Yesterday I wrote about worry.
Last night and today I have been besieged by things I could worry about.
It seems to me, that it is the nature of evil to overwhelm you with the very thing you've just been so excited about learning. For me, the worries are not even anything major. I have a chapel to present, too many papers left to grade, Spiritual Life Week to plan, and lessons to prepare for Pastor's Day (which is today).
I pray today Lord, that Your presence will be real to me throughout these things. More than success in every area, I want You to know that it is You I value. I value our relationship. I will continue to think about it.
So instead of succumbing to the temptation to worry, I want to proclaim all glory and honor and attention to You.
Showing posts with label worry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label worry. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Nature of Worry
1 Samuel
As I read the pages of 1 Samuel, I see David and Saul in this continual dance of distrust, unease, fear and worry. But the one who really seems to worry and be confused is Saul. He fears that David is trying to take the kingdom from him, he fears that David will in fact rebel and kill him, though David twice shows that he is unwilling to take the king's life.
In short, Saul worries over irrational fears. And those irrational fears fly in the face of his actual experience, but what drives them anyways is his self interest, his desire and obsession of holding onto "what is his."
Isn't that true of my worries too, Lord? Most damaging worry is motivated by self-interest. I worry about not having my obligations completed, I worry about looking like a fool when I lead a networking session at the conference, I worry about having a terrible sermon because of how it might make me look, I worry about how many people come to church because it might make me look like a failure... but many of these things are irrational. I'm trying to make myself look better. But do any of them affect who I am as a person?
If my networking session had been boring, would I be less of a teacher? If my sermons are choppy and no one likes them, am I being less than faithful to You? If no one comes to church, am I really a failure for stepping out and doing what I believe You called me to?
Instead of worry, perhaps my response should be responsibility to my ability. If I am worried about something, perhaps I should take a deep breath and say, "What is my responsibility in this issue, and am I doing that to the best of my ability?" Any other question, any other thought will probably lead to fear and worry. These questions can lead to trusting You and finding an answer.
If Saul had asked these questions about David, he would have found that his responsibility was to fairly rule the kingdom and lead the people toward You, and could have focused in on that. But instead he went about chasing David, who was never threatening him in the first place.
Don't let me chase my fears Lord, but let me be focused on my responsibilities.
As I read the pages of 1 Samuel, I see David and Saul in this continual dance of distrust, unease, fear and worry. But the one who really seems to worry and be confused is Saul. He fears that David is trying to take the kingdom from him, he fears that David will in fact rebel and kill him, though David twice shows that he is unwilling to take the king's life.
In short, Saul worries over irrational fears. And those irrational fears fly in the face of his actual experience, but what drives them anyways is his self interest, his desire and obsession of holding onto "what is his."
Isn't that true of my worries too, Lord? Most damaging worry is motivated by self-interest. I worry about not having my obligations completed, I worry about looking like a fool when I lead a networking session at the conference, I worry about having a terrible sermon because of how it might make me look, I worry about how many people come to church because it might make me look like a failure... but many of these things are irrational. I'm trying to make myself look better. But do any of them affect who I am as a person?
If my networking session had been boring, would I be less of a teacher? If my sermons are choppy and no one likes them, am I being less than faithful to You? If no one comes to church, am I really a failure for stepping out and doing what I believe You called me to?
Instead of worry, perhaps my response should be responsibility to my ability. If I am worried about something, perhaps I should take a deep breath and say, "What is my responsibility in this issue, and am I doing that to the best of my ability?" Any other question, any other thought will probably lead to fear and worry. These questions can lead to trusting You and finding an answer.
If Saul had asked these questions about David, he would have found that his responsibility was to fairly rule the kingdom and lead the people toward You, and could have focused in on that. But instead he went about chasing David, who was never threatening him in the first place.
Don't let me chase my fears Lord, but let me be focused on my responsibilities.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
When Success Comes...
I've been studying a lot in Luke lately. I just taught the book to my seventh grade class last semester and we've been going through it section by section, verse by verse at Exodus. So I am preparing for Sunday's sermon and reading the account of Jesus' interaction with a leper in Luke 5.
The account is exactly what I would expect from You. You came into a city, met someone in need of deliverance, and released them from the situation that was holding them back from wholeness. In this case, it is the man's skin disease. There are some remarkable intricacies to this story, some depth that we'll get into on Sunday, but I am struck today by the end of this passage.
After You healed the man, the crowds were over the top about You and Your ministry. Your miracles, Your bold teachings, the authority that You had (nice advantage, being God and man :-), but all of these things were impressing the people. And they wanted on board. So they began to follow and the crowds became larger. You were so successful!
