Living with It

Ephesians 1-3

I'm amazed at how quickly you have to move through Paul's letters if you are trying to read through the Bible in a year. In other words, I have to read three chapters at least per day. But the thing is, that doesn't really give me enough time to understand what is really going on. Paul is really quite difficult to understand. Some days I really like this, it makes Paul seem like a real human, working through things and figuring out what it means to be a follower of Christ. Other days, like today, this drives me nuts, because I'm too tired to follow the meandering logic and complicated sentences. And by tired I mean because it's 5:00 in the morning, and I'm still feeling like I should be laying next to my wife.

You know, yesterday morning, I was thinking after we had some time together about the purposes of this time. I was thinking if I always learned something new to do during this time with You, I was going to end up with 365 new things to do by the end of a year. Which is not sustainable. So, what is this time really for? And I thought, while I read Scripture and try to apply it, this time is probably just as much about relationship with God as it is breaking down Scripture. In fact, because I don't bring commentaries or anything to this time, just me, it's probably more about relationship right there. Even the insights that I glean from Scripture are often of a personal nature.

Right now, in my life, I think I have a tendency to still compartmentalize You. (I'm kind of leaving Ephesians for now, don't know if I'll get back or not). It's funny, because one of my critiques of modern Christianity is our ability, not a good ability, to leave God in church and live in the world according to our own desires. But despite my own critique, I've noticed lately that I've been seeking You with a large part of the seeking being about how to run and lead my church.

But then, I notice things. A couple of weeks ago, a car was broken down on the side of the road. I didn't even see it, kind of glanced at it after I passed, and I wasn't sure whether they were broken down, pulled over talking, in a wreck, whatever. It didn't really even cross my mind to go back. But then my brother called. He too had been driving the same road and seen the car, and he had stopped to see what was the matter. Why didn't I even think of stopping? Where is my tendency for deliverance in normal life?

Or when I'm talking to people at school or those I don't know very well. I'm always looking for an out in the conversation. I don't really like to talk to people. I know, I know, that has somewhat to do with personality, and I know, I know, I can't make excuses. But like Paul is talking about unity in Christ in Ephesians here, and I know that it is hard for me to find these kind of unifying things with other believers because I'm not real comfortable talking to people. So, where is my tendency for community with others during the course of the week?

And am I looking for knowledge of God, and reordering in my daily life? No. And am I experiencing the shalom of God? No. I've known that for a couple months, but I keep living as if everything is okay. I don't talk to anyone about it really because I know that it is not "catastrophic" bad, just "annoying" bad.

So, I wonder if I can live to D.C.K.L. beyond Sundays? When it really impedes on my personal life? When it is outside the reach of Exodus Community?

Lord, speak to me. Amen.

Remember the Poor

Just an interesting observation today as I read through Galatians. Paul is defending the simple gospel that he preached to the believers in Galatia, saying that if somebody is preaching something different, they are wrong. So Paul goes through a process of backing up his version of the gospel, showing how those with authority and those who were highly esteemed by the early church approved of what he was saying.

Interesting then, that the one thing these early church leaders reminded Paul must not be left out of his gospel message: "Remember the poor." Paul was preaching a gospel of freedom from the law by living in the grace of Christ, but the one thing that the apostles wanted to make sure also was conveyed was that the poor in the community must be provided for. It is, apparently, an essential part of the gospel, an essential part of Jesus' truth.

It's sad then to look at the state of American Christianity. We have embraced Paul's theme of freedom from the law, the forgiveness of sin through Christ. But have we ever forgotten the poor. We have more wealth in this country than we know what to do with. So we buy bigger houses, bigger TVs, newer... anyways, I'm on a silly rant right now. How well do I remember the poor?

I like to console myself by the fact that I volunteer, support a Compassion child, etc. But is that remembering the poor in the way that God calls us to? I don't really ever feel so. My biggest problem is my fear of the poor. I never grew up around anyone who wasn't well taken care of. It makes me really nervous and uncomfortable to be around less refined, less educated, less fortunate people. How awful is that! I mean it seriously shames me.

But I do nothing about it. Because it really does scare me. It a ridiculous little circle. Fear and no action, fear and no action. But the fear-of-the-Lord is to be stronger than my fears. Can I let it be stronger than my fear of the poor? Can I form relationships and remember those who struggle...

I'm afraid I want to answer: "Probably not..."

Fear-of-the-Lord

So Lord, I'm down to this very simple fact today. There is a lot inside of me that needs to be fixed, and it will only be fixed by laying it down at Your feet. I know that, but I have yet to feel that.

I continue reading the next passage in Luke after the one that I wrote about yesterday and it is very clear that Jesus is pointing out that the experts in the law lack fear-of-the-Lord. Jesus instructs his disciples to look out for the yeast of the Pharisees, that they should be sure to fear the One who controls both death and life. This is fear-of-the-Lord fear, a reverence, a respect, an awe.

Right now, for whatever reason, that is what I am lacking. An awe of the Lord, a reverence. For some reason, I am bringing You down to my level. Maybe it's all this trying to understand You, maybe its in my trying to draw close to You, maybe I need to step away for a second and let You come and get me. And obviously, cognitively You can see that I understand my need for fear. But for whatever reason I am hard-hearted and cold. Here I am admitting it but yet feeling in my gut that it won't change.

Change it. Bring me into awesome fear and reverence for You. Lord, hear me and act.

Wait no... I'm really scared as I write this. The One who controls both life and death. I do not deserve to challenge You. Standing up against You, I suddenly realize the awesome power that You have. Act favorably one my behalf Lord. Oh do not crush me! The power that is in that act. The weight. The glory.

I take it back. Change me, give me the reverence, but hide me in the cleft of the rock with Your hand. Your glory will crush me if You act. Please, act as You will and give me the reverence to know that is the only way it can be if I want to live.