus. If there was some structure to my struggling, well... at least that is what I was thinking. I was reading Scott Cairns, "The End of Suffering," last night and he was speaking of his time spent with the monks of Mount Athos in Greece. There he learned to pray the hours, and other prayer rituals meant to help one pray ceaselessly. I longed for that type of structure. I long for prayer to become more real and ceaseless in my life, and thus deepen my relational tie to You.
And I feel a sudden answer to that, ringing clear from Cairns book and from You. I was going to finish my post with the last paragraph, asking You about structure, but I hear a clear sentiment. It fits well with my "Year of Joseph" theme as well - Step Forth and Love Others - and so I think it may be a true leading from You.
If I long for prayer to be real and ceaseless, if I long for structure and intimacy - I must be truly concerned in the suffering of others.
Showing posts with label love God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love God. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Monday, November 16, 2009
Even When I Don't
So, an update. Weekends make this whole "slowly and attentively" theme very difficult. First of all, it is difficult to find the consecrated time to be with You, because it is much easier to sleep in with my wife and son than get up and do this. It's like, sleep with my arms around my family or sit in the living room alone with my laptop? Easy decision. It's going to be my family (and I don't feel to bad about it... except...)
I never get to this time then. Being slow and attentive to Your presence is hard, and so taking two full days where I wasn't really even thinking about it made it a whole lot harder.
But there were times when You still hit me like a ton of bricks. We're driving over to Angola, to help clean out Courtney's room before her parents move in December. I'm listening to music while Gideon and Courtney are sleeping. On my iPod I select "Timothy Hay" by mewithoutYou and am just singing along, smiling at my beautiful family. And that is exactly what I'm thinking, "What a beautiful family, I love them so much! I couldn't be more grateful." And then on the music comes this line at the climax of the song...
"What a beautiful God, what a beautiful God, what a beautiful God You must be!"
Exactly. My thoughts exactly. And it fit so perfect, and Your presence was so close, that I could only cry beautiful tears. My wife woke up as I was wiping the tears from my eyes and Gideon did too. We sang together the rest of the way and had a beautiful time.
What a beautiful God You are. Thank You for showing up even when I don't. I love You.
I never get to this time then. Being slow and attentive to Your presence is hard, and so taking two full days where I wasn't really even thinking about it made it a whole lot harder.
But there were times when You still hit me like a ton of bricks. We're driving over to Angola, to help clean out Courtney's room before her parents move in December. I'm listening to music while Gideon and Courtney are sleeping. On my iPod I select "Timothy Hay" by mewithoutYou and am just singing along, smiling at my beautiful family. And that is exactly what I'm thinking, "What a beautiful family, I love them so much! I couldn't be more grateful." And then on the music comes this line at the climax of the song...
"What a beautiful God, what a beautiful God, what a beautiful God You must be!"
Exactly. My thoughts exactly. And it fit so perfect, and Your presence was so close, that I could only cry beautiful tears. My wife woke up as I was wiping the tears from my eyes and Gideon did too. We sang together the rest of the way and had a beautiful time.
What a beautiful God You are. Thank You for showing up even when I don't. I love You.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
EXC Daily Office: Lead With Love
So the other day, I abandoned this to go on a walk with You. And what I realized there is that You would like me to be very much more attentive to my relationships. I need to put ultimate priority in the relationship itself.
I've done a very American thing this winter and summer I'm afraid. I've wanted to quantify my progress in many categories. I actually think that the success of my tennis team last fall started this. Until we won the Sectional, I'd always said that the relationships that I form with my players were the most important thing to me. But then all of a sudden we accomplished something, and my desires shifted.
In line with what I believe about the holistic nature of life, my desires didn't just shift in the tennis realm, but everywhere else as well. The number of people at church began to bother me, the number of times my wife and I were intimate stuck in my head, the number of calories burned at the gym or weight lost from the scale... basically to say that I truly shifted to a state where production was the measure of worth.
I've got to shift back. I've got to measure worth in presence and relationship.
The other day at my grandparents house, my dad shared that several years ago after a sermon he was challenged to think of a life motto, something phrase that he could live by. He thought about it for months and then decided that his motto was: "Just show up." It's something that he definitely embodied, coming to all my high school tennis and basketball matches, something that spoke deeply to me. It occurs to me now that perhaps that was a good way of measuring worth, that he was there. He never judged us on how well we played (though he would offer tips), but instead just enjoyed watching us perform. His simple presence, "just showing up," was really powerful.
Now, I don't want to steal my dad's motto, but I think the principle is so strong. I have got to be available to those who I cherish. That includes You, my wife, my son, my family, my church, my tennis team, my students. And I need to learn to not value them based on their performance, but instead to just value building the friendships, mentorships, and relationships with them.
So, I have to admit, my grandpa thought that it would be a great idea for everyone to have their own life motto. And I nodded and smiled, but inside was thinking that mottos are so trite... blah, blah, blah... (sometimes I'm such a pop culture snob!) Anyways, I didn't put to much serious thought into it. But yesterday, when we were relating, I realized that in many facets of my life I am in a leadership position. From family to church to team to school, I am looked at as a place of leadership. I have struggled with what to do. And suddenly, it came to me, my life's motto!
"Lead With Love."
I love it for many reasons. First of all, it is not about results. It is not about production. It is not "Lead to win," or "Lead to succeed," or "Lead like a champion," or something like that. No. It defines my success as a leader as being about my ability to love. And isn't that what being a leader should be about? Isn't that what Christ did for us? Isn't that what being a husband is supposed to be about?
So that is really helpful, but that isn't the only reason. There's something more subtle.
Lead With.
Such a relationship word, with. Not in front, not dragging the rest along. Not behind, pushing them with my new muscular strength. With. With. With. Walking alongside and through tough times with my family, church, team, and studetnts. Being with them, not talking down to them. Looking for You with them, not lecturing on what I think they should do.
So, I am hoping to be led by this new motto. But I have one request. I cannot "Lead With Love" if I do not "Lead With You." I need our relationship to be strong and alive. Remind me of this every time I start to plan, lead, move, change, direct, coach, teach, preach, sing, instruct, provide, play, whatever. I must be in relationship with You for anything to work. Thank You for revealing and reminding me. Lead me with love, beside me through this path of life. Amen.
I've done a very American thing this winter and summer I'm afraid. I've wanted to quantify my progress in many categories. I actually think that the success of my tennis team last fall started this. Until we won the Sectional, I'd always said that the relationships that I form with my players were the most important thing to me. But then all of a sudden we accomplished something, and my desires shifted.
In line with what I believe about the holistic nature of life, my desires didn't just shift in the tennis realm, but everywhere else as well. The number of people at church began to bother me, the number of times my wife and I were intimate stuck in my head, the number of calories burned at the gym or weight lost from the scale... basically to say that I truly shifted to a state where production was the measure of worth.
I've got to shift back. I've got to measure worth in presence and relationship.
The other day at my grandparents house, my dad shared that several years ago after a sermon he was challenged to think of a life motto, something phrase that he could live by. He thought about it for months and then decided that his motto was: "Just show up." It's something that he definitely embodied, coming to all my high school tennis and basketball matches, something that spoke deeply to me. It occurs to me now that perhaps that was a good way of measuring worth, that he was there. He never judged us on how well we played (though he would offer tips), but instead just enjoyed watching us perform. His simple presence, "just showing up," was really powerful.
Now, I don't want to steal my dad's motto, but I think the principle is so strong. I have got to be available to those who I cherish. That includes You, my wife, my son, my family, my church, my tennis team, my students. And I need to learn to not value them based on their performance, but instead to just value building the friendships, mentorships, and relationships with them.
So, I have to admit, my grandpa thought that it would be a great idea for everyone to have their own life motto. And I nodded and smiled, but inside was thinking that mottos are so trite... blah, blah, blah... (sometimes I'm such a pop culture snob!) Anyways, I didn't put to much serious thought into it. But yesterday, when we were relating, I realized that in many facets of my life I am in a leadership position. From family to church to team to school, I am looked at as a place of leadership. I have struggled with what to do. And suddenly, it came to me, my life's motto!
"Lead With Love."
I love it for many reasons. First of all, it is not about results. It is not about production. It is not "Lead to win," or "Lead to succeed," or "Lead like a champion," or something like that. No. It defines my success as a leader as being about my ability to love. And isn't that what being a leader should be about? Isn't that what Christ did for us? Isn't that what being a husband is supposed to be about?
So that is really helpful, but that isn't the only reason. There's something more subtle.
Lead With.
Such a relationship word, with. Not in front, not dragging the rest along. Not behind, pushing them with my new muscular strength. With. With. With. Walking alongside and through tough times with my family, church, team, and studetnts. Being with them, not talking down to them. Looking for You with them, not lecturing on what I think they should do.
