We are One in the Bond of Love

Ephesians 4-6

Unity of the faith is a really interesting thing. Paul begins talking about one God, one body, one baptism at the beginning of this passage in Ephesians. I always wonder what this means for our modern congregations. Is it okay for us to have a small group of Exodus-ites who don't completely agree theologically with Sugar Grove Church down the road, as long as we would work together with them if the need arose to serve the wider community? Is it okay that Sugar Grove has 500-600 people and River Oaks has 800 and so on and so on, and that these people will never worship together? What really does this unity of the faith mean?

But rather than philosophize about this Lord, I'd like to know what it means for me.

The part of this that strikes me as an individual is the sentence, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." When put in these terms, it seems that Paul is talking more on a relational level than an organizational level. When dealing with other members of the church, other individuals who love Christ, be humble, gentle, and patient. When we disagree or have different goals, bear with one another because of the love of Christ.

I like bringing it down to these relational terms. Because I believe Paul probably saw it this way. But also, I can relate because I deal with Christians every day who I can be tempted to be un-unified with. From the pastors of my own congregation to the students I see in my classroom at school, there are Christians who I am ready to cut off.

So, God, this metaphor of cutting things off has been working in my head for the last week. What are You trying to tell me. First the parable of the fig tree that gets a little bit more work, then this passage of bearing with one another. It seems to me that You might be drawing me somewhere. But how?

I could just launch into a series of questions for You. But I'll spare that to hear You talk to me instead. I am prepared to hear what You have to say.

Thank You for the day, by the way. I'm going to need your strength to stay up all night and "bear with" middle schoolers. But it is still a good day!

Living with It

Ephesians 1-3

I'm amazed at how quickly you have to move through Paul's letters if you are trying to read through the Bible in a year. In other words, I have to read three chapters at least per day. But the thing is, that doesn't really give me enough time to understand what is really going on. Paul is really quite difficult to understand. Some days I really like this, it makes Paul seem like a real human, working through things and figuring out what it means to be a follower of Christ. Other days, like today, this drives me nuts, because I'm too tired to follow the meandering logic and complicated sentences. And by tired I mean because it's 5:00 in the morning, and I'm still feeling like I should be laying next to my wife.

You know, yesterday morning, I was thinking after we had some time together about the purposes of this time. I was thinking if I always learned something new to do during this time with You, I was going to end up with 365 new things to do by the end of a year. Which is not sustainable. So, what is this time really for? And I thought, while I read Scripture and try to apply it, this time is probably just as much about relationship with God as it is breaking down Scripture. In fact, because I don't bring commentaries or anything to this time, just me, it's probably more about relationship right there. Even the insights that I glean from Scripture are often of a personal nature.

Right now, in my life, I think I have a tendency to still compartmentalize You. (I'm kind of leaving Ephesians for now, don't know if I'll get back or not). It's funny, because one of my critiques of modern Christianity is our ability, not a good ability, to leave God in church and live in the world according to our own desires. But despite my own critique, I've noticed lately that I've been seeking You with a large part of the seeking being about how to run and lead my church.

But then, I notice things. A couple of weeks ago, a car was broken down on the side of the road. I didn't even see it, kind of glanced at it after I passed, and I wasn't sure whether they were broken down, pulled over talking, in a wreck, whatever. It didn't really even cross my mind to go back. But then my brother called. He too had been driving the same road and seen the car, and he had stopped to see what was the matter. Why didn't I even think of stopping? Where is my tendency for deliverance in normal life?

Or when I'm talking to people at school or those I don't know very well. I'm always looking for an out in the conversation. I don't really like to talk to people. I know, I know, that has somewhat to do with personality, and I know, I know, I can't make excuses. But like Paul is talking about unity in Christ in Ephesians here, and I know that it is hard for me to find these kind of unifying things with other believers because I'm not real comfortable talking to people. So, where is my tendency for community with others during the course of the week?

And am I looking for knowledge of God, and reordering in my daily life? No. And am I experiencing the shalom of God? No. I've known that for a couple months, but I keep living as if everything is okay. I don't talk to anyone about it really because I know that it is not "catastrophic" bad, just "annoying" bad.

