Scripture Reading: Jeremiah 26-29
- Perhaps they will listen and each will turn from their evil ways.
- If you do not listen to me and follow my law...
- ...if you do not listen to the words of my servants...
- Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
Lord God, You are a listener. From everlasting to everlasting it seems that You take the time to listen to us. You hear and You act, the true definition of listening. In these passages above, an all to common life theme is revealed: we are invited to listen, we do not listen, but You continue to hear us.
How tiring it must get to be the Lord. Most people, given time and focus of honest reflection, hear what they are doing wrong. They can recognize the ways in which their life doesn't match up to what You call us to. I know, right at this moment, what the places of familiar struggle that are still out of line with Your truth are: my eating habits, my lack of service to the needy, my lust, and my oft-times selfish attitude of doing what is easiest for me. But am I truly listening to Your promise of peace if these situations are properly dealt with?
Well, either I am not listening or I do not believe You. Lack of trust is such a basic issue to mankind. The immediacy of our own ideas and the belief in our own hands to work things out causes such a block in our true faith. There are several areas of my life that I have never truly been able to struggle through with You to a conclusion, and the root of those areas is distrust.
Why do I distrust?
I want to listen for the answer to this question today from You. I want to be more open to Your "community of truth" words to me. Lord, this morning I desire the beginning of a change. Do not leave me listening to dead space all day. Speak, Lord, speak in truth. Speak to me, to change me this day. And continue to develop in me a listening ear.
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Entrusting Myself to Him
MONDAY 2.3.08 - 1 PETER 2:23-25
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he mad no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. "He himself bore our sins" in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; "by his wounds you have been healed." For "you were like sheep going astray," but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
Today I think I'll go through this Scripture using lectio divina form in my entry as well as my reading.
READ. "When they hurled their insult at him, he did not retaliate..." This would have been the reaction of the world, this would have been an accepted response, this would have been even common sense. "Instead, he entrusted..." Instead implies that there is a different way, a different action. "He himself bore our sins..." You died for our sins, perhaps another way of saying the reactions of the world, You died for those reactions and actions of ours that are like the worlds. "so that we might to sins and live for righteousness..." Again, You died so that we do not have to retaliate, but can trust. You died so that we might not threaten, but may trust. "You were like sheep..." And we needed You to die for that and need to be continually reminded that You died for that, for we are constantly tempted to walk the way of the world, the path of retaliation and threatening and protecting what is ours, but You have given us an example and a way back to Your paths.
THINK. What word or phrase really jumps out at me? "Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly." The phrase before this talks about when You suffered Lord Jesus, that You made no blustery threats. You didn't threaten God, You didn't threaten man, You didn't threaten Yourself as You dealt with the suffering. When I suffer, I believe I am fairly just in not lashing out at others, but how often my reaction to suffering is to lash out at You, or even at myself.
Recently, there has certainly been a conviction of mine that I am to persevere through sufferings. Again, I hardly know what this means and in my mind its been a lot like, "well, when we suffer I guess we sit back and take it on the chin." To sum up what it feels like to me, I would say that we I think of persevering through trials, it seems very passive. However, this phrase that is jumping out at me, in this phrase entrust is a verb. It is a verb set counter to the verbs of retaliate and making threats. Both retaliation and making threats are active, so to set this word entrust opposite of them makes me feel that it is active as well. And let's be honest, it certainly takes some effort to trust through hardships and through suffering.
I think this "entrusting" theme fits in well with the rapidly more complete focus of my fast: joy. The book of James tells us to face trials with joy. Here Jesus faced suffering and trials with trust. I think the two of these are deeply wrapped up in one another. I listened to Rob Bell preach on joy on the way home from the ski trip this last weekend. He said one of the keys to joy is an appreciation for the gifts that we've already been given. Perhaps this is a key action of trust. Perhaps when trials and sufferings come, we can look back to what You have given us that is good, actively seeking out the places of blessing in our life and actively giving thanks. This goodness and this grace of Yours then allows us to trust that You are just, and that You will work through the bad in our present circumstances to give us more to praise about on the other side of the trial.