So, I am hoping to be led by this new motto. But I have one request. I cannot "Lead With Love" if I do not "Lead With You." I need our relationship to be strong and alive. Remind me of this every time I start to plan, lead, move, change, direct, coach, teach, preach, sing, instruct, provide, play, whatever. I must be in relationship with You for anything to work. Thank You for revealing and reminding me. Lead me with love, beside me through this path of life. Amen.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
EXC Daily Office: Not My Will But Yours Be Done
Reading through this blog is something that I rarely do. I know, You might think I'd want to kind of chronicle our relationship, what You've taught me, what I'm still struggling with, etc. Maybe I should do that more often in attempt to remember. Today, it was really important for me to just scroll through and look at some of the other Daily Office posts. I was especially struck by a post a wrote about humility bringing about hope. It still seems that I'm hoping that my strength and planning ability, or that of Exodus, will bring about change and transformation in the lives of others. As I read that post again, I see that You were trying to teach me that it is You who transforms the hearts and minds of a community, family, individual.
Again then, my prayer life must start from what my desires are and appeal to the true characteristics of Your nature. You truly are a Father, guiding us through significant life changes and challenges, not dictating but allowing us to choose the nature of our relationship, of our service, of many things. Bless our good choices. When we choose to be faithful, show us Your mercy. We we choose to be unfaithful, show us Your mercy, bring us back. But more than anything, teach me to pray:
Not my will but Yours be done.
I realize how much good intelligent music and lyrics make me think. Obviously, just a couple posts ago I used My Epic's "-" as inspiration to bring me closer to You. Today, I'm struck with mewithoutYou's "A Stick, a Carrot, & String." The part that really gets at what I'm praying about is this:
but does not the Father guide the Son?
not my will, but yours be done.
what else here to do?
what else me, but You?
What else is there in the Really Real Reality other than the will of our LORD? What else? Anybody have a good answer to this question? As I've been memorizing Deuteronomy 6, obviously a key part of that Scripture is what Jesus sites as the most important commandment: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Couple that with 1 John, where showing love to God is equated with obedience to him, and all the sudden I could reword the most important commandment as "Love God by obeying him, by carrying out His will."
Now of course, even as I sit here and type to You I'm aware of all the complications of Your will. First of all, how do we know what it is? Well, a simple and adequate answer You have given me time and time again. Your will is always seeking the good for whatever situation we find ourselves in. It certainly isn't an easy answer and it doesn't remove me from having to think. Let's just give an example here. A tennis player is about to walk into my room in 10 minutes. He's been dealing with a lot. I want to see how things are going. What's the good in this situation? Do I pray with him? Do I try to quote Scripture? Do I just shoot the breeze and build relationship? Do I talk to him about his own faults that are causing some of his problems? What will bring about the most good?
I want not my will but Yours. What I am remembering (just to bring this all back around to the beginning) is that I have to trust that the Spirit will guide and direct me to the good. I trust that You are great and that You will work in me and through me. I trust that Your will can be done in every situation. And so I have hope.
What else is there to do? What else me, but You?
Again then, my prayer life must start from what my desires are and appeal to the true characteristics of Your nature. You truly are a Father, guiding us through significant life changes and challenges, not dictating but allowing us to choose the nature of our relationship, of our service, of many things. Bless our good choices. When we choose to be faithful, show us Your mercy. We we choose to be unfaithful, show us Your mercy, bring us back. But more than anything, teach me to pray:
Not my will but Yours be done.
I realize how much good intelligent music and lyrics make me think. Obviously, just a couple posts ago I used My Epic's "-" as inspiration to bring me closer to You. Today, I'm struck with mewithoutYou's "A Stick, a Carrot, & String." The part that really gets at what I'm praying about is this:
but does not the Father guide the Son?
not my will, but yours be done.
what else here to do?
what else me, but You?
What else is there in the Really Real Reality other than the will of our LORD? What else? Anybody have a good answer to this question? As I've been memorizing Deuteronomy 6, obviously a key part of that Scripture is what Jesus sites as the most important commandment: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Couple that with 1 John, where showing love to God is equated with obedience to him, and all the sudden I could reword the most important commandment as "Love God by obeying him, by carrying out His will."
Now of course, even as I sit here and type to You I'm aware of all the complications of Your will. First of all, how do we know what it is? Well, a simple and adequate answer You have given me time and time again. Your will is always seeking the good for whatever situation we find ourselves in. It certainly isn't an easy answer and it doesn't remove me from having to think. Let's just give an example here. A tennis player is about to walk into my room in 10 minutes. He's been dealing with a lot. I want to see how things are going. What's the good in this situation? Do I pray with him? Do I try to quote Scripture? Do I just shoot the breeze and build relationship? Do I talk to him about his own faults that are causing some of his problems? What will bring about the most good?
I want not my will but Yours. What I am remembering (just to bring this all back around to the beginning) is that I have to trust that the Spirit will guide and direct me to the good. I trust that You are great and that You will work in me and through me. I trust that Your will can be done in every situation. And so I have hope.
What else is there to do? What else me, but You?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Do and Do, Rule on Rule
"Do and do, do and do, rule on rule, rule on rule, a little here, a little there."
Hum. Has this become what my faith is to? I just went through at the beginning of the year and instituted a rule of life into my life. Basically my rule has many tiny rules that I try to follow throughout the days and months. Not all of them get accomplished, but it has been a way to bring accountability to my life. Actually, despite the fact that it is do and do, rule on rule, it has been very refreshing.
I wonder then if motivation for the do and do is the problem. In other words, I don't take for granted right now the relationship context of serving You. Everyday I enter the Word and try to be true to pray and sometimes write to You. Perhaps it is when faith becomes completely the doing, and the relationship is left out, that to do and do, rule on rule becomes detrimental.
I've been learning just how much faith is about balance. A balance of knowing and doing, a balance of acting and speaking, a balance of inward reflection and outward activity, a balance of relationship and accountability. It has become obvious that going to extreme in any one thing will throw the wholeness of a person out of whack.
The other thing I've noticed is how hard it is to stay balanced. I'll tell You why: balanced people rarely get noticed. You have to have extreme opinions and be terribly outspoken about them to get a rise out of people. Then, some people will back you up, some people will get mad at you, but you will be noticed. And I believe getting noticed is one of the biggest motivators in our current context. So people of faith often do and do and do and forget to relate to You in rest and comfort because they feel their good deeds may help them receive appreciation.
Let me know I am appreciated for what I do, but more importantly for just who I am. For the time I spend here in the mornings, let me know that You appreciate it. No one else has to notice. For my dedication to my rule of life, let me know that You appreciate it. For attempts to be a man of prayer, to rest in You, to truly know You, let me know I'm appreciated. For I love You, and certainly appreciate Your character and the actions that have flowed from that.
Hum. Has this become what my faith is to? I just went through at the beginning of the year and instituted a rule of life into my life. Basically my rule has many tiny rules that I try to follow throughout the days and months. Not all of them get accomplished, but it has been a way to bring accountability to my life. Actually, despite the fact that it is do and do, rule on rule, it has been very refreshing.
I wonder then if motivation for the do and do is the problem. In other words, I don't take for granted right now the relationship context of serving You. Everyday I enter the Word and try to be true to pray and sometimes write to You. Perhaps it is when faith becomes completely the doing, and the relationship is left out, that to do and do, rule on rule becomes detrimental.
I've been learning just how much faith is about balance. A balance of knowing and doing, a balance of acting and speaking, a balance of inward reflection and outward activity, a balance of relationship and accountability. It has become obvious that going to extreme in any one thing will throw the wholeness of a person out of whack.
The other thing I've noticed is how hard it is to stay balanced. I'll tell You why: balanced people rarely get noticed. You have to have extreme opinions and be terribly outspoken about them to get a rise out of people. Then, some people will back you up, some people will get mad at you, but you will be noticed. And I believe getting noticed is one of the biggest motivators in our current context. So people of faith often do and do and do and forget to relate to You in rest and comfort because they feel their good deeds may help them receive appreciation.
Let me know I am appreciated for what I do, but more importantly for just who I am. For the time I spend here in the mornings, let me know that You appreciate it. No one else has to notice. For my dedication to my rule of life, let me know that You appreciate it. For attempts to be a man of prayer, to rest in You, to truly know You, let me know I'm appreciated. For I love You, and certainly appreciate Your character and the actions that have flowed from that.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Rend Your Heart
Joel 2:12-13
"Even now," declares the LORD, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning."
Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.
As I sit this morning while Gideon naps, I have felt a distance from You. Certainly tennis camp made it hard to find a place to seek You, and Andrew's wedding was filled with time for family. It felt selfish to set aside time for You when I could spend it with a soon-to-be married brother, a twice-a-year seen sister from Colorado, and the rest of my beloved family. But two weeks without real discipline is too much, and our relationship has been strained by my doing. Consider this my love letter of apology.
Now I'm not worried about Your punishment yet, no, I'm worried about our love. I don't like to see us grow cold, for me to lose sight of Your presence, for our hearts to be distant. And so I have wondered to myself and to You, "What do I do to repair the strain?"