So, I wonder if I can live to D.C.K.L. beyond Sundays? When it really impedes on my personal life? When it is outside the reach of Exodus Community?

Lord, speak to me. Amen.

By Your Spirit

Galatians

"Live by the Spirit."  Paul's cry to the Galatians is to put aside the law and live by the spirit of Christ.  In this way they will be truly free, the freedom for which You came for us.  When I read it in Galatians, I am kind of sitting here, nodding my head going, "Yea, I need to live by the Spirit."  

Then I start thinking..."So what does that mean?"  The Scripture, the law, that's pretty easy to follow.  Living by the law is pretty straightforward.  It's difficult, for sure, and you mess up a lot, but you know when you've done that.  You can study and gain more knowledge and realize what you are supposed to do.  You can check off the ten commandments to be sure you are living in a proper manner.  But when you live by the Spirit?  What guides are there?

I suppose it is a relationship, but I wish Paul would talk a little bit more about how he lives by the Spirit.  He gives us the evaluative measure, the fruits of the Spirit, but not the prescriptive measure of how to get there.  I wonder if that's the point, that living by the Spirit means many things, but that they are all anchored in Christ and should produce love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

One of the complaints that I've had recently against Exodus is that the Spirit does not seem to be alive and moving in us.  I don't really know what I mean by that Lord, but it seems to be true.  Joel said that a couple of weeks ago and it was like someone said the words I'd been searching out for weeks.  The danger of our new format is that we are doing things, helping people in distress, coming together as community, seeking to learn new truths... but are we seeking Your Spirit as well?  I mean, that's a really good question.  A really, really good question.

We get so into the D.C.K.L. that we forget to let You work in us as well.  Well, as the pastor, I cannot let that happen.  My prayer for today is for an anointing of Your Spirit on the church, and people committed to living by Your Spirit.  I don't know what that will look like or what I will have to do to contribute, but let us live by Your Holy Spirit.  Amen.

Go on Boasting

2 Corinthians 9-13

When I was in high school, I often would write songs based on my Scripture reading.  The songs weren't praise songs, they were supposed to be indie rock songs; shoegazer-like anthems about the struggles of being a person.  Maybe you could call them a bit of 1997-8 emo, but not like what we call emo in 2009.  Anyways, I'd throw on my grunge pedal and try to write a droning song.  I know this is a silly question but, do you remember that?

I wrote one song about Paul's boasting here in 2 Corinthians, where he writes of being shipwrecked, beaten, and on and on.  They make the perfect high school lyrics to speak of struggle.  Not much for metaphor or application then, I'm not really sure I looked for how I could boast of You in my weakness.  But I'll take that task today.

What are these things that are difficult that I've had to endure for Christ?  The difficulty of leading Exodus, my daily concerns for each of our members, the daily frustrations that I can have with myself primarily and others secondarily when we don't change.  Those are all emotional concerns.  Where are my physical shortcomings?  Where have I been shipwrecked, abandoned, thrown in prison?  

Look, I know we're living in a world that supports Christianity, so being thrown in prison here in the States for preaching, teaching, or advancing the Kingdom is unlikely.  And ships are built much sturdier, let alone my distance from the sea.  So shipwreck is unlikely as well.  

So my question, without the marks of suffering, am I being bold enough?  Am I really speaking the words that You give me to speak?  Let me slow down and find the answer to that question today.  

In the meantime, thank You.  Thank You that I've had such a blessed life.  I will not forget to rejoice in that today!  Indeed, You are a great God.  And I love you for it.  Amen.

Beatings and Riots

2 Corinthians 6-8

Paul went through a lot of hardships for You. I mean, in chapter 6 here he lists a bunch of things: hardships, distresses, beatings, imprisonments, riots, sleepless nights, hunger, being regarded as impostors, being regarded as unknown, sorrow, poverty.

And yet, despite all of those things, Paul had an attitude of joy that allowed him to continue living in Your word and leading others in it as well. I've been having difficulty staying committed to this task. It has been because I have felt a lack of affirmation for others and that their is a lack of commitment from others. My students at school sometimes seem the definition of apathy and disinterest, and in my tasks at Exodus I have just felt worn down by a variety of tasks. But that's it, I've just been worn down.