PRAY. Dear God, my Father. I want to take time to sift through the gifts You've given in my life. I have a wife that I love and who loves me back, even where's a t-shirt that proclaims it. I have a son who is healthy, adorable, and I love him. I have a community that will struggle for one another, who wants to pick me up when I am down, and who reaches out to one another. I have seen You work tremendously through them, as they have grown healthy in faith from places of hurt. I have all the provisions of money, food, and shelter that I could ask for. Perhaps You are making a way for me to find even more contentment and excitement in my job. You are a God of blessings, thank You, thank You, thank You.
Therefore, I trust where You will lead Exodus. I trust You in helping me raise my son. I trust You with areas of my sexuality and lust that I struggle with, if I follow Your commands these will be healthier and whole. Please do not let me be dragged aside by lies of more contentment, excitement, or fulfillment, for life has proven to me that all these things are better satisfied by You than by the sins of this world. You are the one who makes all things redeemed and whole, therefore I will trust You.
LIVE. How will I live this out today? Simple, a way to keep my mind on You. Every hour throughout the day I am going to write on a note card a blessing that came from You in the past hour. I trust that You will bring me through this day in joy!
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he mad no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. "He himself bore our sins" in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; "by his wounds you have been healed." For "you were like sheep going astray," but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
Today I think I'll go through this Scripture using lectio divina form in my entry as well as my reading.
READ. "When they hurled their insult at him, he did not retaliate..." This would have been the reaction of the world, this would have been an accepted response, this would have been even common sense. "Instead, he entrusted..." Instead implies that there is a different way, a different action. "He himself bore our sins..." You died for our sins, perhaps another way of saying the reactions of the world, You died for those reactions and actions of ours that are like the worlds. "so that we might to sins and live for righteousness..." Again, You died so that we do not have to retaliate, but can trust. You died so that we might not threaten, but may trust. "You were like sheep..." And we needed You to die for that and need to be continually reminded that You died for that, for we are constantly tempted to walk the way of the world, the path of retaliation and threatening and protecting what is ours, but You have given us an example and a way back to Your paths.
THINK. What word or phrase really jumps out at me? "Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly." The phrase before this talks about when You suffered Lord Jesus, that You made no blustery threats. You didn't threaten God, You didn't threaten man, You didn't threaten Yourself as You dealt with the suffering. When I suffer, I believe I am fairly just in not lashing out at others, but how often my reaction to suffering is to lash out at You, or even at myself.
Recently, there has certainly been a conviction of mine that I am to persevere through sufferings. Again, I hardly know what this means and in my mind its been a lot like, "well, when we suffer I guess we sit back and take it on the chin." To sum up what it feels like to me, I would say that we I think of persevering through trials, it seems very passive. However, this phrase that is jumping out at me, in this phrase entrust is a verb. It is a verb set counter to the verbs of retaliate and making threats. Both retaliation and making threats are active, so to set this word entrust opposite of them makes me feel that it is active as well. And let's be honest, it certainly takes some effort to trust through hardships and through suffering.
I think this "entrusting" theme fits in well with the rapidly more complete focus of my fast: joy. The book of James tells us to face trials with joy. Here Jesus faced suffering and trials with trust. I think the two of these are deeply wrapped up in one another. I listened to Rob Bell preach on joy on the way home from the ski trip this last weekend. He said one of the keys to joy is an appreciation for the gifts that we've already been given. Perhaps this is a key action of trust. Perhaps when trials and sufferings come, we can look back to what You have given us that is good, actively seeking out the places of blessing in our life and actively giving thanks. This goodness and this grace of Yours then allows us to trust that You are just, and that You will work through the bad in our present circumstances to give us more to praise about on the other side of the trial.
PRAY. Dear God, my Father. I want to take time to sift through the gifts You've given in my life. I have a wife that I love and who loves me back, even where's a t-shirt that proclaims it. I have a son who is healthy, adorable, and I love him. I have a community that will struggle for one another, who wants to pick me up when I am down, and who reaches out to one another. I have seen You work tremendously through them, as they have grown healthy in faith from places of hurt. I have all the provisions of money, food, and shelter that I could ask for. Perhaps You are making a way for me to find even more contentment and excitement in my job. You are a God of blessings, thank You, thank You, thank You.
