Ash Wednesday

Psalm 22 is just an excellent way to start the Lent season. I feel as if I've been grasping for You all month, and coming up with air. I love this part of the psalm:

"I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.
My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death."

Of course, that is strong poetic language to me. I don't actually feel crushed in the dust of death right now. But the poured out seems about right. The passion of my heart being melted away sounds about right. My strength being dried up. Well, it all sounds like where I'm at.

The difficulty has been many fold. I think all the planning and preparing for Exodus has just ground me down. There are ways of doing and thinking that just don't seem to come together. There are people with different ideas of where we should go and instead of seeking You about this, I just get stressed.

Okay, so there's my confession. I have a hard time seeking You with any of the challenges that are on my plate. And so, yea, I'm going to become overwhelmed. Yea, I'm never going to feel like I'm being poured back into if I'm counting on others to do all the pouring. I have to count on You.

Not to say that I won't sometimes be disappointed with You too. But right now, I'm far away and I haven't really even been trying. I've been going through the motions, sure, but that doesn't classify as really trying does it? I haven't been seeking to be honest, I haven't been asking others for prayer, and until recently, I haven't been praying myself.

I could go into a whole long speech about how that has to happen. But I'm not. I'm going to stop writing and pray. Be with me today Lord. As I continue to confess, allow me to also remember to praise. You are great and You are present.