And we're back. Well, I haven't really gone away Lord. The time of privacy did me good. But the ability to rapidly look back through my days is lost in privacy. And here, I do a much better job of contemplating You and the Scripture than I did in privacy. In privacy, I pray well. Here, I search well. Hopefully this knowledge will help me do both well.
It was certainly interesting to read my last two posts from July. I must have fallen off the wagon after those posts, because this fall I did not feel like You were everywhere. Only recently have I really regained my appreciation for You. You are working right now in so many places in my life. Last night, it was good to sit down and read. Read Image Journal, read poetry, and then just think. The interview with Eugene Peterson was amazing. He certainly has a way of saying the things that my soul is thirsty for. And he talked yesterday about "reading Scripture slowly" as one of his spiritual disciplines.
Reading Scripture slowly has become very difficult for me, except for when I'm posting here on this site. I don't know why that is Father, maybe because I don't feel like I can be quite as personal here because the info flows on out into the wide open spaces of the world wide web. Therefore, I tend to focus more on how You are speaking to me through the Scriptures, instead of personal prayer and confession. I'm hoping I can balance those things better, because I realize now that a healthy spiritual life needs a balance of all those things.
Another thing that I realize I must balance is community and being alone. The solo, 5:00 in the morning thing has it's advantages, but I know I need someone to join me in this journey of legitimately seeking for You. It doesn't necessarily have to be as early in the morning, but I know that I need to share and be shared with.
I have also learned the value of being filled up by others as I peruse back through the blog from July and before. I notice that I was quoting mewithoutYou, My Epic, "This is My Father's World," and more. Others, outside of my home community often speak to me, and they keep my eyes open and attentive. Bring those sources of life before me, and let me partake deeply of them.
I love my prayer from two posts ago, "Again." Right now, I pray it again.
You know what I notice! You already have done those things through the time I met with You in the privacy.
Again I will sit with you in the dark of mornings.
--> Yes, we have sat through many mornings together, because I've gotten my act together and started to commit to mornings once again. And that has been a brilliant thing. Again, I feel like I need our morning conversation, or at least I need to pour out to You, to get my day started on the right foot.
Again You will be with me through my fears at night.
--> Yes, yes! I remember during tennis season, or maybe it was right after the season that I was stressed about a billion things all at the same time and was sitting up through the night. Parent-teacher conferences, my sister's wedding, the end of tennis season, my license issue, my 7th grades classes, and so much more and me stressed beyond belief. And there You were, helping me catch my breath, helping to calm me down, listening. And so many of those things have been dealt with in miraculous ways! Like my license coming through, no problem just this week!
Again You will speak and I will hear my name.
--> Saying that I've heard my name again might be a stretch, but just this past week You really reaffirmed who I am. In teaching, a real solid researched teaching, and a "creative" service to go with it. It's amazing that in being a pastor of a house church, perhaps my best gift is service planning. Maybe it is because that is the only seminary class that I have taken, who knows! Still, it allowed me to feel my call again, to creatively lead Exodus as You creatively lead Your people.
Again I will choose weariness to sit with You.
--> Exhibit A: This morning.
Again my knowledge will increase my wonder of You.
--> Yep. The more I learn the more You blow my mind. This whole idea of paradox and balance that I've been learning and teaching to the 7th grade. Awesome. Also, the whole idea of fasting, feasting and the gentle stillness from Shane Hipps, very cool! The gentle stillness is a place I still long to find You. Help me. And increase my wonder from it.
Again You will bless me with joyful miracles.
--> Yes again! This past Monday was awesome to watch the miracle that is taking place. I praise You for it!
Again You will sit with me through pain.
--> Oh man, when Bryan and Kim lost their child to miscarriage, I was so pissed at You. And despite my anger... You sat there with us. You came back and pulled us closer. You let us know that You were not rejoicing either, and we came to see You in new and glorious ways. The pain was intense, especially for Kim and Bryan, but so has been our renewed spirit.
You have loved me with an everlasting love.
Amen.
Showing posts with label praise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label praise. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Lent: Day 15
So, I really must take this opportunity to praise You Lord. Yesterday I wrote how I was feeling a lack of worth in the things that I do, and it was causing me to have all sorts of shame and doubt. So, yesterday I jumped on the elliptical machine for my normal hour run, and I turned on a Mars Hill podcast. In the teaching, the preacher (Tim Green) was noting what one of his friends said about when the devil attacks you with the things we do wrong, the ways we are worthless, and so on. My ears perked right up, because, as I've said, that has felt like me. How did he say we are supposed to respond?
"That is irrelevant."
It doesn't matter that I fail a billion and one times throughout my life. I am God's son and he is pleased with me. It's amazing how this takes me all the way back to this past summer, when I was reading Sacred Rhythms, and Ruth Haley Barton suggested in the book that we should each develop a breath prayer, that we say throughout the day. It can be calming and encouraging. So, I prayed about that one day while I ran, and the prayer I came up with was, "This is my son, I am well pleased."
Like a dope, I gave it up after a week. I always do that. It's fun and exciting at the beginning but so hard to follow through. So now here I am almost a year later needing that exact prayer. You know me well...and today I am full of praise for that!
Your son,
Matthew.
"That is irrelevant."
It doesn't matter that I fail a billion and one times throughout my life. I am God's son and he is pleased with me. It's amazing how this takes me all the way back to this past summer, when I was reading Sacred Rhythms, and Ruth Haley Barton suggested in the book that we should each develop a breath prayer, that we say throughout the day. It can be calming and encouraging. So, I prayed about that one day while I ran, and the prayer I came up with was, "This is my son, I am well pleased."
Like a dope, I gave it up after a week. I always do that. It's fun and exciting at the beginning but so hard to follow through. So now here I am almost a year later needing that exact prayer. You know me well...and today I am full of praise for that!
