EXC Daily Office: We Don't Want You

Dear LORD,

I know that many of us have made our idols. I know that there are various reasons for it. Your way in this world is difficult, and not because it makes life uncomfortable or unfulfilling, but instead because it is not accepted by everyone else. If I truly want to live according to Your priorities, many people would think I was crazy, including my wife, family and perhaps, many in my church.

You are characterized by giving. Within Your triune nature, You give and love between all. It's as if at the core of the universe is a generous and loving power. Well, not as if, it is that way. But the anti-christ aspect in me is my love of acquistion. I want to gain instead of give. I want beautiful experiences, bigger musces, lots of success and more knowledge. I want to have these things. I want to keep these things. All of these things can become my idols.

One big area I'm concerned about right now is how easily we will trade You for success, immediate success and celebration that is. In the daily office passage today, Moses is gone for awhile and the people get restless. So they seek to fill their needs (spiritual) with a golden calf, much more readily available in their perception than You are. In fact, when You tried to meet them they asked You to stay away. How true is Jesus' story in Luke, about the people who did not like their king. We do not want You.

So that's the problem. You want us, we don't want You. We want a million different things, but they are not You. And to make this more personal, I do not want You. What else is there for me to do? Well I want a million different things as well. I want the church to succeed and to transform the lives of the members. And while that is all well and good, it is not wanting You. I want to spend time with my wife and my son and strengthen those relationships. But that is not wanting You. I want to see and contribute to my tennis team's successs. But that is not wanting You. I want to eat really good food and lots of it but somehow work out hard enough to burn that weight off and be skinny and sexy. But that is not wanting You.

You are loving and giving, giving and loving. Can I want that? Oh LORD, I pray that You can give me the desires of my heart. Give me the desires of Your heart. And breathe that into all of Exodus.

Hear my prayer, excellent God.

Through the Sea of Reeds

Scripture Reading:
Exodus 13-15

I am surprised at the amount of new thought that is springing forth as I read through Exodus again Lord. We just finished teaching the book to our community, and I feel as though we could go right back through and touch on completely different truths, while still being true to the narrative. When we talk about the importance of story, I see it here. As I change and grow, the story looks different even though it is written the same.

I sit here today with two main thoughts from this Scripture reading. One came up in conversation Sunday with Bryan, and that is the personal nature of Biblical worship and song. It's not all God is great and God is good, it often includes an element of what You have just done. For example, in chapter 15, the song of praise they sing is about Pharaoh's army being drowned in the sea, and how that provided deliverance, and how that shows Your glory. Too often I think we generically praise instead of seeing the deliverance and provision all around us and specifically praising for that.

The other main thought I have is about the deliverance act of parting the waters. I know the Israelite people were whiners, and they are at their best here as they sat by the waters. Did you laugh at them to, Lord, when they cried out, "Were there not enough graves in Egypt? Is that why you brought us out here in the desert to die?" It's so ridiculous of a claim.

But it's ridiculous only because I know the ending. I mean, when I stop and put myself in their sandals, it is a very different situation. You had said earlier in chapter 14 that they aren't ready to face war, so if we assume that You were right (I know it's a stretch:) then these people are going to freak and probably die if they have to fight. Well Pharaoh's army is coming right at them, there aren't any escapes by land and they have a sea to their backs. Where do they go?

I identify with their situation. It looks like a frustrating no win. "I can't do this because of this, I can't do that because of that other thing, and we can't go through the sea...because, well, it's a sea!"

Why did You bring Exodus Community to the spot that it is. Do we really look like the people that we say we are? Are we really being transformed? Is it because other churches were too filled with spiritually dying people that You brought us out together to Exodus, that we might become what we hate together, dying in our own tiny place? We can't help this person because... We can't do because they'll think...

So what? Is it time for You to take us through the Sea of Reeds? Because we seem throughly stuck, and it seems easier to talk about the problems that have us stuck than any way out. Maybe that's because we're up against a sea.

So my question then is what is hemming us in that You can lead us through? Help us to remember that we don't have to solve every problem, You are very good at that, but that many times we do need to walk through them.

What personal praises we will sing to You then, when You've taken us through this? I'm am excited and expectant to find out. Speak to us, speak through us. Amen.

How serious?

