Lord, I woke up this morning singing a song to You. There is a hope in my heart right now that I have not felt for a little while. Maybe it is because tennis season is nearing its close. Maybe its because You are showing Yourself to be very good right now in my life. Maybe its because I've been back in the Scriptures, feeling closer to the God of hope.
It's not as if I was despairing before. Its just that I'd lost a bit of my regular optimism. That's easy to have happen when You watch a lot of things that are important to You (tennis matches) not go the way You wanted them to. Its only even now as I type that that I realize how big of a deal tennis is to me. And why not? I get a lot of validation for the work that I do with the students. Probably more validation than any other thing that I do. Hence, I feel like it is the part of my life that I handle the best. Probably the part then that I leave You out of the most, therefore the disconnection that I've felt with You during the season.
A long time ago I wrote about giving up the good. How do I give up the good in tennis? Do You know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to quit (although, I guess if that were the only way I'd have to do some serious thinking about it). Is there another way to give up the good? To give You the credit maybe?
Well, that's something I'll continue to ponder probably. I still want the tennis season to end well. Probably my deepest desire for the end of this season is that we'd walk away with a win in Sectional. I'd even take a first round win but of course I think would could compete for the whole darn title. I've felt myself recently wanting to do "spiritual" things so maybe You'd repay me by letting the team do well at Sectional. Its funny because before the season I wrote a devotional for the team talking about how that isn't the way that You necessarily work, that we shouldn't expect it. But I want to expect it. I want You to act like that. I want You to help us win the Sectional.
Is that ridiculous? I don't know. I don't want it to be my motivation, and slowing it's becoming not the case. But it's always there in the back of my mind.
The song that I woke with this morning was "Everlasting God." I used to not like this song when we sang it at River Oaks, but after doing more study on waiting, and singing with the Exodus Community, I'm beginning to love it. "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord." I am waiting this morning for You. I have a lot of things on my plate for the next several weeks, between Sectionals, baby showers, pastor's retreats, and simply being the leader You've called me to. I'm going to need strength. Let it rise, let me feel Your breath through the physical things I do today - teaching, coaching, being a husband. Continue to breathe in me the hope that delivers and leads us into a place of strength.
"Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our strong Deliverer!"
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