"Do and do, do and do, rule on rule, rule on rule, a little here, a little there."
Hum. Has this become what my faith is to? I just went through at the beginning of the year and instituted a rule of life into my life. Basically my rule has many tiny rules that I try to follow throughout the days and months. Not all of them get accomplished, but it has been a way to bring accountability to my life. Actually, despite the fact that it is do and do, rule on rule, it has been very refreshing.
I wonder then if motivation for the do and do is the problem. In other words, I don't take for granted right now the relationship context of serving You. Everyday I enter the Word and try to be true to pray and sometimes write to You. Perhaps it is when faith becomes completely the doing, and the relationship is left out, that to do and do, rule on rule becomes detrimental.
I've been learning just how much faith is about balance. A balance of knowing and doing, a balance of acting and speaking, a balance of inward reflection and outward activity, a balance of relationship and accountability. It has become obvious that going to extreme in any one thing will throw the wholeness of a person out of whack.
The other thing I've noticed is how hard it is to stay balanced. I'll tell You why: balanced people rarely get noticed. You have to have extreme opinions and be terribly outspoken about them to get a rise out of people. Then, some people will back you up, some people will get mad at you, but you will be noticed. And I believe getting noticed is one of the biggest motivators in our current context. So people of faith often do and do and do and forget to relate to You in rest and comfort because they feel their good deeds may help them receive appreciation.
Let me know I am appreciated for what I do, but more importantly for just who I am. For the time I spend here in the mornings, let me know that You appreciate it. No one else has to notice. For my dedication to my rule of life, let me know that You appreciate it. For attempts to be a man of prayer, to rest in You, to truly know You, let me know I'm appreciated. For I love You, and certainly appreciate Your character and the actions that have flowed from that.
Showing posts with label doing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doing. Show all posts
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
A Theology of Waiting: Day One
Readings: Psalms 5 & 6, Isaiah 1:10-20
This year, Exodus is following the church calendar year and celebrating Advent. I've decided to pick up some readings and follow along as well. And I need to. The season of Advent is all about the coming of Your presence among us. The season of Advent celebrates Your power of deliverance, but acknowledges to begin with that there are times when we don't feel that You are with us at all. Maybe it is divine appointment, but I feel that I am in one of those times right now.
So as Psalm 5 says, I'm here this morning to lay my requests before You and begin the process of waiting in expectation. My request is rather simple, I want to want this again. Tiredness and distance have made this morning devotional time seem like a formality rather than a relished opportunity to commune with the Holy. I want this time to be like the times of my fast, where I was eager to seek Your presence. I have not taken the time since tennis season to wait on You with any expectation. Now I am slowing myself down and deciding to wait. Will You please honor that by showing up?
And so...what do I do in this waiting? That is the question I seek to figure out during this Advent season. I cannot be inactive and just assume Your work will relieve me of all responsibilities. I must be active in my faith, but the question is how?
First thing I notice from the psalms this morning is the cry. Look at all of these verses:
- Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my sighing.
- Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.
- My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?
- I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.
I see from that set that the crying out part of waiting is important. I cannot be waiting on Your presence and be silent about it. That has been my problem since tennis season. In my hurried devotional times, I have read Scripture and not digested it. But my biggest mistake was not taking the time to pray. This blog is basically a prayer. My poetry blog is many things, but during the last cycle it wasn't really a prayer. So not posting here was a rushing of things, not a time saver at all. Here I bring before You my thoughts and words. Here I cry to You, I need Your presence!
Cry is important, I wish I could just stop with this because it seems focused for this morning. But there is certainly another strand wrapping through the readings this morning. That is the strand of obedience and right living. The strand of giving up our sinful attitudes. It is strong in Isaiah:
- Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.
- When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood; wash and make yourselves clean.
That last Scripture especially hits home this morning. When I reach out to You in prayer, You will not receive unless I have washed an made myself clean. Repentance, it goes right along with waiting. Primary actions of waiting seem to include crying and repenting.
Maybe I should say a word about repenting too, it means that I am also committing to live rightly from this day forward. So that's my goal today. See my efforts Lord, my successes and my failures, but know that I will strive today to "stop doing wrong, learn to do right!" In the daily grind of the school day, help me to "seek justice, encourage the oppressed..."
And begin to come to me in Your presence, I am finally waiting.
