Okay, so I still need to work on that confidence part from yesterday. I went to school thinking that You would be my support and that I'd be able to face up to anything. But then one 7th grader's attitude just sucked all the life out of me, and I had trouble getting that life back.
It seems to me that apathy is the "dry and weary land where there is no water" that I read about today in Psalm 63. Yesterday, while my soul longed to be with You, I found myself fighting against the dryness. And that fight and the apathy, well, my confidence shriveled.
Not that I'm blaming You for that. I know that You are right there, like a glass of tall water. It's just that somehow I'm not accessing that cool spring of living water. I'm not getting the refreshment that an encounter with You can give.
And yet I love You and know the promise that Your presence holds. I know You are helping through a period of maturing, perhaps this whole fight to get to Your fountain will help me begin to develop perseverance.
Thanks for always dealing with us as a loving Father. Please, take my life and mold it to be ever more like that.
Showing posts with label strength. Show all posts
Showing posts with label strength. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
How to Live in Earth and Bring Some Heaven
This week was a week where I was determined to get things right. Things between You and me. Things with my church. Really get back into a full fledged relationship with You, spend more time communicating with You, turn my thoughts to You throughout my day. Really bring some heaven to my day on a regular basis.
What I'm increasingly finding is that I have to get away from my "earth" in order to experience "heaven," and that's not what I really want at all. In other words, they only times I ever think of You are when I'm removed from the situations of my life. When I'm teaching (even though it's the Bible!) I have difficulty focusing on Your way, on Your person, on following You. And so since I can't focus, I don't always naturally respond like I should. And so increasingly I'm finding that I'm not becoming the person God wants me to be (or at least not as fast as I think that I should).
And so I've tried to start the new year with attention. But the series of events that I am facing right now is making attention so hard, basically because they are sapping my energy, making me sleepy tired and then cranky, forgetful, selfish and angry. When Gideon won't sleep I don't get to sleep. This is the third night in a row that he's been up in the middle of the night. He cries and we can't do anything about it. He was up for more than an hour tonight, but 2:30 last night and a couple hours the night before that. It's draining to not get the amount of sleep that you plan for.
Also at the beginning of this week our shower has been out of commission while it is remodeled. So I've been having to shower at the school, which means giving myself more time in the morning to get there, shower, go pick up Clifton, and then get back to the school. Which again means... less sleep.
Oh, and the kicker to my stress levels? J-term. I'm teaching one class - all day - with no prep periods. None. I have a break for lunch and 15 minutes when the students get some snacks, but otherwise, no breaks. And during those breaks I have to grade or I fall woefully behind. So it is a solid day of grading and being with students, which is fine (I enjoy the teaching and conversation) but exhausting.
So how do I deal with all these things, while living as You would intend? How do I have the attention levels, the energy it takes to have those levels, when at times during the day I don't feel I have the energy to continue to stand up?
So today's devotional thought is a question. Will You be my strength? I've always wanted to declare, "The Lord is my strength and my song / He has become my salvation." Right now, this would be a time where You could give me cause.
What I'm increasingly finding is that I have to get away from my "earth" in order to experience "heaven," and that's not what I really want at all. In other words, they only times I ever think of You are when I'm removed from the situations of my life. When I'm teaching (even though it's the Bible!) I have difficulty focusing on Your way, on Your person, on following You. And so since I can't focus, I don't always naturally respond like I should. And so increasingly I'm finding that I'm not becoming the person God wants me to be (or at least not as fast as I think that I should).
And so I've tried to start the new year with attention. But the series of events that I am facing right now is making attention so hard, basically because they are sapping my energy, making me sleepy tired and then cranky, forgetful, selfish and angry. When Gideon won't sleep I don't get to sleep. This is the third night in a row that he's been up in the middle of the night. He cries and we can't do anything about it. He was up for more than an hour tonight, but 2:30 last night and a couple hours the night before that. It's draining to not get the amount of sleep that you plan for.
Also at the beginning of this week our shower has been out of commission while it is remodeled. So I've been having to shower at the school, which means giving myself more time in the morning to get there, shower, go pick up Clifton, and then get back to the school. Which again means... less sleep.
Oh, and the kicker to my stress levels? J-term. I'm teaching one class - all day - with no prep periods. None. I have a break for lunch and 15 minutes when the students get some snacks, but otherwise, no breaks. And during those breaks I have to grade or I fall woefully behind. So it is a solid day of grading and being with students, which is fine (I enjoy the teaching and conversation) but exhausting.
