The "Yes"

I have been on this Lent path for a week now, trying to become more mature as a Christian. Starting with the basics of repentance, I have been trying to leave my selfish ways behind. And in some ways I'm succeeding, in other I am failing. I think that is probably what it means to be human, so I'm not going to be to harsh on myself yet.

But I'm not going to stop trying, either, Lord. One of the areas of maturity was self-control. I do really well at the "no" that is inherent to self-control. For me, I believe self-control has two areas, a "no" and then a "yes." You have to control yourself to say no to things that are bad for you, destructive to faith and following Christ. But then you have to say yes to the things Christ would, helping others, forgiving, going the extra mile, turning the cheek, etc.

As an ascetic worshipper by nature, I do not mind denying myself in order to get closer to You. I have fasted, I have given up things, I have given up vices. I have denied myself access to distractions, giving up television or searching other internet blogs. In the past, I have done these things of denial, and they have been a joy.

But have they changed my attitude of saying yes to difficult things? Not always. I still have trouble doing the things that would make me feel uncomfortable, be difficult, or require a lot of me. For example, I crave my lunches alone. It allows me to think, relax, and recover. And yet, I have many students with missing assignments that I should simply call in to work on those assignments with me, where I can give them help and answer questions in a non-judgmental way. But I love my lunches alone! Or, I am the Bible teacher, and I've been thinking lately that it would be good to have a group of students that regularly prayed for the school. But again, this would have to cut into my time, my alone time, in one way or another. So it doesn't happen.

So my prayer today is simple, let me be more of a yes man. The things that will further Your kingdom, that fall inside Your priorities for me: Let me be self-control enough to say yes to them.

Beyond This Consecrated Time

"Quiet, still, alone in my room...
Stop and realize, I'm in the presence of a King."
--- Still by Roadside Monument

"Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you."
--- Joshua 3:5

During this cycle of forty days, I'm trying to pay attention to the amazing things that the LORD does in my days, among my family, among Exodus Community, among my students and tennis players, and even in the broader world. I'm just looking with wondering eyes.

One of the things that I do to make this a reality is early morning devotional time. I take my Bible, laptop, and blanket and sit in the dark. Alone with God. As I read through Joshua this morning, I really resonate with Joshua 3:5. Consecrating or sanctifying means setting yourself apart. Every morning, I feel like I am setting myself apart. Sitting here alone is my way of thinking and preparing and being apart from the world I am about to enter. A world of students, excuses, scatter-brained forgetfulness, evaluation, comparison, parenting, husbanding, pastoring, mentoring, and on and on. I mean, just to write all of those words is kind of stressful.

"For tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you."

I just stop at that line. Because what I have been doing is looking for You to do amazing things during my quiet time. And I recognize Your presence here with me. But I am only seeing the amazing things You do during my time of setting myself apart. With the Israelites in Joshua, You asked them to set themselves apart because You were going to go to work in their days. In their lives, in their travels, in their quest... You were going to affect the stuff of everyday life.

So, what does that mean for me. I cannot just stop my "slowly and attentively" with the Bible and the quiet time. This time must prepare me to see You do amazing things among those who I see on a regular basis. Stillness must prepare me to see You in my boisterous students, in my crying son, in my tired wife, in my heavy church.

But perhaps it will be that seeing You in these people will help lift the heavy burden that I can let them become on me. I want to see You in my students, and see them mature into people that love others and don't just seek attention. I want to see You in my son (some of my most precious times with him are when You've shown up). I want to see You through my wife. I want to see You in my church (and I know You are moving and causing growth).

I want to have these times in Your presence, but help me see how Your presence goes out then before me, parting the torrents of the Jordan. Help me to recognize the wonder of Your presence both in the stillness and in the action.

Today, that is my prayer. In the name of Christ my savior, through the Holy Spirit, I pray to You, Lord God, Amen.

EXC Daily Office: But Does Not the Father Guide the Son?

So, Lord, I've been struck today as I continue to think about Deuteronomy 6 with the thoughts of passing on my passion (or lack of it) to my son. I've been reading today through my Google Reader, and there was a post about parents dealing with kids who are rebellious. One of the tips the author gave was that if you say something is important to you, you better show it, or your kids will pick up on it immediately and base their actions on your actions. Not your words.

That's why Deuteronomy is so interesting to me. Obviously, as my good friend Aaron Meares pointed out to me, the entire book of Deuteronomy is interested in how Your story gets passed through the generations. Deuteronomy 6 seems pivotal to me. "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. IMPRESS THEM ON YOUR CHILDREN."

Impress can sound like slavery, but I certainly take that more to mean "make an impression on your children." Our children should know what is important to us. Then the verses continue with talking about the Your decrees when we walk and when we sit, tying them to our heads and forearms, writing them on our gates and doorposts. Basically surrounding our lives and the lives of our offspring with Your words.