I find, in my times of success, two things happen to me. First of all, I become very busy. There are many people who want to talk to me, many things that I have to do to keep the success going, many people I want to see me because I want them to recognize how successful I am. I get busy.
Secondly, when I am successful I get very nervous. I worry that something will take the success away. I think about tennis last year when we were 10-2, and how much I worried that something could go wrong (something did). The year before when we won the Sectional, the way I worried about whether we would accomplish our goal or not (and we did). I think about Exodus even, when things were going really well at the beginning and people were joining on (the Mahaffas, Tim Vogel, Ben Gooding, the DeMotts - and all of a sudden we had a full house!) I remember we worked so hard and late on sermonizing and preparing on Monday nights (busyness) and I often worried about what people would think of my sermons (worry).
Strange, but I think success is so desired that it causes undue stress to most of the people in this world.
And maybe for You as well, but in this passage You did something pretty cool. Something that I as an introvert really connect with. You withdrew Yourself from the crushing crowds and prayed in "lonely places." You made time to be alone and reconnect with the Father. In success, You didn't try to do so much more, You did less. You didn't load up Your mind with constant worry; You unloaded Your mind alone with our Father.
This is something to remember. I don't know when I'll have success again. I don't know when Exodus will start firing on all cylinders and people truly grow and change. I don't know when my classes at school will again bring me the "Teacher of the Year" award. I don't know when my tennis team will jump out to a great start to the season, or have a shot at another Sectional title. I hope all of these successes will come soon and often, for I am a human and desire to see the efforts of my hands become successful.
But whenever the success comes, let me remember: Those are the times when I must run to You with even more passion!
The account is exactly what I would expect from You. You came into a city, met someone in need of deliverance, and released them from the situation that was holding them back from wholeness. In this case, it is the man's skin disease. There are some remarkable intricacies to this story, some depth that we'll get into on Sunday, but I am struck today by the end of this passage.
After You healed the man, the crowds were over the top about You and Your ministry. Your miracles, Your bold teachings, the authority that You had (nice advantage, being God and man :-), but all of these things were impressing the people. And they wanted on board. So they began to follow and the crowds became larger. You were so successful!
I find, in my times of success, two things happen to me. First of all, I become very busy. There are many people who want to talk to me, many things that I have to do to keep the success going, many people I want to see me because I want them to recognize how successful I am. I get busy.
Secondly, when I am successful I get very nervous. I worry that something will take the success away. I think about tennis last year when we were 10-2, and how much I worried that something could go wrong (something did). The year before when we won the Sectional, the way I worried about whether we would accomplish our goal or not (and we did). I think about Exodus even, when things were going really well at the beginning and people were joining on (the Mahaffas, Tim Vogel, Ben Gooding, the DeMotts - and all of a sudden we had a full house!) I remember we worked so hard and late on sermonizing and preparing on Monday nights (busyness) and I often worried about what people would think of my sermons (worry).
Strange, but I think success is so desired that it causes undue stress to most of the people in this world.
And maybe for You as well, but in this passage You did something pretty cool. Something that I as an introvert really connect with. You withdrew Yourself from the crushing crowds and prayed in "lonely places." You made time to be alone and reconnect with the Father. In success, You didn't try to do so much more, You did less. You didn't load up Your mind with constant worry; You unloaded Your mind alone with our Father.
This is something to remember. I don't know when I'll have success again. I don't know when Exodus will start firing on all cylinders and people truly grow and change. I don't know when my classes at school will again bring me the "Teacher of the Year" award. I don't know when my tennis team will jump out to a great start to the season, or have a shot at another Sectional title. I hope all of these successes will come soon and often, for I am a human and desire to see the efforts of my hands become successful.
But whenever the success comes, let me remember: Those are the times when I must run to You with even more passion!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Lent: Day 14
It's been a learning experience for me during Lent, what happens when you give up on a sinful pattern in your life. It is amazing how quickly the whole experience becomes stressful, even if that stress has nothing to do with the temptation you give up. As you lose strength, the ability and willingness to resist becomes less and less. You develop other unhealthy habits until finally, you find yourself right back where you started.
Well, I haven't gone right back to where I started, Lord. But my strength is wearing thin, and I'm tired of being bombarded by thoughts of worthlessness. Three weeks ago I was not sitting around wondering whether I was a good teacher, a good pastor, a good husband, a good father, a good poet, whatever. It's not like me to be like that. And yet this week I've found myself dealing with those stresses. I'm really writing here just as a way to acknowledge this battle, this brand new place where I need You. I recognize the slander as not true, it's just the thoughts pop up far to often. So, help me deal with them in truth when they come.
