The "Yes"

I have been on this Lent path for a week now, trying to become more mature as a Christian. Starting with the basics of repentance, I have been trying to leave my selfish ways behind. And in some ways I'm succeeding, in other I am failing. I think that is probably what it means to be human, so I'm not going to be to harsh on myself yet.

But I'm not going to stop trying, either, Lord. One of the areas of maturity was self-control. I do really well at the "no" that is inherent to self-control. For me, I believe self-control has two areas, a "no" and then a "yes." You have to control yourself to say no to things that are bad for you, destructive to faith and following Christ. But then you have to say yes to the things Christ would, helping others, forgiving, going the extra mile, turning the cheek, etc.

As an ascetic worshipper by nature, I do not mind denying myself in order to get closer to You. I have fasted, I have given up things, I have given up vices. I have denied myself access to distractions, giving up television or searching other internet blogs. In the past, I have done these things of denial, and they have been a joy.

But have they changed my attitude of saying yes to difficult things? Not always. I still have trouble doing the things that would make me feel uncomfortable, be difficult, or require a lot of me. For example, I crave my lunches alone. It allows me to think, relax, and recover. And yet, I have many students with missing assignments that I should simply call in to work on those assignments with me, where I can give them help and answer questions in a non-judgmental way. But I love my lunches alone! Or, I am the Bible teacher, and I've been thinking lately that it would be good to have a group of students that regularly prayed for the school. But again, this would have to cut into my time, my alone time, in one way or another. So it doesn't happen.

So my prayer today is simple, let me be more of a yes man. The things that will further Your kingdom, that fall inside Your priorities for me: Let me be self-control enough to say yes to them.

Lent Begins

I really love the Lenten season. Growing up, our church always celebrated Easter in a big way, cantatas and so on, but I never got the lead up that was Lent. Or maybe I just don't remember it. But the penitence and confession and emptying out that happens during these seven weeks is so valuable.

What is driving me nuts this morning is that I don't get to sit and really take it in. I have to head off to a teacher's meeting in about 5-10 min. That doesn't really give me time to process You. And despite all my attempts over the past several months, I still haven't really figured out how to turn my every day work (Bible teaching, for goodness sake!) into a way to cultivate our relationship. It's like a switch gets turned, and I am just going through the routine of the school day.

For Lent, I am going to try to empty myself out to make room for You. We'll see what type of things I need to get rid of, so that I can be filled by You. Speak to me about this, show me when I can be attentive to You.

As I'm making room for You, please take those times to shape me into Your likeness. I've been contemplating the maturity process described in 2 Peter 1:5-8 a lot recently...

"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love."

How am I maturing in my life and in my Christ-likeness. I have faith. I think that for the most part I am concerned with the good. I am always hungry for knowledge. Do I have self-control? And if I do, I know that I need perseverance.

Several years ago, I fasted with the goal of gaining self-control. I'm not sure that I ever really learned the lesson of actually controlling my desires. But whether I did or not, I know that I don't persevere very well. About a month ago, I wrote on the tennis blog how I have to be affirm to continue to do the right thing, and if no one is telling me I'm doing a good job, and the success of whatever it is isn't evident... well, then I quit. That doesn't sound like perseverance.

So, this Lent is going to be a good one. I am going to praise You. I am looking to add to my knowledge self-control, and maybe to my self-control add perseverance. I know that the situation at Exodus, the weight of the community, always requires that. Let me be a leader who follows You in all that is good.

The Fruit of Self-Control

Titus 1-3

This weekend at the marriage retreat, I was struck by the differences we started to mull over about men and women. So today, I'm interested in the verse in Titus 2 that talks about what men and women need to be concerned about. Of course, as a man, I'm interested in what is said about us.

Both older men and younger men are encouraged to be self-controlled. I think that is the hardest fruit of the spirit for almost every man that I know. Even harder than gentleness, which seems like it would be difficult for us aggressive and competitive men. Now, I'm not one who actually likes to categorize men and women into tight stereotypes, and so I usually push back against them. But this seems to fit.

I know that it strikes a cord with me. Why is it that I seem to always need more, or that I'm not satisfied with the things that I have, or that I can't stop myself from the sensual. The thing that tastes good, the things that feel good, etc. Or that I can't always convince myself to spend time on the difficult and unpleasant, even when needed.

Paul other passage in Romans seems appropriate here. What I want to do I do not do, but what I do not want to do, this I do. It seems, in many situations, that I have no self control. Today I was eating carrots as a healthy snack. I decided that I was going to have 5. I did, then I read the label and decided I could have two more. Then two more, then two more, then two more. Then I went to the concession stand and bought two bags of peanuts. That is not controlling myself.

And there are other areas as well.

Anyways, as Courtney and I dedicate ourselves to the Christian disciplines once again, it seems as though the fruits will become more evident in us. Lord, as I seek You, I pray that I will become more and more self-controlled. I need that, Lord, I pray. Amen.