Your son,
Matthew.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Regular Life
I don't really know where to begin today. You know how they say that when things are going good in life it is hard to rely on You? I guess I'm fighting that temptation right now. I mean, things aren't all time perfect: I'm sick and very tired after a fairly long week, classes at school are starting to get to me, I forgot (again) to get a head start on planning Spiritual Life Week. So I've got plenty of stresses that You could help me out with.
The thing is that they feel a lot like my responsibilities, so I feel like I shouldn't bring those things before You. I am the one who procrastinates, I am the one who chooses to get up early in the morning, etc. And yet, since these are still real parts of my life, I do want You to walk through them with me.
And besides that, nothing has to be wrong for me to pray to You, at least that's the way that it should be. I have such a hard time just relaying life to You. I think my number one tag for posts on this site is "frustration." That's pretty remarkable, that I always come to You frustrated. I'm sure that gets tiring for You, as if You are a container to hold all my confessions and places where I've been wronged. I mean, that would kind of relegate You to my psychologist, rather than my Father, wouldn't it?
On the other hand, while I die to tell You of victories, I haven't felt the true joy of anything specific lately. Well, I guess yesterday I did achieve a victory in keeping my "Rule of Life." I desperately wanted to spend some money on Bruno's Pizza for lunch, and I didn't have any except the "house money" leftover from my Menard's trip. Part of my Rule is that I won't spend any money without direct permission from Courtney. But I contemplated and contemplated just going over to Bruno's because she would never know. And yet I didn't. It was very satisfying to know I have some bit of discipline within me.
I also got to go back through the poems that I have written to and about You in the past year. It's fun. I do love You in all Your complexity and ever changing angles. I like the fact that You're not static and neither is Your Word. Together, as one, You are penetrating, convicting, and more importantly to me, inspiring.
And so in mundane life, this was my mundane prayer. I have to say though, with no crisis looming and no mountain top victory, life is still very good. Wife, son, house, job...these things cannot be underestimated. I love You Lord. Thank You for life!
The thing is that they feel a lot like my responsibilities, so I feel like I shouldn't bring those things before You. I am the one who procrastinates, I am the one who chooses to get up early in the morning, etc. And yet, since these are still real parts of my life, I do want You to walk through them with me.
And besides that, nothing has to be wrong for me to pray to You, at least that's the way that it should be. I have such a hard time just relaying life to You. I think my number one tag for posts on this site is "frustration." That's pretty remarkable, that I always come to You frustrated. I'm sure that gets tiring for You, as if You are a container to hold all my confessions and places where I've been wronged. I mean, that would kind of relegate You to my psychologist, rather than my Father, wouldn't it?
On the other hand, while I die to tell You of victories, I haven't felt the true joy of anything specific lately. Well, I guess yesterday I did achieve a victory in keeping my "Rule of Life." I desperately wanted to spend some money on Bruno's Pizza for lunch, and I didn't have any except the "house money" leftover from my Menard's trip. Part of my Rule is that I won't spend any money without direct permission from Courtney. But I contemplated and contemplated just going over to Bruno's because she would never know. And yet I didn't. It was very satisfying to know I have some bit of discipline within me.
I also got to go back through the poems that I have written to and about You in the past year. It's fun. I do love You in all Your complexity and ever changing angles. I like the fact that You're not static and neither is Your Word. Together, as one, You are penetrating, convicting, and more importantly to me, inspiring.
And so in mundane life, this was my mundane prayer. I have to say though, with no crisis looming and no mountain top victory, life is still very good. Wife, son, house, job...these things cannot be underestimated. I love You Lord. Thank You for life!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Thursday's to Celebrate
Part of my rule of life is to take Thursday lunches and determine what the Lord has placed in my life that I can celebrate. I think there are always going to be some of the "usual" things, like my beautiful bride, my adorable and active son, (hopefully) the fact that I am employed where I love working, and the wonderful community of Exodus that surrounds me. I would like to stay away from using those things though, and see where You are working uniquely within the week.
This week I'll start with the willingness of my community to break the norm of Sundays mornings and worship at The Window. Lord, that was pretty awesome to me. We had some predictions of lower numbers than normal, but everyone, even Aisha and the boys, were there. They hadn't been for a while so I wasn't sure they even knew what was going on, but seeing those boys work was inspiring for me. Plus it continues to give me hope for the future. So I celebrate Your people joining with You!
My classes have actually really started off well also. I haven't had too much trouble with specific students that I was worried about. And the lessons seem to actually interest the students. Besides those things, I am actually energized by the semester so far. So I celebrate my energy and the students attentiveness and activity.
Also, Monday night's leaders meeting was really good. I enjoy the fact that we are all coming together to support each other in our own Rule's of Life. I especially am pumped about the accountability part of the exercise. I know that I've already slacked on some parts of my rule, and I need someone to tell. I haven't dedicated the time to prayer that I wanted. But I celebrate the fact that I have brothers walking with me.
Those are the major things that stand out today. I continue to pray for my eyes to find celebration in my every day routines.
This week I'll start with the willingness of my community to break the norm of Sundays mornings and worship at The Window. Lord, that was pretty awesome to me. We had some predictions of lower numbers than normal, but everyone, even Aisha and the boys, were there. They hadn't been for a while so I wasn't sure they even knew what was going on, but seeing those boys work was inspiring for me. Plus it continues to give me hope for the future. So I celebrate Your people joining with You!
My classes have actually really started off well also. I haven't had too much trouble with specific students that I was worried about. And the lessons seem to actually interest the students. Besides those things, I am actually energized by the semester so far. So I celebrate my energy and the students attentiveness and activity.
Also, Monday night's leaders meeting was really good. I enjoy the fact that we are all coming together to support each other in our own Rule's of Life. I especially am pumped about the accountability part of the exercise. I know that I've already slacked on some parts of my rule, and I need someone to tell. I haven't dedicated the time to prayer that I wanted. But I celebrate the fact that I have brothers walking with me.