What I've been thinking is that there are a lot of action words in this segment: talking, walking, tying, writing. The words become a part of all of our actions. That is so important in doing Your will, even from the beginning, even when You are forming Your people.

So how do I make Your words part of my actions? It's an important question because it doesn't only affect me, it affects my son. The honest truth is that what I value will become apparant to him. In my actions, even as he just begins to speak, I must show him that I love him and I love You. As I talk, walk, sit, tie and write, let me become my Father, let me become like You.

Living with It

Ephesians 1-3

I'm amazed at how quickly you have to move through Paul's letters if you are trying to read through the Bible in a year. In other words, I have to read three chapters at least per day. But the thing is, that doesn't really give me enough time to understand what is really going on. Paul is really quite difficult to understand. Some days I really like this, it makes Paul seem like a real human, working through things and figuring out what it means to be a follower of Christ. Other days, like today, this drives me nuts, because I'm too tired to follow the meandering logic and complicated sentences. And by tired I mean because it's 5:00 in the morning, and I'm still feeling like I should be laying next to my wife.

You know, yesterday morning, I was thinking after we had some time together about the purposes of this time. I was thinking if I always learned something new to do during this time with You, I was going to end up with 365 new things to do by the end of a year. Which is not sustainable. So, what is this time really for? And I thought, while I read Scripture and try to apply it, this time is probably just as much about relationship with God as it is breaking down Scripture. In fact, because I don't bring commentaries or anything to this time, just me, it's probably more about relationship right there. Even the insights that I glean from Scripture are often of a personal nature.

Right now, in my life, I think I have a tendency to still compartmentalize You. (I'm kind of leaving Ephesians for now, don't know if I'll get back or not). It's funny, because one of my critiques of modern Christianity is our ability, not a good ability, to leave God in church and live in the world according to our own desires. But despite my own critique, I've noticed lately that I've been seeking You with a large part of the seeking being about how to run and lead my church.

But then, I notice things. A couple of weeks ago, a car was broken down on the side of the road. I didn't even see it, kind of glanced at it after I passed, and I wasn't sure whether they were broken down, pulled over talking, in a wreck, whatever. It didn't really even cross my mind to go back. But then my brother called. He too had been driving the same road and seen the car, and he had stopped to see what was the matter. Why didn't I even think of stopping? Where is my tendency for deliverance in normal life?

Or when I'm talking to people at school or those I don't know very well. I'm always looking for an out in the conversation. I don't really like to talk to people. I know, I know, that has somewhat to do with personality, and I know, I know, I can't make excuses. But like Paul is talking about unity in Christ in Ephesians here, and I know that it is hard for me to find these kind of unifying things with other believers because I'm not real comfortable talking to people. So, where is my tendency for community with others during the course of the week?

And am I looking for knowledge of God, and reordering in my daily life? No. And am I experiencing the shalom of God? No. I've known that for a couple months, but I keep living as if everything is okay. I don't talk to anyone about it really because I know that it is not "catastrophic" bad, just "annoying" bad.

So, I wonder if I can live to D.C.K.L. beyond Sundays? When it really impedes on my personal life? When it is outside the reach of Exodus Community?

Lord, speak to me. Amen.

All Bright and Beautiful

2 Corinthians 4-5

What's the brightest thing people see when they look or listen to me?

Do I really let myself be a simple jar of clay, or do I adorn myself so that people can see me? Do people see anything bright in me at all?

I'd like to say that people see the light of Christ in my life, like The Message translation says, "all bright and beautiful." I'm not sure. At school, when I'm teaching Bible I'm always worried that I'm making the Bible confusing and boring. That's really difficult for me to handle because I find the word of God so inspiring (most of the time). I want the message of Christ to shine out of me.

So the interesting thing is that Paul notes here in the passage that outwardly they look beat and worn down, but inwardly they are being renewed. I'm sure that when the heart, mind and soul are being renewed, then the energy of God flows out of that renewed spirit and people see the beautiful message of Christ in the enthusiasm and life coming out of that. The thing that I've worried about for myself is that outwardly I might look in good shape, but inwardly is where I've been worn down. Then, no matter what my "jar of clay" might look like, the light isn't shining out of my life.

Yesterday and today have been really good though. I really appreciate getting back into the word like this. Although I'm sure at some point it will get old and feel like a responsibility and a pressure more than renewal and pleasure. Help me keep a good attitude toward this study time. It's been interesting this week for sure, as I've been going through a really stressful time at work I haven't felt the stress too badly. So, perhaps this is the beginning of my "bright" inward renewal.

