Ah, kabowd!

THURSDAY 2.28.08 - ISAIAH 6:1-5
I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: with two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory." At the sound of their voicesthe doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.

Kabowd is the Hebrew word for glory. Here in this passage, "the whole earth is full of his 'kabowd'." We've studied it in Exodus and I also heard a Mars Hill sermon concerning it. It's a really cool word because it's root word, where the meaning developed from, is the idea of weight or heaviness. When we taught about it in Exodus Community we entitled the sermon "God is Heavy."

But, Lord, I always forget these things. Who knows why, the humanity that hangs on me I suppose. Which is a good thing because it reminds me that I am not You. But I was struck today as I read just at the whole earth being filled with Your weight and heaviness, Your glory. The whole earth? There are certainly times when I feel that. When I lay down in the grass in the summer and look at the simple, amazing, repetitive structure of the blades of grass. When I look out the window today and see the streets lined with trees that are lined with snow. I see Your glory in Your beautiful creation many of times. It always makes me want to keep it, use my camera and capture the glory but somehow I know that though the picture might capture the scene, the weight only accompanies the real thing.

I am interested today also in Isaiah's reaction to the weight. "Woe to me!" How often my reaction is not woe. My reaction is like I said before, how can I capture this and bring it out when I want this feeling? How can I learn to make Your weight and glory appear when I'm in the need of awe? Instead of woe, I often want to control. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips..." The glory drives Isaiah to confession, to realization of who he really is in comparison to You.

As I write about weight, I don't necessarily feel Your glory pressing down on me at this very moment. But...I can recognize my place far beneath and vastly unworthy of You. Some things I have realized in the past week...

- I am incapable of changing people. I can be Your agent but it is only through Your undying work and their acceptance of that that people can be changed. I think of Kelly as an example. I can meet her needs when she calls, but it will be through Your presence that she becomes whole. I praise You for that, for I would fail!

- I am incapable of being clean. In this most intense time of spiritual seeking, I continually deal with the same continual sins. I am full to the brim at times with lust, greed, wickedness of all kinds, just like the Pharisees were. I desire to be different than them though, because I recognize that You are the one who can clean my cup and forgive. Please do so because as is, I am unworthy of Your presence.

- I am incapable of incesscent work. This may seem like a stupid comparison, but You work around the clock, around the week, all the time. You are listening, working, probing, forgiving and all else that You do all the time. I am overwhelmed in the 16-18 hours that I spend awake everyday and spend a good portion of those hours (4-5) just resting and a-musing (not thinking). I don't know that this is all bad, but it is certainly not like You.

You are the God who is in control, the one of limitless kabowd. And it fills the earth around me. Help me not to forget my place in who You are and what You are doing, let me be faithful, but let me always have Isaiah's repentence on my lips as a reaction to Your glory.

The Back of Your Glory

and other random thoughts...

So Lord, this past week Courtney and I have been working through a devotional book together and one of the readings was about Moses asking to see Your glory. We've recently taught about this in Exodus Community, and it's a passage I've become familiar with. It's was interesting how looking at it through lectio divina changed it.

Well, not really changed it, just gave me a concrete example as to where it happens in my life and the lives of others around me.

I can't tell you how wow'ed (I know that's not a word, oh well) I am about what happened for Bryan. The whole timing, especially since it coinciding with so much thought about waiting for both him, I, and the community. Waiting, meaning searching for You and asking You what opportunities fit us best, relying on You to help bring us into a place of fullness. As I watched the process with Bryan unfold, there was just really beginning to be a sense of desperation about the whole job search. Bryan was getting frustrated about just being at home. Money was getting tight. School was seeming like a fruitless option. But then...

You break through and bless. At the perfect time You made a way for Bryan, a way for him to have all his needs fulfilled. The whole time Bryan was searching both him and I were wondering where You were, why You didn't show up and show yourself and then there You were, providing.

I think that is a perfect example of us seeing the back of Your glory. You didn't allow us to see the glorious way You wove circumstances together for the best. That would have been overwhelming to us I think, because there were probably so many different aspects involved in arriving at this place of provision for Bryan. It's like You had Your hand over our eyes while You did all the glorious work, and then as You finish You walk by and say: "Here's what I've provided!"

It's amazing, it makes us giddy, and it's just the back of Your glory.