Those are the major things that stand out today. I continue to pray for my eyes to find celebration in my every day routines.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Friends, Family and Provision
THURSDAY 2.21.08 - PSALM 22:26-31
The poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the LORD will praise him - may your hearts live forever! All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him, for dominion belongs to the LORD and he rules over the nations.
Last night Lord, I sat in bed reading about joy. Eugene Peterson's book was noting that joy is not a requirement of the Christian walk, but instead a result. It kind of like, as we live the Christian faith we see You move and change hearts and minds, including our own, from time to time. To feel real joy in the present, we remember the times You've moved in the past and have confidence that You are going to act in a mighty way again in the future.
Eugene was pulling that insight from another psalm (126) but it's interesting how these themes of life and discipleship are woven into all parts of the text. Here in Psalm 22: "they who seek the LORD will praise him..." And who praises better than one who has joy, than one who remembers how the LORD has worked for them. In fact, "All the ends of the earth will remember..." This theme of remembrance is right there with the theme of praise and joy.
How often I forget that You have worked in my life Lord. And when I do try to remember, my mind immediately begins counting off the big possessions and provisions You've given me. Which seems shallow. I want to thank You in serious ways for the provision that You provide (house, car, job) and am even more grateful for the family You've given me (mom, dad, bros and sis's, parents in law, wife and son!) Really, these areas are such a blessing. But really, why can I only turn to these?
Well, to give myself a break, these are the things mentioned in the psalm here. I mean, "The poor will ear and be satisfied," this is the theme of provision. That You will, do, and have provided for our physical needs here. Later in the song, though it's not specifically being thankful for them, the "families of the nations" are mentioned. Provision and family, two very good things to be thankful for.
And You know, with Courtney's job situation all the sudden, provision wouldn't be such a bad thing to be joyful about. It certainly makes her nervous to again, seemingly, be without a job. Or have to go full time. It always sucks to seem to be without options. But then, how many times have You provided in a great way for her when she seemed to be without job options before? Can we remember, the bank out of nowhere when we got married. When she was tired of the stress in that position, the church was ready to hire her. When we formed our church she was able to pick up part-time gigs, subbing and then temping at the hospital. We don't know why this job would open and close, but maybe You can use this for the good. To show Your provision once again. And this whole entry is really about this: I shouldn't say maybe. I know You, and I know You to be good. I know You to be working for us. I know You will take this situation and work it for good.
I wish my thanks would go beyond friends and family and provision more often. But that's what seems to always be on my mind. I'm thankful for what You've given me. You have the power to continue to take care of all these situations. So, I guess I don't know how to pray about the Courtney situation except for...
Joy. In an attitude of joy I will pray. I know that You are working for the good, I don't know what that is, I will find out. But I will trust You with the provision for my family. You never fail it seems.
It's weird, I totally expected to find You today in "deeper" places than family, friends and provision, and look! I didn't have to go any farther than the memories of how You've provided to find thanks and joy. Sometimes the simple and straightforward are just as amazing. I love You and thank You this morning!
Speak to me today, speak through me today. Amen.
The poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the LORD will praise him - may your hearts live forever! All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him, for dominion belongs to the LORD and he rules over the nations.
Last night Lord, I sat in bed reading about joy. Eugene Peterson's book was noting that joy is not a requirement of the Christian walk, but instead a result. It kind of like, as we live the Christian faith we see You move and change hearts and minds, including our own, from time to time. To feel real joy in the present, we remember the times You've moved in the past and have confidence that You are going to act in a mighty way again in the future.
Eugene was pulling that insight from another psalm (126) but it's interesting how these themes of life and discipleship are woven into all parts of the text. Here in Psalm 22: "they who seek the LORD will praise him..." And who praises better than one who has joy, than one who remembers how the LORD has worked for them. In fact, "All the ends of the earth will remember..." This theme of remembrance is right there with the theme of praise and joy.
How often I forget that You have worked in my life Lord. And when I do try to remember, my mind immediately begins counting off the big possessions and provisions You've given me. Which seems shallow. I want to thank You in serious ways for the provision that You provide (house, car, job) and am even more grateful for the family You've given me (mom, dad, bros and sis's, parents in law, wife and son!) Really, these areas are such a blessing. But really, why can I only turn to these?
Well, to give myself a break, these are the things mentioned in the psalm here. I mean, "The poor will ear and be satisfied," this is the theme of provision. That You will, do, and have provided for our physical needs here. Later in the song, though it's not specifically being thankful for them, the "families of the nations" are mentioned. Provision and family, two very good things to be thankful for.
And You know, with Courtney's job situation all the sudden, provision wouldn't be such a bad thing to be joyful about. It certainly makes her nervous to again, seemingly, be without a job. Or have to go full time. It always sucks to seem to be without options. But then, how many times have You provided in a great way for her when she seemed to be without job options before? Can we remember, the bank out of nowhere when we got married. When she was tired of the stress in that position, the church was ready to hire her. When we formed our church she was able to pick up part-time gigs, subbing and then temping at the hospital. We don't know why this job would open and close, but maybe You can use this for the good. To show Your provision once again. And this whole entry is really about this: I shouldn't say maybe. I know You, and I know You to be good. I know You to be working for us. I know You will take this situation and work it for good.
I wish my thanks would go beyond friends and family and provision more often. But that's what seems to always be on my mind. I'm thankful for what You've given me. You have the power to continue to take care of all these situations. So, I guess I don't know how to pray about the Courtney situation except for...
Joy. In an attitude of joy I will pray. I know that You are working for the good, I don't know what that is, I will find out. But I will trust You with the provision for my family. You never fail it seems.
It's weird, I totally expected to find You today in "deeper" places than family, friends and provision, and look! I didn't have to go any farther than the memories of how You've provided to find thanks and joy. Sometimes the simple and straightforward are just as amazing. I love You and thank You this morning!