Therefore, I trust where You will lead Exodus. I trust You in helping me raise my son. I trust You with areas of my sexuality and lust that I struggle with, if I follow Your commands these will be healthier and whole. Please do not let me be dragged aside by lies of more contentment, excitement, or fulfillment, for life has proven to me that all these things are better satisfied by You than by the sins of this world. You are the one who makes all things redeemed and whole, therefore I will trust You.
LIVE. How will I live this out today? Simple, a way to keep my mind on You. Every hour throughout the day I am going to write on a note card a blessing that came from You in the past hour. I trust that You will bring me through this day in joy!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Without Knowledge
MONDAY 2.18.08 - JOB 42:2-6
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
Saturday morning, I noted here that one necessary element to my faith was trust. That if I was going to submit to You that it would involve trusting You, trusting that Your will was good, etc. Those thoughts come up to me again as I read today's Lent passage. "No plan of yours can be thwarted," which is really interesting, because basically Your will cannot be stopped. When You will it, it will happen regardless of my agreement, submission, etc.
There's a whole lot that gets bungled up in my mind because of that. But one thing that I recognize is not only do I not understand You completely, because that would be "too wonderful for me to know," I also don't always get to have Your complete will revealed to me either, because that must be "too wonderful" as well.
That's really difficult. But the reason it is difficult is because I want to make decisions about You and us based on a normal human process of reason instead of based on faith. I want to have all the plan laid out before me before I decide whether I'm going to go along with it or not.
This happens to me all the time in school. When I'm teaching, I'll often have a lesson planned that uses the element of surprise. If I tell them the whole lesson plan, or even the point of the lesson early on, it ruins the surprise. But how many times do I have students walk in the door and immediately ask, "What are we doing today?" or "Are we going to have fun today?" There questions could be harmless, even excited and anxious, but they are typically not. Typically they are trying to decide whether or not they are going to give their full attention over to my class or not. As I start to teach what I thought would make for an exciting way of learning, a big surprise lesson, they begin to zone out and only care about the end result. "What's the point." Wow. Even as I type that I begin to realize how sadly I am like that with You.
I guess trusting You is even more than just believing You exist when we can't see You. Trusting You also involves believing in Your plan without knowing the details. Sure, You've given a cursory outline, You're in the business of redemption of all things, but the specifics are constantly being played out in our lives. Let me be one who does not darken Your counsel with words without knowledge. Let me be one who trusts without knowing the final details.
This all takes me back to something I wrote down last week when I was trying to listen for Your Spirit. "Slow down and pay attention." I felt like You were trying to tell me that last week. I think it is still so valid. To be involved with this plan that is "too wonderful" I don't need all the details, I don't need to know the point, I don't need to have the whole thing laid out and then decide...but I should keep an eye and an ear on what's going on. In the end I suspect I will respond with praise!
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
Saturday morning, I noted here that one necessary element to my faith was trust. That if I was going to submit to You that it would involve trusting You, trusting that Your will was good, etc. Those thoughts come up to me again as I read today's Lent passage. "No plan of yours can be thwarted," which is really interesting, because basically Your will cannot be stopped. When You will it, it will happen regardless of my agreement, submission, etc.
There's a whole lot that gets bungled up in my mind because of that. But one thing that I recognize is not only do I not understand You completely, because that would be "too wonderful for me to know," I also don't always get to have Your complete will revealed to me either, because that must be "too wonderful" as well.
That's really difficult. But the reason it is difficult is because I want to make decisions about You and us based on a normal human process of reason instead of based on faith. I want to have all the plan laid out before me before I decide whether I'm going to go along with it or not.
This happens to me all the time in school. When I'm teaching, I'll often have a lesson planned that uses the element of surprise. If I tell them the whole lesson plan, or even the point of the lesson early on, it ruins the surprise. But how many times do I have students walk in the door and immediately ask, "What are we doing today?" or "Are we going to have fun today?" There questions could be harmless, even excited and anxious, but they are typically not. Typically they are trying to decide whether or not they are going to give their full attention over to my class or not. As I start to teach what I thought would make for an exciting way of learning, a big surprise lesson, they begin to zone out and only care about the end result. "What's the point." Wow. Even as I type that I begin to realize how sadly I am like that with You.