This year, Exodus is following the church calendar year and celebrating Advent. I've decided to pick up some readings and follow along as well. And I need to. The season of Advent is all about the coming of Your presence among us. The season of Advent celebrates Your power of deliverance, but acknowledges to begin with that there are times when we don't feel that You are with us at all. Maybe it is divine appointment, but I feel that I am in one of those times right now.
So as Psalm 5 says, I'm here this morning to lay my requests before You and begin the process of waiting in expectation. My request is rather simple, I want to want this again. Tiredness and distance have made this morning devotional time seem like a formality rather than a relished opportunity to commune with the Holy. I want this time to be like the times of my fast, where I was eager to seek Your presence. I have not taken the time since tennis season to wait on You with any expectation. Now I am slowing myself down and deciding to wait. Will You please honor that by showing up?
And so...what do I do in this waiting? That is the question I seek to figure out during this Advent season. I cannot be inactive and just assume Your work will relieve me of all responsibilities. I must be active in my faith, but the question is how?
First thing I notice from the psalms this morning is the cry. Look at all of these verses:
- Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my sighing.
- Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.
- My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?
- I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.
I see from that set that the crying out part of waiting is important. I cannot be waiting on Your presence and be silent about it. That has been my problem since tennis season. In my hurried devotional times, I have read Scripture and not digested it. But my biggest mistake was not taking the time to pray. This blog is basically a prayer. My poetry blog is many things, but during the last cycle it wasn't really a prayer. So not posting here was a rushing of things, not a time saver at all. Here I bring before You my thoughts and words. Here I cry to You, I need Your presence!
Cry is important, I wish I could just stop with this because it seems focused for this morning. But there is certainly another strand wrapping through the readings this morning. That is the strand of obedience and right living. The strand of giving up our sinful attitudes. It is strong in Isaiah:
- Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.
- When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood; wash and make yourselves clean.
That last Scripture especially hits home this morning. When I reach out to You in prayer, You will not receive unless I have washed an made myself clean. Repentance, it goes right along with waiting. Primary actions of waiting seem to include crying and repenting.
Maybe I should say a word about repenting too, it means that I am also committing to live rightly from this day forward. So that's my goal today. See my efforts Lord, my successes and my failures, but know that I will strive today to "stop doing wrong, learn to do right!" In the daily grind of the school day, help me to "seek justice, encourage the oppressed..."
And begin to come to me in Your presence, I am finally waiting.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Actions and Truth
WEDNESDAY 3.5.08 - 1 JOHN 3:16-18
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for one another. If any one of you has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in you? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
READ. "Not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." Apparently, according to the way I read this sentence, the truth is much less a concept to be debated and figured out, spoken and taught than it is a way of life to be lived out.
Man, it's as if this is hearkening back to Jesus' words: "I am the way, the truth, and the life." It makes me think that maybe Jesus was saying something like this: "The way that I do things here on earth is the way you should go about doing things as well, for this way of action is the truth, and the truth is that is all about how you live, what you do...that is life!"
Whatever it is, actions and truth seem to be tied together. I've said for years that if you want to know what you really believe, look at how you live. If you really believe something you'll be doing it. If you are not doing it, you don't really believe it. That thought that I just spout off because it makes sense to me, maybe it actually has grounding here in the Scripture, Lord.
THINK. So the question then becomes what do I believe? Who am I laying my life down for? Where am I giving up something because I see people in need?
Well, I know that I give of myself to my tennis team. I just made out our spring schedule and it involves me going out of my way to make them better tennis players, while I spend most of my days in school preparing the tennis devotionals for next year. I'm giving a big part of myself to them right now, perhaps because I believe that my hard work will be rewarded.
I do give some of my time to Exodus Community. I mean, I can say that without a doubt, if there was a need in Sparky, I would immediately fill that need if I could. And I think that has played out in my actions, so it is the truth. Outside the Sparky group I certainly have to fight with myself and my selfishness a bit more, but I could probably meet a spoken need. Unspoken needs that I might see but haven't been verbalized, these are the ones that I tend to push to the side. I have an excuse not to meet them, because whoever is found needing isn't expressing the need so maybe they don't really want me to interfere, maybe they don't really need help, maybe I'm seeing things wrong, etc.
