Why is Prayer Difficult?

Lord, I've had a lot of big things on my plate this month. Exciting news, grading deadlines, the beginning of the Exodus Community gatherings (this Sunday!). The one thing I should be doing is constantly taking these things before You in prayer. The one thing I've been the furthest from doing is taking these things before You in constant prayer.

There's so much that I'd rather do to be "spiritual." I mean to seek You. I'd rather study, gleaning bits of knowledge from the pages of Scripture and the writings of wise interpreters. I'd rather write, for much of my time in the fast and after was spent here blogging my thoughts. I'd rather write poetry, a creative (but often frustrating) way of reaching out. I'd rather teach, and try to bring others to the same points of insight that I've received from You. I'd rather go for a walk, peaceful and relaxed without any real cares.

And those are all ways of worship, but there is something different about prayer. Isn't there?

Like should I be praying in addition to all that? I just keep having this continual sense that maybe we should have a prayer meeting, for prayer only, where we pray for like an hour or two and wait for You to join us. But then that seems really boring, feels like we'd be repeating ourselves, feels like there isn't that much important to be prayed for.

Well, maybe there is the rub. Maybe we're not just supposed to pray about important things. I've often heard it said that we supposed to bring everything to the Lord in prayer. But like, just an example here, I can handle my sleeping by myself. Or my eating (I'm really lax at praying before I eat, especially lunch). It just doesn't seem important enough to pray.

I suppose, and I say this with a long sigh, that prayer is another practice. Something that I must do if I want to better at it, if I want it to become more meaningful. I guess I just don't want to go through the work that ends up making it a joy. I just want it to be a joy right now. Like my Scripture time, or my poetry, or my teaching.

Today Lord, may You make prayer a joy for me. May You talk with me as in the garden, may You walk with me in my un-important tasks, and may I remember that You are always there.