I guess trusting You is even more than just believing You exist when we can't see You. Trusting You also involves believing in Your plan without knowing the details. Sure, You've given a cursory outline, You're in the business of redemption of all things, but the specifics are constantly being played out in our lives. Let me be one who does not darken Your counsel with words without knowledge. Let me be one who trusts without knowing the final details.
This all takes me back to something I wrote down last week when I was trying to listen for Your Spirit. "Slow down and pay attention." I felt like You were trying to tell me that last week. I think it is still so valid. To be involved with this plan that is "too wonderful" I don't need all the details, I don't need to know the point, I don't need to have the whole thing laid out and then decide...but I should keep an eye and an ear on what's going on. In the end I suspect I will respond with praise!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Waiting, Waiting
- Psalms 133-136
- Luke 8
- Matthew 13
"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning."
My life is full of situations that are too big for me to control. Planting a church, hoping for more students to enroll at 6th grade so that my job description will change to teaching more Bible, praying that my wife feels well when she is not, hoping that God will speak to the whole of the Exodus Community and that we would all be moving in the same direction. I mean, these are some specifics and I could list a whole lot more.
Just an interesting connection from the other day then when I read this passage in Psalms. The other day I read a passage about the watchmen guard in vain if the Lord was not watching with him. Now we see that the psalmist in this verse is waiting for the Lord more than the watchmen waits for the morning.
My question, Lord, is this: What if the watchmen is waiting for You? What if he is standing there on guard, but at the same time waiting for You? His watch is in vain, but it is because You haven't shown up yet. He can't leave his watch, he can't simply leave and go home and sleep, he'd lose is job and might not be able to give any type of warning against intruders or whatever else he's watching for.
So the question is, it's in vain to go on without You or ahead of You, then what do we do while we wait?
There are some places that I feel like I/we need to feel Your power become more evident.
- In funding for the church, for Exodus Community
- In moving people's spirits to be a part of Exodus Community
- In preparing us for the realities of Exodus Community
- In helping Courtney and I, Bryan and Kim, Joel and Jackie, Andy and Julie deal with the financial realities of church-planting
- In hearing Your will
I am waiting for Your answers, Your instructions, even Your questions. I am waiting for You to provide. But I don't know what to do while I wait.
But You've shown me. What does the watchmen do? He hopes for the morning. He waits expectantly for the breaking of dawn, for the dawn means You have just delivered him through another night.
May I wait on You in hope. May my day be filled with the promise of morning, and may that promise of light become evident to all. Blessed are You, Lord God of the morning, who sends the dawn of deliverance at the exact time it is needed most. I see Your power on the horizon and may I calmly await its full coming, in praise and in wonder. Amen.
- Luke 8
- Matthew 13
"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning."
My life is full of situations that are too big for me to control. Planting a church, hoping for more students to enroll at 6th grade so that my job description will change to teaching more Bible, praying that my wife feels well when she is not, hoping that God will speak to the whole of the Exodus Community and that we would all be moving in the same direction. I mean, these are some specifics and I could list a whole lot more.
Just an interesting connection from the other day then when I read this passage in Psalms. The other day I read a passage about the watchmen guard in vain if the Lord was not watching with him. Now we see that the psalmist in this verse is waiting for the Lord more than the watchmen waits for the morning.
My question, Lord, is this: What if the watchmen is waiting for You? What if he is standing there on guard, but at the same time waiting for You? His watch is in vain, but it is because You haven't shown up yet. He can't leave his watch, he can't simply leave and go home and sleep, he'd lose is job and might not be able to give any type of warning against intruders or whatever else he's watching for.
So the question is, it's in vain to go on without You or ahead of You, then what do we do while we wait?
There are some places that I feel like I/we need to feel Your power become more evident.
- In funding for the church, for Exodus Community
- In moving people's spirits to be a part of Exodus Community
- In preparing us for the realities of Exodus Community
- In helping Courtney and I, Bryan and Kim, Joel and Jackie, Andy and Julie deal with the financial realities of church-planting
- In hearing Your will
I am waiting for Your answers, Your instructions, even Your questions. I am waiting for You to provide. But I don't know what to do while I wait.