Here's what I wonder about Paul. He had certainty. You appeared to him and he was changed. When he went out to tell his story, he had no doubt in it. You appeared. You came in a bright light. You talked to him. So when he was beaten, opposed, whatever it wasn't like he could stop and think and say, well, maybe there is a better way to do this. Or maybe I should leave this to others. He just reflected on Your meeting with him, and I'm sure this was refreshing.

And I doubt myself. Couldn't ever step out on the water, because I'm afraid I would do something to mess it up. Couldn't ever face a beating or imprisonment because I would rethink my views, be wishy-washy, something... I know my strengths, but one of them is not certainty.

It occurs to me that there may be several ways to develop more certainty and authority in my teaching and preaching. The first would be to remember. Paul could always remember what God had done for him, he could speak authoritatively from his story. I sometimes have trouble relating my "God-experiences" with others because they might doubt my story. But I don't doubt my story. These personal experiences should shape the person I am in my faith moving forward, and be a way to make it through current tough times.

Secondly, I can keep finding time to spend alone with You. If You are the one who re-energizes us through the times of beatings, sleepless nights, and distresses, then why don't I make a point to meet with You? I mean, I have had these mornings, but perhaps I can find regular time too, throughout my day.

So, now I go on to live in Your light and renewal. Thank You for this day! Amen.

All Bright and Beautiful

2 Corinthians 4-5

What's the brightest thing people see when they look or listen to me?

Do I really let myself be a simple jar of clay, or do I adorn myself so that people can see me? Do people see anything bright in me at all?

I'd like to say that people see the light of Christ in my life, like The Message translation says, "all bright and beautiful." I'm not sure. At school, when I'm teaching Bible I'm always worried that I'm making the Bible confusing and boring. That's really difficult for me to handle because I find the word of God so inspiring (most of the time). I want the message of Christ to shine out of me.

So the interesting thing is that Paul notes here in the passage that outwardly they look beat and worn down, but inwardly they are being renewed. I'm sure that when the heart, mind and soul are being renewed, then the energy of God flows out of that renewed spirit and people see the beautiful message of Christ in the enthusiasm and life coming out of that. The thing that I've worried about for myself is that outwardly I might look in good shape, but inwardly is where I've been worn down. Then, no matter what my "jar of clay" might look like, the light isn't shining out of my life.

Yesterday and today have been really good though. I really appreciate getting back into the word like this. Although I'm sure at some point it will get old and feel like a responsibility and a pressure more than renewal and pleasure. Help me keep a good attitude toward this study time. It's been interesting this week for sure, as I've been going through a really stressful time at work I haven't felt the stress too badly. So, perhaps this is the beginning of my "bright" inward renewal.

Whatever it is, my prayer has been "Speak to me, speak through me." Perhaps at times that speaking through me needs to be silent, just letting You shine through my attitude and actions. I pray that I am representing You to others, whether consciously or unconsciously, let my life begin to truly shine. Really speak to me. Let me hear the Word. Then let others see You, my precious God, speaking in my life, "all bright and beautiful." Amen.

On Comfort and Letters

2 Corinthians 1-3

This site is a lot of things for me. It is a place to basically type out my prayers to You. It has been a place for me to study the Scripture with You. It has been a place for me to write about You. My reading schedule this year through Scripture hasn't been very helpful, and so today we're going to change it a little bit. I've been studying by genres of Biblical literature, but looking at a different genre each, going through a rotation. It's just one that I found on the internet, but the problem is that I have very little continuity. So it's hard to connect from day to day. So I'm reading a lot of different Scriptures but feeling like the narrative is getting lost.

Today I'm going to change a bit and focus on one genre until I finish it. The first genre I'm going to look into is the Epistles. There is a reason too. I want to see the way that Paul, James, Peter, and others talked to the early churches. Since I'm involved in a young church, that needs much encouragement at times, maybe some direction as well, how did they do it and what were they concerned about. Okay, enough chronicling of purpose, off we go!

Two things strike me today about this Scripture, one is the idea of comfort and the other is the concept of being a letter.