Interesting to go back to the verse and read where it says: "If any one of you... sees a brother or sister in need..." Sees. Not hears from them that they need something, but if we perceive the need, then we should have pity. Pity? This is all about action, then what is an emotion doing thrown in here? So, I went to look this up in Greek, wouldn't you know that it is splagchnon? Joel taught about this just a little while ago, it is from the root word for bowels. This is deep in your gut pain for your brother or sister. A pain that would have to be answered by doing something.
How many people am I feeling it in the gut for and changing what I do? Not enough. And I don't mean to beat on myself. I need that to change Lord. I have to be willing to be broken, uncomfortable, then poured out. The joy that I have been receiving through this fast will fill me up again. That is to say, You will fill me up again.
There's always more questions. What about time with my family? What do I actually do? And you think about why I prayed for wisdom yesterday! You give wisdom generously, so I pray for that discernment, that creativity to see needs and then know how to best proceed. I want to do things Your way, but I want to act.
PRAY. Lord, help me (and the rest of our community) to committ to being servants. We do such a good job of serivng one another, of caring for one another, let us extend our reach. Not for the sake of growth at the church, I don't want to make it sound like that is the point. Not at all. Because we're supposed to be a people who reaches out and serves. A people who do not make judgments but instead come underneath others to support them, a people who feel it in their guts for the widow and the orphan, a people moving and active according to the leading of Your Holy Spirit. That's who we want to be. Lead us there. Lead me there.
We thank You for the blessing that You are to us. This verse says "if one of you has material possessions" and I have all I need. You are a blessing. I want to act in blessing because of that. I love You Lord, Lord who is making life clearer and also more confusing by the day. I need Your wisdom to do Your will.
LIVE. Okay, so a theme was started yesterday that I think can continue over to today as far as how I live. I said yesterday that I want to practice what we preach, be the type of person who does what we say we want to do. Okay then, I'm going back to the beginning of Exodus somehow throughout the day here and looking at what we've said we want to be. I don't know how long this will take, but doing a general look back might really help me find a way forward.
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for one another. If any one of you has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in you? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
READ. "Not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." Apparently, according to the way I read this sentence, the truth is much less a concept to be debated and figured out, spoken and taught than it is a way of life to be lived out.
Man, it's as if this is hearkening back to Jesus' words: "I am the way, the truth, and the life." It makes me think that maybe Jesus was saying something like this: "The way that I do things here on earth is the way you should go about doing things as well, for this way of action is the truth, and the truth is that is all about how you live, what you do...that is life!"
Whatever it is, actions and truth seem to be tied together. I've said for years that if you want to know what you really believe, look at how you live. If you really believe something you'll be doing it. If you are not doing it, you don't really believe it. That thought that I just spout off because it makes sense to me, maybe it actually has grounding here in the Scripture, Lord.
THINK. So the question then becomes what do I believe? Who am I laying my life down for? Where am I giving up something because I see people in need?
Well, I know that I give of myself to my tennis team. I just made out our spring schedule and it involves me going out of my way to make them better tennis players, while I spend most of my days in school preparing the tennis devotionals for next year. I'm giving a big part of myself to them right now, perhaps because I believe that my hard work will be rewarded.
I do give some of my time to Exodus Community. I mean, I can say that without a doubt, if there was a need in Sparky, I would immediately fill that need if I could. And I think that has played out in my actions, so it is the truth. Outside the Sparky group I certainly have to fight with myself and my selfishness a bit more, but I could probably meet a spoken need. Unspoken needs that I might see but haven't been verbalized, these are the ones that I tend to push to the side. I have an excuse not to meet them, because whoever is found needing isn't expressing the need so maybe they don't really want me to interfere, maybe they don't really need help, maybe I'm seeing things wrong, etc.
Interesting to go back to the verse and read where it says: "If any one of you... sees a brother or sister in need..." Sees. Not hears from them that they need something, but if we perceive the need, then we should have pity. Pity? This is all about action, then what is an emotion doing thrown in here? So, I went to look this up in Greek, wouldn't you know that it is splagchnon? Joel taught about this just a little while ago, it is from the root word for bowels. This is deep in your gut pain for your brother or sister. A pain that would have to be answered by doing something.
How many people am I feeling it in the gut for and changing what I do? Not enough. And I don't mean to beat on myself. I need that to change Lord. I have to be willing to be broken, uncomfortable, then poured out. The joy that I have been receiving through this fast will fill me up again. That is to say, You will fill me up again.
