Emptying the Road

Texts:
- Psalm 119
- Matthew 5-7

"I am the way, the truth and the life."

When Jesus makes "I am" statements, I am drawn in close, I want to hear what he is going to say. "I am" defines who You are, and thus who I want to be. Or with more powerful words, "I am" defines what You could use me to be if I would empty myself of myself.

These phrase, "the way," "the truth," the life," they really hit me today. I am beginning to taste them in a new way as I continue to learn Your word, and read commentary on it by very intelligent and Spirit-led others. I want to slow and look at them one by one, take as much time as I can to feel the impact they have on me, where the hit and knock my breath away, and why. I want to ask questions, imagine myself living these out, come up with specific ways to see "I AM" in my walk, in my path, on my roads.

I AM the WAY.

The way is such a rich metaphor, as really has been broght to life to me by Eugene Peterson's book The Jesus Way. Often, this verse in the book of John is pointed to in order to prove that only those who believe in Jesus go to heaven, for You stated that "I am the way." I'm not going to start an argument about that for now, except that I've realized that that type of reduction of Scripture often steals the beauty out of it. And often the meaning is wrapped up tightly in the beauty.

So the way is also the way that we do things. The way I comb my hair (with only my fingers), the way I eat chocolate-chip cookies (with a glass of milk, but no dunking!), the way that I fall asleep (always on my side, always close to my wife), etc. So if You, God, are the way, maybe this means more about the way we are to live life. We are to live life as You would. With You in control. Only.

This has suddenly explained a lot to me. Especially about temptation and testing. There are many roads to travel and many different ways of traveling on these roads. But I often see life as one road. One road travels towards You, the other away from You. I'm not sure if that's true, but let's just assume for a minute. So for much of my life, every temptation that came my way I either passed or failed. If I stayed strong, then I was still traveling towards You. If I failed, then I must have turned around and started away from You.

This got me so depressed and remorseful and shamed. I would sulk for days and never really turn around. Just keep heading away from You. I failed, I picked sin or something worse, so now Your face was not upon and You were hard to even seek.

But wait, what if it's true (and I believe it is), that You also care about the way we are coming to You, the things we are carrying with us, the things that we can't give up, the things that we love, the things we give fear and reverence to instead of You? If You care about the way, then is it possible that temptations and tests that come our way are not just allowed to see if we are pursuing You, but are also to clarify and cleanse the way we are coming to You?

For example, I've often referenced one of the greatest tests in my life (that I think I passed) was when Courtney broke up with me. In my life at that time I was a committed follower of You, but also a committed follower of Courtney. We were walking down the road together, but it was the road towards You. I know this for sure. However, I also know that if Courtney would have turned, I probably would have turned with her. So a test.

How are You going to walk on my road, Matthew? Following me or following someone else. Whose way will You follow?

The test made me make a sacrifice, a sacrifice to empty my road of something. I had to choose to follow God's ways, the first of which is simple. "Hear O Israel, the Lord, the Lord God, is one. You shall have no other gods before me." I could not be on the road to You following my own god's (Courtney's) way.

This may all seem like semantics, in a sense it is Lord. But it helps me deal with the root of temptations and tests. They are cleansing and clarifying exercises, a way to see if we are doing things Your way on the way to You.

Now I have begun to see the many different flavors of Your way. Help me to continue to think in the way You want, to desire the things You want, and to follow only You on my way.