Scripture Reading Today: Exodus 1-3

Many thoughts running through my head today Lord, which is good. It seems to have been a long time since I've really had this flow going, where I am truly excited to be learning and contemplating. But with my head going in so many different good places, I'm not sure where to direct this conversation this morning.

I guess, both of my main thoughts do come together on one issue. Seriousness. As I think about Scripture, conviction, Your will some things are murky to me. Many things I just don't understand. But some, admittedly few, things are crystal clear. The biggest of those clear things was reemphasized today in my reading of Exodus.

"I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering." --- Exodus 3:7

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that You are concerned with those who cry out, with those who are suffering. Your call to us, as those who love You and are blessed by You, is right from this same heart. Be concerned about the poor, the oppressed, those who are crying out. But serious concern, serious enough to do something.

I know that You want us to be concerned. That's why I spout that off all over the place, to anyone who is willing to listen. But what do I do about it? Often times, just like the other things I lack discipline about, I sit back and say yes this is wonderful, yes let's help those who don't have enough, yes, yes, yes! But then the time continues to get away from me while I just sit there thinking, "Where do I start? How do I start? Will I really make a difference? How can I even relate to their world?"

The thing that is most frustrating is that right now I know where to start. We have relationships with those who are in need. I know how to start. You've been pulling on my heart ever since Gideon's birth about this and I know what I should do. Will I make a difference...yea, that's really a ridiculous question by me. It's honest, but ridiculous. Can I relate, I don't think they'll care. That's only a fear of mine.

But am I serious about my faith? That's a crucial element here. Will I push for what my head believes and look to You for strength and hope, or will I retreat into fear? If I was putting money on me, I know I'd lay it on the fear. But I'm not, I'm putting money on You (well, okay, not really). When we're weak, when we would choose fear, You are strong.

Leaving

Texts:
- Psalms 5-8
- Matthew 3-4
- Ezekiel 42-43

Matthew 4, the tale of Jesus's temptation, may be one of my favorite stories in all of Scripture. It's such a rich chapter though, beyond just the temptation. Over this whole Lent period I have been fasting, praying, and listening all aimed at self-control. Leaving behind what I need to leave behind as I venture forward. Leaving behind my tendency to be controlled by the food I eat, by the lust that can overtake me, by the frustrations of living my life in reality, by the escapes that I constantly cling to, by the continual quest for more comfort.

Everywhere I turn in this season then, I am confronted with this message of leaving behind. First, our Exodus Community teaching group decide to teach on the Exodus, the main message of which is that the Israelites are leaving Egypt, leaving that world and its comforts and concerns and oppression behind. After that, Mars Hill Bible Church (which I listen to) makes their Lent series "Leaving Egypt," all culminately on Good Friday when you are to take a physical representation of what you need to leave behind up onto their stage and leave it there. Then I'm continually coming across things in the text, like today. Jesus leaves behind comfort (He goes into the desert) and food (for forty days). Jesus's first disciples leave behind their jobs and their families.

What are you trying to get at Lord? Actually, I think that is a bad question. Or actually one that is just easily answered. You are trying to get me to leave something behind, or a lot of things as listed before. Okay, okay, out of obedience I will attempt to leave my oppressions behind. But that hasn't always worked before.

Reading through Ezekiel today though, I see something else, something that I am looking at with fresh eyes now. In Ezekiel 43, verse 9, God says, "Now let them put away from me their prostitution and the lifeless idols of their kings, and I will live among them forever." This is the why! This is why we leave things behind! It's not ground-breaking or new knowledge to me, but at the same time, how ground-shaking and fresh it seems to me!

We leave things behind so that in a very real sense You will live among us, bringing Your weighty glory into our human existence. Existence wrapped in Your presence is the sweetest kind that I know, that kind that has been a focal point in my journey. And here, cloaked in the instructions of how to rebuild the temple, is another living example of how to bring You close. And it all has to do with leaving.

I want to leave. I want to leave things at the altar. I want to escape from tendencies that oppress me and believe into You. But on a larger scale, I want to help others get to this place to. Help me to begin by living this message, living this text, and continually leaving.

Now, may I leave into You this morning. May I seek to cry to You at the sight of oppression, may Your voice turn me to the sweetness of Your presence, and may I in turn lead others there. May You, O LORD, in your righteousness, make straight your way before me. Yes, blessed are You, oh LORD God most righteous, for You make the paths for us to leave and walk down them with us in Your strength. Amen.