There's always more questions. What about time with my family? What do I actually do? And you think about why I prayed for wisdom yesterday! You give wisdom generously, so I pray for that discernment, that creativity to see needs and then know how to best proceed. I want to do things Your way, but I want to act.
PRAY. Lord, help me (and the rest of our community) to committ to being servants. We do such a good job of serivng one another, of caring for one another, let us extend our reach. Not for the sake of growth at the church, I don't want to make it sound like that is the point. Not at all. Because we're supposed to be a people who reaches out and serves. A people who do not make judgments but instead come underneath others to support them, a people who feel it in their guts for the widow and the orphan, a people moving and active according to the leading of Your Holy Spirit. That's who we want to be. Lead us there. Lead me there.
We thank You for the blessing that You are to us. This verse says "if one of you has material possessions" and I have all I need. You are a blessing. I want to act in blessing because of that. I love You Lord, Lord who is making life clearer and also more confusing by the day. I need Your wisdom to do Your will.
LIVE. Okay, so a theme was started yesterday that I think can continue over to today as far as how I live. I said yesterday that I want to practice what we preach, be the type of person who does what we say we want to do. Okay then, I'm going back to the beginning of Exodus somehow throughout the day here and looking at what we've said we want to be. I don't know how long this will take, but doing a general look back might really help me find a way forward.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Hearing and Heeding
Yesterday was the first Sunday of Lent. Lent is a beautiful time in the Christian calendar that I have not fully embraced in my Christian walk. It was not celebrated much at the church that I grew up in. And even in the church we left over a year ago, the language and observance of Lent was rare. I am excited that Exodus Community has decided to walk through Lent together with the practice of lectio divina. Today I start these Lent readings.
Lord I pray that our community takes these readings slowly and seriously. I pray that You will use these times to be formational in our group and transformational to hurting and damaged areas of our lives. I will need help with my discipline, but I pray Your Spirit will be over all who choose to embark on this journey towards the cross and resurrection.
MONDAY 2.11.08 - PSALM 81:8-14
Hear me, my people, and I will warn you - if you would only listen to me, Israel! You shall have no foreign god among you; you shall not worship any god other than me. I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. "But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices. If my people would only listen to me, if Israel would only follow my ways, how quickly I would would subdue their enemies and turn my hand against their foes!
Significant things jump out at me here. I think both are rather obvious from the text, but very important. I know sometimes I get tricked into thinking that the only important stuff about a text is the new understandings I might glean from connecting it to another verse, by studying it in original language, or by thinking creatively about its meaning. Thank You for reminding me that straight-forward is soul-changing.
Listening is a huge part of this verse, "if you would only listen to me, Israel!" As a people formed to be Yours, Lord, how much listening do we do? This seems to be a first step of submission, to listen. But this isn't just the "oh, I hear what you are saying," type of listening is it? This is the listening where You are really talking about both hearing and heeding You. We both hear the things that You have to say to us, and then we make them part of our actions. This is pretty clear from the parallel language of the Psalm - "If my people would only listen to me, if Israel would only follow my ways." The listening and the following are one in the same.
And when they are that is submission, right? The other large thing I notice about this verse is the theme of choice. "If" is a common word, and it implies that we can choose something other than You, and we often are. The verse that really drives this idea of choice home to me is, "Open wide your mouth and I will fill it." We have to choose to open our mouths. We must choose to follow. Hearing is not enough, hearing is not submission.
So it comes down to something that sounds simple. I must pay attention and hear You and when I do I must choose to heed what You say.
So what is that? What are You saying to me/us that I/we must choose to follow? I believe that the most powerful message I am hearing is that we should have no other thing before You, and that we should take that command seriously. What would I not be willing to give up for You?
This is the question to take with me for the day. Bring me back to it. And actually, I pray that it soaks into the whole community. I love my friends of Exodus, let us start climbing the hill to the cross with You.
Lord I pray that our community takes these readings slowly and seriously. I pray that You will use these times to be formational in our group and transformational to hurting and damaged areas of our lives. I will need help with my discipline, but I pray Your Spirit will be over all who choose to embark on this journey towards the cross and resurrection.
MONDAY 2.11.08 - PSALM 81:8-14
Hear me, my people, and I will warn you - if you would only listen to me, Israel! You shall have no foreign god among you; you shall not worship any god other than me. I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. "But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices. If my people would only listen to me, if Israel would only follow my ways, how quickly I would would subdue their enemies and turn my hand against their foes!