Speak to me today, speak through me today. Amen.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
This is What It Means to be Israel
I want to simply sit in Your presence Lord. I want to give You the personal praise and worship that You deserve. I read this week in "A Long Obedience..." a really interesting quote about worship, that is an act that brings about feelings for God. I also read a really interesting paraphrase of Psalm 122, it says this:
"To give thanks to the name of God — this is what it means to be Israel."
It gave me pause because the Hebrew for Israel means "struggles with God." So in my mind, there's this interesting thought. Perhaps it sheds some light on the fact that praising God is not a simple, mindless thing. It is certainly an integral part of the life of a Christian, but perhaps it's supposed to be much deeper than applauding along to some "praise and worship" songs.
So this week I have certainly struggled to find time for You in a week that was supposed to be the beginning of a real dedication to that. Faculty meetings, long ball games, late nights and early mornings, friends, responsibilities, all sorts of things add up. And I could spend this time questioning myself, my ability to be disciplined in a time that is focused on discipline, my motivation or anything else.
But instead, this is all supposed to be about You anyways. So praise be to the Father! And praise be to the Son! And praise be to the Holy Spirit! The Godhead, three-in-one!
I thank this week for my son. He's not had the best week ever, as he's become fussier and definitely is starting to show a bit of preference for mom (can't blame him, she's prettier!) But Thursday night he snuggled into the crevice of my arm as I lay and watch a basketball game while Courtney read on the floor of the living room. That's a touching scene to me, what a reminder of the blessings of family that accompany me on my journey! Praise be to the Father, You've allowed me to experience being a father for myself.
Thank You for companions. So Bryan and Joel both decided to join and go along, and I simply beseech You for their success. But what a wonderful surprise! Community creating discipline, the life-giving no experienced together. I can't express the pride I had in the way that You are working in my friends as they expressed desire to come along in this journey, to experience it for themselves.
Thank You for being in my thoughts. As I've picked up and read Peterson again this week, discussed Rob Bell with mom, read from Robert Alter's translation and commentary on the Psalms, all sorts of God-inspired thought has popped into my mind. I love to mediate on these questions, these ideas, and on Your life and Your Word. Let it continue to fill me inside so that I can be amazed by Your breadth and depth. Simple questions have amazed me: How long before the crucifixion did You begin to think about the pain and horror that You would have to go through? How long did it loom on the horizon? Or were You the master of living in the here and now, dedicated Your actions here to God's purposes and letting the Father do all the advance planning? It blows my mind to think with that as an "ending" You were able to continue to notice the pains and ills of those around You. When I'm stressed and worried I become selfish. With the biggest of all self-sacrifices ahead of You, You never even seemed stressed until the night before, and You certainly didn't let it put You in fear and inaction.
Thank You for allowing me to lose weight. It's a great discipline motivator. I want to acknowledge it, because it is nice. But I also want to thank You, for You are the one thing I really want to become close to. Take not Your presence from me, but walk with me towards Easter, to celebrate Resurrection together and then to participate in Resurrection life then after.
I love You Lord, and sleep calls. Thank You for my bed, and my loving wife who cuddles me into warmth. You the maker of my joy! It all takes root from You and Your magnificent creation. Continue to be close. Please accept my praise and worship.
"To give thanks to the name of God — this is what it means to be Israel."
It gave me pause because the Hebrew for Israel means "struggles with God." So in my mind, there's this interesting thought. Perhaps it sheds some light on the fact that praising God is not a simple, mindless thing. It is certainly an integral part of the life of a Christian, but perhaps it's supposed to be much deeper than applauding along to some "praise and worship" songs.
So this week I have certainly struggled to find time for You in a week that was supposed to be the beginning of a real dedication to that. Faculty meetings, long ball games, late nights and early mornings, friends, responsibilities, all sorts of things add up. And I could spend this time questioning myself, my ability to be disciplined in a time that is focused on discipline, my motivation or anything else.
But instead, this is all supposed to be about You anyways. So praise be to the Father! And praise be to the Son! And praise be to the Holy Spirit! The Godhead, three-in-one!
I thank this week for my son. He's not had the best week ever, as he's become fussier and definitely is starting to show a bit of preference for mom (can't blame him, she's prettier!) But Thursday night he snuggled into the crevice of my arm as I lay and watch a basketball game while Courtney read on the floor of the living room. That's a touching scene to me, what a reminder of the blessings of family that accompany me on my journey! Praise be to the Father, You've allowed me to experience being a father for myself.
Thank You for companions. So Bryan and Joel both decided to join and go along, and I simply beseech You for their success. But what a wonderful surprise! Community creating discipline, the life-giving no experienced together. I can't express the pride I had in the way that You are working in my friends as they expressed desire to come along in this journey, to experience it for themselves.
Thank You for being in my thoughts. As I've picked up and read Peterson again this week, discussed Rob Bell with mom, read from Robert Alter's translation and commentary on the Psalms, all sorts of God-inspired thought has popped into my mind. I love to mediate on these questions, these ideas, and on Your life and Your Word. Let it continue to fill me inside so that I can be amazed by Your breadth and depth. Simple questions have amazed me: How long before the crucifixion did You begin to think about the pain and horror that You would have to go through? How long did it loom on the horizon? Or were You the master of living in the here and now, dedicated Your actions here to God's purposes and letting the Father do all the advance planning? It blows my mind to think with that as an "ending" You were able to continue to notice the pains and ills of those around You. When I'm stressed and worried I become selfish. With the biggest of all self-sacrifices ahead of You, You never even seemed stressed until the night before, and You certainly didn't let it put You in fear and inaction.
Thank You for allowing me to lose weight. It's a great discipline motivator. I want to acknowledge it, because it is nice. But I also want to thank You, for You are the one thing I really want to become close to. Take not Your presence from me, but walk with me towards Easter, to celebrate Resurrection together and then to participate in Resurrection life then after.
