Fear-of-the-Lord

So Lord, I'm down to this very simple fact today. There is a lot inside of me that needs to be fixed, and it will only be fixed by laying it down at Your feet. I know that, but I have yet to feel that.

I continue reading the next passage in Luke after the one that I wrote about yesterday and it is very clear that Jesus is pointing out that the experts in the law lack fear-of-the-Lord. Jesus instructs his disciples to look out for the yeast of the Pharisees, that they should be sure to fear the One who controls both death and life. This is fear-of-the-Lord fear, a reverence, a respect, an awe.

Right now, for whatever reason, that is what I am lacking. An awe of the Lord, a reverence. For some reason, I am bringing You down to my level. Maybe it's all this trying to understand You, maybe its in my trying to draw close to You, maybe I need to step away for a second and let You come and get me. And obviously, cognitively You can see that I understand my need for fear. But for whatever reason I am hard-hearted and cold. Here I am admitting it but yet feeling in my gut that it won't change.

Change it. Bring me into awesome fear and reverence for You. Lord, hear me and act.

Wait no... I'm really scared as I write this. The One who controls both life and death. I do not deserve to challenge You. Standing up against You, I suddenly realize the awesome power that You have. Act favorably one my behalf Lord. Oh do not crush me! The power that is in that act. The weight. The glory.

I take it back. Change me, give me the reverence, but hide me in the cleft of the rock with Your hand. Your glory will crush me if You act. Please, act as You will and give me the reverence to know that is the only way it can be if I want to live.