Significant things jump out at me here. I think both are rather obvious from the text, but very important. I know sometimes I get tricked into thinking that the only important stuff about a text is the new understandings I might glean from connecting it to another verse, by studying it in original language, or by thinking creatively about its meaning. Thank You for reminding me that straight-forward is soul-changing.
Listening is a huge part of this verse, "if you would only listen to me, Israel!" As a people formed to be Yours, Lord, how much listening do we do? This seems to be a first step of submission, to listen. But this isn't just the "oh, I hear what you are saying," type of listening is it? This is the listening where You are really talking about both hearing and heeding You. We both hear the things that You have to say to us, and then we make them part of our actions. This is pretty clear from the parallel language of the Psalm - "If my people would only listen to me, if Israel would only follow my ways." The listening and the following are one in the same.
And when they are that is submission, right? The other large thing I notice about this verse is the theme of choice. "If" is a common word, and it implies that we can choose something other than You, and we often are. The verse that really drives this idea of choice home to me is, "Open wide your mouth and I will fill it." We have to choose to open our mouths. We must choose to follow. Hearing is not enough, hearing is not submission.
So it comes down to something that sounds simple. I must pay attention and hear You and when I do I must choose to heed what You say.
So what is that? What are You saying to me/us that I/we must choose to follow? I believe that the most powerful message I am hearing is that we should have no other thing before You, and that we should take that command seriously. What would I not be willing to give up for You?
This is the question to take with me for the day. Bring me back to it. And actually, I pray that it soaks into the whole community. I love my friends of Exodus, let us start climbing the hill to the cross with You.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Hear and Act
Texts:
- Psalms 105-108
- Luke 17-18
- John 1:15-51
- Matthew 4
- Luke 4-5
- John 2-4
Lord God, as we sat around last night, weighing big questions in our hearts and examining them through the lens of Scripture, an idea really began to emerge to me. An idea of salvation, a life lived in salvation, a life lived to bring salvation. But it is so big, like all good things coming from You, it is so vast that it is difficult for me to even wrap my arms around it. And now that I've begun thinking about it, I am seeing it in many places throughout Scripture.
The real pattern seems to be that You deliver us, place us into a community of health and truth, and at this point we "know that You are God." We know because we see that You know us. You have heard our individual cries and have acted accordingly. I look all across my life and see the number of times that You have heard and acted and it makes me stop and praise.
- I remember very vividly when I cried out to You in college regarding Courtney. She had broken up with me and I was devastated and lonely. Besides just crying out in pain, my final cry or request was that You would simply be the most important thing in my life, and under that structure that You could bring me out of my loneliness. The day I made that concession Courtney was on the phone with me, getting back together under this new priority set, and You had delivered me.
- I remember how You've acted and are acting in the lives of others, as I have been crying out for them. My uncle, my grandfather, my brother, my sister, my wife (and that is an amazing, recent story), and so many others.
Lord, You hear and act. They go together. They make up the root of knowledge. For me to truly know You I must hear and act. It is the proper response to all You have done for me. So let it be so today.
May I act in a way that lives out all I have heard through Your word. May You be an ever-present light showing me my vast wealth of opportunities. Blessed are You, Lord God of action, moving in response to our prayerful words. May we move in response to Your eternal word and the stirrings of Your Spirit within us. Amen.
- Psalms 105-108
- Luke 17-18
- John 1:15-51
- Matthew 4
- Luke 4-5
- John 2-4
Lord God, as we sat around last night, weighing big questions in our hearts and examining them through the lens of Scripture, an idea really began to emerge to me. An idea of salvation, a life lived in salvation, a life lived to bring salvation. But it is so big, like all good things coming from You, it is so vast that it is difficult for me to even wrap my arms around it. And now that I've begun thinking about it, I am seeing it in many places throughout Scripture.
The real pattern seems to be that You deliver us, place us into a community of health and truth, and at this point we "know that You are God." We know because we see that You know us. You have heard our individual cries and have acted accordingly. I look all across my life and see the number of times that You have heard and acted and it makes me stop and praise.
- I remember very vividly when I cried out to You in college regarding Courtney. She had broken up with me and I was devastated and lonely. Besides just crying out in pain, my final cry or request was that You would simply be the most important thing in my life, and under that structure that You could bring me out of my loneliness. The day I made that concession Courtney was on the phone with me, getting back together under this new priority set, and You had delivered me.