I love You Lord, and sleep calls. Thank You for my bed, and my loving wife who cuddles me into warmth. You the maker of my joy! It all takes root from You and Your magnificent creation. Continue to be close. Please accept my praise and worship.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Refreshing Here and Now
Scripture Reading:
Exodus 16-18
As I flipped down through my posts yesterday, I realized that I must always seem like I'm complaining on the blog. I ask a lot of questions, often say how texts or behavior is frustrating to me, and most often stand throughly confused at what You want me to do. I guess this is what they call struggle, which You have revealed through the Word and I truly believe to be a good thing.
I guess I write that this morning to say that what I share with You is often the un-figured-out side of my faith. As I wrote yesterday about personal praise, it was kind of a side note to the entry, but it is making me stop and think today. How often do I partake in that type of worship. My prayers often reflect the same type of thoughts that I share with You here, with maybe a bit of praise sprinkled here and there.
Joel preached on Sunday about maintaining our focus on the here and the now. Distraction in our spiritual lives comes when find ourselves floating around in the what about last week, what about tomorrow, worry and doubt cycles. Fear has such a grip on that type of existence. But here and now living, that allows us to see what we have, the good that we are right now doing, etc.
Last night, Courtney and I were sitting in bed. She was holding Gideon and I had my arm around her. I looked her in the eye, shook my head in wonder, and said, "I love you." She gave me a confused smile and offered back the same thoughts. But I think the depth of my feeling caught her a little off-guard. I mean, this wasn't some routine, "see-you-after-work" I love you. I meant so much more, but didn't have the words to say it.
My son, my wife, what amazing pillars of joy in my here and now! I absolutely cherish the time I spend with them. They are such a big part of my personal praise Lord. You have blessed in astonishing ways with those two. I simply recognize the part You play in that this morning.
And yesterweek (that's a new made up word one of my precious eighth grade students gave to me) I sat at my computer trying to think of a way to tell my best friends what they mean to me. That I have a tight-knit community, one that seriously encourages me to be serious about You, that's a gift. Speaking of knitting, You have guided and woven my life together with some special people. Your people. And living our lives together only happens because we believe that's what You would have us do. Because that's the best way to live. And that has proven true.
Even simple things strike me this week. My house is a 1914 Craftsmen style home. Bryan is working on a logo for a Craftsmen style village. We walked around looking at the unique features of my house. It's really a neat little place that as we looked at the windows beside the fireplace, I said, I love these little details, I love this home. Again, not possible without Your blessings.
So certainly, people and possessions You have blessed me with. But also with the experiences that I have with You and those people. Gideon's birth (amazing!) or even Abigail's early baby-hood last year. Watching, waiting, praying with friends who need a new job (provided), need to move through a bad situation (working), or even need a car (provided, twice!)
I don't want to be the Israelites, complaining that there is no food and no water. I want to be the one who has my eyes open to the here and now and sees all that You have provided me, blooming all around me. I want to say thank You. I want to say I love You.
And I mean that, deeply.
Exodus 16-18
As I flipped down through my posts yesterday, I realized that I must always seem like I'm complaining on the blog. I ask a lot of questions, often say how texts or behavior is frustrating to me, and most often stand throughly confused at what You want me to do. I guess this is what they call struggle, which You have revealed through the Word and I truly believe to be a good thing.
I guess I write that this morning to say that what I share with You is often the un-figured-out side of my faith. As I wrote yesterday about personal praise, it was kind of a side note to the entry, but it is making me stop and think today. How often do I partake in that type of worship. My prayers often reflect the same type of thoughts that I share with You here, with maybe a bit of praise sprinkled here and there.
Joel preached on Sunday about maintaining our focus on the here and the now. Distraction in our spiritual lives comes when find ourselves floating around in the what about last week, what about tomorrow, worry and doubt cycles. Fear has such a grip on that type of existence. But here and now living, that allows us to see what we have, the good that we are right now doing, etc.
Last night, Courtney and I were sitting in bed. She was holding Gideon and I had my arm around her. I looked her in the eye, shook my head in wonder, and said, "I love you." She gave me a confused smile and offered back the same thoughts. But I think the depth of my feeling caught her a little off-guard. I mean, this wasn't some routine, "see-you-after-work" I love you. I meant so much more, but didn't have the words to say it.
My son, my wife, what amazing pillars of joy in my here and now! I absolutely cherish the time I spend with them. They are such a big part of my personal praise Lord. You have blessed in astonishing ways with those two. I simply recognize the part You play in that this morning.
And yesterweek (that's a new made up word one of my precious eighth grade students gave to me) I sat at my computer trying to think of a way to tell my best friends what they mean to me. That I have a tight-knit community, one that seriously encourages me to be serious about You, that's a gift. Speaking of knitting, You have guided and woven my life together with some special people. Your people. And living our lives together only happens because we believe that's what You would have us do. Because that's the best way to live. And that has proven true.
Even simple things strike me this week. My house is a 1914 Craftsmen style home. Bryan is working on a logo for a Craftsmen style village. We walked around looking at the unique features of my house. It's really a neat little place that as we looked at the windows beside the fireplace, I said, I love these little details, I love this home. Again, not possible without Your blessings.
So certainly, people and possessions You have blessed me with. But also with the experiences that I have with You and those people. Gideon's birth (amazing!) or even Abigail's early baby-hood last year. Watching, waiting, praying with friends who need a new job (provided), need to move through a bad situation (working), or even need a car (provided, twice!)
I don't want to be the Israelites, complaining that there is no food and no water. I want to be the one who has my eyes open to the here and now and sees all that You have provided me, blooming all around me. I want to say thank You. I want to say I love You.
And I mean that, deeply.