First, comfort. I've been feeling lately a lack of comfort, a life full of stress, and I've been looking everywhere for affirmation. I've talked to You about this before, and You were so good as to remind me that "I am Your son, You are well pleased." At times, however, I am stubborn in my search for human validation. I get some, sometimes, but far less consistently than if I would count on You. Paul though, praises You as the God of all compassion and comfort, who comforts us in our troubles. And then that comfort can be extended from us to others.

So what I need is continual compassion and comfort in order to lead Exodus. The pressure has become amazing, and what I've noticed is that I have less and less comfort and compassion to give to others. Actually, I have less and less capacity for relationship in general. That has really been irking me, Lord, since relationship is the complete reason of starting Exodus. I need that real sense of Your comfort then, of our relationship, so that I can extend it to others. Please, help remind me throughout the day.

Secondly, there is the idea of being a letter. All of Exodus is a letter, wide open for others to read. What do people read there on a regular basis? We would like people to read: Deliverance, Community, Knowledge, and Land. And I think that has been evident to some. I think GG would read Deliverance. I think that the families we helped with unemployment would read Deliverance. I think that some of us might read Community. Knowledge, I'm not sure. I think most of us see that is too hard right now. It's difficult to keep the balance for sure. And as for the whole cycle, DCKL, I don't think it could be read in its entirety through our community. Plus, I think there are other distracting and demoralizing things that others would read in us. Or at least that when I "open the book" that is Exodus, I read some things I'd rather not.

How can I lead so that we all read the same way? Rejoicing in the way You have lived the DCKL for us so that we can live the DCKL for others, that is what I want our community to say. Comfort me in my feelings of shortcoming this morning, and let this be a place of renewal and new beginning, instead of just a mournful place.

I love You, and thanks for the listening ear. Now, speak to me, speak through me. My Lord, Amen.

Humanity's Dryness or Your Blessed Stream

Convicting passage today that I read Lord.  Convicting but a little bit sad I think.  It is from Jeremiah 17:5-8, and really much of the rest of the chapter and those chapters that follow.  Basically, it says that those who depend on humans for their strength will be like bushes in the wasteland.  But those who count on You will be like trees planted by streams of water, quenched and continually renewed.

I am struck by how completely descriptive this passage is, and dead on.  As someone who thrives on affirmation and support, this past winter has been very dry and lonely for me in the area of religious strength.  I feel like I've had very little affirmation of the religious ceremonies I was in charge of, or of the way that I was pursuing You, or of much about myself in general.  I didn't have help in these areas either.  As a result, I felt dry (and I'm still fighting this battle in many ways).  I felt in every way like a bush in the wasteland, parched for water, brittle in every limb.  I felt like criticism would snap my dry branches, like a bit of flame would set my whole self on fire because of my lack of life and water, and I also felt easily influenced (that is to say, like a tumbleweed, pushed about by all the winds.)

It seems to me that we should be able to rely on human support.  The love of my wife, the cries of joy from my son, the steadfast friendship of my Exodus friends and pastors... but we can't.  And it's not even that these people in my life weren't trying.  Some of them were.  But we all get to times, as humans, where we don't know the right words to say, we don't have enough time, we're distracted by our own problems, and we remove ourselves from that to help with the refreshing of others.  We also have times where, to borrow eucharistic language, we are not be poured into by others so it is really hard to pour out.  So we fail each other.  I'd like that to be different.

It occurs to me that the proper way of things, that we even teach in Exodus, is that God  fills us, then we pour into others.  I have certainly wandered this winter from my times of being filled by You.  There are so many ways that You renew me, from the wonderful words of Scripture, to works of art composed of You, to simple times of prayer and reflection, or even the prayers here on the site.  

Remind me daily to live in Your affirmation, and to live next to Your stream.  I am going to need strength in the days and weeks to come, please provide this.  Speak to me, speak through me.

Speak and Fill

Pay attention was the theme of my last conversation here with You. This past Sunday I preached about doing what we can to pursue the personal side of our relationship with You. These two things have been working through my mind the last week then as I got to be a stay at home dad and watch Gideon.

You know that the whole week was taken up with following around our energetic one and a half year old. I was unaware the attention that it takes to watch him throughout a whole day with no one else around. God bless Julie for what she does when she watches all four of the kids at once! I often did not get to this morning time of prayer, reading and conversation. And yet, You and I were able to find in between times and "converse." That was quite important to me in this time of pursuit.

