Beatings and Riots

2 Corinthians 6-8

Paul went through a lot of hardships for You. I mean, in chapter 6 here he lists a bunch of things: hardships, distresses, beatings, imprisonments, riots, sleepless nights, hunger, being regarded as impostors, being regarded as unknown, sorrow, poverty.

And yet, despite all of those things, Paul had an attitude of joy that allowed him to continue living in Your word and leading others in it as well. I've been having difficulty staying committed to this task. It has been because I have felt a lack of affirmation for others and that their is a lack of commitment from others. My students at school sometimes seem the definition of apathy and disinterest, and in my tasks at Exodus I have just felt worn down by a variety of tasks. But that's it, I've just been worn down.

Here's what I wonder about Paul. He had certainty. You appeared to him and he was changed. When he went out to tell his story, he had no doubt in it. You appeared. You came in a bright light. You talked to him. So when he was beaten, opposed, whatever it wasn't like he could stop and think and say, well, maybe there is a better way to do this. Or maybe I should leave this to others. He just reflected on Your meeting with him, and I'm sure this was refreshing.

And I doubt myself. Couldn't ever step out on the water, because I'm afraid I would do something to mess it up. Couldn't ever face a beating or imprisonment because I would rethink my views, be wishy-washy, something... I know my strengths, but one of them is not certainty.

It occurs to me that there may be several ways to develop more certainty and authority in my teaching and preaching. The first would be to remember. Paul could always remember what God had done for him, he could speak authoritatively from his story. I sometimes have trouble relating my "God-experiences" with others because they might doubt my story. But I don't doubt my story. These personal experiences should shape the person I am in my faith moving forward, and be a way to make it through current tough times.

Secondly, I can keep finding time to spend alone with You. If You are the one who re-energizes us through the times of beatings, sleepless nights, and distresses, then why don't I make a point to meet with You? I mean, I have had these mornings, but perhaps I can find regular time too, throughout my day.

So, now I go on to live in Your light and renewal. Thank You for this day! Amen.