But You've shown me. What does the watchmen do? He hopes for the morning. He waits expectantly for the breaking of dawn, for the dawn means You have just delivered him through another night.
May I wait on You in hope. May my day be filled with the promise of morning, and may that promise of light become evident to all. Blessed are You, Lord God of the morning, who sends the dawn of deliverance at the exact time it is needed most. I see Your power on the horizon and may I calmly await its full coming, in praise and in wonder. Amen.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Living Life with You
On the second to last day of the fast Lord, I don't have that much to say. In fact, only one thing comes to mind: trust. Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Jesus in the midst of his deepest temptations and trials trusted in these words. I think that is good enough for me.
I don't need to just trust You with food though. That would be a narrow understading I think. This whole cyclical fast, learning and getting frustrated then learning the same thing again is bringing me round and round to a simple point. The point is that You want all of my life. I hate that phrase because it is so trite and worn, and difficult for those not in the same situation I am to understand.
Maybe it's like this, when Courtney and I got married, we had a line at the end of our vows that when like this, "it is my desire to live life with you." The little idea of "living life with each other" was and is filled with meaning to me. To try to explain, it's that I want to be excited to wake up in the morning next to Courtney and kiss her on the cheek. That sounds romantic and exciting. I want to take vacations with Courtney where the point is just to enjoy one another. That's life! I want to take out the garbage because she asked me last night, and I forgot, and I know that if she sees I haven't taken it out yet then she'll get upset. That's even more life! I want to go round and round about whether she should be looking for a job or continuing to heal from her last one. Living life is the dirty details and the extraordinary rest. Living life is everything.
I think, as I reflect, that this is what these past forty days have meant to me. I desire to live life with You. To find You in my home, my Bible, my classroom, especially and increasingly in my neighborhood. I want to find You in my thoughts, my feelings, my reactions and my actions. Maybe the best way to say it is that I want You to bust through my life and turn all of those "my's" into "our's."
So I give all mine to You. Let's live life together Lord.
I don't need to just trust You with food though. That would be a narrow understading I think. This whole cyclical fast, learning and getting frustrated then learning the same thing again is bringing me round and round to a simple point. The point is that You want all of my life. I hate that phrase because it is so trite and worn, and difficult for those not in the same situation I am to understand.
Maybe it's like this, when Courtney and I got married, we had a line at the end of our vows that when like this, "it is my desire to live life with you." The little idea of "living life with each other" was and is filled with meaning to me. To try to explain, it's that I want to be excited to wake up in the morning next to Courtney and kiss her on the cheek. That sounds romantic and exciting. I want to take vacations with Courtney where the point is just to enjoy one another. That's life! I want to take out the garbage because she asked me last night, and I forgot, and I know that if she sees I haven't taken it out yet then she'll get upset. That's even more life! I want to go round and round about whether she should be looking for a job or continuing to heal from her last one. Living life is the dirty details and the extraordinary rest. Living life is everything.
I think, as I reflect, that this is what these past forty days have meant to me. I desire to live life with You. To find You in my home, my Bible, my classroom, especially and increasingly in my neighborhood. I want to find You in my thoughts, my feelings, my reactions and my actions. Maybe the best way to say it is that I want You to bust through my life and turn all of those "my's" into "our's."
So I give all mine to You. Let's live life together Lord.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
I'm Tired of This
Lord, today punched me in the throat. It's one of those days that was not bad. But not bad is obviously not good, or inspiring, or a God moment, or worth fasting for. I know, believe, in my heart of hearts I know that this is not at all about what I'm going to get out of it...but it is. Here I am, day after day sitting at my keyboard waiting to hear what You have to say to me! And what are You saying! Nothing...or worse...be more silent.
What I want is results now. Honestly. I know that You don't work like that but that is the struggle that I'm going through. I do truthfully enjoy "rolling my tongue around the edges" but when I'm not eating, I NEED FOOD from You! This whole thing, twelve days in, just doesn't feel like it is worth it. It feels like the same old except that I'm hungry all the time, and bored all the time. That's not what I entered into this for.