Like the psalm said today as I read: "The LORD is my light and salvation - whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life - of whom should I be afraid?"
No one. No thing. Amen.
Well, I haven't gone right back to where I started, Lord. But my strength is wearing thin, and I'm tired of being bombarded by thoughts of worthlessness. Three weeks ago I was not sitting around wondering whether I was a good teacher, a good pastor, a good husband, a good father, a good poet, whatever. It's not like me to be like that. And yet this week I've found myself dealing with those stresses. I'm really writing here just as a way to acknowledge this battle, this brand new place where I need You. I recognize the slander as not true, it's just the thoughts pop up far to often. So, help me deal with them in truth when they come.
Like the psalm said today as I read: "The LORD is my light and salvation - whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life - of whom should I be afraid?"
No one. No thing. Amen.
Monday, December 8, 2008
A Theology of Waiting: Day Seven
It's amazing how easy it is to be undisciplined on the weekends. My eating gets out of order, my exercise time is nill, and my time in the Word is usually rushed. When I have the most time, I spend it poorly. Well, that's not entirely true. Saturdays are difficult because we sleep in, Gideon joins us in bed, and then when we get up we make pancakes and coffee and listen to Christmas music. It's my favorite family tradition. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but it means that my devotional time cannot be right after I get up. Same with my exercise time.
Sundays I have no excuses, although I am usually up before Courtney and Gideon, I usually just like to chill out. Like this weekend I just wanted to watch Sportscenter and eat a slow breakfast. But still, I have the whole rest of the day after church and I never use it wisely either.
So Monday seems like a re-acquaintance time. So without further explanation, let's jump into the text.
Psalm 25, Isaiah 5:8-23
"The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish."
I can't tell You why, but I have felt stressed several times over the last couple weeks. Two weeks ago I couldn't sleep on a Monday night so I got up to watch TV in the middle of the night. Last night I tossed and turned all the way up to this mornings alarm. I know I'm not getting enough sleep. And that adds to the stress because I feel like I need to just turn my mind off and rest, but then I start worrying about whether I'm going to be able to do that and it all turns out as a big mess.
Thing that is driving me insane though is that I don't have anything that I'm really worried about. Christmas time isn't a stressful time for me. We've got most of our shopping done, I love spending time with family, and as of right now we don't have any more Christmas parties to go to. Gideon's birthday is next weekend, but that is pretty well set too. Just have to figure out decorations, but I don't get that stressed about things like that. School has been difficult the last couple weeks, but that has really settled down now. So I don't know what, exactly, is my problem.
As we head into a week of hope, I need to know that You are dedicated to freeing me from my anguish. I'm willing to take a look at my life and change things that need to be changed, but it means a lot to me to know that You are working to free me from unknown stresses as well. As the psalm also says, "My hope is in You all day long."
Sundays I have no excuses, although I am usually up before Courtney and Gideon, I usually just like to chill out. Like this weekend I just wanted to watch Sportscenter and eat a slow breakfast. But still, I have the whole rest of the day after church and I never use it wisely either.
So Monday seems like a re-acquaintance time. So without further explanation, let's jump into the text.
Psalm 25, Isaiah 5:8-23
"The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish."
I can't tell You why, but I have felt stressed several times over the last couple weeks. Two weeks ago I couldn't sleep on a Monday night so I got up to watch TV in the middle of the night. Last night I tossed and turned all the way up to this mornings alarm. I know I'm not getting enough sleep. And that adds to the stress because I feel like I need to just turn my mind off and rest, but then I start worrying about whether I'm going to be able to do that and it all turns out as a big mess.
Thing that is driving me insane though is that I don't have anything that I'm really worried about. Christmas time isn't a stressful time for me. We've got most of our shopping done, I love spending time with family, and as of right now we don't have any more Christmas parties to go to. Gideon's birthday is next weekend, but that is pretty well set too. Just have to figure out decorations, but I don't get that stressed about things like that. School has been difficult the last couple weeks, but that has really settled down now. So I don't know what, exactly, is my problem.
As we head into a week of hope, I need to know that You are dedicated to freeing me from my anguish. I'm willing to take a look at my life and change things that need to be changed, but it means a lot to me to know that You are working to free me from unknown stresses as well. As the psalm also says, "My hope is in You all day long."
Saturday, June 30, 2007
A Bit Overwhelmed
I love to teach. I love to teach Your word. But I am really nervous tonight for speaking tomorrow. You've given some wonderful insight on the Exodus 4 passage to our teaching group. It's fun, it's witty, it's probably my favorite little piece of Scripture. But it's kind of scary to try to show everyone else that.