- I remember how You've acted and are acting in the lives of others, as I have been crying out for them. My uncle, my grandfather, my brother, my sister, my wife (and that is an amazing, recent story), and so many others.
Lord, You hear and act. They go together. They make up the root of knowledge. For me to truly know You I must hear and act. It is the proper response to all You have done for me. So let it be so today.
May I act in a way that lives out all I have heard through Your word. May You be an ever-present light showing me my vast wealth of opportunities. Blessed are You, Lord God of action, moving in response to our prayerful words. May we move in response to Your eternal word and the stirrings of Your Spirit within us. Amen.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Nearing the End
Lord, I only have three days left of not eating for You, and it seems that my ears have been closed off from You. The tiredness has not been a problem and I've even made time to sit, study and pursue during all the crazy basketball that's going on. I guess that I have been hearing rumblings from Your thunder, but they certainly have not been as consistent or grandiose as I had imagined going in to this.
Lord, I long to be near to You. At intermittent times throughout these forty days I have been. But my passion is to prolong this. I'll tell You my biggest problem though, it's life. This life that You want me to live for You is difficult, it makes it very hard to actually keep my attention on You. I want to separate walking through my day and walking with You. And I know that this is false. This separation of You and my life is not a reality in the spiritual realm, because I truly subscribe to the idea that everything is spiritual.
So how do I integrate You into my life, so it doesn't seem as though life is in my way? I remember my parents talking about something that helped change their view of You in life. The entire church did it when I was probably in middle school, it was God-sightings. Taking some specific time in each day to look back and say where I saw You throughout my life, but specifically in that day. It seems like a great idea, a way to be more thankful.
Whatever I do, the bottom line is that the knowledge of what I need to do and the doing, being, feeling, hearing, reality of it are not the same thing at all. I realize that as I look back through this blog, I've come to this same realization multiple times. I feel great about my new knowledge or the new task ahead of me...then nothing really comes of it.
Life changes in action. God moves. God rests. God moves. God rests. There is a rhythm to it all. I move in God. I rest in God. I move in God. I rest in God. There needs to be a rhythm to it all for me.
Worries kill rhythm, they knock me off beat. Let me bring them to You:
- I am worried about Exodus Community, I want us to walk in You but we face many questions ( small groups, denominations, time table, paperwork, etc.)
- I am worried about myself and the people that are close to me and our spiritual maturity, ability to deal with change, think in new ways, be challenged, be a community of TRUTH, deal with spiritual warfare realities, and hear from You.
- I am worried about what people from the outside of the group will think about Exodus Community.
- I am worried that our whole group is worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
- I am worried that I am worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
Lord, these thoughts fill my mind constantly, like breathing. I need release. Take them from me.
I will fill this Sabbath with Your praise, for You are worthy. Tomorrow, Lord, let me come back with a myriad of ways I've seen You work, that I've been delivered, and that I was called to take part by Your side. I will end this fast lifting You up to Your rightful place, resurrected and living in all life.
Lord, I long to be near to You. At intermittent times throughout these forty days I have been. But my passion is to prolong this. I'll tell You my biggest problem though, it's life. This life that You want me to live for You is difficult, it makes it very hard to actually keep my attention on You. I want to separate walking through my day and walking with You. And I know that this is false. This separation of You and my life is not a reality in the spiritual realm, because I truly subscribe to the idea that everything is spiritual.
So how do I integrate You into my life, so it doesn't seem as though life is in my way? I remember my parents talking about something that helped change their view of You in life. The entire church did it when I was probably in middle school, it was God-sightings. Taking some specific time in each day to look back and say where I saw You throughout my life, but specifically in that day. It seems like a great idea, a way to be more thankful.
Whatever I do, the bottom line is that the knowledge of what I need to do and the doing, being, feeling, hearing, reality of it are not the same thing at all. I realize that as I look back through this blog, I've come to this same realization multiple times. I feel great about my new knowledge or the new task ahead of me...then nothing really comes of it.
Life changes in action. God moves. God rests. God moves. God rests. There is a rhythm to it all. I move in God. I rest in God. I move in God. I rest in God. There needs to be a rhythm to it all for me.