Of course, that is the wrong intentions. Of course, I entered into this because I want to be close to You. But obviously, that wasn't the real truth. I entered into this because I thought it might force You to give us all answers. And maybe I'd be the one to deliver. It's really disappointing to see myself always coming back around to answers...I am just the little child frightened of the unknown. But to be fair, You are calling us into something big and dynamic, something where we will have to rely totally on You. And how do You do this? With very little in the way of practical instructions or open doors.
You say, "Wait. Please wait!" I say, "I'M FREAKING HUNGRY! MAKE THIS THING WORTHWHILE NOW!"
You say, "I understand." I say, "I don't."
You say, "Come closer, sit with me." I say, "Give me a reason to. Give me something."
Lord, touch this heart of mine, hardened as it is. I want to honor You, but I must be honest. Continue to change my belief.
What I want is results now. Honestly. I know that You don't work like that but that is the struggle that I'm going through. I do truthfully enjoy "rolling my tongue around the edges" but when I'm not eating, I NEED FOOD from You! This whole thing, twelve days in, just doesn't feel like it is worth it. It feels like the same old except that I'm hungry all the time, and bored all the time. That's not what I entered into this for.
Of course, that is the wrong intentions. Of course, I entered into this because I want to be close to You. But obviously, that wasn't the real truth. I entered into this because I thought it might force You to give us all answers. And maybe I'd be the one to deliver. It's really disappointing to see myself always coming back around to answers...I am just the little child frightened of the unknown. But to be fair, You are calling us into something big and dynamic, something where we will have to rely totally on You. And how do You do this? With very little in the way of practical instructions or open doors.
You say, "Wait. Please wait!" I say, "I'M FREAKING HUNGRY! MAKE THIS THING WORTHWHILE NOW!"
You say, "I understand." I say, "I don't."
You say, "Come closer, sit with me." I say, "Give me a reason to. Give me something."
Lord, touch this heart of mine, hardened as it is. I want to honor You, but I must be honest. Continue to change my belief.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Doing and Being
One of my biggest fears is not knowing what to do. I dread that feeling. And I am not talking spiritually here. It really scares me when I walk into new situations, when I talk to new people, when I reacquant with old people. That I won't know what to do or say.
And I get really angry when I'm forced into those situations where I don't know what to do. When Courtney asks me to call and find out why we were billed for more than the price of an appointment, or when I have to go file the home exemptions at the tax office, or talk to the insurance lady at work about adding some type of plan. All things I don't know much about and situations where I am not sure what to do. And am afraid that what I do will make me look stupid or uninformed.
Lord, I'm finding that You are not quite as concerned about what we do as to who we are. You are concerned about who we are being, not always what we are doing? This whole time I've been focusing on what it is that You want me to do, just look at my post on obedience, and not necessarily who You want me to be.
I have a sense now that what You really want from me now is just to BE with You. In that sense You will change who I am, and then my actions will flow out of that. The doing is not unimportant, it is simply an after-effect of the being. If I am the person seeking You I will find You. That I must trust.
So, time to shut up the blog for a while and just be with You. In rest, in relatioinship, in word, in intimacy. As a child as a bride. In obedience and in trust. Being with You will make me who You want me to be.
And I get really angry when I'm forced into those situations where I don't know what to do. When Courtney asks me to call and find out why we were billed for more than the price of an appointment, or when I have to go file the home exemptions at the tax office, or talk to the insurance lady at work about adding some type of plan. All things I don't know much about and situations where I am not sure what to do. And am afraid that what I do will make me look stupid or uninformed.
Lord, I'm finding that You are not quite as concerned about what we do as to who we are. You are concerned about who we are being, not always what we are doing? This whole time I've been focusing on what it is that You want me to do, just look at my post on obedience, and not necessarily who You want me to be.
I have a sense now that what You really want from me now is just to BE with You. In that sense You will change who I am, and then my actions will flow out of that. The doing is not unimportant, it is simply an after-effect of the being. If I am the person seeking You I will find You. That I must trust.
So, time to shut up the blog for a while and just be with You. In rest, in relatioinship, in word, in intimacy. As a child as a bride. In obedience and in trust. Being with You will make me who You want me to be.
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