Toss and Turn Until Dawn

Job 7-8

What appropriate verses these were! They would have been even more amazingly accurate last night, but, still...

"When I lie down I think, 'How long before I get up?' The night drags on, and I toss and turn until dawn."

The first two nights of this week I have had so much trouble sleeping, and this has been exactly my problem. I'm worried about the day, my lesson plans, not being prepared for the students when they come, and so I toss and turn and lose myself in thought about what I'm going to do. It wasn't a fun couple of days, I even had to end up sleeping on the couch, which was a bummer because I like waking up next to my sweet wife.

This making an effort to be with You in the morning, before my day really begins, it's taking a toll on me. It is difficult to get up every morning with short hours of sleep, to leave my wife lying in bed still, to know that almost everyone that I know is still in bed, to know that almost everyone I know thinks I'm crazy for getting up so early. To know that the only thing standing between me and sleep is this time with You. Sometimes, that can make me bitter and complainy like Job.

Truth is, I enjoy the sacrifice. When I have the rest of my life in order, school work is ready, the teaching is prepared, and I'm not procrastinating about something, when that is all true I love these mornings. I usually sleep well before them and then don't mind rising to speak with You (and hopefully have You speak to me). When I'm stressed in other areas, when I let fear overtake me, then that is when I toss and turn and am more tired and then resent these times. Truth be told, You are completely reliable, something that never changes and never disappoints when I am free from fear and worry.

I was on one of the websites I follow daily about college basketball yesterday. The guy just lost his job with ESPN and has been getting many emails from followers of his blog saying, "Don't give up." And so he wrote a response about how he keeps himself from ever giving up. Whenever he feels that temptation to pack it all in, he says to himself, "Don't be afraid."

I could use that. I don't know the religious views of this blogger, but because of You I know I can say that. If fact, that is a major theme of the gospel, "Rejoice, for I have overcome the world." So when I toss and turn, let me remember. When I am angry about getting up, let me remember. When I am tired and dread the onslaught of students into my classroom, let me remember. A simple phrase, "Don't be afraid." Let that be a prayer, that you will continually make me strong and courageous.