This week was a week where I was determined to get things right. Things between You and me. Things with my church. Really get back into a full fledged relationship with You, spend more time communicating with You, turn my thoughts to You throughout my day. Really bring some heaven to my day on a regular basis.
What I'm increasingly finding is that I have to get away from my "earth" in order to experience "heaven," and that's not what I really want at all. In other words, they only times I ever think of You are when I'm removed from the situations of my life. When I'm teaching (even though it's the Bible!) I have difficulty focusing on Your way, on Your person, on following You. And so since I can't focus, I don't always naturally respond like I should. And so increasingly I'm finding that I'm not becoming the person God wants me to be (or at least not as fast as I think that I should).
And so I've tried to start the new year with attention. But the series of events that I am facing right now is making attention so hard, basically because they are sapping my energy, making me sleepy tired and then cranky, forgetful, selfish and angry. When Gideon won't sleep I don't get to sleep. This is the third night in a row that he's been up in the middle of the night. He cries and we can't do anything about it. He was up for more than an hour tonight, but 2:30 last night and a couple hours the night before that. It's draining to not get the amount of sleep that you plan for.
Also at the beginning of this week our shower has been out of commission while it is remodeled. So I've been having to shower at the school, which means giving myself more time in the morning to get there, shower, go pick up Clifton, and then get back to the school. Which again means... less sleep.
Oh, and the kicker to my stress levels? J-term. I'm teaching one class - all day - with no prep periods. None. I have a break for lunch and 15 minutes when the students get some snacks, but otherwise, no breaks. And during those breaks I have to grade or I fall woefully behind. So it is a solid day of grading and being with students, which is fine (I enjoy the teaching and conversation) but exhausting.
So how do I deal with all these things, while living as You would intend? How do I have the attention levels, the energy it takes to have those levels, when at times during the day I don't feel I have the energy to continue to stand up?
So today's devotional thought is a question. Will You be my strength? I've always wanted to declare, "The Lord is my strength and my song / He has become my salvation." Right now, this would be a time where You could give me cause.
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