Friday, September 28, 2007
The Right Response from Right Motivation?
LORD, this morning it is really hard for me to separate the blessing from the One who gave it. I keep rejoicing in the day that was yesterday, but it is hard for me to keep rejoicing in You. I am pretty sure its because I don't trust You. I know that sounds fairly blunt and to the point, but why not be. I don't trust that You will bless me with another day like yesterday. Why is that? Now I want so badly to win the Sectional, after the blessing of winning in the first round. I want so badly to be close to You, like I was all of the day yesterday...
The danger is that they are becoming entwined in my head. I keep wanting to think that if I stay close to You, if I do my devtions, if I type on this blog, if I read and study Genesis again, that You will bless me and my team again. The danger is that I keep wanting to believe in the "Pop machine" god where I put in what I owe and out pops a blessing. When my team won, I fear that I feel like a found a formula, a way to bring You to bless us. So now I find myself concentrating and worrying a whole lot more about the next match than I did for yesterday's, and again its consuming my thoughts. Freakin' tennis!
So let me give that to You again. Of course I want to win the Sectional, but more than that I want Your breath and the sweet balance of the last several days to flow through my life. I was fasting for several days to bring that balance back. Now I'm eating again. Should I fast again to try to maintain the balance? Or would that seem too much like I was trying to work the formula? I do want to be in relationship with You and maintain the proper fear-of-the-LORD. Help me to do just that.
Aww, I remember now! Last night before I went to bed I read Psalm 96 and said to myself, I need to read this tomorrow morning to just start my day out in the right way, to continue to build relationship. Here's Psalm 96:
Sing to the LORD a new song;
sing to the LORD, all the earth.
Sing to the LORD, praise his name;
proclaim his salvation day after day.
Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous deeds among all
peoples.
For great is the LORD and most worthy of
praise;
he is to be feared above all gods.
For all the gods of the nations are idols,
but the LORD made the heavens.
Splendor and majesty are before him;
strength and glory are in his
sanctuary.
Those are the first six verses, ones that just jumped out at me last night. Sing to the LORD, sing to You, sing praise. You know I have to admit that when our relationship is going really well, worship music seems a whole lot less corny. I do find it interesting that two of the main themes here are "singing/praising" and "declaring/proclaiming/ascribing." It's like the right response is to recognise You where You are, and to declare it to others? Or just declare within our own souls? I suppose that's a good question, but proclaiming certainly has a sense of going out, being heard by many.
So is my right response to Your blessing yesterday to proclaim it? To tell everyone of Your glorious blessing? And even if I do that, am I assuming that because I take the right response that You will bless again tomorrow? Am I bringing the right response BECAUSE I want You to bless tomorrow?
Okay, I guess here's the bottom line for me today. The right response seems to be to sing to You (which is not hard right now) so I'm going to do that. The right response seems to be to declare Your wonder and blessing, so I'm going to do that when I have the chance. Of course I want to win the Sectional, which coach doesn't? Is that part of my motivation? Probably. But should a hint of the wrong motivation keep me from making the right response? I don't think so.
Blessed are You, LORD,
God of the blessing.
You give and You give
and we take and take.
Lord God, help us to give back.
Help us to be a blessing,
for the sake of Your name.
All praise and thanks to You.
Amen.
The danger is that they are becoming entwined in my head. I keep wanting to think that if I stay close to You, if I do my devtions, if I type on this blog, if I read and study Genesis again, that You will bless me and my team again. The danger is that I keep wanting to believe in the "Pop machine" god where I put in what I owe and out pops a blessing. When my team won, I fear that I feel like a found a formula, a way to bring You to bless us. So now I find myself concentrating and worrying a whole lot more about the next match than I did for yesterday's, and again its consuming my thoughts. Freakin' tennis!
So let me give that to You again. Of course I want to win the Sectional, but more than that I want Your breath and the sweet balance of the last several days to flow through my life. I was fasting for several days to bring that balance back. Now I'm eating again. Should I fast again to try to maintain the balance? Or would that seem too much like I was trying to work the formula? I do want to be in relationship with You and maintain the proper fear-of-the-LORD. Help me to do just that.
Aww, I remember now! Last night before I went to bed I read Psalm 96 and said to myself, I need to read this tomorrow morning to just start my day out in the right way, to continue to build relationship. Here's Psalm 96:
Sing to the LORD a new song;
sing to the LORD, all the earth.
Sing to the LORD, praise his name;
proclaim his salvation day after day.
Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous deeds among all
peoples.
For great is the LORD and most worthy of
praise;
he is to be feared above all gods.
For all the gods of the nations are idols,
but the LORD made the heavens.
Splendor and majesty are before him;
strength and glory are in his
sanctuary.
Those are the first six verses, ones that just jumped out at me last night. Sing to the LORD, sing to You, sing praise. You know I have to admit that when our relationship is going really well, worship music seems a whole lot less corny. I do find it interesting that two of the main themes here are "singing/praising" and "declaring/proclaiming/ascribing." It's like the right response is to recognise You where You are, and to declare it to others? Or just declare within our own souls? I suppose that's a good question, but proclaiming certainly has a sense of going out, being heard by many.
So is my right response to Your blessing yesterday to proclaim it? To tell everyone of Your glorious blessing? And even if I do that, am I assuming that because I take the right response that You will bless again tomorrow? Am I bringing the right response BECAUSE I want You to bless tomorrow?
Okay, I guess here's the bottom line for me today. The right response seems to be to sing to You (which is not hard right now) so I'm going to do that. The right response seems to be to declare Your wonder and blessing, so I'm going to do that when I have the chance. Of course I want to win the Sectional, which coach doesn't? Is that part of my motivation? Probably. But should a hint of the wrong motivation keep me from making the right response? I don't think so.
Blessed are You, LORD,
God of the blessing.
You give and You give
and we take and take.
Lord God, help us to give back.
