Joy

I used to be a big-time optimist. I still am, but things have been muted through the years of dealing with the ups and downs of life. I tend to look on the bright side, but I certainly go through periods of life where I just get tired and exhausted of being the one with hope. And sometimes, I think when I'm stressed and without hope, I'm probably a bit more trying to be around.

Recently, another member of our church had a miscarriage. Now, I know these are "fairly" common, but I have been having a hard time being close to You when I know this has happened. Despite teaching my 7th graders yesterday that God doesn't make bad things happen, that instead You simply come in and make as much good from the chaos as possible, I still have a hard time believing that at times myself. So, I've been a bit morose lately.

This might seem like a weird way to start a post that entitled joy, but last night before I went to bed, I realized that what these situations have taken away from me isn't necessarily my hope and optimism, it is the joy with which I used to deal with things. Life is going to be difficult at times, but so much better to face the voids and mistreatments with joyful hope rather than exhausted, acknowledge-hope-with-my-lips-and-not-my-attitude-or-actions hope.

So, I wrote the word joy on a piece of paper I have in my room for writing down ideas that come to me while I'm trying to sleep, so I don't forget them the next morning. And then I smiled and went to sleep. This morning, as I came out to the living room to talk to You, I'm humming and singing a song (I don't think it is a real song!) that I just woke up singing.

"Joy! Joy! Welling up in my heart..."

You work fast Lord, so very fast. When I finally find what to ask for, You do not delay but You provide. Thank You, thank You, thank You. Continue to give me hope and joy welling up in my heart!