Readings: Psalms 5 & 6, Isaiah 1:10-20
This year, Exodus is following the church calendar year and celebrating Advent. I've decided to pick up some readings and follow along as well. And I need to. The season of Advent is all about the coming of Your presence among us. The season of Advent celebrates Your power of deliverance, but acknowledges to begin with that there are times when we don't feel that You are with us at all. Maybe it is divine appointment, but I feel that I am in one of those times right now.
So as Psalm 5 says, I'm here this morning to lay my requests before You and begin the process of waiting in expectation. My request is rather simple, I want to want this again. Tiredness and distance have made this morning devotional time seem like a formality rather than a relished opportunity to commune with the Holy. I want this time to be like the times of my fast, where I was eager to seek Your presence. I have not taken the time since tennis season to wait on You with any expectation. Now I am slowing myself down and deciding to wait. Will You please honor that by showing up?
And so...what do I do in this waiting? That is the question I seek to figure out during this Advent season. I cannot be inactive and just assume Your work will relieve me of all responsibilities. I must be active in my faith, but the question is how?
First thing I notice from the psalms this morning is the cry. Look at all of these verses:
- Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my sighing.
- Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.
- My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?
- I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.
I see from that set that the crying out part of waiting is important. I cannot be waiting on Your presence and be silent about it. That has been my problem since tennis season. In my hurried devotional times, I have read Scripture and not digested it. But my biggest mistake was not taking the time to pray. This blog is basically a prayer. My poetry blog is many things, but during the last cycle it wasn't really a prayer. So not posting here was a rushing of things, not a time saver at all. Here I bring before You my thoughts and words. Here I cry to You, I need Your presence!
Cry is important, I wish I could just stop with this because it seems focused for this morning. But there is certainly another strand wrapping through the readings this morning. That is the strand of obedience and right living. The strand of giving up our sinful attitudes. It is strong in Isaiah:
- Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.
- When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood; wash and make yourselves clean.
That last Scripture especially hits home this morning. When I reach out to You in prayer, You will not receive unless I have washed an made myself clean. Repentance, it goes right along with waiting. Primary actions of waiting seem to include crying and repenting.
Maybe I should say a word about repenting too, it means that I am also committing to live rightly from this day forward. So that's my goal today. See my efforts Lord, my successes and my failures, but know that I will strive today to "stop doing wrong, learn to do right!" In the daily grind of the school day, help me to "seek justice, encourage the oppressed..."
And begin to come to me in Your presence, I am finally waiting.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Negative
I was thinking the yesterday about my attitude. KP came to give the middle school chapel, which was about thankfulness. She did a great job talking about choosing to be thankful in all things. I don't choose thankfulness very often, and even when I do it rarely comes naturally. Even Monday when I wrote to You here it was a struggle to stay on thankful terms.
I thought about it and despite my whole life being what I would call an optimist, somewhere in the course of the last several years I have begun to develop a negative attitude toward a lot of things in life. Call it realism, that's probably where I've been filing it, but really I can lack hope. I'm sure that it comes from experience: Every day I tell students to enter the classroom and sit down in there chairs and be ready for class, every day somebody doesn't do it. Every day I want to see my tennis players working hard and being self-motivated to come out and play tennis, every day somebody doesn't do it. And with Exodus, I'm not even sure what is going on there. That has been the biggest roller coaster I've ever been involved with.
But I want to be known as a joyful person, someone who keeps their cool and keeps their smile. Give me that strength to overcome the reality of suffering with the reality of hope. Let me recognize the beauty of transformation that You have put all around me. I choose to not be bogged down by the sameness and the effort, but be inspired by the moments where someone "gets it."
Today is a day where I want to leave negative behind and live by the Spirit. Let the fruit of joy be evident today!
I thought about it and despite my whole life being what I would call an optimist, somewhere in the course of the last several years I have begun to develop a negative attitude toward a lot of things in life. Call it realism, that's probably where I've been filing it, but really I can lack hope. I'm sure that it comes from experience: Every day I tell students to enter the classroom and sit down in there chairs and be ready for class, every day somebody doesn't do it. Every day I want to see my tennis players working hard and being self-motivated to come out and play tennis, every day somebody doesn't do it. And with Exodus, I'm not even sure what is going on there. That has been the biggest roller coaster I've ever been involved with.
