The Arrogant One

Scripture Reading: Jeremiah 49-50

-the pride of your heart have deceived you
- Arise and attack a nation at ease, which lives in confidence
- See, I am against you, you arrogant one
- The arrogant one will stumble and fall and no one will help her up

Lord God, the school year is ending. It is a time of much reflection for me, where I look back and think about what has happened over the last year and what I truly did well and could have done better. In many ways, it is the only true time of reflection that I have about the school year, because the rest of the term is such a whirlwind of activity. Heck, even the end of the year has its things that must get done and planned, mostly by me it seems.

The end of the year is also a time where I receive a whole lot of praise from various sources. Hank in my end-of-the-year conversation, telling me how great I'm going to be as the Bible teacher. A note from Grace's mom, a mention from Emma's mom, Nathan's dad appreciating the award he got, another mom who almost cried because her child only got one award and it was from my class. I look through the year and I also tend to grab and elaborate on success stories. It makes me all feel good. It makes my stress smooth out a bit and I don't worry so much about next year.

And yet at the same time I have a bit of doubt heading into the summer. How will I be able to effectively translate the truths of Your unbelievably tasty word to the middle school mind? Will I experience any success at all in convincing the unconvinced student of the importance of Bible study and relationship with You? I am not trying to make Christians, just trying to give them an appreciation for deepening their relationship with You. Will any of the guys grab onto that, because this year working with the guys was kind of an absolute failure. So will they? How will it affect me that I will have a health class to teach too? Will that just throw me off? Will it be easy to keep that as unimportant and therefore Ii won't really do a good job? Will I honor You with my teaching?

I appreciate the doubts though, because they keep hacking away at my pride. I have had bouts of pride recently, and I hate it when You have to use failure to cut me down rather than doubt. I look at the Scriptures today, just a litany of tribes and nations being overthrown because of their pride and arrogance. It is a human trait that I believe You truly hate. But it is so tempting to fall into it, to truly take credit, to stroke my own ego a bit. And it comes in the darnedest of places for me.

- When I have a good Sunday teaching at Exodus
- When I am experiencing success in avoiding sin
- When I am experiencing success in discipline
- When someone praises the work I do, teaching, tennis, church, whatever

It's odd because most of those things are things that I pray to You to help me with. On Sunday's I will often pray that You speak to everybody and use Your words, not mine. But yet I get prideful about my position when You actually do speak through me. Instead of the praise of answered prayer that is due to You, I try to grab the glory for myself. Same thing at avoiding sin and discipline, I am always praying to You for help, and when You do, I take credit.

Ridiculous. And so then I must fail. I have to make everyone sit through a crappy Sunday teaching, so that You can put me back in my own place. I must rely on my strength and fall to sin, become undisciplined, etc. And then I again realize I need You.

I certainly am always tired of failure, and as I reflect on things, I'm tired of myself. Things go much better when I let myself be used by You, instead of use You. So today, one resounding word of thanks for Your word! And then one resounding prayer, not me but You, and to God be the glory!