Help us to be a blessing,
for the sake of Your name.
All praise and thanks to You.
Amen.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
In the Morning
Well, it's not in the morning at all. It's late at night and I can't sleep. It's been a really good day, absolutely gorgeous weather, spending time being outdoors for most of the morning, then the Sectional victory at night. Amazing. So tonight I can't sleep without stopping to give You praise. I don't always understand what Your hand does and what it doesn't do, but You are certainly breathing into my life right now. The way You made the air so perfect today, shaped the grove of trees I taught archery in, helped my players believe in the skills we've worked on. Unbelievable.
No wonder so many songs talk about You being worthy of praise. That's undeniable on good days like this. (As I type this, I suddenly have this fear that now You're going to put me through some bad days to test me and see if I still think You're worthy of praise on days like that. Don't, please...)
What I actually got on here to say to You tonight is how much I've enjoyed our mornings together this week. Who knows why I ever got away from them. But as I read a psalm to Gideon tonight, I just thought of what a joy it has been to wake up to You this week.
Psalm 5:3, 7
In the morning, LORD, your hear my
voice;
In the morning I lay my requests
before you
and wait expectantly...
But I, by your great love,
can come into your house;
in reverence I bow down
toward your holy temple.
Yes, in the morning...it's been all week that You have heard my voice in the morning. And what have You heard me singing? "Strength will rise as we WAIT upon the LORD." Yes I am waiting expectantly from morning til night from a wisp of Your breath.
And my response? Right now I want to acknowledge that it is by Your love that I come to You. I was listening to a song on the way to work this morning, singing and almost crying with emotion because the words were so true and hit me just right. "Your love endures my back to it." Yes, though I've been so focused on other things over the past several weeks, Your love has endured through it. Even though my back was turned and I was hiding, Your love endured.
So now, in reverence I bow before You. I want to give You Your proper place in my life - in my heart, in my mind, and in my soul: Be first, be above all, be what I am taking my meaning in. And I know that this comes out of a real good day, but with a passion filled heart I say: I love You.
No wonder so many songs talk about You being worthy of praise. That's undeniable on good days like this. (As I type this, I suddenly have this fear that now You're going to put me through some bad days to test me and see if I still think You're worthy of praise on days like that. Don't, please...)
What I actually got on here to say to You tonight is how much I've enjoyed our mornings together this week. Who knows why I ever got away from them. But as I read a psalm to Gideon tonight, I just thought of what a joy it has been to wake up to You this week.
Psalm 5:3, 7
In the morning, LORD, your hear my
voice;
In the morning I lay my requests
before you
and wait expectantly...
But I, by your great love,
can come into your house;
in reverence I bow down
toward your holy temple.
Yes, in the morning...it's been all week that You have heard my voice in the morning. And what have You heard me singing? "Strength will rise as we WAIT upon the LORD." Yes I am waiting expectantly from morning til night from a wisp of Your breath.
And my response? Right now I want to acknowledge that it is by Your love that I come to You. I was listening to a song on the way to work this morning, singing and almost crying with emotion because the words were so true and hit me just right. "Your love endures my back to it." Yes, though I've been so focused on other things over the past several weeks, Your love has endured through it. Even though my back was turned and I was hiding, Your love endured.
So now, in reverence I bow before You. I want to give You Your proper place in my life - in my heart, in my mind, and in my soul: Be first, be above all, be what I am taking my meaning in. And I know that this comes out of a real good day, but with a passion filled heart I say: I love You.
Friday, April 13, 2007
You are My Praise
Texts:
- Psalms 93-96
- Luke 11-12
- Matthew 1, Luke 2:1-38
Lord, You came through yesterday and gave me mighty reasons to praise throughout the day. Certainly, lessons went well at school, especially in Bible class on a very difficult topic, I finally feel fairly well rested, and my wife is wonderful. And more! I still struggle though against the seeming callousness of my heart to give You praise. I have this aversion to sounding trite or repetitive, like all my prayers must be creative or something. It's hard because even as I know that this is wrong it's still hard for me to change that attitude. So You change that attitude and deliver me from hardness of heart and trivial concerns. You are my God and You deserve more praise than a "thousand lifetimes could explain, if all the the trees of forests were pens and all the oceans ink."
Interesting connection this morning as well as I read Psalm 95. The beginning of the psalm is exorting the people to praise the Lord, for You are God and we are Your people. Then it says "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts..." Apparently, lack of praise happens when hearts become cold, hard, and dismissive. Or even more telling, when hearts become selfish. The next part of the psalm says that the Israelites hearts were hard, and thus not able to worship, at Meribah and Massah. These were the places where the protested to Moses to bring them water, for God was not looking after them. They became unfocused on the greatness of God and instead became focused on the greatness of their needs.
Sound familiar Lord? It sure does to me. Who is the one who has been sitting around whining about how stressed he's been because of all that is on his plate, not sure which direction to go next? Who has been so focused on getting the next thing done that he hasn't even had time to really think about what You would have him do? Oh, right that is me.
And talk about stress coming from that. The mind-blowing last line of the psalm addresses what happens when we harden our hearts, let our problems become bigger than our Lord: "They shall never enter my rest."
Wow. I mean, that's exactly what I've been concerned about. That's been one of the problems I've been focused on instead of You. And now I see why I haven't felt Your rest at all over the last few weeks. It's simply my lack of praise, my lack of worship, my lack of awe, my lack of fear, my lack of right relationship with You.
So restoration. Let's get us back on track Lord Jesus. Start with my heart, soften it. Allow my breath to be that of praise again today. You are mighty, and have answered prayer in mighty ways. You are the amazing one who comes to deliver me in the perfect time, in the perfect way. I want to be restored to my proper fear-of-the-Lord, knowledge that You can deal rightly with all in my life. Restore me to that! And I know that You will...