Moses + YHWH = Deliverance

This last week, one of my favorite experiences was our newly started Exodus Community teaching sessions. We meet in my dank basement, filled with storm windows that should be hung outside the house, porch furniture that we currently use to sit on or to hold the two whiteboards that hold our flighty thoughts. Oh my goodness, it is one of the funnest times of the week. Not only am I surrounded with good friends, I also am wading through theological depths and corners and wandering into questions and revelations. I can't quite describe the feeling of those nights without art, and I've not got that done yet, so there's my attempt.

But Joel brought up a really interesting point last night as we watched basketball, that maybe the first part of getting our hands around these teachings is to live them ourselves. I've been very convicted about living the text of the Scripture throughout the past few months, and especially during the fast. So as I rolled my tongue around this today, the taste that just coated my mouth was one of fear. Yea, fear.

Living the text is daunting. The text is immeasurable in its depth. It seems to me that the text is somewhat like a dark sea trench, and if I fall into it in intent to live, I may be as a swimmer with no underwater light. What I mean to say is that the text of Scripture is so vast I am afraid to live it for I know I'll get lost in it.

But that's exactly the point right. It's funny how just facing my fear of this idea made me think of the first lesson we are thinking of teaching from the book of Exodus: Fear. Facing our fears and realizing that if any fear controls us more than the fear-of-the-Lord, then that fear is really our God. And when I sit here afraid to fall into the text of Scripture and thus making excuses, I am making excuses of how to not fall into God, for the text is God and its Your revelation to us.

So, walking past this fear a bit I wade into our next topic from Exodus teaching: that only human participation combined with God's divine hand will bring about deliverance. Deliverance? Deliverance from what? Well, in the text it is deliverance from Egypt, the people whom the Hebrews feared. For us, it is deliverance from what we've made our gods by fearing them more than You, the Lord Almighty.

This makes me finally face a tough question. A question that will help me live. What do I truly fear? For some reason I fear not being sexually satisfied, but that's a rather minor issue compared to others. I fear failure, especially failure to do God's will, to lead well. I fear failing to walk faithfully with the men and women You have placed in my hands. But even more defeating is my fear of conflict and confrontation.

It's strange, Lord, I've always thought that this was somewhat of a good thing, allowing me to settle conflict without anger and such. And one thing that I've always hated was how quick many Christians are to "rebuke" in the name of the Lord. But Lord, I believe that their are really people that I'm trying to disciple that need to be delivered from some thing in their own lives. And to deliver them from that You need my human participation. And the thing is that the participation You need is to be a source of truth for them, showing them their lack of right attitude or understanding. But this presents the opportunity for conflict.

But I go back to this: What I learned with my Exodus teaching group is that Moses + YHWH = Deliverance. I want to bring teaching and discipleship to people's lives, but I can't go it alone. You want to bring teaching, discipleship and deliverance to people's lives, but You can't go it alone. We must be one. And You must be in control.

I'm ready to be delivered from fear. I am ready to fall into the depth of You. I am ready to join You in doing the work of deliverance. Help me take steps.

Holding It Up

Today didn't seem special, but what a special feeling of electricity shot through me to meet with Bryan and Joel to talk about the teaching plan of Exodus Community. The power and wisdom in the words of the Scriptures is overwhelming at times, and to get to sort through that stuff with guys that I love and then hopefully bring Your words to the people You love...overwhelming. But yet, when it is the thing that You call my heart to I have an excitement that is also amazing.

Also, the creativity that You've placed within each of us is a sight to behold in and of itself. I cannot believe the thoughts and the ideas that fly through my brain when I sit and talk about You and Your Scriptures. The questions and the wading into deep areas of the faith, the turning and examining of the jewels that are there. It makes me really feel alive. Your words make me feel so alive.

So in this freshness of excitement and promise, I want to remember what a big task this is for us. I want to each day hold the Exodus Community before You. In the study we do, in the words we proclaim, in the stuff of life, in the daily mundane, let me continue to hold the community in my heart, and hold my heart in You. You know exactly where to lead, so keep us in You.

This is my prayer, I am constantly going to be holding it up.