And Lord, my love, You never fail to answer when I seek with sincerity. "Return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your heart..." Again, You wish to see me seek and follow with truth and sincerity. My heart is broken for the damage I've done, and sometimes the wounds become callous and it seems to overwhelming to pick them open and wade through them. But my Lord of Renewal, You are a healer. So deep the wounds might be that I have caused You with my silence, but You are gracious and abounding in love. Receive my heart-broken apology.
Now, my son will soon call, and I will leave this place of peace with You. But do not let peace leave me. Do not take Your spirit away. Continue to give, and in the way that I respond; to Gideon, to Courtney, to strangers, I will give because of You. Help me to remember that.
Love,
Matthew.
"Even now," declares the LORD, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning."
Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.
As I sit this morning while Gideon naps, I have felt a distance from You. Certainly tennis camp made it hard to find a place to seek You, and Andrew's wedding was filled with time for family. It felt selfish to set aside time for You when I could spend it with a soon-to-be married brother, a twice-a-year seen sister from Colorado, and the rest of my beloved family. But two weeks without real discipline is too much, and our relationship has been strained by my doing. Consider this my love letter of apology.
Now I'm not worried about Your punishment yet, no, I'm worried about our love. I don't like to see us grow cold, for me to lose sight of Your presence, for our hearts to be distant. And so I have wondered to myself and to You, "What do I do to repair the strain?"
And Lord, my love, You never fail to answer when I seek with sincerity. "Return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your heart..." Again, You wish to see me seek and follow with truth and sincerity. My heart is broken for the damage I've done, and sometimes the wounds become callous and it seems to overwhelming to pick them open and wade through them. But my Lord of Renewal, You are a healer. So deep the wounds might be that I have caused You with my silence, but You are gracious and abounding in love. Receive my heart-broken apology.
Now, my son will soon call, and I will leave this place of peace with You. But do not let peace leave me. Do not take Your spirit away. Continue to give, and in the way that I respond; to Gideon, to Courtney, to strangers, I will give because of You. Help me to remember that.
Love,
Matthew.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Refreshing Here and Now
Scripture Reading:
Exodus 16-18
As I flipped down through my posts yesterday, I realized that I must always seem like I'm complaining on the blog. I ask a lot of questions, often say how texts or behavior is frustrating to me, and most often stand throughly confused at what You want me to do. I guess this is what they call struggle, which You have revealed through the Word and I truly believe to be a good thing.
I guess I write that this morning to say that what I share with You is often the un-figured-out side of my faith. As I wrote yesterday about personal praise, it was kind of a side note to the entry, but it is making me stop and think today. How often do I partake in that type of worship. My prayers often reflect the same type of thoughts that I share with You here, with maybe a bit of praise sprinkled here and there.
Joel preached on Sunday about maintaining our focus on the here and the now. Distraction in our spiritual lives comes when find ourselves floating around in the what about last week, what about tomorrow, worry and doubt cycles. Fear has such a grip on that type of existence. But here and now living, that allows us to see what we have, the good that we are right now doing, etc.
Last night, Courtney and I were sitting in bed. She was holding Gideon and I had my arm around her. I looked her in the eye, shook my head in wonder, and said, "I love you." She gave me a confused smile and offered back the same thoughts. But I think the depth of my feeling caught her a little off-guard. I mean, this wasn't some routine, "see-you-after-work" I love you. I meant so much more, but didn't have the words to say it.
My son, my wife, what amazing pillars of joy in my here and now! I absolutely cherish the time I spend with them. They are such a big part of my personal praise Lord. You have blessed in astonishing ways with those two. I simply recognize the part You play in that this morning.
And yesterweek (that's a new made up word one of my precious eighth grade students gave to me) I sat at my computer trying to think of a way to tell my best friends what they mean to me. That I have a tight-knit community, one that seriously encourages me to be serious about You, that's a gift. Speaking of knitting, You have guided and woven my life together with some special people. Your people. And living our lives together only happens because we believe that's what You would have us do. Because that's the best way to live. And that has proven true.
Even simple things strike me this week. My house is a 1914 Craftsmen style home. Bryan is working on a logo for a Craftsmen style village. We walked around looking at the unique features of my house. It's really a neat little place that as we looked at the windows beside the fireplace, I said, I love these little details, I love this home. Again, not possible without Your blessings.
So certainly, people and possessions You have blessed me with. But also with the experiences that I have with You and those people. Gideon's birth (amazing!) or even Abigail's early baby-hood last year. Watching, waiting, praying with friends who need a new job (provided), need to move through a bad situation (working), or even need a car (provided, twice!)
I don't want to be the Israelites, complaining that there is no food and no water. I want to be the one who has my eyes open to the here and now and sees all that You have provided me, blooming all around me. I want to say thank You. I want to say I love You.
And I mean that, deeply.
Exodus 16-18
As I flipped down through my posts yesterday, I realized that I must always seem like I'm complaining on the blog. I ask a lot of questions, often say how texts or behavior is frustrating to me, and most often stand throughly confused at what You want me to do. I guess this is what they call struggle, which You have revealed through the Word and I truly believe to be a good thing.
I guess I write that this morning to say that what I share with You is often the un-figured-out side of my faith. As I wrote yesterday about personal praise, it was kind of a side note to the entry, but it is making me stop and think today. How often do I partake in that type of worship. My prayers often reflect the same type of thoughts that I share with You here, with maybe a bit of praise sprinkled here and there.
Joel preached on Sunday about maintaining our focus on the here and the now. Distraction in our spiritual lives comes when find ourselves floating around in the what about last week, what about tomorrow, worry and doubt cycles. Fear has such a grip on that type of existence. But here and now living, that allows us to see what we have, the good that we are right now doing, etc.
Last night, Courtney and I were sitting in bed. She was holding Gideon and I had my arm around her. I looked her in the eye, shook my head in wonder, and said, "I love you." She gave me a confused smile and offered back the same thoughts. But I think the depth of my feeling caught her a little off-guard. I mean, this wasn't some routine, "see-you-after-work" I love you. I meant so much more, but didn't have the words to say it.
My son, my wife, what amazing pillars of joy in my here and now! I absolutely cherish the time I spend with them. They are such a big part of my personal praise Lord. You have blessed in astonishing ways with those two. I simply recognize the part You play in that this morning.
And yesterweek (that's a new made up word one of my precious eighth grade students gave to me) I sat at my computer trying to think of a way to tell my best friends what they mean to me. That I have a tight-knit community, one that seriously encourages me to be serious about You, that's a gift. Speaking of knitting, You have guided and woven my life together with some special people. Your people. And living our lives together only happens because we believe that's what You would have us do. Because that's the best way to live. And that has proven true.
Even simple things strike me this week. My house is a 1914 Craftsmen style home. Bryan is working on a logo for a Craftsmen style village. We walked around looking at the unique features of my house. It's really a neat little place that as we looked at the windows beside the fireplace, I said, I love these little details, I love this home. Again, not possible without Your blessings.
So certainly, people and possessions You have blessed me with. But also with the experiences that I have with You and those people. Gideon's birth (amazing!) or even Abigail's early baby-hood last year. Watching, waiting, praying with friends who need a new job (provided), need to move through a bad situation (working), or even need a car (provided, twice!)
I don't want to be the Israelites, complaining that there is no food and no water. I want to be the one who has my eyes open to the here and now and sees all that You have provided me, blooming all around me. I want to say thank You. I want to say I love You.
And I mean that, deeply.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
How to Remember
Lord, I'm preparing a sermon for Sunday about Your ancient dwelling-place with the Israelite people, the Tabernacle. The big idea of the whole thing is that throughout the Bible, You are wanting to dwell with us. You are a living God who is in our midst, and You want us to know it.
The brilliant thing about the Tabernacle was that it was prominently placed in the center of the camp, a physical reminder that Your were with the people, dwelling within the camp. Even the temple (although most in Israel didn't see it daily) was a reminder of Your presence. We could look back and see that in the garden You walked with man, there with Adam and Eve. We can look ahead to see that You will be the light for us when You come to dwell with us again.
What helps me remember now? That the sun shines every morning, and I should be thankful that You are the light? That I eat every morning and You are the provider of life? In the tabernacle, there was a lampstand in the sanctuary the was decorated as an almond tree, the first tree to bloom after the dry season. It was a physical reminder, something fashioned as a symbol, that God was the light and the new life of the people. Did it help people remember?
I don't know (well, actually, I know that it kind of didn't help, because the Israelites are constantly missing the point.) So then, what does help us remember that You dwell with us, not far away. Certainly, I've felt like You were far away the past couple days. But You are near, and You desire to be recognized.
I suppose like many things that the answer must be relationship. We will know that You are near if we are pursuing You in relationship. I am looking for You this morning. I am looking for Your presence around me and with me.
The brilliant thing about the Tabernacle was that it was prominently placed in the center of the camp, a physical reminder that Your were with the people, dwelling within the camp. Even the temple (although most in Israel didn't see it daily) was a reminder of Your presence. We could look back and see that in the garden You walked with man, there with Adam and Eve. We can look ahead to see that You will be the light for us when You come to dwell with us again.
