I really love the Lenten season. Growing up, our church always celebrated Easter in a big way, cantatas and so on, but I never got the lead up that was Lent. Or maybe I just don't remember it. But the penitence and confession and emptying out that happens during these seven weeks is so valuable.
What is driving me nuts this morning is that I don't get to sit and really take it in. I have to head off to a teacher's meeting in about 5-10 min. That doesn't really give me time to process You. And despite all my attempts over the past several months, I still haven't really figured out how to turn my every day work (Bible teaching, for goodness sake!) into a way to cultivate our relationship. It's like a switch gets turned, and I am just going through the routine of the school day.
For Lent, I am going to try to empty myself out to make room for You. We'll see what type of things I need to get rid of, so that I can be filled by You. Speak to me about this, show me when I can be attentive to You.
As I'm making room for You, please take those times to shape me into Your likeness. I've been contemplating the maturity process described in 2 Peter 1:5-8 a lot recently...
"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love."
How am I maturing in my life and in my Christ-likeness. I have faith. I think that for the most part I am concerned with the good. I am always hungry for knowledge. Do I have self-control? And if I do, I know that I need perseverance.
Several years ago, I fasted with the goal of gaining self-control. I'm not sure that I ever really learned the lesson of actually controlling my desires. But whether I did or not, I know that I don't persevere very well. About a month ago, I wrote on the tennis blog how I have to be affirm to continue to do the right thing, and if no one is telling me I'm doing a good job, and the success of whatever it is isn't evident... well, then I quit. That doesn't sound like perseverance.
So, this Lent is going to be a good one. I am going to praise You. I am looking to add to my knowledge self-control, and maybe to my self-control add perseverance. I know that the situation at Exodus, the weight of the community, always requires that. Let me be a leader who follows You in all that is good.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The Nature of God
is to provide.
In my small worries, all has been provided. And my day has turned out great. In an attempt to continually recognize You more, I just wanted to say a short thank You.
Thank You!
In my small worries, all has been provided. And my day has turned out great. In an attempt to continually recognize You more, I just wanted to say a short thank You.
Thank You!
The Nature of Satan
Yesterday I wrote about worry.
Last night and today I have been besieged by things I could worry about.
It seems to me, that it is the nature of evil to overwhelm you with the very thing you've just been so excited about learning. For me, the worries are not even anything major. I have a chapel to present, too many papers left to grade, Spiritual Life Week to plan, and lessons to prepare for Pastor's Day (which is today).
I pray today Lord, that Your presence will be real to me throughout these things. More than success in every area, I want You to know that it is You I value. I value our relationship. I will continue to think about it.
So instead of succumbing to the temptation to worry, I want to proclaim all glory and honor and attention to You.
Last night and today I have been besieged by things I could worry about.
It seems to me, that it is the nature of evil to overwhelm you with the very thing you've just been so excited about learning. For me, the worries are not even anything major. I have a chapel to present, too many papers left to grade, Spiritual Life Week to plan, and lessons to prepare for Pastor's Day (which is today).
I pray today Lord, that Your presence will be real to me throughout these things. More than success in every area, I want You to know that it is You I value. I value our relationship. I will continue to think about it.
So instead of succumbing to the temptation to worry, I want to proclaim all glory and honor and attention to You.
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Nature of Worry
1 Samuel
As I read the pages of 1 Samuel, I see David and Saul in this continual dance of distrust, unease, fear and worry. But the one who really seems to worry and be confused is Saul. He fears that David is trying to take the kingdom from him, he fears that David will in fact rebel and kill him, though David twice shows that he is unwilling to take the king's life.
In short, Saul worries over irrational fears. And those irrational fears fly in the face of his actual experience, but what drives them anyways is his self interest, his desire and obsession of holding onto "what is his."
Isn't that true of my worries too, Lord? Most damaging worry is motivated by self-interest. I worry about not having my obligations completed, I worry about looking like a fool when I lead a networking session at the conference, I worry about having a terrible sermon because of how it might make me look, I worry about how many people come to church because it might make me look like a failure... but many of these things are irrational. I'm trying to make myself look better. But do any of them affect who I am as a person?
If my networking session had been boring, would I be less of a teacher? If my sermons are choppy and no one likes them, am I being less than faithful to You? If no one comes to church, am I really a failure for stepping out and doing what I believe You called me to?
Instead of worry, perhaps my response should be responsibility to my ability. If I am worried about something, perhaps I should take a deep breath and say, "What is my responsibility in this issue, and am I doing that to the best of my ability?" Any other question, any other thought will probably lead to fear and worry. These questions can lead to trusting You and finding an answer.
If Saul had asked these questions about David, he would have found that his responsibility was to fairly rule the kingdom and lead the people toward You, and could have focused in on that. But instead he went about chasing David, who was never threatening him in the first place.
