How to Live in Earth and Bring Some Heaven

This week was a week where I was determined to get things right. Things between You and me. Things with my church. Really get back into a full fledged relationship with You, spend more time communicating with You, turn my thoughts to You throughout my day. Really bring some heaven to my day on a regular basis.

What I'm increasingly finding is that I have to get away from my "earth" in order to experience "heaven," and that's not what I really want at all. In other words, they only times I ever think of You are when I'm removed from the situations of my life. When I'm teaching (even though it's the Bible!) I have difficulty focusing on Your way, on Your person, on following You. And so since I can't focus, I don't always naturally respond like I should. And so increasingly I'm finding that I'm not becoming the person God wants me to be (or at least not as fast as I think that I should).

And so I've tried to start the new year with attention. But the series of events that I am facing right now is making attention so hard, basically because they are sapping my energy, making me sleepy tired and then cranky, forgetful, selfish and angry. When Gideon won't sleep I don't get to sleep. This is the third night in a row that he's been up in the middle of the night. He cries and we can't do anything about it. He was up for more than an hour tonight, but 2:30 last night and a couple hours the night before that. It's draining to not get the amount of sleep that you plan for.

Also at the beginning of this week our shower has been out of commission while it is remodeled. So I've been having to shower at the school, which means giving myself more time in the morning to get there, shower, go pick up Clifton, and then get back to the school. Which again means... less sleep.

Oh, and the kicker to my stress levels? J-term. I'm teaching one class - all day - with no prep periods. None. I have a break for lunch and 15 minutes when the students get some snacks, but otherwise, no breaks. And during those breaks I have to grade or I fall woefully behind. So it is a solid day of grading and being with students, which is fine (I enjoy the teaching and conversation) but exhausting.

So how do I deal with all these things, while living as You would intend? How do I have the attention levels, the energy it takes to have those levels, when at times during the day I don't feel I have the energy to continue to stand up?

So today's devotional thought is a question. Will You be my strength? I've always wanted to declare, "The Lord is my strength and my song / He has become my salvation." Right now, this would be a time where You could give me cause.

Little Joys

Let's start with this: where have I seen, felt, experienced, noticed You in the past 24 hours? That seems like a good thing to think about considering that these 40 days are to be about attention to You.

So, yesterday. Let's start with the evening. I really felt like writing some poetry. My heart was longing to be creative. But I couldn't find the words or the topic or anything. But then I started thinking about You. I started thinking about Your word. And I started studying. I never ended up with a poem (though I've got a great idea), but I love the process of studying. It is rewarding. The random knowledge, I wonme.der at that. Yesterday, I stumbled through Jewish Christian websites and looked at the way You are perceived from their perspective. Amazing, fascinating, and makes me want to learn Hebrew again! So I don't know how You were in that, but I felt that we were communing somehow.

But, yesterday. Yesterday was hard. Actually, yesterday was one of my worst days of class in a long time. Students were whiny and obstinate, even my favorite classes were giving me a hard time. It felt like such a long day. When I came home, I was excited to see my son. But I was also exhausted. It made it difficult to play. I don't know what would have been my summary on the day, but it wouldn't have been positive. I don't feel like I saw You anywhere during the day yesterday (although I freely admit I am missing the small things and still equating You with success, goodness and strong days when You actually may move better when I'm weak). If I would have went to bed at 7:30 when I posted my facebook status about feeling spent, I think I would have said yesterday was a poor day.

But one experience with You changed all that. And it wasn't a particularly enlightening or intimate experience. What I learned was cool, but it didn't blow my mind. I felt Your presence, but we weren't interacting in a real personal way. That's how powerful You are though. Just a little dose was needed.

I am thankful that You meet with me, surround me, even in little ways. They make it possible for me to have joy. Because last night when I went to bed, instead of mourning my whole day, I was filled with joy.