What helps me remember now? That the sun shines every morning, and I should be thankful that You are the light? That I eat every morning and You are the provider of life? In the tabernacle, there was a lampstand in the sanctuary the was decorated as an almond tree, the first tree to bloom after the dry season. It was a physical reminder, something fashioned as a symbol, that God was the light and the new life of the people. Did it help people remember?
I don't know (well, actually, I know that it kind of didn't help, because the Israelites are constantly missing the point.) So then, what does help us remember that You dwell with us, not far away. Certainly, I've felt like You were far away the past couple days. But You are near, and You desire to be recognized.
I suppose like many things that the answer must be relationship. We will know that You are near if we are pursuing You in relationship. I am looking for You this morning. I am looking for Your presence around me and with me.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
To Be Lifted Up
This is the text that I'm rolling around today in my mind, Genesis 4:6-7:
"The the LORD said to Canin, 'Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.'"
Okay, so where to start here? Obviously, this is in the middle of the Cain and Abel story, before Cain has killed Abel. I guess maybe I should start with a couple of notes on the text that I have found, specifically about the words and language used. So the phrase "will you not be accepted" actually translates "will you not be lifted up" but that is more difficult to understand, so its been changed. One commentary said that instead of inferring acceptance from God, like the NIV translators believed it to mean, and it might be a lifting of the spirits, like feeling better about oneself.
That's an interesting comment I think, because we know Cain is not feeling good about himself. He is downcast and angry, because Abel's sacrifice has been deemed more appropriate. We also know that he has done something wrong, because God tells him that if he does what is right...this must mean he did something wrong. So Abel did something right, Cain did something wrong, and Cain is upset. His anger possibly comes from the same feeling we were just introduced to in the last chapter, which is shame.
I know that when I do not do right, and I know it, shame is quickly my reaction. And from there I become touchy and easily angered because I am indignant at first. I want to shrug off the sin but it affects my mood and all else. Let's just give an example to make this concrete. Let's say I'm struggling with lust, and then Courtney comes around. She can be as nice as ever and I'll have the nagging like "leave me alone" feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's conviction perhaps, but it doesn't feel nice and so I don't respond nicely. It's what Cain is doing here, but Cain let's it burn much harder.
Interesting then Your comment to Cain. If you do what is right, you'll feel better. How true is that? Even confession begins to lift the spirits. Doing what is right...
That phrase pops up other places in Scripture and I think it is interesting what it entails. In Isaiah 1:17 we see, "Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." And again in Jeremiah 7: 5-6, "If you really change your ways and actions and do right, if you do not oppress the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow and do not shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not follow other gods to you own harm..."
Look! It's all about loving others and loving God. It's ridiculous how often that comes up in Scripture! So, our spirits will be lifted as we take care of the others that are hurting around us and as we follow and cling to the one God, You. I've always said that the biggest enemy of our souls is ourselves, but here it is again laid out as what seems as plain as day. Cain is downcast and angry because he is comparing himself to Abel and falling short. Instead of thinking outside himself and "changing his actions" by loving others and by loving God, his solution is to indulge his selfishness.
Doens't that seem like the right thing to do, if you are feeling low and downcast and shamed that you should do something for yourself to pick your spirits up? Take a little time for yourself? Give yourself a little treat? But You, in Your awesomeness, You turn everything around. Feeling down? Go help somebody out. Feeling shame? Take some food to the widows. Downcast because you did something wrong? Go encourage someone who has been wronged and oppressed.
It's beautiful when I think about the glory of Your ways. The way You flip things from the way that we think they should be. It just reveals where Your true place is, and how much true reverence I should have towards You. Every time I come to this book and begin to see what You have laid before for us, even if it is simple, it seems so bold, so fresh, so challenging. That is why You are God above gods. Why You are Yahweh, almighty.
LORD God, the One I bring sacrifice to.
Please accept this time I've laid out before You.
Please accept this servant as I lay before You.
Please show me the oppressed that are before You.
Please show me how to help those before You.
Please lift up the downcast that are before You.
Please lift up the weak who are before You.
LORD God, the One I bring myself to.
"The the LORD said to Canin, 'Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.'"
Okay, so where to start here? Obviously, this is in the middle of the Cain and Abel story, before Cain has killed Abel. I guess maybe I should start with a couple of notes on the text that I have found, specifically about the words and language used. So the phrase "will you not be accepted" actually translates "will you not be lifted up" but that is more difficult to understand, so its been changed. One commentary said that instead of inferring acceptance from God, like the NIV translators believed it to mean, and it might be a lifting of the spirits, like feeling better about oneself.
That's an interesting comment I think, because we know Cain is not feeling good about himself. He is downcast and angry, because Abel's sacrifice has been deemed more appropriate. We also know that he has done something wrong, because God tells him that if he does what is right...this must mean he did something wrong. So Abel did something right, Cain did something wrong, and Cain is upset. His anger possibly comes from the same feeling we were just introduced to in the last chapter, which is shame.
I know that when I do not do right, and I know it, shame is quickly my reaction. And from there I become touchy and easily angered because I am indignant at first. I want to shrug off the sin but it affects my mood and all else. Let's just give an example to make this concrete. Let's say I'm struggling with lust, and then Courtney comes around. She can be as nice as ever and I'll have the nagging like "leave me alone" feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's conviction perhaps, but it doesn't feel nice and so I don't respond nicely. It's what Cain is doing here, but Cain let's it burn much harder.
Interesting then Your comment to Cain. If you do what is right, you'll feel better. How true is that? Even confession begins to lift the spirits. Doing what is right...
That phrase pops up other places in Scripture and I think it is interesting what it entails. In Isaiah 1:17 we see, "Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." And again in Jeremiah 7: 5-6, "If you really change your ways and actions and do right, if you do not oppress the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow and do not shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not follow other gods to you own harm..."
Look! It's all about loving others and loving God. It's ridiculous how often that comes up in Scripture! So, our spirits will be lifted as we take care of the others that are hurting around us and as we follow and cling to the one God, You. I've always said that the biggest enemy of our souls is ourselves, but here it is again laid out as what seems as plain as day. Cain is downcast and angry because he is comparing himself to Abel and falling short. Instead of thinking outside himself and "changing his actions" by loving others and by loving God, his solution is to indulge his selfishness.
Doens't that seem like the right thing to do, if you are feeling low and downcast and shamed that you should do something for yourself to pick your spirits up? Take a little time for yourself? Give yourself a little treat? But You, in Your awesomeness, You turn everything around. Feeling down? Go help somebody out. Feeling shame? Take some food to the widows. Downcast because you did something wrong? Go encourage someone who has been wronged and oppressed.
It's beautiful when I think about the glory of Your ways. The way You flip things from the way that we think they should be. It just reveals where Your true place is, and how much true reverence I should have towards You. Every time I come to this book and begin to see what You have laid before for us, even if it is simple, it seems so bold, so fresh, so challenging. That is why You are God above gods. Why You are Yahweh, almighty.
LORD God, the One I bring sacrifice to.
Please accept this time I've laid out before You.
Please accept this servant as I lay before You.
Please show me the oppressed that are before You.
Please show me how to help those before You.
Please lift up the downcast that are before You.
Please lift up the weak who are before You.
LORD God, the One I bring myself to.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
In the Morning
Well, it's not in the morning at all. It's late at night and I can't sleep. It's been a really good day, absolutely gorgeous weather, spending time being outdoors for most of the morning, then the Sectional victory at night. Amazing. So tonight I can't sleep without stopping to give You praise. I don't always understand what Your hand does and what it doesn't do, but You are certainly breathing into my life right now. The way You made the air so perfect today, shaped the grove of trees I taught archery in, helped my players believe in the skills we've worked on. Unbelievable.
No wonder so many songs talk about You being worthy of praise. That's undeniable on good days like this. (As I type this, I suddenly have this fear that now You're going to put me through some bad days to test me and see if I still think You're worthy of praise on days like that. Don't, please...)
What I actually got on here to say to You tonight is how much I've enjoyed our mornings together this week. Who knows why I ever got away from them. But as I read a psalm to Gideon tonight, I just thought of what a joy it has been to wake up to You this week.
Psalm 5:3, 7
In the morning, LORD, your hear my
voice;
In the morning I lay my requests
before you
and wait expectantly...
But I, by your great love,
can come into your house;
in reverence I bow down
toward your holy temple.
Yes, in the morning...it's been all week that You have heard my voice in the morning. And what have You heard me singing? "Strength will rise as we WAIT upon the LORD." Yes I am waiting expectantly from morning til night from a wisp of Your breath.
And my response? Right now I want to acknowledge that it is by Your love that I come to You. I was listening to a song on the way to work this morning, singing and almost crying with emotion because the words were so true and hit me just right. "Your love endures my back to it." Yes, though I've been so focused on other things over the past several weeks, Your love has endured through it. Even though my back was turned and I was hiding, Your love endured.
So now, in reverence I bow before You. I want to give You Your proper place in my life - in my heart, in my mind, and in my soul: Be first, be above all, be what I am taking my meaning in. And I know that this comes out of a real good day, but with a passion filled heart I say: I love You.
