Not Always Finding

Lord, everyday as I sit to read the Scriptures I hope that You jump out of them straight into an application, something that moves my everyday life. It's happened so often, or You've connected ideas right in front of my eyes, or You've helped me see a situation in a new way. Well...

It doesn't always happen. There I said it. It's a frustrating reality, and I'm not sure how it fits in to faith. We had a great discussion at Sparky last night about our new ideas in forming a biblical community, our Exodus Community. I'm really excited about getting things about and moving. I'm excited to begin new relationships, meet people with different viewpoints but who mostly want to move in the same direction, towards You. I'm exciting about making my pillow (though I must think of a creative design).

This morning I really wanted to find some overarching theme that would just continue to build these thoughts and dreams and instead I read about Lazarus being raised from the dead. It seems strange to complain about reading a story of a resurrection, but it just felt, well, still dead. Even if it had captured me, I'm not sure it would have led me to immediately see how You are working in my life right now.

I have really appreciated the focus that I've already found in eleven days of searching. I've been proud to take the time to focus on You early in the morning. Maybe the times where I don't find immediate focus are to challenge me to think about You throughout the day, maybe they are because I'm doing something wrong in seeking You, maybe because You don't immediately want me to find You. I don't know. I just kwow that there are times when I am not always finding.