But I want to be known as a joyful person, someone who keeps their cool and keeps their smile. Give me that strength to overcome the reality of suffering with the reality of hope. Let me recognize the beauty of transformation that You have put all around me. I choose to not be bogged down by the sameness and the effort, but be inspired by the moments where someone "gets it."
Today is a day where I want to leave negative behind and live by the Spirit. Let the fruit of joy be evident today!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Life is pretty good. I make it complicated with either sinful actions (lying, lusting, overeating) or by not fulfilling my responsibilities in a timely matter (taking classes for re-certification, not grading papers on time, etc.) I get so tired of all the responsibilities that I have to fulfill, but maybe if I would just complete them immediately, things wouldn't feel so tiring.
Anyways, I didn't want to talk to You today about complaints. I could nitpick my life for hours probably. In fact, even though that wasn't my intent, its what I'm leaning toward now that I'm typing and talking. But I want to steer clear of that, just know that I could use Your help.
Instead, I want to thank You. Sabbath is incredibly wholesome. Last week, while my wife was gone, I busied myself all throughout the weekend and then went to four different gatherings on Sunday. Didn't end up feeling like a Sabbath at all as I went from party to party with no rest. Then this weekend, we had the church gathering and then were home by 12:40. The rest of the day was beautiful. I played with my son, I held him while he took a nap, I cuddled with my wife, we watched some football (although I couldn't keep the wife from constantly changing the channel!), we made some breakfast for dinner, talked to my sister on the phone, went to bed early and Gideon basically slept through the night. It was good!
It days like that, I begin to realize what peace is. And I also guess I see that perhaps I need to simplify. If I want my regular life to be more like my Sabbath, with a balance of work and rest, then I probably do need to have less responsibility. I don't know how that will work though, but I'm trusting You. In the meantime, I'll just keep trying to fulfill all my obligations, and will continue looking forward to the times of Sabbath I can find, stopping and enjoying the beautiful family that You've provided for me.
Thank You Lord.
Anyways, I didn't want to talk to You today about complaints. I could nitpick my life for hours probably. In fact, even though that wasn't my intent, its what I'm leaning toward now that I'm typing and talking. But I want to steer clear of that, just know that I could use Your help.
Instead, I want to thank You. Sabbath is incredibly wholesome. Last week, while my wife was gone, I busied myself all throughout the weekend and then went to four different gatherings on Sunday. Didn't end up feeling like a Sabbath at all as I went from party to party with no rest. Then this weekend, we had the church gathering and then were home by 12:40. The rest of the day was beautiful. I played with my son, I held him while he took a nap, I cuddled with my wife, we watched some football (although I couldn't keep the wife from constantly changing the channel!), we made some breakfast for dinner, talked to my sister on the phone, went to bed early and Gideon basically slept through the night. It was good!
It days like that, I begin to realize what peace is. And I also guess I see that perhaps I need to simplify. If I want my regular life to be more like my Sabbath, with a balance of work and rest, then I probably do need to have less responsibility. I don't know how that will work though, but I'm trusting You. In the meantime, I'll just keep trying to fulfill all my obligations, and will continue looking forward to the times of Sabbath I can find, stopping and enjoying the beautiful family that You've provided for me.
Thank You Lord.
Monday, November 3, 2008
A Prayer for Hearing
Lord, I want to make time for You. Allow me the privilege of spending time in conversation with You. It's been increasingly difficult for me to find enough time to just sit and listen, to sit and pray, and our relationship has become hurried as a result. I do not want a rushed time, a distracted time. I just want to read Your word, ask You questions, hear Your guidance.
Even now as I make this attempt, the dog rolls around the room and threatens to go nuts. I know its my fault that he has been trapped in his room all weekend, but You know, I wish he could just deal with it right now so that we could talk. What we really need to talk about is Exodus. With Joel getting ready to take a sabbatical break, I am desperately asking for Your leading of the community. With the change in schedule looming, I am desperately calling for wisdom and help. We have built the church so far on the idea of struggle and suffering in service, and done very little of it. It is a scary proposition, to actually suffer on the behalf of others, to actually not do what we want to do with our Sundays and our weekends but to instead place our time in someone else's hands.
