Living with It

Ephesians 1-3

I'm amazed at how quickly you have to move through Paul's letters if you are trying to read through the Bible in a year. In other words, I have to read three chapters at least per day. But the thing is, that doesn't really give me enough time to understand what is really going on. Paul is really quite difficult to understand. Some days I really like this, it makes Paul seem like a real human, working through things and figuring out what it means to be a follower of Christ. Other days, like today, this drives me nuts, because I'm too tired to follow the meandering logic and complicated sentences. And by tired I mean because it's 5:00 in the morning, and I'm still feeling like I should be laying next to my wife.

You know, yesterday morning, I was thinking after we had some time together about the purposes of this time. I was thinking if I always learned something new to do during this time with You, I was going to end up with 365 new things to do by the end of a year. Which is not sustainable. So, what is this time really for? And I thought, while I read Scripture and try to apply it, this time is probably just as much about relationship with God as it is breaking down Scripture. In fact, because I don't bring commentaries or anything to this time, just me, it's probably more about relationship right there. Even the insights that I glean from Scripture are often of a personal nature.

Right now, in my life, I think I have a tendency to still compartmentalize You. (I'm kind of leaving Ephesians for now, don't know if I'll get back or not). It's funny, because one of my critiques of modern Christianity is our ability, not a good ability, to leave God in church and live in the world according to our own desires. But despite my own critique, I've noticed lately that I've been seeking You with a large part of the seeking being about how to run and lead my church.

But then, I notice things. A couple of weeks ago, a car was broken down on the side of the road. I didn't even see it, kind of glanced at it after I passed, and I wasn't sure whether they were broken down, pulled over talking, in a wreck, whatever. It didn't really even cross my mind to go back. But then my brother called. He too had been driving the same road and seen the car, and he had stopped to see what was the matter. Why didn't I even think of stopping? Where is my tendency for deliverance in normal life?

Or when I'm talking to people at school or those I don't know very well. I'm always looking for an out in the conversation. I don't really like to talk to people. I know, I know, that has somewhat to do with personality, and I know, I know, I can't make excuses. But like Paul is talking about unity in Christ in Ephesians here, and I know that it is hard for me to find these kind of unifying things with other believers because I'm not real comfortable talking to people. So, where is my tendency for community with others during the course of the week?

And am I looking for knowledge of God, and reordering in my daily life? No. And am I experiencing the shalom of God? No. I've known that for a couple months, but I keep living as if everything is okay. I don't talk to anyone about it really because I know that it is not "catastrophic" bad, just "annoying" bad.

So, I wonder if I can live to D.C.K.L. beyond Sundays? When it really impedes on my personal life? When it is outside the reach of Exodus Community?

Lord, speak to me. Amen.