Today, may Your face shine upon me and may I respond with proper joy and praise. May I continue to see Your wonders poured out upon me in the normal, without going above and beyond what's expected, because You have already gone so far above and beyond in answering my prayers. Blessed are You, Lord God, my Praise, for the breath of life that creates and protects and sustains. Lord God, my Salvation, I praise You for creation, and I ask that You continue to protect and sustain. For this, and in anticipation of Your answer, I breathe in joy and thankfulness every moment today. Amen.
- Psalms 93-96
- Luke 11-12
- Matthew 1, Luke 2:1-38
Lord, You came through yesterday and gave me mighty reasons to praise throughout the day. Certainly, lessons went well at school, especially in Bible class on a very difficult topic, I finally feel fairly well rested, and my wife is wonderful. And more! I still struggle though against the seeming callousness of my heart to give You praise. I have this aversion to sounding trite or repetitive, like all my prayers must be creative or something. It's hard because even as I know that this is wrong it's still hard for me to change that attitude. So You change that attitude and deliver me from hardness of heart and trivial concerns. You are my God and You deserve more praise than a "thousand lifetimes could explain, if all the the trees of forests were pens and all the oceans ink."
Interesting connection this morning as well as I read Psalm 95. The beginning of the psalm is exorting the people to praise the Lord, for You are God and we are Your people. Then it says "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts..." Apparently, lack of praise happens when hearts become cold, hard, and dismissive. Or even more telling, when hearts become selfish. The next part of the psalm says that the Israelites hearts were hard, and thus not able to worship, at Meribah and Massah. These were the places where the protested to Moses to bring them water, for God was not looking after them. They became unfocused on the greatness of God and instead became focused on the greatness of their needs.
Sound familiar Lord? It sure does to me. Who is the one who has been sitting around whining about how stressed he's been because of all that is on his plate, not sure which direction to go next? Who has been so focused on getting the next thing done that he hasn't even had time to really think about what You would have him do? Oh, right that is me.
And talk about stress coming from that. The mind-blowing last line of the psalm addresses what happens when we harden our hearts, let our problems become bigger than our Lord: "They shall never enter my rest."
Wow. I mean, that's exactly what I've been concerned about. That's been one of the problems I've been focused on instead of You. And now I see why I haven't felt Your rest at all over the last few weeks. It's simply my lack of praise, my lack of worship, my lack of awe, my lack of fear, my lack of right relationship with You.
So restoration. Let's get us back on track Lord Jesus. Start with my heart, soften it. Allow my breath to be that of praise again today. You are mighty, and have answered prayer in mighty ways. You are the amazing one who comes to deliver me in the perfect time, in the perfect way. I want to be restored to my proper fear-of-the-Lord, knowledge that You can deal rightly with all in my life. Restore me to that! And I know that You will...
Today, may Your face shine upon me and may I respond with proper joy and praise. May I continue to see Your wonders poured out upon me in the normal, without going above and beyond what's expected, because You have already gone so far above and beyond in answering my prayers. Blessed are You, Lord God, my Praise, for the breath of life that creates and protects and sustains. Lord God, my Salvation, I praise You for creation, and I ask that You continue to protect and sustain. For this, and in anticipation of Your answer, I breathe in joy and thankfulness every moment today. Amen.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Where is My Praise?
Texts:
- Psalms 89-92
- Luke 9-10
- Luke 1, John 1:1-14
Lord, with all the stresses of forming a new worshipping community, I have committed little of my time to actual worship myself. I sit and realize that the balance of worship and knowledge in my life has tilted far too much to the side of knowledge, and really I'm having trouble finding much to praise about right now.
Honestly, sitting in the middle of this incredible journey that You are leading us on, and I can't find anything to praise about. It feels ridiculous, it makes me stressed, it makes me want to go through my brain over and over and over looking for something good that You've done for me.
I really think that it might be that I am just spoiled. I am used to You acting in such mighty ways that when You are not moving mountains I don't see You moving the stones. Maybe I am part of the wicked generation that wants to see Your amazing miracles, and the signs that You are moving are much smaller.
So how can I find You in smaller but equally important movements? Well, let me start my praise today with this: I know that You are going to answer my prayers. Even as I type this to You, I know that You receive it and will respond to it. I don't dare guess how You will work, but I know You will, and that's much different than many that I know (including myself).
May Your praise be heavy on my lips today, Lord Most High. May I see and recognize Your beauty around me. Let me see it in kids, in algebra, in your provision, in my wife, in all my life. Blessed are You, Lord God of the stones, who is always preparing the way by moving both those stones and largest mountains. Amen.
- Psalms 89-92
- Luke 9-10
- Luke 1, John 1:1-14
Lord, with all the stresses of forming a new worshipping community, I have committed little of my time to actual worship myself. I sit and realize that the balance of worship and knowledge in my life has tilted far too much to the side of knowledge, and really I'm having trouble finding much to praise about right now.
Honestly, sitting in the middle of this incredible journey that You are leading us on, and I can't find anything to praise about. It feels ridiculous, it makes me stressed, it makes me want to go through my brain over and over and over looking for something good that You've done for me.
I really think that it might be that I am just spoiled. I am used to You acting in such mighty ways that when You are not moving mountains I don't see You moving the stones. Maybe I am part of the wicked generation that wants to see Your amazing miracles, and the signs that You are moving are much smaller.
So how can I find You in smaller but equally important movements? Well, let me start my praise today with this: I know that You are going to answer my prayers. Even as I type this to You, I know that You receive it and will respond to it. I don't dare guess how You will work, but I know You will, and that's much different than many that I know (including myself).
May Your praise be heavy on my lips today, Lord Most High. May I see and recognize Your beauty around me. Let me see it in kids, in algebra, in your provision, in my wife, in all my life. Blessed are You, Lord God of the stones, who is always preparing the way by moving both those stones and largest mountains. Amen.
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