Doing and Being

One of my biggest fears is not knowing what to do. I dread that feeling. And I am not talking spiritually here. It really scares me when I walk into new situations, when I talk to new people, when I reacquant with old people. That I won't know what to do or say.

And I get really angry when I'm forced into those situations where I don't know what to do. When Courtney asks me to call and find out why we were billed for more than the price of an appointment, or when I have to go file the home exemptions at the tax office, or talk to the insurance lady at work about adding some type of plan. All things I don't know much about and situations where I am not sure what to do. And am afraid that what I do will make me look stupid or uninformed.

Lord, I'm finding that You are not quite as concerned about what we do as to who we are. You are concerned about who we are being, not always what we are doing? This whole time I've been focusing on what it is that You want me to do, just look at my post on obedience, and not necessarily who You want me to be.

I have a sense now that what You really want from me now is just to BE with You. In that sense You will change who I am, and then my actions will flow out of that. The doing is not unimportant, it is simply an after-effect of the being. If I am the person seeking You I will find You. That I must trust.

So, time to shut up the blog for a while and just be with You. In rest, in relatioinship, in word, in intimacy. As a child as a bride. In obedience and in trust. Being with You will make me who You want me to be.