No wonder so many songs talk about You being worthy of praise. That's undeniable on good days like this. (As I type this, I suddenly have this fear that now You're going to put me through some bad days to test me and see if I still think You're worthy of praise on days like that. Don't, please...)
What I actually got on here to say to You tonight is how much I've enjoyed our mornings together this week. Who knows why I ever got away from them. But as I read a psalm to Gideon tonight, I just thought of what a joy it has been to wake up to You this week.
Psalm 5:3, 7
In the morning, LORD, your hear my
voice;
In the morning I lay my requests
before you
and wait expectantly...
But I, by your great love,
can come into your house;
in reverence I bow down
toward your holy temple.
Yes, in the morning...it's been all week that You have heard my voice in the morning. And what have You heard me singing? "Strength will rise as we WAIT upon the LORD." Yes I am waiting expectantly from morning til night from a wisp of Your breath.
And my response? Right now I want to acknowledge that it is by Your love that I come to You. I was listening to a song on the way to work this morning, singing and almost crying with emotion because the words were so true and hit me just right. "Your love endures my back to it." Yes, though I've been so focused on other things over the past several weeks, Your love has endured through it. Even though my back was turned and I was hiding, Your love endured.
So now, in reverence I bow before You. I want to give You Your proper place in my life - in my heart, in my mind, and in my soul: Be first, be above all, be what I am taking my meaning in. And I know that this comes out of a real good day, but with a passion filled heart I say: I love You.
Friday, August 17, 2007
It's Been a Long Time
It's been a long time since I've been in this space with the LORD. And I've seen the consequences. Less focus, less drive, less communion. What a sorrowful separation it has been. I think of the times when Court and I have been emotionally distant just because we're not involving each other in the day-to-day of life. That's where I am with You right now as well. You are not feeling the day-to-day of my life, and I am not feeling You in my day very often.
I know it is because my eyes and heart are not open. I know it is because discouragement has crept up and into my mind. I know it is because I pursue the things where I feel I am having success instead of addressing the areas that obviously need change. I know it's because I've adopted a comfortably outward theology while still living a comfortably inward lifestyle.
It's amazing the damages that my life feels from the distance. I haven't written a poem since last May, with all the inspiration of summer I am lacking inspiration from You. I haven't finished a book since early Spring, my knowledge and my thirst for it have all been sufficiently stifled. This is not the image I wish to see myself as. I want to be relentlessly pursuing You. I have not been.
How do I become relentless? That's an interesting quality that I would not pick to describe myself as in the least. It sounds somewhat negative. And yet...You are very good at taking negatives, weaknesses and turning them upside down. Perhaps my heart's desire is to be relentless.
When I think of my son, coming in only four more months, and I think of the model that I want to set for him, what does it look like? When he is 25, what will he say his dad was like? What do I want him to say?
Well, loving I suppose is the obvious one...but not to sound arrogant, I know I am going to be a great lover of my children. But that's not all I want to be. Relentless in my pursuit of God, my Lord, the LORD. You. I hope that my son's model for being a man is one defined, wrapped in, dripping with a relentless pursuit of the one and only LORD.
How can I be more relentless? Well...priorities. You and Your way must be in the forefront. Not tennis, not Exodus, not Gideon, not school, not sin. But again, defining myself by what I shouldn't do doesn't always work all that well. So enough not's, as true as they are. What are the do's? What should I pursue?
It's always good to start with the Word, for my journey with Christ starts with those texts. But prayer is always right behind. Yet, I think the key definitely lies in creation and action. It is creation now that I'm lacking, and that holds the spice. I need to honor You with my creativity and with my thoughts. I must hold You there first. So back to the poems, back to the creative Bible lessons, sermons, chapels. Now I am getting excited once again!
I know it is because my eyes and heart are not open. I know it is because discouragement has crept up and into my mind. I know it is because I pursue the things where I feel I am having success instead of addressing the areas that obviously need change. I know it's because I've adopted a comfortably outward theology while still living a comfortably inward lifestyle.
It's amazing the damages that my life feels from the distance. I haven't written a poem since last May, with all the inspiration of summer I am lacking inspiration from You. I haven't finished a book since early Spring, my knowledge and my thirst for it have all been sufficiently stifled. This is not the image I wish to see myself as. I want to be relentlessly pursuing You. I have not been.
How do I become relentless? That's an interesting quality that I would not pick to describe myself as in the least. It sounds somewhat negative. And yet...You are very good at taking negatives, weaknesses and turning them upside down. Perhaps my heart's desire is to be relentless.
When I think of my son, coming in only four more months, and I think of the model that I want to set for him, what does it look like? When he is 25, what will he say his dad was like? What do I want him to say?
Well, loving I suppose is the obvious one...but not to sound arrogant, I know I am going to be a great lover of my children. But that's not all I want to be. Relentless in my pursuit of God, my Lord, the LORD. You. I hope that my son's model for being a man is one defined, wrapped in, dripping with a relentless pursuit of the one and only LORD.
How can I be more relentless? Well...priorities. You and Your way must be in the forefront. Not tennis, not Exodus, not Gideon, not school, not sin. But again, defining myself by what I shouldn't do doesn't always work all that well. So enough not's, as true as they are. What are the do's? What should I pursue?
It's always good to start with the Word, for my journey with Christ starts with those texts. But prayer is always right behind. Yet, I think the key definitely lies in creation and action. It is creation now that I'm lacking, and that holds the spice. I need to honor You with my creativity and with my thoughts. I must hold You there first. So back to the poems, back to the creative Bible lessons, sermons, chapels. Now I am getting excited once again!
Friday, April 13, 2007
You are My Praise
Texts:
- Psalms 93-96
- Luke 11-12
- Matthew 1, Luke 2:1-38
Lord, You came through yesterday and gave me mighty reasons to praise throughout the day. Certainly, lessons went well at school, especially in Bible class on a very difficult topic, I finally feel fairly well rested, and my wife is wonderful. And more! I still struggle though against the seeming callousness of my heart to give You praise. I have this aversion to sounding trite or repetitive, like all my prayers must be creative or something. It's hard because even as I know that this is wrong it's still hard for me to change that attitude. So You change that attitude and deliver me from hardness of heart and trivial concerns. You are my God and You deserve more praise than a "thousand lifetimes could explain, if all the the trees of forests were pens and all the oceans ink."
Interesting connection this morning as well as I read Psalm 95. The beginning of the psalm is exorting the people to praise the Lord, for You are God and we are Your people. Then it says "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts..." Apparently, lack of praise happens when hearts become cold, hard, and dismissive. Or even more telling, when hearts become selfish. The next part of the psalm says that the Israelites hearts were hard, and thus not able to worship, at Meribah and Massah. These were the places where the protested to Moses to bring them water, for God was not looking after them. They became unfocused on the greatness of God and instead became focused on the greatness of their needs.
Sound familiar Lord? It sure does to me. Who is the one who has been sitting around whining about how stressed he's been because of all that is on his plate, not sure which direction to go next? Who has been so focused on getting the next thing done that he hasn't even had time to really think about what You would have him do? Oh, right that is me.
And talk about stress coming from that. The mind-blowing last line of the psalm addresses what happens when we harden our hearts, let our problems become bigger than our Lord: "They shall never enter my rest."
Wow. I mean, that's exactly what I've been concerned about. That's been one of the problems I've been focused on instead of You. And now I see why I haven't felt Your rest at all over the last few weeks. It's simply my lack of praise, my lack of worship, my lack of awe, my lack of fear, my lack of right relationship with You.
So restoration. Let's get us back on track Lord Jesus. Start with my heart, soften it. Allow my breath to be that of praise again today. You are mighty, and have answered prayer in mighty ways. You are the amazing one who comes to deliver me in the perfect time, in the perfect way. I want to be restored to my proper fear-of-the-Lord, knowledge that You can deal rightly with all in my life. Restore me to that! And I know that You will...
Today, may Your face shine upon me and may I respond with proper joy and praise. May I continue to see Your wonders poured out upon me in the normal, without going above and beyond what's expected, because You have already gone so far above and beyond in answering my prayers. Blessed are You, Lord God, my Praise, for the breath of life that creates and protects and sustains. Lord God, my Salvation, I praise You for creation, and I ask that You continue to protect and sustain. For this, and in anticipation of Your answer, I breathe in joy and thankfulness every moment today. Amen.
- Psalms 93-96
- Luke 11-12
- Matthew 1, Luke 2:1-38
Lord, You came through yesterday and gave me mighty reasons to praise throughout the day. Certainly, lessons went well at school, especially in Bible class on a very difficult topic, I finally feel fairly well rested, and my wife is wonderful. And more! I still struggle though against the seeming callousness of my heart to give You praise. I have this aversion to sounding trite or repetitive, like all my prayers must be creative or something. It's hard because even as I know that this is wrong it's still hard for me to change that attitude. So You change that attitude and deliver me from hardness of heart and trivial concerns. You are my God and You deserve more praise than a "thousand lifetimes could explain, if all the the trees of forests were pens and all the oceans ink."
