Lent: Day 7

I think that it would be good to have another Ash Wednesday service tonight. I know that these rituals would eventually get old and not be as moving, but there is something about the concentrated holiness of those events, the purposeful silence. I realize that I could use silence as a way of worship every day, I'd just have to be intentional about it. If it is too early in the morning, I fall asleep. If it is in front of a computer, I become distracted. But if I could light a candle, sit in semi darkness at about 8:00 in the morning, wow, that would be worshipful.

I was so tired last night. I fell asleep while Courtney watched the Biggest Loser, at about 9:30. Then at 1:30 this morning, Gideon had a coughing fit and spent the rest of the night wheezing in the bed beside us. At 2:30 or so I got up and turned the hot water on and took Gideon in the shower, hoping that the humidity would break up his congestion. It worked, but only for an hour or so. It was a restless night, and I find myself even more tired in the morning than I was last night when I fell asleep at 9:30.

All that to say, life seems so stagnated when I'm tired. And honestly, a bit overwhelming. Last night I sat on the couch watching the Indiana basketball game dreading that I had forgotten to do something. That I had done something wrong during the day yesterday. That I'm a bad parent, or bad teacher, or all sorts of other derogatory things pointed at myself. None of them true. All of them causing some anxiety. What was that Lord?

In any case, I feel better about that today, being back in school. I do think it's time for some type of break, but that doesn't come until the first of April. And unfortunately, this year it doesn't come with any type of vacation attached to it. So, Lord strengthen me where I am. Work in my heart through the Scripture reading, be with my friends and family, somehow, even without the silence, renew me in this time.

How often do I praise You out of this tired condition? Not often, I'm usually grasping at You for energy when I'm so down and tired. Why not take this time however to recognize: "The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it!" That's Psalm 24. Or how about: " Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,for they are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD." You are good Lord, You instruct us, and You love us. Let that be enough for me today.