Don't let me chase my fears Lord, but let me be focused on my responsibilities.
As I read the pages of 1 Samuel, I see David and Saul in this continual dance of distrust, unease, fear and worry. But the one who really seems to worry and be confused is Saul. He fears that David is trying to take the kingdom from him, he fears that David will in fact rebel and kill him, though David twice shows that he is unwilling to take the king's life.
In short, Saul worries over irrational fears. And those irrational fears fly in the face of his actual experience, but what drives them anyways is his self interest, his desire and obsession of holding onto "what is his."
Isn't that true of my worries too, Lord? Most damaging worry is motivated by self-interest. I worry about not having my obligations completed, I worry about looking like a fool when I lead a networking session at the conference, I worry about having a terrible sermon because of how it might make me look, I worry about how many people come to church because it might make me look like a failure... but many of these things are irrational. I'm trying to make myself look better. But do any of them affect who I am as a person?
If my networking session had been boring, would I be less of a teacher? If my sermons are choppy and no one likes them, am I being less than faithful to You? If no one comes to church, am I really a failure for stepping out and doing what I believe You called me to?
Instead of worry, perhaps my response should be responsibility to my ability. If I am worried about something, perhaps I should take a deep breath and say, "What is my responsibility in this issue, and am I doing that to the best of my ability?" Any other question, any other thought will probably lead to fear and worry. These questions can lead to trusting You and finding an answer.
If Saul had asked these questions about David, he would have found that his responsibility was to fairly rule the kingdom and lead the people toward You, and could have focused in on that. But instead he went about chasing David, who was never threatening him in the first place.
Don't let me chase my fears Lord, but let me be focused on my responsibilities.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Scattered About
Lord God,
Since the new year has started, I've been trying to get my heart into my devotional time more and more. And one of the ways that I've felt like You would speak to me is if I let You guide my devotional time. And so I haven't forced very much structure on my time. I've been loosely reading through the Bible, studying the book of Luke, reading the Psalms, reading "Practicing the Presence of God" by Brother Lawrence, typing up prayers and so on and on. But I don't have a structure to my time.
I have had some awesome times of revelation and knowledge during the first month of 2010. Our devotional time at the Exodus retreat was amazing and refreshing. The way that You spoke, the prayers that You gave me, the clarity that I had moving forward. Their have also been great times of study, wonderful insights, and good books that I've read (I'm really happy to be into one of the classic devotional pieces in Brother Lawrence's book!)
But what has been difficult for me over the past year or so is contemplation.
Talking with Bryan yesterday about "Dark Night of the Soul," I realized that St. John of the Cross had it so right when he said that we often enter our devotional time looking for something from You. We want to come away with something new, and so we end up treating our relational time as a consumer. I'm putting in my time now give me what I deserve. But it is supposed to be a relational time.
I guess, to compare it to my marriage, there are times when my wife and I sit down and talk about Gideon, joys or pains in our marriage, practical decisions that have to be made, things like that. When I walk away from those conversations, I feel like something has been accomplished, some decisions have been made. It feels good. It feels like progress. It gives me some direction.
But then there are times when we sit and don't talk, but instead just hold hands and I can watch the snow fall outside. Or times when we snuggle up in bed and rest on a Saturday afternoon during Gideon's nap time. Nothing gets done, but our marriage gets closer.
It's those second kind of times that I don't seem to have the patience for in our relationship Lord. I can't seem to slow myself down for something like that.
And that's where I think structure would maybe help. I'm so scattered about in trying to figure out how to connect with You, that often remains my focus. If there was some structure to my struggling, well... at least that is what I was thinking. I was reading Scott Cairns, "The End of Suffering," last night and he was speaking of his time spent with the monks of Mount Athos in Greece. There he learned to pray the hours, and other prayer rituals meant to help one pray ceaselessly. I longed for that type of structure. I long for prayer to become more real and ceaseless in my life, and thus deepen my relational tie to You.
And I feel a sudden answer to that, ringing clear from Cairns book and from You. I was going to finish my post with the last paragraph, asking You about structure, but I hear a clear sentiment. It fits well with my "Year of Joseph" theme as well - Step Forth and Love Others - and so I think it may be a true leading from You.
If I long for prayer to be real and ceaseless, if I long for structure and intimacy - I must be truly concerned in the suffering of others.
Since the new year has started, I've been trying to get my heart into my devotional time more and more. And one of the ways that I've felt like You would speak to me is if I let You guide my devotional time. And so I haven't forced very much structure on my time. I've been loosely reading through the Bible, studying the book of Luke, reading the Psalms, reading "Practicing the Presence of God" by Brother Lawrence, typing up prayers and so on and on. But I don't have a structure to my time.