Interesting connection this morning as well as I read Psalm 95. The beginning of the psalm is exorting the people to praise the Lord, for You are God and we are Your people. Then it says "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts..." Apparently, lack of praise happens when hearts become cold, hard, and dismissive. Or even more telling, when hearts become selfish. The next part of the psalm says that the Israelites hearts were hard, and thus not able to worship, at Meribah and Massah. These were the places where the protested to Moses to bring them water, for God was not looking after them. They became unfocused on the greatness of God and instead became focused on the greatness of their needs.
Sound familiar Lord? It sure does to me. Who is the one who has been sitting around whining about how stressed he's been because of all that is on his plate, not sure which direction to go next? Who has been so focused on getting the next thing done that he hasn't even had time to really think about what You would have him do? Oh, right that is me.
And talk about stress coming from that. The mind-blowing last line of the psalm addresses what happens when we harden our hearts, let our problems become bigger than our Lord: "They shall never enter my rest."
Wow. I mean, that's exactly what I've been concerned about. That's been one of the problems I've been focused on instead of You. And now I see why I haven't felt Your rest at all over the last few weeks. It's simply my lack of praise, my lack of worship, my lack of awe, my lack of fear, my lack of right relationship with You.
So restoration. Let's get us back on track Lord Jesus. Start with my heart, soften it. Allow my breath to be that of praise again today. You are mighty, and have answered prayer in mighty ways. You are the amazing one who comes to deliver me in the perfect time, in the perfect way. I want to be restored to my proper fear-of-the-Lord, knowledge that You can deal rightly with all in my life. Restore me to that! And I know that You will...
Today, may Your face shine upon me and may I respond with proper joy and praise. May I continue to see Your wonders poured out upon me in the normal, without going above and beyond what's expected, because You have already gone so far above and beyond in answering my prayers. Blessed are You, Lord God, my Praise, for the breath of life that creates and protects and sustains. Lord God, my Salvation, I praise You for creation, and I ask that You continue to protect and sustain. For this, and in anticipation of Your answer, I breathe in joy and thankfulness every moment today. Amen.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Where is My Praise?
Texts:
- Psalms 89-92
- Luke 9-10
- Luke 1, John 1:1-14
Lord, with all the stresses of forming a new worshipping community, I have committed little of my time to actual worship myself. I sit and realize that the balance of worship and knowledge in my life has tilted far too much to the side of knowledge, and really I'm having trouble finding much to praise about right now.
Honestly, sitting in the middle of this incredible journey that You are leading us on, and I can't find anything to praise about. It feels ridiculous, it makes me stressed, it makes me want to go through my brain over and over and over looking for something good that You've done for me.
I really think that it might be that I am just spoiled. I am used to You acting in such mighty ways that when You are not moving mountains I don't see You moving the stones. Maybe I am part of the wicked generation that wants to see Your amazing miracles, and the signs that You are moving are much smaller.
So how can I find You in smaller but equally important movements? Well, let me start my praise today with this: I know that You are going to answer my prayers. Even as I type this to You, I know that You receive it and will respond to it. I don't dare guess how You will work, but I know You will, and that's much different than many that I know (including myself).
May Your praise be heavy on my lips today, Lord Most High. May I see and recognize Your beauty around me. Let me see it in kids, in algebra, in your provision, in my wife, in all my life. Blessed are You, Lord God of the stones, who is always preparing the way by moving both those stones and largest mountains. Amen.
- Psalms 89-92
- Luke 9-10
- Luke 1, John 1:1-14
Lord, with all the stresses of forming a new worshipping community, I have committed little of my time to actual worship myself. I sit and realize that the balance of worship and knowledge in my life has tilted far too much to the side of knowledge, and really I'm having trouble finding much to praise about right now.
Honestly, sitting in the middle of this incredible journey that You are leading us on, and I can't find anything to praise about. It feels ridiculous, it makes me stressed, it makes me want to go through my brain over and over and over looking for something good that You've done for me.
I really think that it might be that I am just spoiled. I am used to You acting in such mighty ways that when You are not moving mountains I don't see You moving the stones. Maybe I am part of the wicked generation that wants to see Your amazing miracles, and the signs that You are moving are much smaller.
So how can I find You in smaller but equally important movements? Well, let me start my praise today with this: I know that You are going to answer my prayers. Even as I type this to You, I know that You receive it and will respond to it. I don't dare guess how You will work, but I know You will, and that's much different than many that I know (including myself).
May Your praise be heavy on my lips today, Lord Most High. May I see and recognize Your beauty around me. Let me see it in kids, in algebra, in your provision, in my wife, in all my life. Blessed are You, Lord God of the stones, who is always preparing the way by moving both those stones and largest mountains. Amen.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Study Hall Poetry
While thinking about how to see God in my work, I wrote this today during the seventh grade study hall. I think it's about coming to face my frustrations.
THE STAIN
The question is endlessly insistent
upon entrance to this hall without decoration.
A bland, blue wall necessitates conversation
that pushes blushes into unshaven faces,
but prevents worse fears, though the worst will come.
The eyes of my quiet desperation, endlessly pacing,
posing the question, then erasing and rolling on
in frustration. Persistent in lacking participation,
a stubborn generation must want to be taught,
as my beard is pulled, though short, young, but wrought.
Shabby t-shirts and jeans, endlessly worn.
More faithful, more remembered than friends they hold
in bonds bound with laughable things, for deeper
connections may move in maturity, which is fear...
for it is thoughtful and loyal, silent and sincere.
And seeking isolation in noise that is endlessly slinging
the stain of entertainment against pure walls,
and standing on the line, for boredom is banished
by the exciting threat of my terse attention
and life that is richer when wrapped up in tension.
The end. Don't we all remember fondly the seventh grade? I just endlessly wonder: what does the Spirit of God look like to a thirteen year old?
THE STAIN
The question is endlessly insistent
upon entrance to this hall without decoration.
A bland, blue wall necessitates conversation
that pushes blushes into unshaven faces,
but prevents worse fears, though the worst will come.
The eyes of my quiet desperation, endlessly pacing,
posing the question, then erasing and rolling on
in frustration. Persistent in lacking participation,
a stubborn generation must want to be taught,
as my beard is pulled, though short, young, but wrought.
Shabby t-shirts and jeans, endlessly worn.
More faithful, more remembered than friends they hold
in bonds bound with laughable things, for deeper
connections may move in maturity, which is fear...
for it is thoughtful and loyal, silent and sincere.
And seeking isolation in noise that is endlessly slinging
the stain of entertainment against pure walls,
and standing on the line, for boredom is banished
by the exciting threat of my terse attention
and life that is richer when wrapped up in tension.
The end. Don't we all remember fondly the seventh grade? I just endlessly wonder: what does the Spirit of God look like to a thirteen year old?
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Oh the Connections We Find
It didn't take long for You to respond to my morning post Lord (You are Pure). I'm sitting in a church pew at Goshen's First United Methodist, and all of a sudden You are there, turning my brain over. And I thought that You'd maybe work through a choir song, sermon, Scripture reading, or something "spiritual" from a Sunday service. Nope, my thoughts were wandering through my own rock music collection when it hit me.
So I'm turning over and over the idea of the pure, purity and so forth when a song simply pops into my head. mewithoutYou's "Leaf." The chorus of the song contains this line, "Purity of heart is to want one thing." It's actually from Soren Kierkegaard's book, "Purity of Heart is to Will One Thing," but still, what a great concept. To be pure, clean, is to only have one thing before You.
So purity is to want one thing. The word one immediately set off lights in my brain. Where else is that word one very prominent, the Shema (sp?) of course. Hear, O Israel, the LORD our God, LORD is ONE. Why this connection ringing so louding in my ears? Where does the Shema relate with Psalm 19?
I went back to the beginning of Deuteronomy 6, where the Shema is found. You know what words I found there? Commandments, statutes, ordinances...all the words that struck me from the Psalm 19 passage. Here in Deuteronomy 6 all these words are used to drive us to a point (wait, this is freaking amazing)...fear-of-the-LORD. Yea. Unbelievable the inter-connections of Scripture. From Deuteronomy 6:1-2:
"These are the commandments, statutes, and ordinances that the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, SO THAT you, your children and their children after them may FEAR-THE-LORD by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you..."
Then Scripture follows this up with: "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WILL ALL YOUR HEART AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH."
Purity of heart is to want one thing. Fear-of-the-LORD is pure. The one thing we are to want: to love God with our all. So my paraphrase, what I learned this morning.
Fear-of-the-LORD is to want one thing: to love God with our all, enduring forever.
I say it again Lord God Almighty, You amaze beyond my minds conception with Your word and presence. It goes on and on and on and...
I love this!
So I'm turning over and over the idea of the pure, purity and so forth when a song simply pops into my head. mewithoutYou's "Leaf." The chorus of the song contains this line, "Purity of heart is to want one thing." It's actually from Soren Kierkegaard's book, "Purity of Heart is to Will One Thing," but still, what a great concept. To be pure, clean, is to only have one thing before You.