So, today, I come to You with a time-tested request. I know that I'm often coming to this space with an idea of what I want, but equally as much I just ramble through thoughts and complaints. Today, I'm crystal clear on two things. These will be the focus of my prayers for weeks (hopefully, You'll begin to answer them too!) First of all, my simple repetitive prayer: Speak to me, speak through me. Speak to my spirit, speak to my mind, and the speak through my words and actions to others. Reveal Yourself to me, then reveal Yourself to others through me. Secondly though, something that I realized the importance of yesterday. Fill Exodus Community with Your Spirit. Let the wind blow upon our congregation and cause us to reflect and renew! I don't always know where You will lead, but I have found and must remember that You are trustworthy. Do not let our leaders (including me) laziness, disinterest and other plights remove Your Spirit from our church's life. Restore that wonder, that freshness; infuse the Spirit into all we do.

This is my cry this morning. Amen.

Lent: Day 40

So, obviously my Lent count has included Sundays, so it will end at 47 days.  It's been a really interesting time.  What I'm learning is that which helps me pursue You and that which doesn't.  I also think I'm going to have to be aware in the future that it is not always the same thing every day.  In other words, I like to go on these times of discipline.  For example, for 40 days I'm going to write a poem for You every day, or for the rest of this year I'm going to read the gospels once a week, or giving something up for Lent, or getting up every morning to read through the Bible, or whatever.  Sometimes those disciplines just become dead.  What I need to learn is attention.

To pay attention to what you are doing.  To recognize as I tell my tennis team.  A relationship doesn't always work in the same way every time.  I must be aware of that.  Aware of what You are trying to say to me.  I think perhaps the most important thing that has happened this Lent is that I have unearthed a simple prayer that I used to pray with regularity, "Speak to me, speak through me."  I don't know why that faded away but I could certainly use it to be true in my life.

It took Eugene pointing me back to the personal, Exodus pointing to the right actions and attitudes, and frustration of spirit to make it all visible.  But solid optimism has been restored to me.  It could snow another 9 inches today, and I have been renewed enough to say..."Sunday is on the way" and guess what, "the tomb is empty!"

Lent: Day 36

Some days I begin my devotional time with reading Scripture and something just jumps off the page at me, and I say "Wow, thanks for speaking to me like that today." Some days, and this is today, I read through the Scripture and it seems like I know everything that is there. Like there is not that much new to be learned. Like I am reading to just get the reading done.

I need You to speak to me. I've taken up again with an old prayer I used to say every day, "speak to me, speak through me." I know that I've been frustrated with the distance in our relationship recently, and it's pretty obvious that I had given up on times of simple listening. Sometimes, You speak so clearly in the written word. Sometimes, not so much.

But however You do it, I need to feel like we are communicating. You might think that blogging here is my way of talking to You, but it is also my way of listening. Asking questions that I want to hear Your answer to. Writing and contemplating what I think You are saying to me, through Scripture and through thought.

Okay, so here's a thought for today. If I know much of the Bible, how well am I doing it? Perhaps I should read the Scriptures with an even larger eye toward application. I have to remember that Exodus's definition of knowledge is being prioritized and ordering according to what you know about God. So, how am I ordering my life around what I know?

Or better yet, what knowledge am I avoiding so that I don't have to be ordered by it?

Great questions. Speak to me. Speak through me.

Lent: Day 35

As I've been trying to follow You much closer, to almost walk with You the last two weeks when I knew the time was so close, I've been listening to a lot of Eugene Peterson. Well, basically I listened to one conference he said. But the session was called "The Contemplative Pastor," and Eugene spent most of the time talking about how to avoid the views that saturate our modern religious and secular world.

First of all, let your actions, words, deeds, all that you do, be focused and personal. Not a show for the big crowd, in fact, maybe you shouldn't ever really have a big crowd, he almost suggested. Second, let your language be that of story and invitation to participation. Let it be creative. But certainly still personal.

So, that's what I'm going to try to focus on as I teach Bible this week and go about my day. Lord, the other thing is that I need Your help in trying to live without the dualism or religious and secular. It's really difficult to even know how. Again, help me to achieve.

And last request of all Lord, "Speak to me, speak through me. Amen."