So how do I deal with all these things, while living as You would intend? How do I have the attention levels, the energy it takes to have those levels, when at times during the day I don't feel I have the energy to continue to stand up?
So today's devotional thought is a question. Will You be my strength? I've always wanted to declare, "The Lord is my strength and my song / He has become my salvation." Right now, this would be a time where You could give me cause.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Living It
Yesterday night, I began to read the Scriptures slowly, the discipline that Eugene Peterson says is so important to him. I read Joshua 1. What did I notice as I slowed down? Well, both You and the people of Israel said the same thing to Joshua as he took over the leadership. You promised that You would be with him, just as You were with Moses. It is amazing how many times in the Bible You comfort people and inspire them just by telling them that You will be with them. The people of Israel then respond that they will obey him, just as they had Moses.
Then both You and the people remind Joshua to be strong and courageous. As a leader, the qualities that are needed are the qualities of strength and courage. I thought about the areas of my life where I am a leader, and I realized that I don't have a focus to be strong and courageous behind. For example, Joshua had the law and the commands that You spoke to him. Well, I have Your law, Your ways, and Your Scripture, but the ways in which I interpret it to apply to my different leadership situations have not been well defined. So I broke it down to this.
Exodus
- It's about quality and not necessarily quantity. I must be about excellence.
- It's about living it.
School
- I want to be strong in teaching the habits of mind.
- It's about living it.
Tennis
- It's not all about tennis.
- It's about living it.
Biggest thing I want to be strong behind: Living our faith with You in all circumstances. Now, let me be strong and courageous.
Then both You and the people remind Joshua to be strong and courageous. As a leader, the qualities that are needed are the qualities of strength and courage. I thought about the areas of my life where I am a leader, and I realized that I don't have a focus to be strong and courageous behind. For example, Joshua had the law and the commands that You spoke to him. Well, I have Your law, Your ways, and Your Scripture, but the ways in which I interpret it to apply to my different leadership situations have not been well defined. So I broke it down to this.
Exodus
- It's about quality and not necessarily quantity. I must be about excellence.
- It's about living it.
School
- I want to be strong in teaching the habits of mind.
- It's about living it.
Tennis
- It's not all about tennis.
- It's about living it.
Biggest thing I want to be strong behind: Living our faith with You in all circumstances. Now, let me be strong and courageous.
Friday, December 12, 2008
A Theology of Waiting: Day Eleven
You know what I need before I even say a thing.
In celebrating waiting here, before we get to Christmas season, I have to say I have actually struggled in the pursuit of Your presence. It hasn't been the normal holiday craziness that we often can claim, and how that holiday busyness keeps us away from You. That's what is concerning to me though. Because it is not just the extra stresses of the season, then the blame must fall fully on me. I'm tired though, of starting every conversation with You with self-indictment. Yes, I haven't been the best follower, call it failure if You want, but this is my effort at repentance. I am ready to walk in the opposite direction today, in the direction that leads to You.
As I read the psalm today, I realize what a weak view I have of myself. The last line of the psalm is to "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." I find that very interesting. Those of us who hope, who have been crying to You and repenting, actively clearing space for You in our lives, now we are to be strong because of our hope. It's interesting, You would think that with all the acknowledgment of how broken we are, and a view of how great You are, that we would be told to stay weak. But there is this encouragement to be strong.
I really wonder what be strong entails. When I looked it up just now in the original language, it seems to indicate a making strong, a rebuilding, a repairing. So when the verse says be strong, it is actually talking about restore and repairing the places we are damaged. And we do that because we hope in the Lord.
Okay, I'm damaged. Okay, I've been tired and I lack discipline. Okay, I will be strong and take heart. My cry today then changes, I know that You are the One who restores. Come and join me in the process of putting my life back together in a responsible, disciplined, Christ-like way. It's not that it has been terribly bad, it's not like I've fallen off the deep end, but it will be good to have Your hands moving with mine to keep everything in check. Thank You Father. Amen.
In celebrating waiting here, before we get to Christmas season, I have to say I have actually struggled in the pursuit of Your presence. It hasn't been the normal holiday craziness that we often can claim, and how that holiday busyness keeps us away from You. That's what is concerning to me though. Because it is not just the extra stresses of the season, then the blame must fall fully on me. I'm tired though, of starting every conversation with You with self-indictment. Yes, I haven't been the best follower, call it failure if You want, but this is my effort at repentance. I am ready to walk in the opposite direction today, in the direction that leads to You.
