I was thinking the yesterday about my attitude. KP came to give the middle school chapel, which was about thankfulness. She did a great job talking about choosing to be thankful in all things. I don't choose thankfulness very often, and even when I do it rarely comes naturally. Even Monday when I wrote to You here it was a struggle to stay on thankful terms.
I thought about it and despite my whole life being what I would call an optimist, somewhere in the course of the last several years I have begun to develop a negative attitude toward a lot of things in life. Call it realism, that's probably where I've been filing it, but really I can lack hope. I'm sure that it comes from experience: Every day I tell students to enter the classroom and sit down in there chairs and be ready for class, every day somebody doesn't do it. Every day I want to see my tennis players working hard and being self-motivated to come out and play tennis, every day somebody doesn't do it. And with Exodus, I'm not even sure what is going on there. That has been the biggest roller coaster I've ever been involved with.
But I want to be known as a joyful person, someone who keeps their cool and keeps their smile. Give me that strength to overcome the reality of suffering with the reality of hope. Let me recognize the beauty of transformation that You have put all around me. I choose to not be bogged down by the sameness and the effort, but be inspired by the moments where someone "gets it."
Today is a day where I want to leave negative behind and live by the Spirit. Let the fruit of joy be evident today!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Life is pretty good. I make it complicated with either sinful actions (lying, lusting, overeating) or by not fulfilling my responsibilities in a timely matter (taking classes for re-certification, not grading papers on time, etc.) I get so tired of all the responsibilities that I have to fulfill, but maybe if I would just complete them immediately, things wouldn't feel so tiring.
Anyways, I didn't want to talk to You today about complaints. I could nitpick my life for hours probably. In fact, even though that wasn't my intent, its what I'm leaning toward now that I'm typing and talking. But I want to steer clear of that, just know that I could use Your help.
Instead, I want to thank You. Sabbath is incredibly wholesome. Last week, while my wife was gone, I busied myself all throughout the weekend and then went to four different gatherings on Sunday. Didn't end up feeling like a Sabbath at all as I went from party to party with no rest. Then this weekend, we had the church gathering and then were home by 12:40. The rest of the day was beautiful. I played with my son, I held him while he took a nap, I cuddled with my wife, we watched some football (although I couldn't keep the wife from constantly changing the channel!), we made some breakfast for dinner, talked to my sister on the phone, went to bed early and Gideon basically slept through the night. It was good!
It days like that, I begin to realize what peace is. And I also guess I see that perhaps I need to simplify. If I want my regular life to be more like my Sabbath, with a balance of work and rest, then I probably do need to have less responsibility. I don't know how that will work though, but I'm trusting You. In the meantime, I'll just keep trying to fulfill all my obligations, and will continue looking forward to the times of Sabbath I can find, stopping and enjoying the beautiful family that You've provided for me.
Thank You Lord.
Anyways, I didn't want to talk to You today about complaints. I could nitpick my life for hours probably. In fact, even though that wasn't my intent, its what I'm leaning toward now that I'm typing and talking. But I want to steer clear of that, just know that I could use Your help.
Instead, I want to thank You. Sabbath is incredibly wholesome. Last week, while my wife was gone, I busied myself all throughout the weekend and then went to four different gatherings on Sunday. Didn't end up feeling like a Sabbath at all as I went from party to party with no rest. Then this weekend, we had the church gathering and then were home by 12:40. The rest of the day was beautiful. I played with my son, I held him while he took a nap, I cuddled with my wife, we watched some football (although I couldn't keep the wife from constantly changing the channel!), we made some breakfast for dinner, talked to my sister on the phone, went to bed early and Gideon basically slept through the night. It was good!
It days like that, I begin to realize what peace is. And I also guess I see that perhaps I need to simplify. If I want my regular life to be more like my Sabbath, with a balance of work and rest, then I probably do need to have less responsibility. I don't know how that will work though, but I'm trusting You. In the meantime, I'll just keep trying to fulfill all my obligations, and will continue looking forward to the times of Sabbath I can find, stopping and enjoying the beautiful family that You've provided for me.
Thank You Lord.
Monday, November 3, 2008
A Prayer for Hearing
Lord, I want to make time for You. Allow me the privilege of spending time in conversation with You. It's been increasingly difficult for me to find enough time to just sit and listen, to sit and pray, and our relationship has become hurried as a result. I do not want a rushed time, a distracted time. I just want to read Your word, ask You questions, hear Your guidance.
Even now as I make this attempt, the dog rolls around the room and threatens to go nuts. I know its my fault that he has been trapped in his room all weekend, but You know, I wish he could just deal with it right now so that we could talk. What we really need to talk about is Exodus. With Joel getting ready to take a sabbatical break, I am desperately asking for Your leading of the community. With the change in schedule looming, I am desperately calling for wisdom and help. We have built the church so far on the idea of struggle and suffering in service, and done very little of it. It is a scary proposition, to actually suffer on the behalf of others, to actually not do what we want to do with our Sundays and our weekends but to instead place our time in someone else's hands.
What it comes down to is that I've been comfortable with what we are doing, but what we are doing isn't necessarily fulfilling in the sense of what we started out to do. Not to mention that comfort was the opposite of our original goals. I love the people that have come along side each other as disciples in Exodus Community. I want to be faithful to the task of training and equipping them so that we all find that we are changing to be more like You. And I want to make sure to acknowledge that I don't make that change, a program change doesn't cause that transformation, but instead it is Your Spirit that transforms hearts and minds.
So this morning, my prayer is that You will be among us. As we move through a season of remembrance, and then seek You through Advent, come to us. As we begin to see changes in structure, be in them. In all of this, we seek Your face. Amen.
Even now as I make this attempt, the dog rolls around the room and threatens to go nuts. I know its my fault that he has been trapped in his room all weekend, but You know, I wish he could just deal with it right now so that we could talk. What we really need to talk about is Exodus. With Joel getting ready to take a sabbatical break, I am desperately asking for Your leading of the community. With the change in schedule looming, I am desperately calling for wisdom and help. We have built the church so far on the idea of struggle and suffering in service, and done very little of it. It is a scary proposition, to actually suffer on the behalf of others, to actually not do what we want to do with our Sundays and our weekends but to instead place our time in someone else's hands.
What it comes down to is that I've been comfortable with what we are doing, but what we are doing isn't necessarily fulfilling in the sense of what we started out to do. Not to mention that comfort was the opposite of our original goals. I love the people that have come along side each other as disciples in Exodus Community. I want to be faithful to the task of training and equipping them so that we all find that we are changing to be more like You. And I want to make sure to acknowledge that I don't make that change, a program change doesn't cause that transformation, but instead it is Your Spirit that transforms hearts and minds.
So this morning, my prayer is that You will be among us. As we move through a season of remembrance, and then seek You through Advent, come to us. As we begin to see changes in structure, be in them. In all of this, we seek Your face. Amen.
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