Worries kill rhythm, they knock me off beat. Let me bring them to You:
- I am worried about Exodus Community, I want us to walk in You but we face many questions ( small groups, denominations, time table, paperwork, etc.)
- I am worried about myself and the people that are close to me and our spiritual maturity, ability to deal with change, think in new ways, be challenged, be a community of TRUTH, deal with spiritual warfare realities, and hear from You.
- I am worried about what people from the outside of the group will think about Exodus Community.
- I am worried that our whole group is worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
- I am worried that I am worried, concerned, stressed and not ever rejoicing in You.
Lord, these thoughts fill my mind constantly, like breathing. I need release. Take them from me.
I will fill this Sabbath with Your praise, for You are worthy. Tomorrow, Lord, let me come back with a myriad of ways I've seen You work, that I've been delivered, and that I was called to take part by Your side. I will end this fast lifting You up to Your rightful place, resurrected and living in all life.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Oh God, Where Are You Now?
Sustained time in Your presence is so elusive. I don't want to feel like I'm forever questioning You, forever falling away from You, forever losing touch with where You are, but sometimes I think that either You or I are moving way too fast for each other. I mean, maybe once or twice a day our thoughts entwine for several seconds, minutes if I'm lucky, and then I'm on my way or You pick up and move.
It's funny, those seconds of intersection keep me going, leep me struggling. Yet, somedays I just want to find You and know You without the enormous struggle that it is involved. Sometimes I think that despite Jesus, we're no closer to You than the priests who had to walk through all the purification rituals.
So is that really the problem with sustained presence? Would it really kill me like it could to the Old Testament priests? Be so overwhelming that I couldn't stand it? God one other thing that I've learned over the course of this forty days is how powerful and strong You really are. But my prayer is that I can see that power that is being used not necessarily to humble people, but for overwhelming good. There I hope that my community can join You and be on the forefront of seeing the power of God pouring out on the people, places and communities that need salvation. Salvation from poverty, terror, homelessness, whatever it is. I really want to be where You are, the center of Your will.
So where are You right now? How do I connect my heart to Yours? Can You open my ears to hear You more? Can I receive the privilege of action alongside of You? I sit with these questions this morning.
It's funny, those seconds of intersection keep me going, leep me struggling. Yet, somedays I just want to find You and know You without the enormous struggle that it is involved. Sometimes I think that despite Jesus, we're no closer to You than the priests who had to walk through all the purification rituals.
So is that really the problem with sustained presence? Would it really kill me like it could to the Old Testament priests? Be so overwhelming that I couldn't stand it? God one other thing that I've learned over the course of this forty days is how powerful and strong You really are. But my prayer is that I can see that power that is being used not necessarily to humble people, but for overwhelming good. There I hope that my community can join You and be on the forefront of seeing the power of God pouring out on the people, places and communities that need salvation. Salvation from poverty, terror, homelessness, whatever it is. I really want to be where You are, the center of Your will.
So where are You right now? How do I connect my heart to Yours? Can You open my ears to hear You more? Can I receive the privilege of action alongside of You? I sit with these questions this morning.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Drawn Thin, Drawn to You
If there's one thing I've learned over the course of the past twenty-five days, it is the importance of slowing down to find some time with You. I haven't always found that time, but when I have Lord, well, You've made it well worth my while. I'm still waiting for You to speak like You have in the past to me...but as I type that it seems that those times You've spoken to me in the past become grander and clearer as we walk them out in life. They weren't that clear when delivered were they?
I don't know why I'm so reflective this evening. Maybe because I'm so beat. But there is this glorious resignation in my soul. I am resigned to You. I am resigned to Your care. The heaviness of my eyes, the burning in my back, my slight headache from lack of sleep, my grumbling stomach from lack of food...much of this is because of You. And that's not an indictment, it's a praise. I feel very sleepily peaceful, despite the physical thinness of my being. I am finding joy in resting in You.
So as I fill with thankfulness, I just look back and remember the things You've done for me.
- working with me on fear-of-the-Lord, and that one awful, dreadful moment when I saw Your power
- helping me realize that each step of my life must be thankfulness embodied, for without You I don't step
- intriguing me with continual questions from Your Scriptures, working them around in my brain more non-stop than ever
- introducing me to the beauty of paradox, maybe one of my favorite faith lessons ever
My prayer for the rest of these forty days is that You hear our cry and act. You are the One who hears our crys. We move forward with Your church on our hearts, and our cry is to be in the center of Your will, as Bryan put it. Lord, hear that cry and act.