As I read the psalm today, I realize what a weak view I have of myself. The last line of the psalm is to "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." I find that very interesting. Those of us who hope, who have been crying to You and repenting, actively clearing space for You in our lives, now we are to be strong because of our hope. It's interesting, You would think that with all the acknowledgment of how broken we are, and a view of how great You are, that we would be told to stay weak. But there is this encouragement to be strong.
I really wonder what be strong entails. When I looked it up just now in the original language, it seems to indicate a making strong, a rebuilding, a repairing. So when the verse says be strong, it is actually talking about restore and repairing the places we are damaged. And we do that because we hope in the Lord.
Okay, I'm damaged. Okay, I've been tired and I lack discipline. Okay, I will be strong and take heart. My cry today then changes, I know that You are the One who restores. Come and join me in the process of putting my life back together in a responsible, disciplined, Christ-like way. It's not that it has been terribly bad, it's not like I've fallen off the deep end, but it will be good to have Your hands moving with mine to keep everything in check. Thank You Father. Amen.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
What I Shall Cling To
SATURDAY 2.23.08 - PSALM 118:13-17
I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me. The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous: "The LORD's right hand has done mighty things! The LORD's right hand is lifted high; the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!" I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
Okay, so this was supposed to be yesterday's reading but I was so busy relaxing that I didn't want to descend to the basement or bother Gaby by invading his room to blog. So I read Numbers yesterday, which wasn't quite the enthralling reading that we were supposed to have in following the Lent readings.
I wish I could always keep this verse before me. I wish that I could be filled with the spirit to sing it. And so I'm going to choose that spirit today.
Two things that I love about this verse, brilliantly written and so true to life:
#1 - "The LORD is my strength and my song..." This is present tense, right now, the LORD is my strength. Right now the LORD is my song. It doesn't matter what my life is taking me through, through troubles or joys, through anything: right now, the LORD is my strength and my song. This is what it means to live in joy, and thus to live in victory. Sure, there are times when this is more difficult than others. But...
Okay, so I've been frustrated with the fast because it hasn't been as spiritual as I would have liked it to be. But, as has been mentioned here a lot, I've realized that the focus has been on me, Exodus, Courtney and I, whatever. The focus must be on You. If I focus on me, then things are not going to be joyful or victorious much of the time. Indeed, they will usually be failure after failure if I focus on my feelings and my actions. But...the LORD, You, You be my strength, You be my song.
#2 - "He has become my salvation." It's interesting that this is not necessarily an all time thing like "my strength and my song." There was a journey to the point of Your salvation. Maybe, no not maybe, I know that it is like this in every trial, in every struggle. You become the salvation. That's a reality I rarely live in.
I mean honestly, I bought this book called "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society," hoping that it would back up my conviction that one of the most detrimental things to true Christ-following is expecting a fast-food, instant God. And how have I treated You throughout this fast...like a fast-food, instant God. Oh God, I don't feel You - change it now! Ah, I'd like to mark that down as passion, but perhaps it's just impatience. Real worship is in spirit and in truth, and an instant God isn't truth. It's a long walk. You will become salvation.
So, as I go out...You are my strength, You are my song, become my salvation!
I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me. The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous: "The LORD's right hand has done mighty things! The LORD's right hand is lifted high; the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!" I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
Okay, so this was supposed to be yesterday's reading but I was so busy relaxing that I didn't want to descend to the basement or bother Gaby by invading his room to blog. So I read Numbers yesterday, which wasn't quite the enthralling reading that we were supposed to have in following the Lent readings.
I wish I could always keep this verse before me. I wish that I could be filled with the spirit to sing it. And so I'm going to choose that spirit today.
Two things that I love about this verse, brilliantly written and so true to life:
#1 - "The LORD is my strength and my song..." This is present tense, right now, the LORD is my strength. Right now the LORD is my song. It doesn't matter what my life is taking me through, through troubles or joys, through anything: right now, the LORD is my strength and my song. This is what it means to live in joy, and thus to live in victory. Sure, there are times when this is more difficult than others. But...
Okay, so I've been frustrated with the fast because it hasn't been as spiritual as I would have liked it to be. But, as has been mentioned here a lot, I've realized that the focus has been on me, Exodus, Courtney and I, whatever. The focus must be on You. If I focus on me, then things are not going to be joyful or victorious much of the time. Indeed, they will usually be failure after failure if I focus on my feelings and my actions. But...the LORD, You, You be my strength, You be my song.