I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess, I just want to give all control of tomorrow to You. We've had a great week together and I would love for it to end with a great big smile on my face after Sunday. And I want that smile to be because we've all heard from and worshipped You together.
So I am a bit overwhlelmed, but You are with me. As long as You are there tomorrow, I'll be okay.
Just make sure that You, Yourself, are with me in my mouth...!
I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess, I just want to give all control of tomorrow to You. We've had a great week together and I would love for it to end with a great big smile on my face after Sunday. And I want that smile to be because we've all heard from and worshipped You together.
So I am a bit overwhlelmed, but You are with me. As long as You are there tomorrow, I'll be okay.
Just make sure that You, Yourself, are with me in my mouth...!
Monday, April 23, 2007
Replacing Worry
Texts:
- Psalms 125-128
- Matthew 11
"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for he grants sleep to those he loves."
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Lord, I could always use rest. But that's been established many times before as I have written You. What is interesting to me in these verses, that just kind of jumped off the page to me, is that its not just rest from stress of life. Its rest from even the good things that we are building.
Is it not good for someone to build a house, or stand watch over a city? Of course it is, these things are very necessary for safety and for normal living. They are good. But there's the interesting added words to these good things, "unless the LORD."
I think these images of watchmen and builder are perfect for where I am right now. I often feel like I am a watchmen for this new community that we are beginning. I feel like I am protecting it, trying to keep it safe, trying to keep anything bad from happening. Truth is, most of the bad things that could happen in the community are far beyond my control. So the result for me is worry, then becoming weary and burdened.
Or the builder, trying to pursue avenues of growth. How can we find the support and money that we need to get where we want to go. How do you go about finalizing the building codes (or the details needed to be a recognized church)? Where will we get the materials? Who will help?
These questions, these worries, beyond my control. Like most of this life, beyond my control.
"Unless the LORD..." So how do we know if You are? Are You building the house with us, are You watching over the city? If You are, then what? Because we still have to help build, right? We still have to stand watch, right?
It all comes down to worry. It's strange, until we started thinking and really building this community, I wasn't much of a worrier or someone who panicked. I have felt that way at different times in this process, even now as I type. Worry has somehow become a part of my life. I don't like it, it doesn't feel like me.
I want to be the optimistic, "It will all work out," faithful person that I've been in the past. When people tell me that You are going to bless what we're doing, I want to be able to say thanks to them and really believe it in my heart. Basically, I want You to continue to take control away from us.
Saturday I talked about how we walk on the road towards You. Right now, and often lately, I have been walking with worry. Empty my road of worry, replace it with a comfort and restful sense of Your control. Amen.
- Psalms 125-128
- Matthew 11
"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for he grants sleep to those he loves."
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Lord, I could always use rest. But that's been established many times before as I have written You. What is interesting to me in these verses, that just kind of jumped off the page to me, is that its not just rest from stress of life. Its rest from even the good things that we are building.
Is it not good for someone to build a house, or stand watch over a city? Of course it is, these things are very necessary for safety and for normal living. They are good. But there's the interesting added words to these good things, "unless the LORD."
I think these images of watchmen and builder are perfect for where I am right now. I often feel like I am a watchmen for this new community that we are beginning. I feel like I am protecting it, trying to keep it safe, trying to keep anything bad from happening. Truth is, most of the bad things that could happen in the community are far beyond my control. So the result for me is worry, then becoming weary and burdened.
Or the builder, trying to pursue avenues of growth. How can we find the support and money that we need to get where we want to go. How do you go about finalizing the building codes (or the details needed to be a recognized church)? Where will we get the materials? Who will help?
These questions, these worries, beyond my control. Like most of this life, beyond my control.
"Unless the LORD..." So how do we know if You are? Are You building the house with us, are You watching over the city? If You are, then what? Because we still have to help build, right? We still have to stand watch, right?
It all comes down to worry. It's strange, until we started thinking and really building this community, I wasn't much of a worrier or someone who panicked. I have felt that way at different times in this process, even now as I type. Worry has somehow become a part of my life. I don't like it, it doesn't feel like me.
I want to be the optimistic, "It will all work out," faithful person that I've been in the past. When people tell me that You are going to bless what we're doing, I want to be able to say thanks to them and really believe it in my heart. Basically, I want You to continue to take control away from us.
Saturday I talked about how we walk on the road towards You. Right now, and often lately, I have been walking with worry. Empty my road of worry, replace it with a comfort and restful sense of Your control. Amen.
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