Secondly, allow us to do the same. You've taught me the beauty of reclining and relaxing close to You, in reverent fear and in love. Now, use these times of closeness to instruct me. Instruct me on the ways of the kingdom. Instruct me on Your will and how we can bring it here. Lord, allow us to hear and act as well. Replace our fear of the unknown with a simple fear of You, then move through that to our ears. Then let us move, for You.
Circular, You hear us and move toward us, we hear You and move toward You. Lord keep drawing the circle tighter, until we are One with You.
I don't know why I'm so reflective this evening. Maybe because I'm so beat. But there is this glorious resignation in my soul. I am resigned to You. I am resigned to Your care. The heaviness of my eyes, the burning in my back, my slight headache from lack of sleep, my grumbling stomach from lack of food...much of this is because of You. And that's not an indictment, it's a praise. I feel very sleepily peaceful, despite the physical thinness of my being. I am finding joy in resting in You.
So as I fill with thankfulness, I just look back and remember the things You've done for me.
- working with me on fear-of-the-Lord, and that one awful, dreadful moment when I saw Your power
- helping me realize that each step of my life must be thankfulness embodied, for without You I don't step
- intriguing me with continual questions from Your Scriptures, working them around in my brain more non-stop than ever
- introducing me to the beauty of paradox, maybe one of my favorite faith lessons ever
My prayer for the rest of these forty days is that You hear our cry and act. You are the One who hears our crys. We move forward with Your church on our hearts, and our cry is to be in the center of Your will, as Bryan put it. Lord, hear that cry and act.
Secondly, allow us to do the same. You've taught me the beauty of reclining and relaxing close to You, in reverent fear and in love. Now, use these times of closeness to instruct me. Instruct me on the ways of the kingdom. Instruct me on Your will and how we can bring it here. Lord, allow us to hear and act as well. Replace our fear of the unknown with a simple fear of You, then move through that to our ears. Then let us move, for You.
Circular, You hear us and move toward us, we hear You and move toward You. Lord keep drawing the circle tighter, until we are One with You.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Doing and Being
One of my biggest fears is not knowing what to do. I dread that feeling. And I am not talking spiritually here. It really scares me when I walk into new situations, when I talk to new people, when I reacquant with old people. That I won't know what to do or say.
And I get really angry when I'm forced into those situations where I don't know what to do. When Courtney asks me to call and find out why we were billed for more than the price of an appointment, or when I have to go file the home exemptions at the tax office, or talk to the insurance lady at work about adding some type of plan. All things I don't know much about and situations where I am not sure what to do. And am afraid that what I do will make me look stupid or uninformed.
Lord, I'm finding that You are not quite as concerned about what we do as to who we are. You are concerned about who we are being, not always what we are doing? This whole time I've been focusing on what it is that You want me to do, just look at my post on obedience, and not necessarily who You want me to be.
I have a sense now that what You really want from me now is just to BE with You. In that sense You will change who I am, and then my actions will flow out of that. The doing is not unimportant, it is simply an after-effect of the being. If I am the person seeking You I will find You. That I must trust.
So, time to shut up the blog for a while and just be with You. In rest, in relatioinship, in word, in intimacy. As a child as a bride. In obedience and in trust. Being with You will make me who You want me to be.
And I get really angry when I'm forced into those situations where I don't know what to do. When Courtney asks me to call and find out why we were billed for more than the price of an appointment, or when I have to go file the home exemptions at the tax office, or talk to the insurance lady at work about adding some type of plan. All things I don't know much about and situations where I am not sure what to do. And am afraid that what I do will make me look stupid or uninformed.
Lord, I'm finding that You are not quite as concerned about what we do as to who we are. You are concerned about who we are being, not always what we are doing? This whole time I've been focusing on what it is that You want me to do, just look at my post on obedience, and not necessarily who You want me to be.
I have a sense now that what You really want from me now is just to BE with You. In that sense You will change who I am, and then my actions will flow out of that. The doing is not unimportant, it is simply an after-effect of the being. If I am the person seeking You I will find You. That I must trust.
So, time to shut up the blog for a while and just be with You. In rest, in relatioinship, in word, in intimacy. As a child as a bride. In obedience and in trust. Being with You will make me who You want me to be.
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