I have had some awesome times of revelation and knowledge during the first month of 2010. Our devotional time at the Exodus retreat was amazing and refreshing. The way that You spoke, the prayers that You gave me, the clarity that I had moving forward. Their have also been great times of study, wonderful insights, and good books that I've read (I'm really happy to be into one of the classic devotional pieces in Brother Lawrence's book!)
But what has been difficult for me over the past year or so is contemplation.
Talking with Bryan yesterday about "Dark Night of the Soul," I realized that St. John of the Cross had it so right when he said that we often enter our devotional time looking for something from You. We want to come away with something new, and so we end up treating our relational time as a consumer. I'm putting in my time now give me what I deserve. But it is supposed to be a relational time.
I guess, to compare it to my marriage, there are times when my wife and I sit down and talk about Gideon, joys or pains in our marriage, practical decisions that have to be made, things like that. When I walk away from those conversations, I feel like something has been accomplished, some decisions have been made. It feels good. It feels like progress. It gives me some direction.
But then there are times when we sit and don't talk, but instead just hold hands and I can watch the snow fall outside. Or times when we snuggle up in bed and rest on a Saturday afternoon during Gideon's nap time. Nothing gets done, but our marriage gets closer.
It's those second kind of times that I don't seem to have the patience for in our relationship Lord. I can't seem to slow myself down for something like that.
And that's where I think structure would maybe help. I'm so scattered about in trying to figure out how to connect with You, that often remains my focus. If there was some structure to my struggling, well... at least that is what I was thinking. I was reading Scott Cairns, "The End of Suffering," last night and he was speaking of his time spent with the monks of Mount Athos in Greece. There he learned to pray the hours, and other prayer rituals meant to help one pray ceaselessly. I longed for that type of structure. I long for prayer to become more real and ceaseless in my life, and thus deepen my relational tie to You.
And I feel a sudden answer to that, ringing clear from Cairns book and from You. I was going to finish my post with the last paragraph, asking You about structure, but I hear a clear sentiment. It fits well with my "Year of Joseph" theme as well - Step Forth and Love Others - and so I think it may be a true leading from You.
If I long for prayer to be real and ceaseless, if I long for structure and intimacy - I must be truly concerned in the suffering of others.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
When Success Comes...
I've been studying a lot in Luke lately. I just taught the book to my seventh grade class last semester and we've been going through it section by section, verse by verse at Exodus. So I am preparing for Sunday's sermon and reading the account of Jesus' interaction with a leper in Luke 5.
The account is exactly what I would expect from You. You came into a city, met someone in need of deliverance, and released them from the situation that was holding them back from wholeness. In this case, it is the man's skin disease. There are some remarkable intricacies to this story, some depth that we'll get into on Sunday, but I am struck today by the end of this passage.
After You healed the man, the crowds were over the top about You and Your ministry. Your miracles, Your bold teachings, the authority that You had (nice advantage, being God and man :-), but all of these things were impressing the people. And they wanted on board. So they began to follow and the crowds became larger. You were so successful!
I find, in my times of success, two things happen to me. First of all, I become very busy. There are many people who want to talk to me, many things that I have to do to keep the success going, many people I want to see me because I want them to recognize how successful I am. I get busy.
Secondly, when I am successful I get very nervous. I worry that something will take the success away. I think about tennis last year when we were 10-2, and how much I worried that something could go wrong (something did). The year before when we won the Sectional, the way I worried about whether we would accomplish our goal or not (and we did). I think about Exodus even, when things were going really well at the beginning and people were joining on (the Mahaffas, Tim Vogel, Ben Gooding, the DeMotts - and all of a sudden we had a full house!) I remember we worked so hard and late on sermonizing and preparing on Monday nights (busyness) and I often worried about what people would think of my sermons (worry).
Strange, but I think success is so desired that it causes undue stress to most of the people in this world.
And maybe for You as well, but in this passage You did something pretty cool. Something that I as an introvert really connect with. You withdrew Yourself from the crushing crowds and prayed in "lonely places." You made time to be alone and reconnect with the Father. In success, You didn't try to do so much more, You did less. You didn't load up Your mind with constant worry; You unloaded Your mind alone with our Father.
This is something to remember. I don't know when I'll have success again. I don't know when Exodus will start firing on all cylinders and people truly grow and change. I don't know when my classes at school will again bring me the "Teacher of the Year" award. I don't know when my tennis team will jump out to a great start to the season, or have a shot at another Sectional title. I hope all of these successes will come soon and often, for I am a human and desire to see the efforts of my hands become successful.
But whenever the success comes, let me remember: Those are the times when I must run to You with even more passion!
The account is exactly what I would expect from You. You came into a city, met someone in need of deliverance, and released them from the situation that was holding them back from wholeness. In this case, it is the man's skin disease. There are some remarkable intricacies to this story, some depth that we'll get into on Sunday, but I am struck today by the end of this passage.
