Here Comes Lent

It's amazing how long it has been since my last post. It's sometimes really difficult for me to find time to do everything, so when I've been rushed this journaling piece is what I've left out. That's too bad really, because this journaling piece is the way that I probably feel most relationally connected to You. It's where I sort out what the words that I've read are saying. In some ways I feel like it is more important for me to connect with You here than to read Scripture, which is the part of my devotional time that I have been dedicated to. I guess Scripture is a way of getting to know You through what You have done, but that's not nearly as meaningful if I don't take that knowledge of Your character and begin to search for what You are doing.

Well, anyways. This month of February continues to be typical for me. I've lost the vigor that I started the year with, which I really enjoy, but things aren't terrible. I just find it harder to get motivated for anything. It's difficult to plan things for church, school or tennis because I'm just tired. It's interesting, I find myself just wanting to stay home and play with Gideon most of the time. But then even when I am home with Gideon I find myself becoming to tired to chase him around and play. That's fairly frustrating. I notice how different the weekends are, because I actually get to sleep in. Then I have much more energy for him and other projects.

Which is something I guess I should ask You about. I've been sacrificing for a long time, getting up early in the morning in order to come into the office and read the Word, presumably to talk to You as well. And yet...it's killing me during the week with how tired I get. I mean, exhausted tired. I mean, thinking about taking a nap during the school day while my students are in the room tired. Okay, that's exaggeration of course. But. It seems to me that maybe You could honor my sacrifice by helping me overcome the humanness of my body not getting enough sleep. Yea, as I type that it sounds kind of stupid. But...

Today I read the book of Judges, mostly about Samson's story. Samson doesn't strike me as a real likable character, because I feel like he is reckless and arrogant. I think the reckless and arrogant personality type really drives me up a wall. It also makes it hard for me to really get fired up about Samson's story because I'm like, gee, he's getting what he deserves when the Philistines finally capture him and poke his eyes out. I mean, his parents warn him not to get involved with the Philistine women, and he goes right ahead and does. Then after Deliliah tries to kill him three times he finally tells her his secret. I think that if someone tried to kill me three times, I'd be going to the police.

Oh, I'm too critical this morning. Anyways, Lent is coming up Lord. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. I've got plenty to be penitent about between my attitudes, actions, and words. I'm sad that this year I won't be undertaking a full fast for the Lent period, but I pray that I can find the right things to rid myself of in sacrifice. I pray that before tomorrow's typing here that I can figure out what it is that stands between me and You. Then let me use Lent as a way to work that out of our relationship permanently.

It's good to be back typing and communicating with You. I don't know why I stopped. Give the strength (mostly of my tired eyes) to continue.

I love You Lord,
Matt.Lee.