What it comes down to is that I've been comfortable with what we are doing, but what we are doing isn't necessarily fulfilling in the sense of what we started out to do. Not to mention that comfort was the opposite of our original goals. I love the people that have come along side each other as disciples in Exodus Community. I want to be faithful to the task of training and equipping them so that we all find that we are changing to be more like You. And I want to make sure to acknowledge that I don't make that change, a program change doesn't cause that transformation, but instead it is Your Spirit that transforms hearts and minds.
So this morning, my prayer is that You will be among us. As we move through a season of remembrance, and then seek You through Advent, come to us. As we begin to see changes in structure, be in them. In all of this, we seek Your face. Amen.
Even now as I make this attempt, the dog rolls around the room and threatens to go nuts. I know its my fault that he has been trapped in his room all weekend, but You know, I wish he could just deal with it right now so that we could talk. What we really need to talk about is Exodus. With Joel getting ready to take a sabbatical break, I am desperately asking for Your leading of the community. With the change in schedule looming, I am desperately calling for wisdom and help. We have built the church so far on the idea of struggle and suffering in service, and done very little of it. It is a scary proposition, to actually suffer on the behalf of others, to actually not do what we want to do with our Sundays and our weekends but to instead place our time in someone else's hands.
What it comes down to is that I've been comfortable with what we are doing, but what we are doing isn't necessarily fulfilling in the sense of what we started out to do. Not to mention that comfort was the opposite of our original goals. I love the people that have come along side each other as disciples in Exodus Community. I want to be faithful to the task of training and equipping them so that we all find that we are changing to be more like You. And I want to make sure to acknowledge that I don't make that change, a program change doesn't cause that transformation, but instead it is Your Spirit that transforms hearts and minds.
So this morning, my prayer is that You will be among us. As we move through a season of remembrance, and then seek You through Advent, come to us. As we begin to see changes in structure, be in them. In all of this, we seek Your face. Amen.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Short School Stresses
Father, I long to make this a day of listening. It seems to me that I also need to make this a day of responsibility. At school especially, I have let things become frustrating and overwhelming. I don't like the lessons that I'm teaching, and unfortunately this year I can't just say, well, it's math class so no big deal of they don't like it. I feel like I'm letting You down when I can't make the interpretation of the Bible an alive and real thing.
Another thing that encroaches on me right now is straight up tiredness. I want to fall asleep while I'm trying to teach a lesson to the students. It doesn't make for good teaching. In the morning, I need time to rest and not rush. In the afternoon, I need more time to plan. This combination of tiredness and school stress paralyzes me as far as school stuff goes my Lord.
Now, to You who has all power and extends all grace. I've poured out a new morning concern, I'm asking that You hear my cry and have mercy on me Lord. Thank You for Your blessings.
Another thing that encroaches on me right now is straight up tiredness. I want to fall asleep while I'm trying to teach a lesson to the students. It doesn't make for good teaching. In the morning, I need time to rest and not rush. In the afternoon, I need more time to plan. This combination of tiredness and school stress paralyzes me as far as school stuff goes my Lord.
Now, to You who has all power and extends all grace. I've poured out a new morning concern, I'm asking that You hear my cry and have mercy on me Lord. Thank You for Your blessings.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Another Round of the Hours
This is how my next several weeks of Bible reading is going to go. I'm going to do another round at praying the hours, trying to worship God at morning, noon and night. I am going to pair my prayer with some Bible reading, more in the morning and less in the days and nights, because of time issues. I will also post poetry again at matthewshours.blogspot.com, as a way of creatively engaging the texts. God, please bless these efforts to pursue our relationship. Please help the fruits of our relationship to bless others.