So purity is to want one thing. The word one immediately set off lights in my brain. Where else is that word one very prominent, the Shema (sp?) of course. Hear, O Israel, the LORD our God, LORD is ONE. Why this connection ringing so louding in my ears? Where does the Shema relate with Psalm 19?
I went back to the beginning of Deuteronomy 6, where the Shema is found. You know what words I found there? Commandments, statutes, ordinances...all the words that struck me from the Psalm 19 passage. Here in Deuteronomy 6 all these words are used to drive us to a point (wait, this is freaking amazing)...fear-of-the-LORD. Yea. Unbelievable the inter-connections of Scripture. From Deuteronomy 6:1-2:
"These are the commandments, statutes, and ordinances that the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, SO THAT you, your children and their children after them may FEAR-THE-LORD by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you..."
Then Scripture follows this up with: "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WILL ALL YOUR HEART AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH."
Purity of heart is to want one thing. Fear-of-the-LORD is pure. The one thing we are to want: to love God with our all. So my paraphrase, what I learned this morning.
Fear-of-the-LORD is to want one thing: to love God with our all, enduring forever.
I say it again Lord God Almighty, You amaze beyond my minds conception with Your word and presence. It goes on and on and on and...
I love this!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Tonight, We Will Be...
Disappointed together. I can't get this song by The Myriad out of my head as we head to the last day of this fast. It's amazing that You've led me this far through something I thought would be so difficult. The honest truth is that I don't want it to end. I don't want to go back to normal. How can I prevent that?
This morning though, as I sift through my brain and try to see what You're saying to me on this big, dramatic last day, I feel confused. I know that I/we have made significant progress in our relationship, Lord, and yet there is this sense in me that there is so much more to do. I guess that gives me hope.
Yea, it does give me hope. Which would be a great thought to end this fast on. I have seen You work in my life over the past month and a half and that gives me hope. Hope and confidence.
I know that the only way to self-control is Your control. That sounds cliche, but it is truth. I hope in the fact that as I learn to leave things to You, You will do a much better job at keeping control. God, You came to Moses and simply stated to him, "I Am." You are control. You are hope.
As I meander through this final day, "You Be" in my life. That is the only way that I can avoid being disappointed tonight as we break bread together. Let me come to the body and the blood tonight singing "You are."
This morning though, as I sift through my brain and try to see what You're saying to me on this big, dramatic last day, I feel confused. I know that I/we have made significant progress in our relationship, Lord, and yet there is this sense in me that there is so much more to do. I guess that gives me hope.
Yea, it does give me hope. Which would be a great thought to end this fast on. I have seen You work in my life over the past month and a half and that gives me hope. Hope and confidence.
I know that the only way to self-control is Your control. That sounds cliche, but it is truth. I hope in the fact that as I learn to leave things to You, You will do a much better job at keeping control. God, You came to Moses and simply stated to him, "I Am." You are control. You are hope.
As I meander through this final day, "You Be" in my life. That is the only way that I can avoid being disappointed tonight as we break bread together. Let me come to the body and the blood tonight singing "You are."
Monday, March 19, 2007
Living Life with You
On the second to last day of the fast Lord, I don't have that much to say. In fact, only one thing comes to mind: trust. Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Jesus in the midst of his deepest temptations and trials trusted in these words. I think that is good enough for me.
I don't need to just trust You with food though. That would be a narrow understading I think. This whole cyclical fast, learning and getting frustrated then learning the same thing again is bringing me round and round to a simple point. The point is that You want all of my life. I hate that phrase because it is so trite and worn, and difficult for those not in the same situation I am to understand.
Maybe it's like this, when Courtney and I got married, we had a line at the end of our vows that when like this, "it is my desire to live life with you." The little idea of "living life with each other" was and is filled with meaning to me. To try to explain, it's that I want to be excited to wake up in the morning next to Courtney and kiss her on the cheek. That sounds romantic and exciting. I want to take vacations with Courtney where the point is just to enjoy one another. That's life! I want to take out the garbage because she asked me last night, and I forgot, and I know that if she sees I haven't taken it out yet then she'll get upset. That's even more life! I want to go round and round about whether she should be looking for a job or continuing to heal from her last one. Living life is the dirty details and the extraordinary rest. Living life is everything.
I think, as I reflect, that this is what these past forty days have meant to me. I desire to live life with You. To find You in my home, my Bible, my classroom, especially and increasingly in my neighborhood. I want to find You in my thoughts, my feelings, my reactions and my actions. Maybe the best way to say it is that I want You to bust through my life and turn all of those "my's" into "our's."
So I give all mine to You. Let's live life together Lord.
I don't need to just trust You with food though. That would be a narrow understading I think. This whole cyclical fast, learning and getting frustrated then learning the same thing again is bringing me round and round to a simple point. The point is that You want all of my life. I hate that phrase because it is so trite and worn, and difficult for those not in the same situation I am to understand.
Maybe it's like this, when Courtney and I got married, we had a line at the end of our vows that when like this, "it is my desire to live life with you." The little idea of "living life with each other" was and is filled with meaning to me. To try to explain, it's that I want to be excited to wake up in the morning next to Courtney and kiss her on the cheek. That sounds romantic and exciting. I want to take vacations with Courtney where the point is just to enjoy one another. That's life! I want to take out the garbage because she asked me last night, and I forgot, and I know that if she sees I haven't taken it out yet then she'll get upset. That's even more life! I want to go round and round about whether she should be looking for a job or continuing to heal from her last one. Living life is the dirty details and the extraordinary rest. Living life is everything.
I think, as I reflect, that this is what these past forty days have meant to me. I desire to live life with You. To find You in my home, my Bible, my classroom, especially and increasingly in my neighborhood. I want to find You in my thoughts, my feelings, my reactions and my actions. Maybe the best way to say it is that I want You to bust through my life and turn all of those "my's" into "our's."
So I give all mine to You. Let's live life together Lord.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Nearing the End
Lord, I only have three days left of not eating for You, and it seems that my ears have been closed off from You. The tiredness has not been a problem and I've even made time to sit, study and pursue during all the crazy basketball that's going on. I guess that I have been hearing rumblings from Your thunder, but they certainly have not been as consistent or grandiose as I had imagined going in to this.
Lord, I long to be near to You. At intermittent times throughout these forty days I have been. But my passion is to prolong this. I'll tell You my biggest problem though, it's life. This life that You want me to live for You is difficult, it makes it very hard to actually keep my attention on You. I want to separate walking through my day and walking with You. And I know that this is false. This separation of You and my life is not a reality in the spiritual realm, because I truly subscribe to the idea that everything is spiritual.
So how do I integrate You into my life, so it doesn't seem as though life is in my way? I remember my parents talking about something that helped change their view of You in life. The entire church did it when I was probably in middle school, it was God-sightings. Taking some specific time in each day to look back and say where I saw You throughout my life, but specifically in that day. It seems like a great idea, a way to be more thankful.
Whatever I do, the bottom line is that the knowledge of what I need to do and the doing, being, feeling, hearing, reality of it are not the same thing at all. I realize that as I look back through this blog, I've come to this same realization multiple times. I feel great about my new knowledge or the new task ahead of me...then nothing really comes of it.
Life changes in action. God moves. God rests. God moves. God rests. There is a rhythm to it all. I move in God. I rest in God. I move in God. I rest in God. There needs to be a rhythm to it all for me.
Worries kill rhythm, they knock me off beat. Let me bring them to You:
- I am worried about Exodus Community, I want us to walk in You but we face many questions ( small groups, denominations, time table, paperwork, etc.)
- I am worried about myself and the people that are close to me and our spiritual maturity, ability to deal with change, think in new ways, be challenged, be a community of TRUTH, deal with spiritual warfare realities, and hear from You.
- I am worried about what people from the outside of the group will think about Exodus Community.
- I am worried that our whole group is worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
- I am worried that I am worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
Lord, these thoughts fill my mind constantly, like breathing. I need release. Take them from me.
I will fill this Sabbath with Your praise, for You are worthy. Tomorrow, Lord, let me come back with a myriad of ways I've seen You work, that I've been delivered, and that I was called to take part by Your side. I will end this fast lifting You up to Your rightful place, resurrected and living in all life.
Lord, I long to be near to You. At intermittent times throughout these forty days I have been. But my passion is to prolong this. I'll tell You my biggest problem though, it's life. This life that You want me to live for You is difficult, it makes it very hard to actually keep my attention on You. I want to separate walking through my day and walking with You. And I know that this is false. This separation of You and my life is not a reality in the spiritual realm, because I truly subscribe to the idea that everything is spiritual.
So how do I integrate You into my life, so it doesn't seem as though life is in my way? I remember my parents talking about something that helped change their view of You in life. The entire church did it when I was probably in middle school, it was God-sightings. Taking some specific time in each day to look back and say where I saw You throughout my life, but specifically in that day. It seems like a great idea, a way to be more thankful.
