A Journey from Hopelessness to Joy

TUESDAY 3.11.08 – JOHN 13:15–17
I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

I'm going to take a break today from commenting on the Lent readings. They've been very formational throughout my fast this year, but today other things are on my mind.

Basically, in my continual struggle through this fast, my eyes have left You my Lord. It happens in cyclical fashion throughout my life, and it's not something I'm panicking over like many times recorded in this blog. It's almost simply a fact, and I feel a conviction to focus back on You and what You are doing in this world.

I notice two specific things that often cause me to either look at myself or lose my joy and hope. Both have happened recently to me.

Number One: Losing Joy and Hope

I certainly have lost some of Your Spirit of joy and hope. To make a really easy observation, this happens when I feel overwhelmed and as if You are not answering a prayer of mine that is good. Instead of just being general, let me give You an example.

This past week I was feeling very joyful and hopeful until we had our teaching meeting on Thursday night. Actually, during and after the teaching meeting I was really pleased and hopeful about the things we were pursuing and may be able to get done. We talked about justice and injustice and how one of the callings of every church and every Christian is to bring justice to situations of injustice. Convinced of this, we began to ask where Exodus can become involved in injustice. We had a hard time coming up with concrete ideas. So we said we'd search this week and went our own ways. We also said we'd pray.

So we have, I have, and almost a week from that...well, I almost typed in here that I've had no ideas. But that's not true, I had one brilliant idea. It's scary and big, but it was a great idea and it came during my one true time of extended prayer specifically about this topic. You see, I was fully intending to rant here in this post that it seems like You're not answering me. In honesty, You did, but it looked nothing like what I expected. So I've continued to look for something like I expected, and perhaps that won't be there until we've taken care of what You did give us a vision for. Honestly, all of this came to me while I was typing here.

Isn't it odd how we completely miss the blessing You give us, and then complain that You are not giving us any attention. But certainly, I had felt hopeless these past couple of days because I felt like I'd been praying for a place for Exodus to fight injustice and You've just been ignoring me, opening no doors, providing no opportunities. And I've felt like I have done my part, searching the Internet, looking for places that want more than money, looking for something that would grab our hearts.

And that caused a hopelessness and sucking out of my joy. But as I realize the blessing of answered prayer, the fact that I really am not paying attention and listening to what You say, my hope is returning. It makes me very joyful to learn that the problem is with me, and not with You. When You are supposed to be perfect, and it feels like there is a problem with You, well, You can see how that leads to a lack of joy. But when You who are all good are proved to be all good, well, You can see why joy returns.

Number Two: Looking at Myself

Sin. Yuck. When I get that feeling of hopelessness, warranted or not, and frustration with You, that's when sin is the most easily active in my life. It makes total sense, I resist temptation in obedience to You, because I believe that it is true that my best life is free of the things You say are sinful. But when I'm mad at You I don't have as much ambition to obey.

That's totally happened to me this week and past weekend. My will becomes so weak in times of hopelessness. It hasn't even been that bad, but it has been there. In the way I treat my wife, I have been selfish and sinned. In the things that I let my eyes linger on, I have been selfish and sinned. In my treatment of students, I have been weary and sinned.

But remembrance, remembrance is the key to obedience. As pointed out in the Abraham story, building the altars to remember what the Lord had done for him. I don't know why I always forget this important part of the Biblical narrative. What You have done for me is great! And recent, and relevant even to my frustration and struggle. You had answered my prayer, giving a way for the community to thoughtfully and worshipfully engage in each other's injustices. And it's an inspired idea, because it came from a time of prayer with You.

Joyful, joyful we adore Thee! For the things that You've done that we recognize: the cross, giving us Your Spirit, rising again, giving life, light and provision. For the things that You've done that we don't see: answering our prayers in unexpected fashion, walking with us through our frustration. Please help us to see this. And finally, we adore Thee for Your numerous blessings: my son's goofy giggle, my wife's arm thrown around my shoulders at night, my possible job change, my tennis team and our journey, my friends at Exodus, the transformation of lives...the glory of the LORD!

Let me walk in Your ways today Lord. Amen.