A Theology of Waiting: Day Sixteen

Thank You first of all. Gideon was able to sleep through the night last night and that is awesome. I feel like I actually was able to get some shut eye without worrying whether Courtney was getting mad at me because she was having to rock him to sleep, and without having to rock him to sleep myself, or even feel bad about letting him "cry it out." SO thanks. That is a big prayer request that has been answered.

And thanks to for the beautiful snow. I really hope that it stays around throughout the Christmas season, and was kind of hoping that it would cause a delay for us this morning. But either way, I'm grateful for the beauty that just happens, that we have nothing to do with but that we get to enjoy.

I've been thinking and studying this week, as the last Advent Sunday approaches, about the topic of obedience. The best way that I can describe it so far is living, going about our business in a Godly manner, and then all the sudden Your presence falls all around us and we stand back and are amazed at the beauty. Like the snow that hangs on the tips of all of the trees.

So for me, that means, instead of focusing on how I need to wait, I actually need to focus on how I will obey. Certainly yesterday I left the topic of waiting a bit to talk about my anemic prayer life. So that is perhaps an area where further effort could be focused. Also, discipline in general could be an area of obedience. I certainly have "fallen off the wagon" since, I don't know, Thanksgiving or so. I can't really name why other than that I've just been super tired. But You are renewing me every day.

I would love to give more thought to this. And I'm going to. Today at school, I'm having my 7th grade students consider a "Rule of Life." It's a discipline plan of spiritual disciplines and how often they are going to use them. I'm going to sit down and make my plan. I'm then going to post it here, and then I will stick with it. Today, this is where my obedience will begin.

A Theology of Waiting: Day Two

Readings: Psalm 119:1-24, Isaiah 2:1-11

Yesterday, I came before You and searched the Scriptures to find that waiting begins with the cry and the act of repentance. Today the Scriptures are pointing to a very difficult piece of repentance that I struggle with, and I'll go out on a limb and say it's a piece that everyone struggles with. A huge part of repentance is obedience.

Repentance always seems really simple to me. My view on repentance has always been that it is about admitting our sins and feeling bad about them. It is about humbling ourselves before God's laws and God's presence. I've always thought, Lord, that I'm a fairly introspective person, and I don't mind admitting that I've done wrong. So many times I've come before you with admission of guilt.

But connecting the feeling of penance to actually changing the way I behave is much harder. I've tried all sorts of schemes, but it always seems that my self-control and my will power to live in accordance to Your word is not up to snuff with my ability to identify wrong. I know that I'm human, and I'll always be covered in sin, but the same things plague me day after day.

Repentance involves a turning away from things that take us away from You. Perhaps I should take up the chorus from Isaiah 2: "Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us his ways, so that we may walk in his paths."

One of the reasons I seek Your presence in daily life is because I need to be filled with knowledge and desire to walk in Your ways and not my own. Obedience is the next action step after reflection. I pray that You can truly be inspiring that change in me during this Advent season.

What I've learned so far about waiting...
Waiting = Cry + Repentance + Obedience

Sometimes

God, You are so good. Sometimes it is refreshing and interesting and downright exciting to read the Scripture and find all sorts of new things going on within it. Last night as we studied at Exodus, I was so invigorated by the study and all that we learned. I mean, we were able to look at the most boring, random, confusing passage of Scripture we've dealt with and were shown a beautiful side of You, the side of overwhelming grace. I am so thankful for that and the meeting last night.

Other times, I try to jump in and my brain is shot, or things don't jmp out to me or... I don't know. This morning seems to be one of "those" times, where I read about Noah getting into the ark and I'm like, "Uhh..." You have showed me some interesting things (the continual role of water in deliverance, or to be delivered from) but it doesn't seem to be as lifestyle impacting as I always hope for.

Maybe that's because I still need to be focus on the obedience part from last week, maybe You are not quite ready to move on. And I can deal with that. I just pray, whether I am learning new things today or that You will show me new things tomorrow, that I will be following You. Seems like a simple journal entry today, a reminder to myself and from You. But hey, if I've got to stay focused and obedient, I'll take simple.

Doing and Being

One of my biggest fears is not knowing what to do. I dread that feeling. And I am not talking spiritually here. It really scares me when I walk into new situations, when I talk to new people, when I reacquant with old people. That I won't know what to do or say.

And I get really angry when I'm forced into those situations where I don't know what to do. When Courtney asks me to call and find out why we were billed for more than the price of an appointment, or when I have to go file the home exemptions at the tax office, or talk to the insurance lady at work about adding some type of plan. All things I don't know much about and situations where I am not sure what to do. And am afraid that what I do will make me look stupid or uninformed.

Lord, I'm finding that You are not quite as concerned about what we do as to who we are. You are concerned about who we are being, not always what we are doing? This whole time I've been focusing on what it is that You want me to do, just look at my post on obedience, and not necessarily who You want me to be.

I have a sense now that what You really want from me now is just to BE with You. In that sense You will change who I am, and then my actions will flow out of that. The doing is not unimportant, it is simply an after-effect of the being. If I am the person seeking You I will find You. That I must trust.

So, time to shut up the blog for a while and just be with You. In rest, in relatioinship, in word, in intimacy. As a child as a bride. In obedience and in trust. Being with You will make me who You want me to be.

Obedience and Correction

Zephaniah 3:1-2 - Woe to the city of oppressors, rebellious and defiled! She obeys no one, she accepts no correction. She does not trust in the LORD, she does not draw near to her God.

Oppression, a topic that is definitely rolling around in my head during these forty days. It's scary to look at where oppression really starts, and yet, it makes total sense. Here in a very unread and unknown book to me, Lord, You have begun to unfold the dimensions of oppression and unjustice.

What I think I see in this verse is a progression. A progression that ends with an oppressor. And where does it all start... WITH A LACK OF LISTENING AND OBEYING. The one who opposes the reign of God begins with obeying no one, listening to no one's correction.

This really becomes significant when it is applied to my relationship with You. What reveals my trust in You? My obedience. If I believe that You are truly good, then I will do what You have asked of me, because I know that it is only for the benefit of Your plan. And if I don't obey what You've told me, where does that leave me? Well, I will not be able to draw near to You.

The progression of the oppressor is simple: lack of obedience, lack of correction, lack of trust in You, lack of Your felt presence.

My question becomes very simple then...what are You calling me to obey?