#2 - "He has become my salvation." It's interesting that this is not necessarily an all time thing like "my strength and my song." There was a journey to the point of Your salvation. Maybe, no not maybe, I know that it is like this in every trial, in every struggle. You become the salvation. That's a reality I rarely live in.
I mean honestly, I bought this book called "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society," hoping that it would back up my conviction that one of the most detrimental things to true Christ-following is expecting a fast-food, instant God. And how have I treated You throughout this fast...like a fast-food, instant God. Oh God, I don't feel You - change it now! Ah, I'd like to mark that down as passion, but perhaps it's just impatience. Real worship is in spirit and in truth, and an instant God isn't truth. It's a long walk. You will become salvation.
So, as I go out...You are my strength, You are my song, become my salvation!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
We Will Wait Upon the Lord
Lord, I woke up this morning singing a song to You. There is a hope in my heart right now that I have not felt for a little while. Maybe it is because tennis season is nearing its close. Maybe its because You are showing Yourself to be very good right now in my life. Maybe its because I've been back in the Scriptures, feeling closer to the God of hope.
It's not as if I was despairing before. Its just that I'd lost a bit of my regular optimism. That's easy to have happen when You watch a lot of things that are important to You (tennis matches) not go the way You wanted them to. Its only even now as I type that that I realize how big of a deal tennis is to me. And why not? I get a lot of validation for the work that I do with the students. Probably more validation than any other thing that I do. Hence, I feel like it is the part of my life that I handle the best. Probably the part then that I leave You out of the most, therefore the disconnection that I've felt with You during the season.
A long time ago I wrote about giving up the good. How do I give up the good in tennis? Do You know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to quit (although, I guess if that were the only way I'd have to do some serious thinking about it). Is there another way to give up the good? To give You the credit maybe?
Well, that's something I'll continue to ponder probably. I still want the tennis season to end well. Probably my deepest desire for the end of this season is that we'd walk away with a win in Sectional. I'd even take a first round win but of course I think would could compete for the whole darn title. I've felt myself recently wanting to do "spiritual" things so maybe You'd repay me by letting the team do well at Sectional. Its funny because before the season I wrote a devotional for the team talking about how that isn't the way that You necessarily work, that we shouldn't expect it. But I want to expect it. I want You to act like that. I want You to help us win the Sectional.
Is that ridiculous? I don't know. I don't want it to be my motivation, and slowing it's becoming not the case. But it's always there in the back of my mind.
The song that I woke with this morning was "Everlasting God." I used to not like this song when we sang it at River Oaks, but after doing more study on waiting, and singing with the Exodus Community, I'm beginning to love it. "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord." I am waiting this morning for You. I have a lot of things on my plate for the next several weeks, between Sectionals, baby showers, pastor's retreats, and simply being the leader You've called me to. I'm going to need strength. Let it rise, let me feel Your breath through the physical things I do today - teaching, coaching, being a husband. Continue to breathe in me the hope that delivers and leads us into a place of strength.
"Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our strong Deliverer!"
It's not as if I was despairing before. Its just that I'd lost a bit of my regular optimism. That's easy to have happen when You watch a lot of things that are important to You (tennis matches) not go the way You wanted them to. Its only even now as I type that that I realize how big of a deal tennis is to me. And why not? I get a lot of validation for the work that I do with the students. Probably more validation than any other thing that I do. Hence, I feel like it is the part of my life that I handle the best. Probably the part then that I leave You out of the most, therefore the disconnection that I've felt with You during the season.
A long time ago I wrote about giving up the good. How do I give up the good in tennis? Do You know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to quit (although, I guess if that were the only way I'd have to do some serious thinking about it). Is there another way to give up the good? To give You the credit maybe?
Well, that's something I'll continue to ponder probably. I still want the tennis season to end well. Probably my deepest desire for the end of this season is that we'd walk away with a win in Sectional. I'd even take a first round win but of course I think would could compete for the whole darn title. I've felt myself recently wanting to do "spiritual" things so maybe You'd repay me by letting the team do well at Sectional. Its funny because before the season I wrote a devotional for the team talking about how that isn't the way that You necessarily work, that we shouldn't expect it. But I want to expect it. I want You to act like that. I want You to help us win the Sectional.
Is that ridiculous? I don't know. I don't want it to be my motivation, and slowing it's becoming not the case. But it's always there in the back of my mind.