Plan for Devotions
Week 1:
--> Mornings - Romans - 2-3 chapters each day
--> Noons - 1 Thessalonians - several verses each day
--> Nights - 1 Timothy - several verses each day
Week 2:
--> Mornings - 1 Corinthians - 2-3 chapters each day
--> Noons - 2 Thessalonians - several verses each day
--> Nights - 2 Timothy - several verses each day
Week 3:
--> Mornings - 2 Corinthians - 2-3 chapters each day
--> Noons - Titus - several verses each day
--> Nights - Colossians - several verses each day
Week 4:
--> Mornings - Galatians - a chapter a day
--> Noons - Philemon - several verses each day
--> Nights - Philippians - several verses each day
Week 5
--> Mornings - Ephesians - a chapter a day
--> Noons - prayer - listening
--> Nights - Philippians - several verses each day
Plan for Devotions
Week 1:
--> Mornings - Romans - 2-3 chapters each day
--> Noons - 1 Thessalonians - several verses each day
--> Nights - 1 Timothy - several verses each day
Week 2:
--> Mornings - 1 Corinthians - 2-3 chapters each day
--> Noons - 2 Thessalonians - several verses each day
--> Nights - 2 Timothy - several verses each day
Week 3:
--> Mornings - 2 Corinthians - 2-3 chapters each day
--> Noons - Titus - several verses each day
--> Nights - Colossians - several verses each day
Week 4:
--> Mornings - Galatians - a chapter a day
--> Noons - Philemon - several verses each day
--> Nights - Philippians - several verses each day
Week 5
--> Mornings - Ephesians - a chapter a day
--> Noons - prayer - listening
--> Nights - Philippians - several verses each day
Monday, October 6, 2008
If I Could Stop Thinking
Last night was a restless one. I'm not sure why, but I kept waking up in the middle of the night and thinking about tennis. Last Friday, headed into Sectional, that wasn't true. But tonight, moving into Regional on Tuesday, it was. I think there's probably a combination of things going on, like that I don't know who we play very well, I don't know if the guys will stay fired up and play well, and I'm not sure how to get them fired up to play well.
And there's this: I know that there is a lot more going on in my world than tennis. I wrote last week that in this time that we want to have intense self-focus heading into the state tournament, we really need to have intense others-focus. Tennis teaches a lot of things about life, but one thing it doesn't teach is that there's a lot more going on than you. So I wish I could stop thinking about tennis and begin to think about everything else that is special in life.
I do have to offer up my thanks once again. You answered prayer in a way of blessing throughout the weekend. Okay, sure, again that has to do mostly with tennis, and how You took bad situations and turned them good. But I feel like I must say that You were so involved in what happened, I don't want to claim any credit without acknowledging Your hands.
Thank You for my Sunday with Gideon as well, Sunday night it was fun to chase him and tickle him and hold him. I am going to miss him being a baby. Thanks for these memories though.
Thank You for my church. It does my heart very good to see everyone band together to help at Joel's house. So we didn't all get together for a hastily planned candlelight service at the school. We did all get together to provide for the needs of one of our members, and that is what is better, right?
I don't want to minimize the praise that You should get though. Behind the scenes and despite my frustration with people and situations, You're changing them. So that's what I'm asking this morning, keeping changing situations for the good. Keep changing people for the good. Be with me, change me to become more people oriented and not so self-focused. Keep bringing Exodus closer to You, where our hearts long for what Your heart longs for. Keep helping me "make disciples," that the people I teach will long for life-long relationship with God.
Thank You once again! I love You.
And there's this: I know that there is a lot more going on in my world than tennis. I wrote last week that in this time that we want to have intense self-focus heading into the state tournament, we really need to have intense others-focus. Tennis teaches a lot of things about life, but one thing it doesn't teach is that there's a lot more going on than you. So I wish I could stop thinking about tennis and begin to think about everything else that is special in life.
I do have to offer up my thanks once again. You answered prayer in a way of blessing throughout the weekend. Okay, sure, again that has to do mostly with tennis, and how You took bad situations and turned them good. But I feel like I must say that You were so involved in what happened, I don't want to claim any credit without acknowledging Your hands.
Thank You for my Sunday with Gideon as well, Sunday night it was fun to chase him and tickle him and hold him. I am going to miss him being a baby. Thanks for these memories though.
Thank You for my church. It does my heart very good to see everyone band together to help at Joel's house. So we didn't all get together for a hastily planned candlelight service at the school. We did all get together to provide for the needs of one of our members, and that is what is better, right?
I don't want to minimize the praise that You should get though. Behind the scenes and despite my frustration with people and situations, You're changing them. So that's what I'm asking this morning, keeping changing situations for the good. Keep changing people for the good. Be with me, change me to become more people oriented and not so self-focused. Keep bringing Exodus closer to You, where our hearts long for what Your heart longs for. Keep helping me "make disciples," that the people I teach will long for life-long relationship with God.
Thank You once again! I love You.
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