Whatever I do, the bottom line is that the knowledge of what I need to do and the doing, being, feeling, hearing, reality of it are not the same thing at all. I realize that as I look back through this blog, I've come to this same realization multiple times. I feel great about my new knowledge or the new task ahead of me...then nothing really comes of it.
Life changes in action. God moves. God rests. God moves. God rests. There is a rhythm to it all. I move in God. I rest in God. I move in God. I rest in God. There needs to be a rhythm to it all for me.
Worries kill rhythm, they knock me off beat. Let me bring them to You:
- I am worried about Exodus Community, I want us to walk in You but we face many questions ( small groups, denominations, time table, paperwork, etc.)
- I am worried about myself and the people that are close to me and our spiritual maturity, ability to deal with change, think in new ways, be challenged, be a community of TRUTH, deal with spiritual warfare realities, and hear from You.
- I am worried about what people from the outside of the group will think about Exodus Community.
- I am worried that our whole group is worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
- I am worried that I am worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
Lord, these thoughts fill my mind constantly, like breathing. I need release. Take them from me.
I will fill this Sabbath with Your praise, for You are worthy. Tomorrow, Lord, let me come back with a myriad of ways I've seen You work, that I've been delivered, and that I was called to take part by Your side. I will end this fast lifting You up to Your rightful place, resurrected and living in all life.
Monday, February 26, 2007
I Don't Like Jesus
Lord, last week You moved me to read through the book of Luke in order to have a view of Jesus' life. Since my high school days I've had this really weird problem. I love You, Heavenly Father, God of the Old Testament, in all Your passion, love, emotion, disappointment, longing, etc. But I don't like Jesus.
Sometimes Jesus comes off as smug, sometimes unloving, sometimes unfeeling, sometimes creating conflict (which I am petrified of). So as I read through Luke, the same feeling came flooding back over me. What is this all about?
Their was one passage in particular giving me problems. Jesus is reeming out the Pharisees, and one of the scribes say, "Jesus, man, it hurts us to when you say these things." And Jesus turns to him, and then proceeds to rip into them. Ouch. Here's the abbreviated text.
Luke 11:46, 52
--------------
Jesus replied, "And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.
"Woe to you experts in the law, because you have taken away the key to knowledge. You yourselves have not entered, and you have hindered those who were entering."
--------------
So, my question is why don't I like Jesus. It's become really simple, the reason why: I am an expert in the law.
That's right. In every situation I am looking for what God wants me to do. Every situation. Every revelation of God I look to immediately apply to my life. Now granted the modern church has taught me to do this with all Scripture, apply it directly to what I can do, where it fits in my life. The problem has been Lord, that that exact action separates me from You for most of my life. I come into contact with You and Your unique presence then I run away and try to do what You told me on my own.
What are the scribes, the experts in the law, lacking? Because that is me Lord. Reading this verse its obvious. They have taken away the key to knowledge. What is that key? Proverbs 1:7 - "The beginning of knowledge is fear-of-the-Lord." When I try to put my code of conduct into play, even if its a code of conduct derived from You, I am lacking fear-of-the-Lord. I am separated myself from You.
That's the least of what you wanted. You sent Jesus so that You didn't have to be separated from me anymore. You sent Jesus to teach us how to live in fear-of-the-Lord. That makes life about You. Which it is.
Over and over again I need to learn that I am a small part of what's going on here, a very priveleged but tiny part. Over and over I need to orient my life by You, by reverence, silence, prayer, worship, eucharist...all of which make up this fear-of-the-Lord.
Sometimes Jesus comes off as smug, sometimes unloving, sometimes unfeeling, sometimes creating conflict (which I am petrified of). So as I read through Luke, the same feeling came flooding back over me. What is this all about?
Their was one passage in particular giving me problems. Jesus is reeming out the Pharisees, and one of the scribes say, "Jesus, man, it hurts us to when you say these things." And Jesus turns to him, and then proceeds to rip into them. Ouch. Here's the abbreviated text.
Luke 11:46, 52
--------------
Jesus replied, "And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.
"Woe to you experts in the law, because you have taken away the key to knowledge. You yourselves have not entered, and you have hindered those who were entering."
--------------
So, my question is why don't I like Jesus. It's become really simple, the reason why: I am an expert in the law.
That's right. In every situation I am looking for what God wants me to do. Every situation. Every revelation of God I look to immediately apply to my life. Now granted the modern church has taught me to do this with all Scripture, apply it directly to what I can do, where it fits in my life. The problem has been Lord, that that exact action separates me from You for most of my life. I come into contact with You and Your unique presence then I run away and try to do what You told me on my own.
What are the scribes, the experts in the law, lacking? Because that is me Lord. Reading this verse its obvious. They have taken away the key to knowledge. What is that key? Proverbs 1:7 - "The beginning of knowledge is fear-of-the-Lord." When I try to put my code of conduct into play, even if its a code of conduct derived from You, I am lacking fear-of-the-Lord. I am separated myself from You.
That's the least of what you wanted. You sent Jesus so that You didn't have to be separated from me anymore. You sent Jesus to teach us how to live in fear-of-the-Lord. That makes life about You. Which it is.
Over and over again I need to learn that I am a small part of what's going on here, a very priveleged but tiny part. Over and over I need to orient my life by You, by reverence, silence, prayer, worship, eucharist...all of which make up this fear-of-the-Lord.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Rolling My Tongue Around the Edges
I love hard candy, well, hard candy that tastes good anyways. I really like mints, Worthers, those candies that are strawberry flavored and are wrapped up in strawberry-looking paper. My favorite thing about hard candy is the texture. I love rolling my tongue around the edges of the first smooth, circular candy. Then I like to crack the candy and feel the jagged, cutting pieces. I push the candy from one side of my mouth to the other. The flavor gets everywhere.
It doesn't make the candy any more nutritious. It doesn't make the candy's flavor change (except in really special candies!) It's just fun to get the texture of it.
Sometimes I think Your word is like candy, Lord. Today, I come home to read Jeremiah, and every night I kind of expect some big new piece of meat for me to digest and dig into. Something totally life changing. But often, I think You're even more interesting in GIVING OUR MINDS something to roll around.
Today, I just thought of something that You've got rolling around in my head. Right now, I'm just tasting and touching the edges of it and I don't know that it gives it significant meaning in any way. In the Old Testament, Your people really struggle with serving You only. They are falling away from You to prostitute themselves before other gods, as You metaphorically put it. But really, after they return from exile in Babylon and rebuild the temple, it seems that they kind of get this. I mean, four hundred years later when Jesus shows up the scene is one of everybody trying to figure out the best ways to follow the laws of the one Father. They get it, they aren't serving other gods. You helped them learn from history.
And yet, You still took the kingdom from them. Because they weren't loving others at all. "Even the demons believe in one God, and shudder," James says. The two greatest commandments tell the story of the whole Bible. Love You and love others. It's amazing how right You are when You said all the law and the prophets hinge on those two commandments. Sometimes we don't give You credit for how right You are.
So the balance must be held. If I don't love God and pursue other worldly "gods," I am headed for an exile punishment. Yet, if I don't love others, the kingdom will be taken from me. Lord, help this balance to be ever before me. Help me to continue to see that hanging there in the middle, doing both, is the way of the kingdom. And Lord, let that kingdom come here in my life and thoughts.
And as it provokes my thoughts, allow me to continue to feel the fascinating textures of rolling my tongue around the edges.
It doesn't make the candy any more nutritious. It doesn't make the candy's flavor change (except in really special candies!) It's just fun to get the texture of it.
Sometimes I think Your word is like candy, Lord. Today, I come home to read Jeremiah, and every night I kind of expect some big new piece of meat for me to digest and dig into. Something totally life changing. But often, I think You're even more interesting in GIVING OUR MINDS something to roll around.
Today, I just thought of something that You've got rolling around in my head. Right now, I'm just tasting and touching the edges of it and I don't know that it gives it significant meaning in any way. In the Old Testament, Your people really struggle with serving You only. They are falling away from You to prostitute themselves before other gods, as You metaphorically put it. But really, after they return from exile in Babylon and rebuild the temple, it seems that they kind of get this. I mean, four hundred years later when Jesus shows up the scene is one of everybody trying to figure out the best ways to follow the laws of the one Father. They get it, they aren't serving other gods. You helped them learn from history.
And yet, You still took the kingdom from them. Because they weren't loving others at all. "Even the demons believe in one God, and shudder," James says. The two greatest commandments tell the story of the whole Bible. Love You and love others. It's amazing how right You are when You said all the law and the prophets hinge on those two commandments. Sometimes we don't give You credit for how right You are.
So the balance must be held. If I don't love God and pursue other worldly "gods," I am headed for an exile punishment. Yet, if I don't love others, the kingdom will be taken from me. Lord, help this balance to be ever before me. Help me to continue to see that hanging there in the middle, doing both, is the way of the kingdom. And Lord, let that kingdom come here in my life and thoughts.
And as it provokes my thoughts, allow me to continue to feel the fascinating textures of rolling my tongue around the edges.
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