Whatever it is, my prayer has been "Speak to me, speak through me." Perhaps at times that speaking through me needs to be silent, just letting You shine through my attitude and actions. I pray that I am representing You to others, whether consciously or unconsciously, let my life begin to truly shine. Really speak to me. Let me hear the Word. Then let others see You, my precious God, speaking in my life, "all bright and beautiful." Amen.

On Comfort and Letters

2 Corinthians 1-3

This site is a lot of things for me. It is a place to basically type out my prayers to You. It has been a place for me to study the Scripture with You. It has been a place for me to write about You. My reading schedule this year through Scripture hasn't been very helpful, and so today we're going to change it a little bit. I've been studying by genres of Biblical literature, but looking at a different genre each, going through a rotation. It's just one that I found on the internet, but the problem is that I have very little continuity. So it's hard to connect from day to day. So I'm reading a lot of different Scriptures but feeling like the narrative is getting lost.

Today I'm going to change a bit and focus on one genre until I finish it. The first genre I'm going to look into is the Epistles. There is a reason too. I want to see the way that Paul, James, Peter, and others talked to the early churches. Since I'm involved in a young church, that needs much encouragement at times, maybe some direction as well, how did they do it and what were they concerned about. Okay, enough chronicling of purpose, off we go!

Two things strike me today about this Scripture, one is the idea of comfort and the other is the concept of being a letter.

First, comfort. I've been feeling lately a lack of comfort, a life full of stress, and I've been looking everywhere for affirmation. I've talked to You about this before, and You were so good as to remind me that "I am Your son, You are well pleased." At times, however, I am stubborn in my search for human validation. I get some, sometimes, but far less consistently than if I would count on You. Paul though, praises You as the God of all compassion and comfort, who comforts us in our troubles. And then that comfort can be extended from us to others.

So what I need is continual compassion and comfort in order to lead Exodus. The pressure has become amazing, and what I've noticed is that I have less and less comfort and compassion to give to others. Actually, I have less and less capacity for relationship in general. That has really been irking me, Lord, since relationship is the complete reason of starting Exodus. I need that real sense of Your comfort then, of our relationship, so that I can extend it to others. Please, help remind me throughout the day.

Secondly, there is the idea of being a letter. All of Exodus is a letter, wide open for others to read. What do people read there on a regular basis? We would like people to read: Deliverance, Community, Knowledge, and Land. And I think that has been evident to some. I think GG would read Deliverance. I think that the families we helped with unemployment would read Deliverance. I think that some of us might read Community. Knowledge, I'm not sure. I think most of us see that is too hard right now. It's difficult to keep the balance for sure. And as for the whole cycle, DCKL, I don't think it could be read in its entirety through our community. Plus, I think there are other distracting and demoralizing things that others would read in us. Or at least that when I "open the book" that is Exodus, I read some things I'd rather not.

How can I lead so that we all read the same way? Rejoicing in the way You have lived the DCKL for us so that we can live the DCKL for others, that is what I want our community to say. Comfort me in my feelings of shortcoming this morning, and let this be a place of renewal and new beginning, instead of just a mournful place.

I love You, and thanks for the listening ear. Now, speak to me, speak through me. My Lord, Amen.

So far, Lord, it has not become too difficult to keep up my Rule of Life. The early mornings are not the best, but I do enjoy the knowledge that I am sacrificing sleep for You. It was great to talk accountability and temptation with the Exodus guys and know that someone is going to be watching my back, and willing to ask me questions. So I have to celebrate what has happened so far.

In my Bible reading today, I read Psalms 1 & 2. I've been through the Psalms a whole lot in the last year, actually three times since the summer. It's strange because it is the longest book and the one that I keep coming back to. The reading plan that I picked this year spreads the Psalms throughout the whole year. So it will certainly be good to have them sprinkled into the week. What really grabs me about the Psalms is that they are poems or songs, and that they are prayers. I don't know why, but I love to read other people's artistic prayers.

I love the honesty and personal nature of the Psalms, that then spills over into theology. This morning, the phrase that stuck out in the reading was this: "Serve the LORD with fear and rejoice with trembling." There has been a song I've recently listened to often that contains a line reminding the listener of the importance of fear and trembling in the place of pride.

When I think of fear, even in its proper understanding as reverence, prioritizing with God first, I think of authority. I mean, maybe that says something about who I fear in my daily life, those with authority to change my life situation. But I think it is odd to see service tied to this authority. It almost seems as if service is not an option, when we are fearing the LORD it is requirement. Serve the One with ultimate authority.

I think I tend to be proud and rest on the laurels of my faith after a true service experience for the LORD. I tend to pat myself on the back for choosing to serve and not just sitting back with the sinners who never put faith into action. I think this text speaks to that, the service is something done because of priorities, because of having the right One in the position of authority in our lives...You. In that case, there should be no pride, just action.

Lord God, short and simple, help me to live this life of continuous action.