The song that I woke with this morning was "Everlasting God." I used to not like this song when we sang it at River Oaks, but after doing more study on waiting, and singing with the Exodus Community, I'm beginning to love it. "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord." I am waiting this morning for You. I have a lot of things on my plate for the next several weeks, between Sectionals, baby showers, pastor's retreats, and simply being the leader You've called me to. I'm going to need strength. Let it rise, let me feel Your breath through the physical things I do today - teaching, coaching, being a husband. Continue to breathe in me the hope that delivers and leads us into a place of strength.
"Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our strong Deliverer!"
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Two Extremes
Texts:
- Psalms 97-100
- Luke 13-14
- Matthew 2, Luke 2:39-52
Lord God, I have so many things on my mind, all the time. It becomes tough to pull out one hour in the morning to focus them on You. Help me to do that this morning, to take some silent time and really hone in on Your voice and Your call. What are You saying to me?
The Scriptures that I read today dealt with praising You for You are set above the nations, high and mighty and working salvation with Your strong hand. Then I turn to Matthew and Your earthly parents were wrapping You up tight and fleeing to Egypt because Herod was literally going to kill You. Such might and awe and wonder to such fear and weakness and avoidance. God the unchangable, but certainly You always exist in ways that don't make much sense.
Of course, isn't my life really like that? Lived in two extremes? There are all the things that I know and want to do for You, for my wife, my friends, myself, etc. Then there are all the desires for detrimental or inconsequential things. I sit at my computer and write my blog, rolling around ideas of salvation and awe and wonder, then click over to my email, see the woman on the sidebar advertisement and suddenly become a person in fear, weakness, and avoidance. Strength to weakness in a matter of moments.
The shocking thing I think is that You don't change this process. Being right with You doesn't mean I will live in perpetual strength. In fact, it guarantees that I'll go through lengthy times of weakness, where You show Your strength in my life by being the only thing I can rely on. I think that is a mis-taught point in many Christian congregations today. When God's strength comes into my life, it does not in any way mean that I will be strong all the time. It just means that I will now have companionship and the hope of deliverance when I am invetibly weak.
Lord God, may You ever shorten my moments of weakness and ever strengthen my ability to run. May You stand between the two extremes for my and guide my transition, keep me humble in times of strength and hopeful in times of weakness. Blessed are You, Lord God of mighty hand and humble cross, for You walked the life of humanity, were exalted and were beaten down. May my lips ever praise You Jesus, for walking through it all so You can walk through it with us. Amen.
- Psalms 97-100
- Luke 13-14
- Matthew 2, Luke 2:39-52
Lord God, I have so many things on my mind, all the time. It becomes tough to pull out one hour in the morning to focus them on You. Help me to do that this morning, to take some silent time and really hone in on Your voice and Your call. What are You saying to me?
The Scriptures that I read today dealt with praising You for You are set above the nations, high and mighty and working salvation with Your strong hand. Then I turn to Matthew and Your earthly parents were wrapping You up tight and fleeing to Egypt because Herod was literally going to kill You. Such might and awe and wonder to such fear and weakness and avoidance. God the unchangable, but certainly You always exist in ways that don't make much sense.
Of course, isn't my life really like that? Lived in two extremes? There are all the things that I know and want to do for You, for my wife, my friends, myself, etc. Then there are all the desires for detrimental or inconsequential things. I sit at my computer and write my blog, rolling around ideas of salvation and awe and wonder, then click over to my email, see the woman on the sidebar advertisement and suddenly become a person in fear, weakness, and avoidance. Strength to weakness in a matter of moments.
The shocking thing I think is that You don't change this process. Being right with You doesn't mean I will live in perpetual strength. In fact, it guarantees that I'll go through lengthy times of weakness, where You show Your strength in my life by being the only thing I can rely on. I think that is a mis-taught point in many Christian congregations today. When God's strength comes into my life, it does not in any way mean that I will be strong all the time. It just means that I will now have companionship and the hope of deliverance when I am invetibly weak.
Lord God, may You ever shorten my moments of weakness and ever strengthen my ability to run. May You stand between the two extremes for my and guide my transition, keep me humble in times of strength and hopeful in times of weakness. Blessed are You, Lord God of mighty hand and humble cross, for You walked the life of humanity, were exalted and were beaten down. May my lips ever praise You Jesus, for walking through it all so You can walk through it with us. Amen.
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