After You healed the man, the crowds were over the top about You and Your ministry. Your miracles, Your bold teachings, the authority that You had (nice advantage, being God and man :-), but all of these things were impressing the people. And they wanted on board. So they began to follow and the crowds became larger. You were so successful!
I find, in my times of success, two things happen to me. First of all, I become very busy. There are many people who want to talk to me, many things that I have to do to keep the success going, many people I want to see me because I want them to recognize how successful I am. I get busy.
Secondly, when I am successful I get very nervous. I worry that something will take the success away. I think about tennis last year when we were 10-2, and how much I worried that something could go wrong (something did). The year before when we won the Sectional, the way I worried about whether we would accomplish our goal or not (and we did). I think about Exodus even, when things were going really well at the beginning and people were joining on (the Mahaffas, Tim Vogel, Ben Gooding, the DeMotts - and all of a sudden we had a full house!) I remember we worked so hard and late on sermonizing and preparing on Monday nights (busyness) and I often worried about what people would think of my sermons (worry).
Strange, but I think success is so desired that it causes undue stress to most of the people in this world.
And maybe for You as well, but in this passage You did something pretty cool. Something that I as an introvert really connect with. You withdrew Yourself from the crushing crowds and prayed in "lonely places." You made time to be alone and reconnect with the Father. In success, You didn't try to do so much more, You did less. You didn't load up Your mind with constant worry; You unloaded Your mind alone with our Father.
This is something to remember. I don't know when I'll have success again. I don't know when Exodus will start firing on all cylinders and people truly grow and change. I don't know when my classes at school will again bring me the "Teacher of the Year" award. I don't know when my tennis team will jump out to a great start to the season, or have a shot at another Sectional title. I hope all of these successes will come soon and often, for I am a human and desire to see the efforts of my hands become successful.
But whenever the success comes, let me remember: Those are the times when I must run to You with even more passion!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Two Barriers
As I think about the idea from my last post, Lord, stepping forth to love others, that is not a natural attitude for me. It is not natural for me to think of someone else's needs above my own and it is not natural for me to spend a whole lot of time worrying about other people's problems.
I don't mean to say I don't help other people, but I only help other people when they ask for my help. I helped Joel and Jackie paint their house, but only when they asked me to. I helped Bryan clean his garage, but only when asked. I just don't look for the needs of others and take the initiative to ask if they want help.
And that's a kind of passive selfishness. I'm not demanding that everybody look at me and do things my way. I just don't really go out of my way to do things on the behalf of others. I don't involve myself with others if I don't have to. I'm afraid that if I was in the Good Samaritan story I'd be the guy who sees the injured man, and walks on by with a million "good" excuses as to why I couldn't help.
One barrier to loving others is my passive selfishness.
I also think that my passive selfishness is grown from another desire: I'm pretty lazy. I don't want to be doing work after I get home from work. I don't want to go to someone's house and tutor their children after I get done with work. I don't want to drive to Joel and Jackie's and help refinish the bathroom on a Tuesday evening. I don't even want to do the things that have to get done around my house. After work, I'm tired and I'd like to chill out with my son. If I get too involved with others, their might be difficult things for me to deal with in the evenings on a regular basis.
A second barrier to loving others is my laziness.
So these are the things that I need to step out of. They are not terrible, they don't keep me from being nice, but they keep me from being most effective in my faith. Help change these attitudes and outlooks in my heart Lord Jesus. Then I can be most dedicated to You.
I don't mean to say I don't help other people, but I only help other people when they ask for my help. I helped Joel and Jackie paint their house, but only when they asked me to. I helped Bryan clean his garage, but only when asked. I just don't look for the needs of others and take the initiative to ask if they want help.
And that's a kind of passive selfishness. I'm not demanding that everybody look at me and do things my way. I just don't really go out of my way to do things on the behalf of others. I don't involve myself with others if I don't have to. I'm afraid that if I was in the Good Samaritan story I'd be the guy who sees the injured man, and walks on by with a million "good" excuses as to why I couldn't help.
One barrier to loving others is my passive selfishness.
I also think that my passive selfishness is grown from another desire: I'm pretty lazy. I don't want to be doing work after I get home from work. I don't want to go to someone's house and tutor their children after I get done with work. I don't want to drive to Joel and Jackie's and help refinish the bathroom on a Tuesday evening. I don't even want to do the things that have to get done around my house. After work, I'm tired and I'd like to chill out with my son. If I get too involved with others, their might be difficult things for me to deal with in the evenings on a regular basis.
A second barrier to loving others is my laziness.
So these are the things that I need to step out of. They are not terrible, they don't keep me from being nice, but they keep me from being most effective in my faith. Help change these attitudes and outlooks in my heart Lord Jesus. Then I can be most dedicated to You.
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